Super Pony Roomies
by The Manehattanite
Summary: Peter Trotter, the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Pony. Tropical "Johnnycake" Storm, the high flying Horseshoe Torch. Two of Manehattan's most infamous super ponies and their most terrifying adventure yet: moving in together. Marvelfied Equestria AU, contains cameos from any and all franchises, Twilight 'n Spidey ship, ego, neurosis and the magic of friendship.
1. Old Acquaintances

_1_

Winter in Manehattan. Only one more night till Hearth's Warming. _The_ night. The night they'd planned for since last Winter Wrap Up, the night that had to go perfectly otherwise it would in an almost literal sense spell their doom.

But nopony said he couldn't have a little fun first!

And even if they had, Johnnycake would just have ignored them.

Too bad the last ferry had come and gone hours ago. Always nice to have an audience, especially tourists who hadn't become jaded to the whole super scene but hay, not like there was a shortage of ponies on the island who'd be out and about to see it.

The Horseshoe Torch reached inside and gunned whatever strange engine the cosmic rays had built there, putting on a last burst of speed to cover the distance between the edge of the city and the Statue of Destiny. Busy shoppers took a second to point hooves, talons and other appendages at the fiery streak bursting in defiance of the falling snow.

Which promptly went out. With less than half a mile to go to Lady Destiny Johnny cut the engine, momentum carrying him a little bit before he actually began to slow like a cartoon or something. Then gravity woke up and began to pull him towards the icy, somewhat rusty water like the world's most boyishly good looking anvil.

"Aaand…Flame on!"

His flame form snapped back on a spine searing six feet above oblivion. It would have been four for the sake of the brand but he needed the room to manoeuvre. He took a second, enjoying the sensation of speed and the streaks of mist the heat, _his_ heat, was causing to rise off the surface of the water.

Arcing up, the Torch course corrected back towards the landmark, shooting out two streams of flame from his outstretched forelegs and a third from his mouth for good measure. They continued to burn independently and followed him like a flock of nepotistic streamers. Once the loop-de-loop was complete Johnny gesticulated like a conductor, directing each stream to stretch and curve juuust right. Completing the picture. But it still needed something.

Like the cartoon delinquent everypony assumed he'd been at childhood (as if one could not develop stylish and expert penponyship for the sheer joy of it!) Johnny sprouted a tiny flame in one hoof and scrawled a message of fire on the air. In a society that was part Pegasus sky writing was not new, but he'd actually gotten the idea for this specific use of his powers out of a comic book.

He squeezed the message together between both blazing hooves, smearing the letters together, then spread them suddenly to send them rising up and out until they were visible enough to be seen from the city.

HAVE A HAPPY ONE declared the haloed-smiling-under-the-mistletoe-and-oh-yeah-on-fire caricature of Princess Celestia. The shoppers broke into applause on pure joyous instinct.

It was winking. Of course.

"Show off." The Spectacular Spider-Pony muttered, trying to keep his balance on the tip of the crown and stamp his hooves for warmth at the same time.

Mostly out of habit than necessity. The thermal spell woven into the enchanted scarf Gem had given him back in the day still spread pleasantly through the fibres of one of the most (in)famous costumes in the city. But being 50% spider, as it had with so many things in his life, _ruined winter forever._

Not that he was a humbug or anything but it's hard to stay in the Hearth's Warming spirit all the time when your genetically altered instincts are screaming at you to find a nice dark crack in a wall to hide in. On the other hand, sun bathing was a _delight._ Speaking of.

"Y'know I actually sort of know her now?" he called as the Torch came in for a landing. "When she comes for you, and if she won't her sister will, and you run away to become a hermit in Wakanda or wherever, who do you think she'll set her sights on next?"

"What? She doesn't have any problem being on money or postage stamps." Now normal, relatively speaking, Johnny shook himself like a dog to blow out a few remaining sparks. "The twin roots of all evil! And it's her student _you'd_ have to watch out for. Which you won't because it is an excellent, like all things I do, likeness."

"Evil stamps?"

"The Mad Thinker collects them, Pete. Mad. It's like right there in his name, what does that tell you, man?"

"Yeah, yeah," Spidey groused "We doing this or what, Flame-Brain?"

"Soon as you unclench, Web-Head." Johnny breezed, lounging casually against one of the crevices that made up the statue's mane and idly wishing _he_ had a scarf to flap in the wind and make him look even more casual. But such was the price of perfectly regulated body temperature at will.

"Still can't believe I let you talk me into this."

"Please, like this isn't the best idea."

"Not that, this! Standing on solid stone! In the wind! And the snow!" Spidey jumped up and down a little to emphasise each point, but stopped at a stronger blast of wind. Typical Manehattan weather patrol. They always said they were going to fix the shifting pressure that caused this sort of thing but they never did. "In spandex!"

"Don't forget the oh-so-fashionable accoutrement." Johnny smirked and gestured to the grumbling web-slinger's back as he hefted the Santa sack full of The Plan.

"Like you even know what that word means."

Johnny frowned.

"What was the big delay anyway?" Spidey asked over the subtle _thwip thwip thwip_ of his web shooters. "This was _your_ idea."

"I got...distracted." The Torch scratched absently at where he was pretty sure that one filly at Spark Tower had left a lipstick mark. He dimly recalled said lips being the same shade of blue as this one poison Diablo had whipped up once. Clearly he had no choice but to risk it all for the hopes and dreams of all mistletoe meeters everywhere!

His face wrinkled, still managing to look cover photo worthy even as he looked on in disgust at what Peter was weaving. "Do you _have_ to do that in front of people?"

"Oooh, what're they gonna do, ban me from the cartoon?" Spidey jumped in place again to test the sturdiness of his web-skis and tossed his collaborator a web harness, holding a tethering strand in one hoof. "Do me a favour and get un-distracted? The job you wanna pull, we're gonna need some of that Fantastic Focus you're so renowned for."

Johnny harrumphed, shooting twin bursts of flame out his nose as a prelude to igniting. He took to the air, towing the web-slinger behind him back to the city like a holiday themed cover for a heavy metal album. Under the mask Peter Trotter actually smiled, partly from the welcome warmth but mostly the mental image of Ferocious Flattop's face if he could see this. Eat your heart out Father Hearths Warming.

Then they were back among the towers of Manehattan, racing along a canyon of glass and light. It was like they'd passed through a wave and suddenly found a whole different universe on the other side. A universe of golden windows in dark concrete and looming half glimpsed billboards, of the colours of Hearths Warming strewn between streets and across ledges, of the city's constant steaming vents and chimneys all smelling of food and grit, of the sounds of crowds and songs and traffic and music all snatched away by the wind. And all of it set against the streaming snow.

It was breath taking. But the two colts had been running their mouths almost longer than they'd had super powers. The moment didn't last.

"Nopony appreciates genius anymore!" the Torch called over the wind, blasting synchronized flames out his hooves for ad hock retro thrusters. Not to rip off Iron Heart's shtick but so he could tow his buddy and not, y'know, burn him alive with his usual contrail at the same time. "Where's that Hearths Warming spider-spirit?"

"Left it back at the Barn half an hour ago." Spidey reflexively twisted gently in the wind now and again, the proportionate agility of a spider syncing him up with the Torch's movements as they began to turn into the big arc that would take them towards Embassy Row.

Johnny had to focus on quite a bit to keep his passenger airborne and both thrusters perfectly equal, to say nothing of actually driving, but couldn't resist a cocky anime over the shoulder glance to flash his trademark grin. While aflame it was like a small sun starring in its own toothpaste commercial.

"So why're you still here?"

"...just drive. If we pull this off, it'll be a miracle."

 _2_

"A furshlugginer miracle I tells ya!" Grim Skies announced to no one. "Busiest night of the year and I gots the place all to myself!"

The retro modern penthouse of the Baxter Barn should have been lonely, what with only his faithful (super-sized and re-enforced) Barcalounger for company by the fire, but leave it to Susie to make the joint look good just in time for the holidays.

She'd convinced Stretch to gussy up some of his whatchamacallits in Hearths Warming colours. The result was the place looked mostly the same but in the rich greens, golds and reds of the holiday, a cheerful but still classy version of itself that managed to still feel homey and warm even with the king sized windows out onto the dark and cold of the city. Its lights added to the effect, even!

The ever lovin' blue eyed Thing, the size of a runaway bus and with hooves like an avalanche of cinder blocks each, honest to goodness spun in place like some Bridleway musical to take it all in.

"No pandemonium, no punks and _no_ pranks!"

The sounds of the fire and his favourite jazz records agreed by subtlety becoming even more soothing. Paradise. This was almost better than what he'd spent the months since Nightmare Night dreaming of. An honest to gosh _break._

H.E.R.B.I.E had long since finished sprucing up for and after various visitors bearing gifts (you could hardly even see the burn marks from where the extra-dimensional variety had teleported in!) and tucked himself away in his magi-tech booth for the night. If the little floating trash can could see what Grim had done to the kitchen, while preparing a sandwich with the ingredients of a hundred gift baskets, he would have either stayed there forever or self-destructed. Either thought brought a smile to the Thing's craggy features.

"Let the Bic-head and the bug run around in the snow!" he told the sandwich, lowering himself into the chair. "It's just you 'n me, gorgeous. Nothin' and nopony's gonna ruin this night."

If the Barcalounger had but lungs to warn its rocky owner of the glitter bomb treacherously hidden under its cushion a few hours ago, it would have been screaming.

 _3_

Somewhere dank and medieval, heavy on the evil. Lots of shades of green, particularly the story high stained glass windows. Each pane distorted the cityscape outside into something else. Here an evil forest of angry fist drunkenly thrust to the sky. There a bed of needles like the lower jaw of some grotesque, eternally leering sea monster. You really didn't want to see what they did to Coney Island.

Spider-Pony wondered idly if what the place really needed was some plants. Y'know, aside from being bulldozed. And the remains burnt. And the earth salted. Then again, given the owner, what kind of plants? Everfree-esque probably. Something pony-eating and cliché.

He may only have been contemplating something so…avant-garde because the low, constant buzz of his Spider-Sense was gradually vibrating his brain into gelato pulp. Now he was wondering if that place on Canal street would still be open. Of course it wouldn't, it was Hearths Warming Eve, who'd want gelato?!

His instincts were just trying to cope with the gnarled-root-and-high-tension-wire feeling of said owner's magic etched into every surface, like an office kleptophobic given a label maker.

Usefully so, though! Just crawl along the ceiling, pay attention to the invisible sections that made your head _scream_ and voilà, your very own DIY espionage kit! Avoid everything from potholes to falling pianos! Enjoy the feeling of a thousand spidery squiggles surging out of your brain and down your spine! Never again fret over whether that two day old take out is still worth it! Or maybe you just want to know when a fun sized metal monster is about to turn the corner _like right now!_

The Gloom Golem marched along its beat with those sleek but also somehow stunted motions they all had, the green malevolence swirling inside its skull and out through its hoof print eyes illuminating the badge carved into its chassis, the face of its owner. Johnny enjoyed undermining the effect by burning smiley faces or rude messages into them. But tonight he was taking the subtler approach and pacing himself.

Which tonight meant, yeah, okay, hiding in a broom closet. As if he actually had to change into costume! Like some sort of _Peter!_ What kind of self-respecting evil overlord didn't deck his halls with suits of armour you could hide in?! That was cool. That was cool. He would pay.

For his part, Peter was splitting his focus between what his Spidey-Sense was telling him about the Golem and wondering just what an evil overlord used to polish all that stone and steel anyway. Since this closet was evil by association was there an evil linen cupboard somewhere? Did he have fabric softener for the cape? What would it smell like? The magic in his scarf could make it smell rank when it was overheating.

After a beat too deflated to really be tense, the not-pressure in his brain eased up as the Golem trotted off to make like an abstract conversation piece and lower the tone in a different corridor. Spidey did that little quick _move on_ hoof wave he'd seen in the movies and they slunk out into the relatively less musty open air.

"Well getting in sure was easy enough," he whispered drily, suppressing a shiver at the memory of all those other green glows moving in the dark as they'd made their way through the hall ", now we just have to stay in one piece long enough to get out..."

He silently sprang to another wall. Crawling was a comfort thing sometimes. He looked back to make sure Johnny was doing what he'd thought he was doing but still had to ask. "What're you doing?"

"Hmm?" The Torch glanced up from a fancy _4_ emblazoned pocket watch and took advantage of the lightning to make his grin that little bit more sinister. "Checking on a special delivery."

 _4_

The Thing just sat there. In his chair. With his sandwich. Still half way to his mouth.

Around him the typhoon of confetti settled into the slow swirls from inside a snow globe. One of them wafted down like a cinder from a jovial volcano eruption and draped itself lazily on his nose. Stony blue eyes crossed to take it in: a flaming chibi pony head, wearing a Santa hat and tongue out to razz all the world.

"I hate that kid so much I scare myself sometimes." he told the sandwich.

 _5_

They knew they were getting close when things became more industrial. A sign of the enemy showing off his genius. And, according to Spider-Sense, when the security spells started to become even more terrifying. A sure sign of somepony with an image to protect.

At last they emerged from a sewer like tunnel into a cathedral like chamber and beheld the target.

"See?" Johnny whispered, raising one flaming hoof higher to better illuminate their quarry. "Horrifying!"

"It's worse than you described!" Dangling upside down from a web line the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Pony dramatically punched a clenched hoof into the pad of his open one. "It's going to take the two of us to expunge this evil, old chum!"

"What," the Torch grumbled ", you can use expunge but I can't know accoutrement?"

"Hush, I'm speechifying." Spidey flipped to the floor, all the better for shaking a hoof at the statue looming over them. "It's a threat! It's a menace!"

As one they tugged the sack open, The Plan glinting within. A determined Spidey shared a glance with a mischievous Torch.

"It's gotta go."

"Dang Pete, you're so punk, I love it."

Steps one through two of The Plan. Step One: break into the Lashverian embassy undetected. Step Two: _Muahahaha!_

 _6_

"Sorry 'bout the impromptu mess, doll face." The Thing was gesturing for the late guest to come in, honest, but it looked more like he'd buzzed her up and thrown the door wide to display the confetti mountain that had become of his sanctuary. "Though to be honest I'd almost forgotten anypony was comin' over."

After all these years as a pile of focalized cookies wearing swimming trunks his first instinct was still to offer a wing to take her coat. But that wasn't an option. Dad-blasted cosmic rays. Still, it hadn't been all bad. Sometimes, after all the fights and flights (often happening at the same time) to far off lands and other plains of existence, they occasionally got visited by a class act like the Web-Head's aunt.

May Trotter bustled her way into the penthouse as though she were at least two decades younger. The old but still respectful fur overcoat didn't have a hope of slowing her down and even though he tried to keep up so he could at least help with the mountain of packages on her back the Thing would've been almost scared to try. Maybe it was the fact she reminded him of his sweet aunt Petunia.

"Honestly Grim Skies, how many years does an old mare have to make the rounds before it sinks in: the best gifts are those given in person." May had the coat in his hooves and the gifts neatly arranged on the table faster than any of Rivers' gizmos could ever hope to. Her eyes drifted over to the still settling parade float that had been his chair. "The place looks...festive but lonely. Is it just you tonight?"

"Ah Stretch 'n Susie had some fancy schamncy shindig to sit in on," Grim literally waved it off, his hoof making a scraping sound like pebbles falling down some stairs. "'n the matchstick's probably playin' walkin' nightlight for your nephew somewhere."

"Such good boys!" May beamed.

The Thing had gone hoof to hoof with heavy weights like the Shy-Hulk (nopony ever let him forget about the freakin' Shy-Hulk), the Dragoon and Mr. hoity toity Imperious Rex himself. Those were all pillow fights compared to how much effort it took him not to laugh at that.

"Eh, good at makin' a mess maybe." He at least managed to pull a chair out for her. "I gotta lot to be thankful for May, don't get me wrong, but I like to take a holiday on the holidays. Let the youngsters have their holly 'n jolly."

"So you won't be wanting a little company and comestibles while cleaning up?"

She unsealed the tupaware lid on top of the pile. _Cookies._

"Well. Might be nice to break out the old Parcheesi set..."

He took a bite. Sold immediately.

"Mmm, mandelbrodt!"

 _7_

"Victory never tasted so sweet."

Johnny realized he was doing the hooves on hips thing like he was Reed's age or something and immediately adopted a smug folded forelegs pose to continue admiring their handiwork. Foregoing the giant novelty antlers had been the right move, what with the hood and all, would've been counterproductive and made the target look metal as heck, but he'd adamantly (and, security conscious, quietly) put his hoof down about the red nose.

Spidey nodded, decoration lights and the macabre shadows of the embassy playing over his mask. "And to think I almost didn't come."

"How come?" Johnny turned to look at his bud as they came out of the tunnel-

Spider-Sense!

-which meant he didn't see the rapidly approaching green light from above.

Spider-Pony went from tensing up to springing towards his pal like uncoiling steel in seconds, Spider-Speed's usual disregard for physics. Which had its revenge as the impact sent them both spinning down the hall in a rolling bundle like something out of Discord's idea of a pin ball game, only their tails telling which blurring tangle of limbs belonged to which.

On the plus side, they went rolling out of the descending Gloom Golem's impact range. On the down side, they only stopped because they struck the hooves of another Golem. With more and more green eyes flickering out of the shadows as if they'd been surrounded by a ring of malevolent trick birthday candles.

"Because I was expecting something like _this_ to happen." Spidey muttered as they took up a back to back position. "Something like this always happens."

"Ah c'mon," Johnny grinned as he reignited ", you know it's just not Hearths Warming without that one last thing you remember you just have to take care of!"

 _8_

It wasn't even a block to the closest subway but Grim still insisted on walking May out of the Baxter Barn. It seemed a crummy thing to do to just use his _4_ crest whatchamacallit to activate the penthouse lift and send her down all those floors alone.

"Take care doll face!" he rumbled cheerfully as they reached the entrance "I'd escort ya home as is benefitin' of a gentleman of my breadin' but..."

"But anypony who can whoop you good at that many rounds of Parcheesi can look after herself, yes?" Sometimes it wasn't so hard to believe she was related to that wall crawling clown. But that twinkle in her eye really could've come from his own sweet aunt Petunia.

"We'll see 'bout that next year's rematch!" That trademark faux bravado was flattened out of his smile by something more genuine. "But seriously doll, thanks. It was a pleasure."

May's eyes twinkled some more and the Thing felt the atmospheric charge that meant she was gearing up for one of those Trotter family soliloquies. All the fault of her late husband apparently, but in her defence he'd swear her nephew's had become even more cornball since he'd started mixing with that Ponyville crowd.

"Well Grimwald, we've both been around for a while now."

"And don't the squirts like remindin' me..."

"But that means we both know that even if you're not all that lonely, sometimes the best gift a pony can give is their company."

Okay, that one actually wasn't so bad.

Then she gave the big galoot a kiss on the cheek. The rocky hide actually flushed a little!

"Ah go on and get outta here with that talk before somepony sees. I got's me a reputation to maintain!" Although. It had been an awful lot of floors for him to cover as well. Perhaps he'd had more to say than just goodbye.

"Then I suppose there's nothing left to say except have a happy Hearths Warming!" May chuckled as she waved goodbye and began the climb down to the ocean of late party goers, shoppers and street performers.

"You too doll face, and don't worry, I will!" His wave was heartfelt and cheerful and his grin was heartfelt, tombstone like and malevolent. "The kid doesn't know what I planted in _his_ room."

 _9_

Eight whole city blocks. That was how long it took them to lose the herd of weapons grade junk. The Horseshoe Torch half glided, half wobble through the air, his flames rapidly growing and shrinking in time with his panting.

"Well...well that was..." a blur that looked like Peter was trying to say as it sprawled on top of an air conditioning unit.

"Engaging?" Jonny wheezed "Gratifying? Dare we say…woo...fun?" A lot more articulate than his lungs were really capable of at this point and yeah, nerdy, but that accoutrement crack had really stung.

"I was...gonna go with...disastrous…" Spidey realized cold metal was not the best place to collapse and managed to force himself to all fours ", and a border line...ngh…act of war, but what's the difference?"

"And here comes the soliloquy." Johnny rolled his eyes, floating casually in mid-air as though resting on an inflatable pool chair as the web-head dusted himself down. With his breathing now under control he could feel that tell tale atmospheric charge. "Seriously, what is it with your family?"

Spidey's chest puffed out a little although maybe that was just from all the hard breathing.

"I'm just saying, this is the season where everypony gets to have a little me time." He actually looked down at his hooves contemplatively. "If we're gonna pull on the union suits it'd be nice if we could at least try and make the world a better place for a change."

The two casually tossed each other gifts without much change in demeanour.

"And that's why we'll be doing the same thing next year."

"Of course." Spidey said without missing a beat. "Darksied?"

"Oooh, a challenge!"

They dove off the roof in opposite directions, Johnny flaming on and heading for uptown, Spidey swinging for the low roofs of Chelsea. The crowds below only saw multi-coloured blurs but heard the twin cries.

"Happy Hearths Warming, Flame-Brain!"

"Happy Hearths Warming, Web-Head!"

It didn't matter that Johnny knew that Peter's gift would be a fire extinguisher. It didn't matter that Peter knew that Jonny's gift would be a can of bug spray. The fact both still smelt like they'd just come from a Home Depot added to it if anything. Sometimes the best gift two super powered misfits like them could give each other really was their company.

 _10_

The lights were still on in the penthouse. Johnny had been expecting to have to use the bay doors of the weird silo thing River had bolted onto the side of the building when they moved in but he wasn't about to complain. He flamed off and tapped his emblem to the glass patio doors.

"Aw man, you cleaned up already?"

"Yup." Grim Skies, clad in bathrobe and bunny slippers as if to rub it in, glanced up from his paper and over his tiny reading glasses which were very definitely meant to rub it in. "Had a helpin' hoof. Yer coco was all me though, not that I'm expectin' so much as a thankyou."

"Uh huh," Johnny squinted as he hung his _4_ emblem and yoke on the coatrack ", what'd you put in it?"

The Thing snorted with a force that could have driven twin holes in a wall and went back to his paper. After several pokes satisfying him it wasn't going to explode Johnny took a nonplussed sniff.

"Huh," he concluded ", this is coco."

"Still had some of them fancy Wakandian beans," Grim rumbled ", it'll be cold now though."

"Oh no," Johnny deadpanned, holding a hoof to the bottom of the mug and filling the room with another wonderful holiday aroma ", whatever shall I do."

The penthouse was full of nothing but the mellow sounds of the Thing's old man music as he took an appreciative sip. "You know that little surprise wasn't anything personal, right? Y'know, _this time._ Every year you just seem so determined to sit around here and, I dunno, grow moss or whatever it is you do. Figured you could use something festive."

"An' for this you think I would do a thing like ruin your coco?"

"It's what I would do." Johnny called back as he crossed the hall to his room. The Thing shook his head ruefully.

"Happy Hearths Warming, ya little punk."

"Happy Hearths Warming, you big stiff."

The high flying Horseshoe Torch lounged contentedly on his king sizes bed, completely unaware of the glitter bomb hidden inside his alarm clock, set to go off tomorrow twenty minutes early.

And the one in his shower head. And his shaving foam. And most of his favourite mane and tail products.

 _11_

The lights were on in his apartment. Spidey felt an odd mixture of ice cold shock and that late holiday night numb exhaustion. He alighted on the fire escape railing, hefting the somehow always paintstuck living room window open and clambered inside.

"Poison Pony, I swear if this is you trying to be subtle again-" he called slipping off his scarf. And immediately shut up.

"Hello dear." His aunt and his girlfriend said in near perfect unison from his couch.

"Aunt May? Twilight?" Spider-Pony reached up and peeled off the mask to reveal the surprised smiling face of Peter Trotter. "Can I get you-well, you've already made yourselves coffee, your gifts are just down the hall? Sorry, I just wasn't expecting-"

"Neither was I!" Twilight Sparkle trotted over to give him a hug then fuss over his scarf, her horn glowing and restoring some of the fading thermal magic. "But I wanted to surprise you anyway and bumped into your aunt on the subway and, well, ooh, who enchanted this, Gem Stone? This is some nice spell weaving."

"Twilight and her friends want to invite us to a little shindig." Aunt May explained. Peter squinted as he shucked out of the rest of the costume.

"In Ponyville? I was going to bug someone in the business to fly or teleport me over tomorrow…"

"At the library, yes!" Twilight beamed. "Pinkie Pie said she'd be 'super duper Jupiter trooper prepared' to fetch you herself but I figured it'd be, um, easier on everypony if I just set up a teleportation tunnel between here and town! What?"

Peter was looking at her as he threw his scarf back around his neck.

"You can do that?"

"Oh sure! Like this!" Both Earth Ponies jumped slightly as the unicorn's horn tore a gaping purple hole in reality. Spike looked up guiltily from where he'd been smuggling excess tiny hay dogs. "Sorry, it is a little loud isn't it. But as long as one of our belongings is in either of our homes I can create a simple lay line to teleport myself along to either location…"

"…and the larger, more visible tunnel is so you can carry passengers or larger loads?" Peter finished, waving at a distant Derpy Hooves. "You're amazing! I totally need to take readings when we go through! Maybe some of our mane samples! Did you whip this up by yourself?"

Twilight blushed and kicked at the floor with one hoof. "Oh, you know, just spoke to Cadence about…stuff and the Princess had these notes on a kind of glass that could be enchanted to bend between realities and, well, we're always going to be so busy. You have your responsibilities and all…"

Peter was startled by a sudden weight on his back. He turned to find Aunt May loading him up with their gifts and giving him a meaningful look. He smiled.

"I'm never too busy to spend time with you Twilight. Especially not tonight. And how could we say no to something this thoughtful?"

"Yes, it's not like you want to prove that Grinch you work for right, is it?"

He smiled as she leant against his chest.

"Also please do not tell Rainbow Dash I set up a teleportation tunnel between here and town, I really, really don't want to race her or make her think she can tap into this Speed Force nonsense she keeps going on about, and also what if we fall out of the tunnel and get swept away into The Bleed..."

"No problem, hon." Peter just patted her shoulder.

"I also might be saving it to wreak my grim vengeance for that time she pranked me into thinking I accidentally loaned out all my books."

"Lie to your friends and love ones on your behalf. Got it."

Aunt May elbowed him in the ribs as the violet radiance and smell of hot coco enveloped them all.

 _12_

Hearths Warming morning. The light of the rising sun did not reach the Lashverian embassy's windows and its warmth wouldn't have reached the Baroness Von Bardas' heart even if she hadn't been stone cold terrified. You didn't become the last holdout of Lashverian aristocracy by frolicking in the woods giving fruits and nourishing soups to bunnies and grandmothers. You also didn't stay alive by failing the will of Gloom. Like, say, allowing too intruders to do…this.

She turned, ready to screech at the Golems again, and froze. The metal face of Dr. Gloom was right behind her.

"My lord..." Von Bardas began.

The doctor glided past her like she wasn't even there, stopping at the base of the target. It _had_ been a statue of Gloom himself, the centre piece of the chamber intersecting all public parts of the embassy, built to let everypony of this backwater know just who's domain they were entering. Now, with the application of a small fortune in Hearths Warming decorations and red paint, it looked like a king-sized Father Hearths Warming decoration, a refugee from some sentimental hayseed's lawn. The defilers had even ringed the upper levels of the chamber with tinsel and wrapping paper, but the stand out was easily the plate of cookies and note left at the base.

A green field, the hum of servos in Gloom's armour almost as cold and serpentine as it's owner's rage, levitated the note up to eye level.

 _Dear Gloomy,_

 _Didn't see you at the last super party._ (ending with a sad face.) _So we decided to bring the party to you!_ (ending with a smiley face!) _Who knows, maybe a_ _little_ _cheer will make a_ _big_ _difference in you._

 _Enjoy the cookies!_

A gauntleted hoof that had, at various times, held the power to shatter the armour of the Devourer of Worlds and Celestia herself slammed down on the plate, the sound of steel on mere porcelain echoing like a cannon shot. The Baroness was too terrified to even flinch.

"Burn it." the dictator said simply. Simply in the same way that a mountain is simply there: undeniable.

"At once, lord." the Baroness squeaked, trying not to shuffle away too quickly.

Gloom simply stood there, the iron clad embodiment of the bitterness that would grind Equestria and everywhere like it to the same grey ash as its own heart. Then lifted something up into the darkness of his hood. There was the sound of chewing.

"Mmm. Mandelbrodt."


	2. Sense and Flammability (1)

_1_

"So pizza face is the Spider-Pony?"

Twilight Sparkle looked up from Ridcully the Brown's _A Hundred and One Uses for a Pocket Dimension Inside Yer Hat_ and pouted at Rainbow Dash, sprawled upside down on one of the library's bean bag chairs because reading like a normal pony was for squares.

"Rainbow! Don't call him that!"

"Okay, okay, your colt friend…is the Spider-Pony?"

"He doesn't like the 'The'" Spike said, looking up from dusting a horsehead bust ", says without a prefix it looks like he's trying to make a big deal out of it."

"Okay. Cool. Did he have that thing on his face before or after he got all spidery?"

"Before," Twilight said primly ", _I_ happen to think it makes him look rather distinguished. And yes, Peter is Spider-Pony. This is why I invited him and his aunt over for Hearths Warming, so I could tell everypony at once! Well, in private of course, but you and Applejack were busy trying to see who could balance on top of the tree the longest."

"Too busy having fun at a party." Rainbow flipped a page, probably for the appearance of nonchalance. "Only in your universe, Twilight. Though ya landed not just a coltfriend but a super pony at that, so props I guess."

"Thanks. There's honestly only so many times you can team up, that's the costumed communities term for it I believe, before you realize you have more in common than just stopping a necronuclear reactor from melting down." Twilight was slightly proud of herself for not blushing. Much. "You're taking it pretty well. Not so much as a wing flap!"

"Eh. I mean sure, the Web-Head was cooler back when he was a mystery and all but Pete's a good dude. If he's helpin' ponies in his free time it just means he's an even better dude."

Twilight smiled at that.

"And if things get too boring," Rainbow continued ", we can spice them up betting on what kinda drama the two of you will get yourselves into!"

Twilight stopped smiling. "Drama? What drama, there's no drama, why does there have to be drama, who said there'd be drama?!"

"Uh, the universe?" Dash rolled her eyes. She was never going to find out who cut Daring's rope in chapter twelve at this rate! "You're a couple of dorks with magic powers, one of you has a rouges gallery, the other prevents the apocalypse, like, every other Tuesday. Stuff's gonna happen."

"Is not!" Twilight countered, drawing on everything her mentor had taught her since she was eight years old. "And besides Zecora has this one text that leads me to believe Peter's abilities may be more totemistic in nature than regularly mystic, bu-but that is beside the point! I-we are simply a couple of regular ponies surrounded by extraordinary events and stuff is most certainly _not_ going to happen to us! I find your assertions presumptuous and slapdash at best, Rainbow Dash!"

"I think I'm gonna barf." Spike said simply.

"Indeed, Spike! Indeed!"

"No, I mean we've got inco-" Both girls flinched as he spontaneously hacked the royal scroll out of a burst of emerald flame. Twilight got to enjoy the karma of it bouncing off Rainbow's face before catching it in her telekinesis.

"It's from Princess Celestia!"

"No foolin'." Dash muttered, rubbing her forehead.

" _To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,"_ Twilight read _", I hope this letter finds you and your friends well, especially after helping restore the Crystal Empire. Yes Spike, the crown is_ _still_ _aware of the vital role you played and we are_ _still_ _very proud of you. That is why we built you that window."_

Spike's fins blushed.

"' _Once again you have all honoured Equestria through the magic of Friendship, but events have made me nostalgic for simpler, though no less interesting, times before you set off into the world. While I couldn't be prouder of the way you've made for yourself I would be honoured if you could join me tomorrow in the royal gardens for a spot of tea and catching up.'_ Gosh!"

"I'll grab our rail passes!" Spike beamed. "Uh…Twilight? You okay?"

" _Oh PS;"_ Twilight croaked _"I hope you don't mind if I take the liberty of inviting your young colt along. Cadence told me about him when we shared a copy of the Derby Bugle and it would be wonderful to hear how the two of you found the Magic of Friendship with each other…and perhaps more!"_

"Okay, why the shellshock?" Rainbow asked. "Is Pete allergic to tea or something."

"My mentor wants to meet my boyfriend." Twilight's purple pupils were tiny now. "The pony who taught me everything I know wants to meet my boyfriend. My mentor. Who is the government. My boyfriend. Who is a vigilante."

"So?"

"I haven't even told my parents about Peter yet!"

"And so, it begins." Dash leered, closing her book.

 _2_

"So Princess Girlfriend enslaved a dragon? Because not gonna lie, that's pretty metal."

The Horseshoe Torch barrel rolled lazily in mid-air as a wrecking ball bludgeoned the airspace he'd been occupying seconds earlier.

"He's more like a…little brother-slash-butler?" Spider-Pony mulled Spike over as he fired off a webline from his tail, yanking away a manhole cover and leaving a charging Bulldozer a nice long plummet into the sewers. "I dunno man, there's a lot going on there. Also, could we maybe not have the private conversation in the middle of the public brawl?"

"Oh yeah, because if anyone's gonna pay attention it's the Wrecking Crew." Johnny took a second out of lobbing fireballs to wave to the leader, resplendent in his purple sock mask and angrily waving his crowbar. "Hey Wrecker, what were we _just_ talking about?"

"WE'RE GONNA PULVERIZE YOUSE!"

"See?"

"Hey credit where it's due," Spidey shrugged ", Thunderball's got a PhD."

"Indeed, fools!" the villain bellowed as he whipped his wrecking ball around for another swing "A PhD _in pain!_ "

The two heroes pulled the fastest limbo poses of their lives to avoid the shot. Piledriver, still trapped in a flash-melted section of street, yelped as the chain yanked taut, the ball stopping inches from his face!

"Though it makes you wonder," Spidey mused, flipping over the chain as it rewound ", what kind of pain precisely?"

Thunderball stopped winding up, squinting. "What…?"

"Oh y'know, just what _kind_ of pain." the Torch shrugged, casually hovering in mid-air. "Like, sure, the giant namesake packs a mean wallop but is physical pain the most nuance a bull of your calibre is capable of?"

"What about emotional?" Spidey concurred.

"Spiritual?"

"Dental?"

"Ocular?"

"Ocular?!" Thunderball repeated.

"Ocular." the Torch said and flared white hot. Thunderball cried out, recoiling from the strobe effect! Blinded and enraged he charged at where he remembered the two pests had been! And vanished down the still open manhole.

"And she's not a princess." Spidey said as though nothing had happened. He looked askance at a bent lamp post. "Yet. Her mentor on the other hoof…"

"Are you _sure_ that invite came from her?"

"It was sitting on my kitchen table in a beam of sunlight. With sparkles and tiny birds."

"Oof," Johnny winced, sending a puff of sparks from between his teeth ", bluebirds?"

"They actually cleaned the kitchen!"

"Yeah, that's her touch alright. Sousa tried to find out if she could get a tiny legion to vacuum the house because she can't admit H.E.R.B.I.E creeps her out like the rest of us, but he found out and ran to Reed and cried. It was great."

"So what happened to them?"

"Dunno. Our pidgins probably ate them or something. Anyway, what's the deal? Your every third pity party is about how you could get a little more recognition. Princess Celestia's, like, the definition of recognition."

"Right, but she didn't ask for her Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Pony." Spidey demonstrably tugged his mask's muzzle as far as it would go before letting it snap back into place. "She asked for me. For the real guy. I haven't even met Twilight's actual parents yet!"

"Okay, not touching that one," the Torch said calmly holding up a hoof ", so you're looking for what? A pep talk? A wing pony? Somepony with experience in royalty mingling and medal acceptance?"

"A new suit." Peter actually rubbed the back of his neck like something out of Sue's Japanese anime. "Like a for real suit for grown up pony things."

Johnny raised one perfect golden eyebrow. "Go on…"

"The all-mother asked me over for tea," Peter shrugged ", I need to make a good first impression. You're you and so have, in this order, the ego, connections and fashion sense I need to do it in like a day. Begging is optional."

"You're right," Johnny agreed, admiring his flaming reflection in the puddle from a smashed hydrant ", I _am_ me."

"Johnny!"

"Sure, sure. Ugh, you second tier heroes and your 'real world problems'. We'll swing by Saddle Row when we're done here." He frowned. "I feel like we're forgetting something."

"Spider-Sense! Ting-!"

Too late! The force of the Wrecker bursting out the bank's remaining wall sent them both tumbling down the street like leaves in a gale. An abandoned delivery cart helpfully let them stop by smacking into it.

"Are you two twerps still here?!" The Wrecker irritably released the pallets of gold bars he'd been carrying _on his back_ and put a hoof to his mouth for a sharp whistle.

An annoyed looking Piledriver burst up through his prison, standing on the shoulders of the equally irritated Thunderball and Bulldozer. The Wrecker sat on his haunches, doing the old pat-the-crowbar-into-your-hoof routine as they advanced on the heroes.

Spider-Pony sprung back up into one of those creepy signature crouches, ready for the next round, but shot the still recovering Johnny a look nervous about prospects beyond just going hoof-to-hoof with four bulls strong enough to fight the Mighty Sleipnir to a standstill.

"After the other thing?"

"Right," Johnny muttered, cracking his neck and reigniting ", after the other thing."

 _3_

Rarity flung herself behind the overturned fainting couch and quickly smoothed down her mane. Behind her the sound of extra-large Milliners needles clashing off each other intensified as the animated captain dress uniforms attempted to capture more of the boutique's floor space from the insolent lieutenant dress uniforms.

"How are we doing? It's just that Fluttershy bought me those to make up for that Iron Will incident and I'd hate for them to get all scratched."

"Still warming up, sorry!" Twilight's eyes were only ever-so-slightly glowing as she glanced up from the sewing machine. "It's not this tea thing, I swear I'm focused, it's just the sounds of battle are really loud and it's like I'm channelling a lot of not-exactly-life force here, you know?"

"Oh no, no, take your time Twilight." Rarity soothed "We wouldn't want to cast an imperfect spell and turn my entire shop into a smoking crater!"

"Yes! I'm absolutely not now thinking about that in addition to how to contain and counteract an ancient animation spell, which is still like juggling nitroglycerin by the way, keeping this infernal machine _still_ so I can examine it, and remaining neutral in the middle of this war zone!"

Overhead one of the needles pinwheeled into the wall with a ruler-on-school-desk juddering sound. Twilight yelped at the noise then at the sewing machine's latest bid for freedom! Rarity wrapped her telekinesis around both, a helpful gesture that turned out to be as useful as trying to stop a runaway freight train with a strip of flypaper.

Fortunately, she'd ordered some Yakyakistanian cotton and hadn't accounted for the size difference in species. The entire boutique reverberated as they ploughed into the bridge pylon sized rolls, the air almost rippling with the sudden inertia.

"Why can't I just set them on fire and be done with it again?" Twilight mumbled out the side of her mouth that wasn't face down in the (admittedly quite cosy) debris.

"Twilight, no!" Rarity cried as she surfaced, clutching the dazed sewing machine "I tried to take the easy way out with your brother's order and look what happened! If I'd just had the courage to say no to him! And all my other customers! But mostly? That _frightful_ Mr. Curio when he offered me this blasted thing!"

Her heart skipped slightly as the sewing machine rounded on her, almost sending its needle up her nose! Twilight pulled herself to all fours but hesitated. Maybe it was proximity after running their magic through it, but they could almost feel something approaching an emotion swirling inside it like smoke.

"I think it heard you…" Twilight murmured, sealing them off from the sound and danger of the battle inside a force field.

"I think it recognized the name." Rarity agreed, never taking her eyes off the screws that, if one squinted, almost functioned as the machine's own. "Curio?" she repeated "Uncle Curio? Oh! Once for yes, twice for no! Do you recognize that name? Can you understand us?"

They instinctively flinched as the machine's needle clattered out a quick, hard clack!

"It's alive!" cried Twilight "Well, okay, yes, we knew that and that it brings all these clothes to life, hence our current predicament, but gosh, I didn't know it was sentient! No wonder it put up such a fight! We haven't been trying to shut off its magic, we've been trying to shut off its mind!"

"Poor thing!" Rarity cooed, giving the machine's surface a stroke. Somewhere Opal snarled deep within her tiny shrivelled soul. "I've been horrible to you, haven't I? Dumping all that work on you and blaming you for it going wrong…"

One somehow emphatic clack.

"Hmph! Well I certainly didn't tell you to bring them alive and start this, this, this…!"

"Donnybrook?" Twilight suggested.

"Hmm, yes, that sounds about right. How very dare you suggest-!"

"Actually," Twilight cut in quickly. "That's a good point. Rarity put you to work on Shining Armour's commission. They're supposed to be for the new Crystal Guard, right?"

One curious clack.

"Well their captain wouldn't want the ranks rioting like this! Unless he wasn't joking about that hoofball team idea…did you intend for this to happen?"

Two clacks.

"I don't think it…um…they? Can help it." Rarity mused.

One clack.

"I mean, it's a magic sewing machine." she continued. "Why build something this elegantly simple unless you intended to make magical clothing and bring it to life?"

Two clacks. The girl's exchanged looks.

"Not alive," Twilight ventured ", or not magic clothing?"

One clack.

"Ooh, magic embroidery!" Rarity declared, her entire face lighting up with delight "I know what we're dealing with now! You remember all those stories about moving tapestries or floating carpets? Well, they had to come from somewhere! And to think! Such a historical artefact in my shop!"

The machine's screws proudly spun in place to several satisfied clacks.

"Tapestries…" Twilight murmured, then comprehension dawned so powerfully on her face Rarity and the machine were surprised it didn't come shooting out of her horn ", of course! That's why they're fighting! They've been enchanted by the same magic that brings motion to the motionless like a magic tapestry, which yes, _thank_ you Rarity, I have heard of, in fact my junior thesis was on-no Twilight, focus! Whatever you say, Twilight! Uh, like a magic tapestry! Tapestries tell stories! Soldiers only really have one role in stories!"

"That still doesn't explain _why_ they're fighting though." Rarity mused.

Twilight rubbed the magical equivalent of fog off the force field to make a porthole and squinted at the nearby lieutenant, pointlessly trying to choke out its also-neckless adversary captain. "Alright I'm not blaming anypony, but these uniforms have completely different emblems."

"Creative differences." Rarity said primly as she blushed. The sewing machine clacked to itself quietly in embarrassment.

"So we know what we're dealing with," Twilight diplomatically surmised ", we just don't know how to stop it. Yet. Our options are either draining the magic out, which leaves us with the problem of where to put it, or try and get them to do something else that will, um, end their story. Also not to alarm anypony but it would probably be a good idea to lower this field soon because I maaay have lost track of how much oxygen is left. I really don't know what to do."

"I do!" Rarity tried to strike a dignified pose of triumph, made difficult by standing atop the shifting bales and holding the sowing machine under one arm. "We're dealing with military men! Uh, suits! And there's one order every military knows how to follow!"

Half an hour later they were sitting on the boutique's stoop, watching the marching uniforms' second circuit around the park. Their sleeves rose and fell sharply in time with Pinkie Pie's obo/accordion/drum/kazoo rendition of _Radetzky March Party Remix ft DJPON3_ , the Cutie Mark Crusaders bouncing alongside like a candy coloured dolphin pod.

"Well _this_ will make for an interesting letter to Princess Celestia." Rarity said as one of the lieutenants at the back mimicked the little skip in Sweetie Belle's step.

"I could drop it off for you tomorrow." Twilight muttered gloomily "It may get a little scorched when both my worlds collide and self-destruct, though."

"You know I hate to pry," Rarity half lied ", but is everything alright? Solving problems with _fire_ isn't the Twilight Sparkle approach we've come to know and love. Is it the, as you put it, 'tea thing?'"

"You and your detective novels." Twilight smiled "It's silly, I've been having these meet ups with her since I was a little filly but I've…"

"You've never had a Peter Trotter before." Rarity kindly surmised.

"Yes! It's been wonderful but has it been too fast? Or, or has it been too long? Did I leave too much time to tell her? Does she feel like spending so much time with him means I'm shutting her out? How could I do that to her after everything she's done for me, Rarity?!"

"Do what? Be her student and then graduate? Have your own life?" Rarity put a gentle hoof on her friend's shoulder. "Twilight, after what happened today, trust me when I say that it doesn't pay to rush something or put pressure on yourself to do too much at once. You've been Princess Celestia's faithful student for almost your entire life. Dating is very new. It makes sense you'd be a little nervous."

"Last time I was nervous about her it led to the whole Smarty Pants disaster." Twilight mumbled.

"Oh shush, this isn't nearly that bad!" Rarity gave her a supportive smile, though admittedly she did have to turn Twilight's chin so they could make eye contact "You're just worried because you don't know how it will turn out, but these two ponies in your life have to meet sometime. If you feel the need to put it off until you're more confident in you and Peter the Princess will understand, but wouldn't it also be better to go through with tomorrow and have it all be over? At least you'll know where you all stand."

Twilight didn't say anything but she was at least smiling back.

"Besides," Rarity teased now she felt it was appropriate ", what's the poor boy going to do, take an unflattering photo of her?"

"That's one advantage," Twilight chuckled ", she already knows he's with the press and wants to meet him anyway! Thanks Rarity. You're right, best hoof forward!"

Rarity nodded, smiling and silently counting to three.

"I just worry about _him_ as well," Twilight said at two ", I get so wrapped up in trying to make things perfect for her I forget how much pressure other ponies are putting on themselves to measure up! Peter doesn't need that! He forgets my favourite filing method sometimes and gets this adorable, sad look on his face…"

"He did seem a smidge agitated about describing Spike's position to his aunt," Rarity agreed ", but she's a lovely down to earth sort and she and the Princess lived through the same era. I'm sure he's got some mannerisms she'll find charming! Though he seems like one of those stallions who's cute when they're flustered."

"Sometimes," Twilight grinned, trying not to giggle ", I think it's why we meet in town so much. Getting out of the city does him some good. But one minute we'll be talking and then he'll compare himself to one of his friends in the business and his ears droop a little and I'm not crying, I just still have some magic in my eye."

"Darling, even I know there's worse things in life than being a simply-okay photojournalist." Rarity fought the urge to roll _her_ eyes at being back to square one. "Besides that's his job, not his passion! The two of you are so adorable when you're talking about gibberish from some textbook and the Princess taught you everything you know! A born teacher and a born teacher's pet, you'll probably have to let off fireworks to get their attention again!"

"Is that what you're counting on for this pool Rainbow's running?" Twilight asked dryly. She'd appreciated the sentiment, but not 'gibberish'.

"I'm saving my bits for juicer options." Rarity teased "But you sound like you're feeling better, all things considered. Perhaps because you've stopped over-considering them?"

"Your creative differences did wind up helping in the long view, yes."

"Oh right," Rarity frowned as the procession marched past on its fourth circuit, citizens still peering at it in terror from behind tress and stalls ", what happens to the sewing machine now? It'd feel too much like slavery to keep using it."

"I wrote to some contacts in Canterlot," Twilight assured ", they'll take it to one of the university's island research facilities. They'll run some tests but let it mingle with other enchanted items, make some friends, maybe even some new tapestries for the palace walls. That kind of thing."

"So a happy ending leads to a new beginning." Rarity beamed.

"Hopefully. But you're right, I should go ahead with it." Twilight sighed "Good thing Canterlot is the most heavily guarded city in Equestria, it'll be so embarrassing if he guilts himself into swinging after a pickpocket like Deerdevil or something."

"Is that the one who bursts into flames…?" Rarity ventured.

"No, that's his other friend, the Horseshoe Torch? The one on all the magazine covers? One of the Fantastic Family?"

"Oh darling, I don't pay much attention to even the best dressed of super ponies." Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. "I have a life."

"That's one of the great things about this relationship," Twilight beamed ", after all the adventures we've had, how could dating the Spectacular Spider-Pony phase any of you guys?"

"PETER TROTTER IS SPIDER-PONY?!"

 _4_

"So how come I haven't met her before now?"

"You have," Peter said patiently ", she and her friends were part of the last two big Crises."

"Pete," Johnny countered ", those were two whole summers ago. Do you remember even half of everything that happens to you in a month?"

"Eidetic memory, so _yes!_ "

"Yeah well my days alone are more interesting than yours and I don't even have a luchador costume. Yet." Johnny noticed a passing pony wondering why he was leaning against a wall talking to an apparently empty alleyway, and erased the gaffe from existence by flashing her a gentlemanly smile and a roguish wink. "Would you hurry up! Did you web yourself to the thing?"

"Name me one pony in the business who hasn't mastered the quick change," came Peter's voice from somewhere up the wall, muffled by Manehattan's constant background cacophony ", just gotta smooth my tail back into shape."

"Hey if anypony respects proper tail maintenance it's me," Johnny called back, idly drumming a hoof on the sidewalk and sending up sparks just because he could ", but you dress as a faceless nightmare covered in webs and the blood of your enemies. Your tail is the last thing ponies are thinkin' about."

"The blood of my enemies." Peter's unmasked and unamused face appeared around the corner, now at street level but sideways from crawling into position to give Johnny that deadpan look.

"Is what the tabloids think the red parts are." Johnny nodded "See, this is why I say get your own marketing department, workshop your image a little, but you're always like _'But_ _responsibility, though!'_ and this is how the Kingpig winds up with all your merchandizing rights or whatever."

"Like he wouldn't just _buy_ the marketing department anyway." Peter sprang off, twisting right side up in mere seconds of mid-air so he could ricochet off a paper vendor and join his bud's leisurely stroll. "Besides the city's institutionalized the lesser known and not-at-all great power of Spider-Scapegoatitude and what the hay, it seems to make people happy. It's Peter Trotter, lovable freelance shutterbug who's grooming in no way resembles that of a certain wondrous webspinner, who's in need of a makeover!"

"So you want people to like you in and out of costume, but you talk about it using the third person like a supervillain."

"I did it with my real name too!"

"Healthy. And the fact you wanna introduce yourself to the original fairy godmother but rocking a style that is blatantly not yours?"

"I referred to myself as a lovable freelance shutterbug. Clearly in need of all the help I can get."

"Your funeral, man."

"…do they make that kind of suit? Morbid and actual curiosity."

"Their motto is _Look like death: sleek yet serine._ "

"It's not but should be?"

"See, you can be taught! Next item on the agenda; that thing on your face."

"Weren't you just busting on me in your signature twisted style of affection to be myself?"

"Go shallow or go home, Pete."

"Twilight happens to think it makes me look distinguished."

" _Twilight Happens_ would be a great name for a band."

"We turn 25 next year, Johnny. It's time to let the dream go."

This entire exchange took the time to enter the minimalistic lobby and the somehow even moreso elevator. Peter looked at himself in the mirror like walls, wondering if making his reflection look Dalíesque and bored was intentional, magical or janitorial. Johnny let out a satisfied sigh as the doors slid open onto the temple like floor space. "Ah, chicness! Isn't it just the best thing you ever smelt?"

"Noo…?" Peter hated himself a little for actually sniffing. "This place doesn't smell like…anything."

" _Exactly._ "

Customers roamed from displays to stalls to seats, mingled with staff wearing simple vest saddles that reminded the heroes of various futuristic dimensions they'd blundered into at one time or another, more the Torch's beat than Spidey's. Both often wondered why the multiverse's idea of the future looked like it came from the set of a 60's sci-fi show. Only Peter did it out loud. Johnny was too cool for that. Despite that trademark Manehattan bustle, the scale and aesthetics of the place seemed to blanket everything in a respectful libraryesque hush, so the boys drew all eyes when the unicorn shot up from behind the main desk and made them yelp.

"Greetings, shoppers! So sorry, dropped my pen and it rolled under this tight bit in the corner but we would like to assure you that such shenanigans are in no way indicative of _Sleek yet Serine's_ commitment to-oh tribulations and taffeta, it's you."

"Hi Sassy," Johnny grinned ", miss me?"

"Only because you were running away." Sassy Saddle's posture somehow drooped, as she dropped her professional persona, and simultaneously straightened, as she focused her ice-cold annoyance on the Torch. "What do you want, Johnnycake? Some of us have to work in-between making sure we don't have hair as silly as yours."

"Still taking six months ago this hard doesn't become you, Sassy." Johnny teased, leaning casually on the desk and then knitting that perfect brow "Though speaking of work, quipping aside, I've seen yours. This place is ridiculously slow by comparison, what're you doing here?"

"Slumming it." Sassy sighed "Things are slower in Canterlot and I was the only game in town in Trottingham. Poor place needed some fresh blood. And it was four months, you beast!"

"Huh. You sure? See, now I'm wondering if I might've done it unconsciously for the sake of the brand. Whoa, whoa, kidding, I was kidding!"

"Hi," Peter cut in, moving between Johnny and the stapler snatched up by Sassy's telekinesis ", Peter Trotter, lovable freelance shutterbug, the implication here is you work fast? You're only dealing with the scent and sound of too much hair gel because he's doing me a favour. I need a suit for literally tomorrow, so if you could find it in your heart to help me out here the sooner you're rid of the not-so-perfect-Storm."

"You had me at 'too much hair gel' darling," Sassy beckoned as she led them to a curtained corner. Both their spines ran cold as the stapler dropped onto the desk with a sound like a redwood crushing a bowling ball full of fine china.

"Good reflexes!" she noted as Peter sprang leisurely onto the offered stool.

"Um-"

"Taught him everything he knows!" Johnny covered, turning up the smarm as he flopped down on a couch and flipped through a copy of _Under the Sun._ At least Peter assumed he was covering. Sassy was soon lost in a world of levitating tape measure and fabric swatches at any rate.

"So where would I know you from?" she asked eventually on the third measuring of Peter's spine. "Photography." she clarified at his confused craning face.

"Lovable freelance shutterbug." Johnny idly chimed in, too wrapped up in a spread on Fancy Pants' new line of luxury airships to add in the snark.

"Oh! Ah, you wouldn't have seen any of my stuff. Not in fashion, anyway. I'm in newspapers mostly."

"Oh?" Sassy's eyes glistened with interest and potential reviews.

"Usually the Derby Bugle." Peter beamed proudly.

"Oh." Sassy's tape measure drooped ever so slightly as she finished measuring his tail. "Still, you must meet some interesting ponies! Famous even?"

"Ahem!" Johnny fumed.

"If by meet you mean photographed at a distance, sure." Pete stood on his hind legs, forelegs outstretched as Sassy's magic wove fabric around them. "I'm usually on the crime beat, but every now and then there's a big name. Sometimes they even cross over, mostly Tony Spark. Whose name is not supposed to be brought up because every time he moves down here from the coast he supplants Johnny as Manehattan's most eligible bachelor."

"Hmph," Johnny snorted over the _whomph_ of an igniting flame goatee "Ooh, lookit me, I'm the third richest pony in the world, my tower's pointer, park my chopper on the beach!"

"Put that out!" Sassy hissed. "Anyway, there we go! You'll be the belle of whatever ball you feel like gate crashing for, oh, about three months. How's it feel?"

"Great!" Peter selected a matching tie from the row she floated in front of him. "Could use some of my, ah, nice reflexes to make it less stiff but there's still nothing like a new suit. Johnny, are you messing with the temperature?"

"Who, me?" Johnny batted his eyelids adorably. "But for real, no, Sassy yelled at me."

"Hmm. A…friend enchanted a scarf for me once? It could spread heat through fibres, do you guys offer that? Or rather the reverse?"

"A cooling enchantment." Sassy mused. "We doooo, buuut they take time for something with as many fibres as this bad boy. We'd have to send it away for about a hoof-full of working days for something that ambitious and you did say you needed it for tomorrow…"

"Then it's as good as it's gonna get," Peter smiled understandingly, finishing the tie. "Hay, probably knock the price down too, right?"

"I'd like to thank the academy for the opportunity to say one of my favourite things in the world!" Johnny cast _Under the Sun_ aside and hem hemed with relish. "Ms. Saddles, put it on my tab!"

"No." Sassy said flatly. "Store policy. One tab per customer and the suit is for Peter, not you. Either pony up and close yours or surprise me by doing the gentlepony thing."

"Surprise you like when we went to Prance just to get away from it all," Johnny grinned ", or the top of the Mephistopheles mountains? Personally, I was surprised when we got that legit Guoxianese food from Guoxia and you almost choked on-hey!"

"Oops, my tie!" Peter declared dramatically, hurriedly unravelling it as he used his forehead to push Johnny flank first into a corner "Johnny be a pal and help a pony out, huh?"

"What's up?" Johnny whispered, pushing back to stop Peter making him physically one with the chosen corner "Spider-Sense?"

"I looked at the price tags on Sassy's fabrics, right, and I've done the math in my head and-"

"What, you can do higher math in your head but you can't tie a tie?"

"Johnny, I don't know what to do! If I had as many gems as stars in the sky I couldn't afford this thing."

"Who said you had to?" Johnny turned away as he finished knotting. "Hey Sassy, you adorable ice cream cake you, my tab; that'd be with Pete's purchase included, yeah?"

"Yes…" Sassy said wearily.

"Then prepare to be surprised!" the Horseshoe Torch beamed.

He didn't see the brief hollowness in Peter's eyes.

 _5_

The sun set.

The sun rose.

Stuff was about to happen.

 _6_

The ever lovin' blue eyed Thing yawned as he stomped out of the silo elevator. Nothing like a second breakfast after your morning workout. After that a diagnostic on the family ship for this week's mission, a light snack, and, assuming some yahoo didn't try to conquer the world, a quick nap before lunch with Armilla.

He frowned, sniffing at a familiar burning smell coming from the living room. "Matchstick? What're you doin' up? Before noon no less!"

He squinted, temporarily half blinded by Manehattan morning as his voice inadvertently triggered a system Stretch had screwed into the ceiling to raise the blinds. The limp form floating a few inches above the carpet remained silent, it's flames briefly seeming to grow brighter as fresh sunlight filled the room. Didn't even turn around for their usual morning insult contest. Kids!

"You have too much sugar or somethin'?" Grim asked, still squinting as he trotted around to the Torch's face. Same adventurous smile Johnny used for all their merchandise at least, but it looked…well, like merchandise. Like the replicas of that smile modelled onto action figures, baseball caps, novelty mugs and other such curios down in the giftshop. Plastic and static, though also actually on fire.

H.E.R.B.I.E floated into the room, anticipating the mess Grim would've made of the kitchen by now, and chirruped curiously at the sight of one of the family peering at the other. He began to circle the Thing as the Thing circled the Torch, a strange domestic solar system.

"You're hoverin' around and he ain't even made a face," Grim muttered ", somethin's up, shrimp."

H.E.R.B.I.E beep booped in agreement. Driven by some primal curiosity, the Thing reached out a tentative hoof and gave his partner in in-fighting a nudge on the shoulder. His resultant scream of horror shook the top four floors of the Baxter Barn and sent cats, dogs and pigeons scattering for the entire block.

"Grim?!" Sand Sousaphone Storm burst out of her office, her image blurring as the Phantasmal Pony summoned one force field to meet the latest unnamed horror to invade her living room and another under her hooves, surfing into battle!

Even after all these years of teaching herself to shape the building blocks of light itself to her will, though, the earth pony was still trying to use a free hoof to pull _up_ her team badge and pull _off_ the business suit she'd started with. "Grim Skies, what is it?! Just tell me it's not the Pop-Up Pony again, I am in no mood-"

She yelped as her field-platform bounced off the Thing's back, the impact sending her shirt over her eyes, then let out a louder one when she pulled it off to come face to face with H.E.R.B.I.E. Following his programming, the little automaton blared a klaxon and hid behind the couch.

Sue took the advice of her therapist (technically her lawyer but same difference) and began to count to ten. It was difficult what with the Thing's sobs shaking the floor and making her lose count. "Grim, what in Equestria's the matter?! Did the Knicks lose? Is it one of those stupid Yancy Street pranks? You're not having another 'Am I a Mustang or a Monster?' episode are you, our insurance won't cover those anymore!"

He turned around, those famous blue eyes brimming with tears under that craggy brow and melting her heart. "Aw Suzie, I'm-I'm so sorry! I did it! I finally went and did it! Aww cripes! I broke yer brother!"

"Get in line," Sousa muttered ", he didn't check in last night and this morning in the mail…gugh, when I find that colt I'm going to give him a piece of my mind! The part that lets me make invisible hammers."

H.E.R.B.I.E risked peeking out from behind his comfy barricade and chirruped hopefully. With a sigh, Sue raised her forelegs, not even budging as the grateful _Helpful-Experimental-whatever-he-was-supposed-to-be_ zipped across the room and into her reluctant embrace. She squinted as H.E.R.B.I.E deployed his vacuum cleaner attachment, beeping at her curiously.

She looked down and a pile of ceramic looking chips, one of them sporting her brother's smirking lips, looked back at her. "Oh wonderful, foreign substances. Part of a balanced breakfast. River! Reed?"

"Y'ph dr'gh?" The head and elongated neck of Dr. River Reeds, one of Manehattan's most pioneering intellects, appeared in the doorway with the sound of a hoof sliding over a balloon. He still had a toothbrush in his mouth and his body, when it cantered in after him, was wearing a bathrobe with the edge of what Sue just knew would be the _Why Yes, I Am a Rocket Sorcerer_ t-shirt Johnny had gotten him for Hearths Warming. Not dramatic but certainly an entrance.

"Yes dear?" Reed clarified, using his telekinesis to remove the toothbrush "Sorry, I was in the middle of decontaminating a case of the old lab breath when Grim shook the building and I got tangled in the…facilities. Ooh, foreign substances!"

Sue had to cough twice, the first having been drowned out by the sound of her boyfriend's neck stretching for an enthusiastic close-up of whatever was littering the carpet, nudging her head in the direction of his bawling best friend.

"Ah!" Mr. Fantastic acknowledged, straightening up to take charge with all the prestige a pony could in his bathrobe. The movement unravelled the belt, spoiling the effect by exposing the _Rocket Sorcerer_ t-shit. "There, there old friend, let's calm down, shall we?"

"Aww Stretch, I really put my hoof in it this time!"

"What, this?" Reed levitated a hoof-full of fragments for a curious glance "Hmm, normally not advisable even with your protective hide, but unless I miss my guess…"

And to their mind-numbing disgust, the smartest pony they knew licked one of them!

"Cripes, Stretcho, show some respect! That's-that's Johnny you're tastin'!"

"What." Sue said with the monotone of the truly nonplussed, a statement, not a question.

"Ah Susie, I'm so sorry! All these years and I still dunno my own ever lovin' strength!" That rocky lower lip actually began to tremble. "He was just hoverin' there when I came in! I gave 'im a lil' nudge and he…he plain crumbled to dust right in front of me an-an-an' I'm no good bum is what I am!"

He dissolved into fresh wails. The air shimmered like a heat haze as Sue shot out force field tendrils to keep trophies and furniture steady as Grim shook the room again. What wasn't still potentially explosive she'd only recently gotten _just_ the way she liked it!

"Hmm," Reed ruminated ", yes, as I suspected. Oh Grim Skies, you're still crying! Buck up, old fellow! Please!" He elongated his torso, wrapping around the wailing Thing in a half hold, half hug "I assure everypony there's a perfectly logical explanation, but I can't deliver it if the building comes down! And you're scaring poor H.E.R.B.I.E!"

"Yes." Sue deadpanned as the droid tried to untangle the vacuum cable from her hair "Poor H.E.R.B.I.E."

"My little pal!" The Thing blubbered "We'll never see his smug face ever again! When I think of all the crud he pulled, and what I crumb I've been to him for it! I did some things in the big one I ain't proud of, but who'd-a-thought peace would come at an even greater price!"

"Would you mind…?" Sousa gestured to the pile of brick red dust getting further and further into her Nouveau Urban. H.E.R.B.I.E began to happily vacuum up the apparent remains of her brother. "Grim, wonderful a sentiment as that is, come on, it's Johnny. No way we're that lucky. Reed, you were saying?"

"Thank you dear." Reed smiled as he unwound from his still quaking best friend "Now, ah, I'm afraid this might partially be my fault. Sousaphone asked me to have a word with Johnnycake about missing power practice-"

"I already don't like where this is going." The Thing sniffled.

"Yes, that's the, ah, thing. To get him to pay attention I began to speculate about his powers and, well, you remember that one trick he figured out in high school? Use some of his flames to create a decoy Torch? Well when he flames on his body produces a thermal sheath, which I suspect either protects it from or in some way generates his fire."

Sue put a hoof to each temple to ease the sheer inevitability.

"On closer examination, over the years it's evolved into a similar epidermis to yours, old friend, so if it turns on and off along with his fire then hypothetically he could break bits of it off, enough to, say, mould a more convincing form of decoy and Grim, Grim, Thing wait, come back!"

"WHERE IS THAT NO GOOD, LOW DOWN-?!" the Thing bellowed, stamping out into the hall in search-and-destroy mode. He whipped around as the floor filled with the revolving wail of H.E.R.B.I.E's _personnel-down-in-need-of-assistance_ siren. (River had a gift for names but had struggled with that one, and the others' suggestions after hearing it had been too rude.)

He was floating back and forth excitedly in front of a closet door, quest for a fresh vacuum bag forgotten after the discovery of the Horseshoe Torch sprawled semiconsciously on top of a pile of paper towel rolls, even using one as a pillow, covered in confetti string and tenderly hugging a traffic cone.

Johnny stirred, squinting up at them all through his obligatory pink rimmed, star shaped sunglasses. "What's up gang? Have we split up to search for clues yet or am I just seeing double?"

"Cripes kid, ya look half like death." The Thing's face looked even more like an avalanche than normal as he reached down. "Let me HELP YA WITH THAT!"

"Oh cool, it worked!" Johnny beamed, then yelped as he was hoisted up by his somehow still immaculate tail. He thrashed, suspended upside down almost a foot off the ground in the Thing's one hoofed grip "Let go, you over grown gargoyle!"

"What, and miss my chance to finally feed ya that toxic waste dump you call a haircut, ya product usin' putz!"

"Bring it, fugly!"

They both blinked as Grim's hoof popped open, as if a basketball had inflated itself inside his grip, and Johnny found his svelte 170 lbs floating inside the physics of a soap bubble with the density of marble. Despite flaming on from instinct he felt that familiar chill in his blood as he turned to meet Sousa's gaze. "Would you gentlecolts excuse us. I need to talk to my brother."

"Grim Skies old buddy," Johnny pleaded, forehooves clasped and going down on still floating knees ", clobber me, please, hard as you can right between the eyes! Even you can't let me suffer like this!"

"Um." said Mr. Fantastic, genius, as Sue's gaze snapped on him like twin sniper scopes. "Come on H.E.R.B.I.E, let's…get you…"

"Some of that fancy fruit smellin' cleaning stuff Susie likes so much!" the Thing rallied. H.E.R.B.I.E gave a tinny squeal of glee and shot off down the hall, the brains and brawn of super heroism's first family stoically following in his wake so as not to look like they were running away.

"Cowards." muttered the Torch as his sister levitated him over to the couch. He extinguished himself and sighed, terror submersed (for now) by irritation. "Okay, there's a 50/50 chance I did whatever it is so fine, let's play the odds."

"Let's not." Sue's hard expression didn't change as she produced a sheet of paper. "This bill was in the mail this morning. What in Equestria did you _do_ yesterday?"

"Went shopping." Johnny shrugged.

"For what, a weekend in Las Pegasus?! You're only supposed to see this kind of number when you've come out of traction! And this bit here, this is only half of what they're charging you?!"

"That's why I figured it wouldn't be a big deal!" Johnny insisted "Look, it's a tab. Weekly payment. So I closed it because we can handle it!"

"That's not the point!" Sousa managed, struggling not to shout "How did you run up a tab this big? You're supposed to keep us up to date on your spending!"

"Oh sure, even though it's _my_ money! Excuse me if I get a little caught up in this thing we do, y'know, saving the world?!"

"No, I won't excuse you! That is absolutely not an excuse!"

"I'm not making excuses!" They were standing face to face now. Johnny hated this. Sue's mom-itude, the way he'd regress back to high school as if to compliment it. He took the advice of his lawyer and took a deep breath. "Okay, look. If it's this big a deal, isn't it better I shut it down now?"

"You still put it on the company card." Sue said in words of stone. Their impact sent Johnny's universe rippling from the sheer size of his screw up.

"Oh." He backed off, ears lowering. "Oh man sis, sorry! I just put down the first piece of plastic I found in my wallet, I legit thought it was mine. I'll fly by right now and change the details, promise."

"That's not better!" Sue put a hoof on his shoulder. "Johnny, no matter who's paying for it, this bill…it'll wipe out your savings this first week alone, and those come from what we pay you!"

"Right, but the Horseshoe Torch royalties-"

"Depends on how well your specific merchandise is doing! It's not a reliable source of income! And all those gems and bits come from the same place! We make a lot of money and I try to keep it all flowing fairly but it's a new financial quarter! We've got gosh knows how many contracts up for renewal and we could lose who knows how many of them, I don't need to be blindsided by stuff like this!"

"Contracts like Damage Control?" Johnny asked, trying not to throw himself too hard on this potential life raft in case he capsized it. "Because that's already taken care of!"

"How?" Sue blinked.

"Did I wind up in the closet? Well after this little dust up with the Wrecking Crew I took old Web-Head shopping then decided to double back, y'know help melt down some rubble, weld some support beams back into place, that kinda thing."

Sue sighed but smiled and shook her head at the same time. Johnny pressed on taking what he could get.

"So when their crews showed up I got to talking with this overseer, Jasmine Shine, and one thing led to another down at the Cottonmouth Club. For the price of going halfsies on a bill in a place with free refills, I cemented their decision to retain us, well Reed really, as a consultant! Once Jasmine woke up of course." He loftily flopped down on the couch, hooves triumphantly behind his head. "It's kinda fuzzy after that, but either I set up the decoy for Grim and he never showed up…or I just forgot where my room was. Dunno where the traffic cone came from."

Sue didn't look mad but definitely wasn't thrilled either. "That's not a great way to do business, and it's not just the tab…" She blinked. "What does Peter need a new suit for?"

"He's having tea with Princess Celestia!"

"No. Really. What does Peter need a new suit for?"

"It would actually be less awkward if you went back to being mad at me right now."

"I'm _not_ mad, I'm worried about you." Sue flopped down next to him on the couch with a sigh like an ancient civilization finally collapsing into dust. "It's not the money Johnny, it's…everything. First I didn't say anything, then I tried to find the right way to say it but this has been going on ever since you left school. You run up huge tabs, you're out all night, you skip power practice-"

"Y'know, the name's not suddenly going to sound cooler if you just say it more."

"I know, but it _is_ important! What we do is dangerous! There are things out there it takes all four of us to handle! I didn't know where you were last night, what if something had happened to you?!"

Without hesitation Johnny put his forelegs around his sister in a hug. Sousa slumped against him slightly, feeling exhausted. "And what you did to Grim was kind of mean." she muttered into his shoulder.

"Think of it as power practice."

Sue smiled despite herself, taking one of his hooves in hers. "Just do me a favour and hold off on any big spending, okay? I can make this weekly thing work, but no more tabs!"

"Scouts honour, sis."

"And at least carry your signal flare for my piece of mind, please?"

"I'll go pick up a fresh one from the doc right now. We cool?"

"Working on it." The Phantasmal Pony smiled, nuzzling her little brother and trotting off in search of her business suit. Johnny waited until she was out of sight (as in down the hall, not her invisible shtick) before flaming on and floating into the lab.

 _7_

Twilight Sparkle stared up at the writhing, wild-eyed cat creature wearing…a vest with a lion face on it? (Oh gosh, that wasn't an actual lion's face was it!?) …suspended upside down in the web strung between the spires of Canterlot central station.

"Impudent welp! No prey escapes the world's greatest hunter!"

"Really? Should I wait here while you go get them?" Spider-Pony, still upside down, finished weaving a final strand, folding his forelegs and swinging back a little on the webline from his tail to admire his handiwork. "Like, I have plans but leaving is kind of escaping if you think about it. Far be it from me to contradict the reputation of the world's greatest hunter!"

Not his best work but Twilight couldn't help a snicker. Trying to suppress it so as not to attract attention actually drew a few looks from nearby ponies, worried she was either choking or perhaps having some kind of psychotic fit. There was nothing funny to her about the arrival of a fully armed E.U.P squad.

"The guys in gold!" Spidey announced, flipping right side up to perch on a ledge, and Twilight couldn't help wondering if this was a super pony thing or just Peter feeling the need to mug to the crowd "Now it may seem a little ostentatious, but I simply couldn't drop by unannounced like this and not bring you a token of my esteem! Careful though, he's a biter!"

"Hilarious." deadpanned the pegasus captain, readying her pump action crossbow with a gratuitous _click-snap_ "Off the architecture, hooves behind your head. You've still got some questions to answer from the last time you rampaged through town!"

"Admittedly mistakes were made but 'rampaged' is such a harsh word, don'tcha think?" Spidey spread a foreleg to trace an imaginary headline. "How about _'Prevented mad scientist from turning Mt. Canterlot into a volcano to power their death ray'_?"

The guards responded by brandishing more weaponry. Twilight Sparkle responded by simply teleporting herself and her loquacious leman out of the area. The captain blinked, remaining in the air because she was so surprised by the vigilante's instantaneous disappearance her brain hadn't even register it enough to throw off her wing beats.

"Lieutenant, did you see that?!"

"Er, yes captain! Is that one of his powers? Can he do that? I didn't know he could do that!"

"Spiders can't just disintegrate, lieutenant. Don't be silly."

"They don't dress in red and blue and walks as ponies either, captain! You don't know everything!"

"Um," came a hesitant Stalliongrad accent from on high ", if I give you my word as Equestria's greatest hunter not to bite anypony, could you maybe get me down?"

Spider-Pony blinked as he materialized on top of a gazebo in a quiet section of the city park. "Oh. Hi honey!"

"Hello dear." Twilight beamed. "How was your trip?"

"Honestly fine for the first couple of hundred miles," Spidey admitted as he casually slipped off the tiled roof, removing his mask as he landed ", but then Kraken the Hunter got on at Whineyapolis. Think he recognized my scent or something. And riding _inside_ a train for once was such a novelty too."

"Aww, poor baby!" Twilight gave him a peck on the cheek. "Spike was so worried."

"Only Spike, huh?"

"I think he's still hoping you'll make him your sidekick someday." Twilight teased "But he was pretty overwrought when he showed up, poor thing. I had to ask him to repeat himself a few times, he was going so fast, but he said you tricked that brute into following you onto another train?"

"Well even Kraken doesn't deserve the kind of fate you'd visit upon anypony or anything that mussed Spike's fins."

"I would've turned his bones to glass, yes." Twilight admitted with a shrug. "But he was carrying your saddlebag and there's another bag in there or something?"

"His secret weapon!" Spike announced, startling them both as he sprouted out of some bushes. "Sorry guys, had to duck the fuzz, but yeah, Spider-Peter entrusted me with his secret weapon!"

He held a garment bag aloft like it was one of the Elements of Harmony.

"The fuzz." Twilight said flatly.

"I may have leant him some of Uncle Glen's old paperbacks."

Twilight squinted at the logo on the bag as Peter gingerly took it from between Spike's talons. " _Sleek yet Sereine_? Gosh, they're expensive enough already, I hadn't heard they were branching out into munitions! That can't be legal!"

"Only if you think being dressed to kill is a crime!" Peter grinned. It faltered a little at Twilight and Spike's uncomprehending expressions. "Well it's Princess Celestia and all so I brought a…y'know, it'll be better once you see it, just, ah, just gotta switch places with you Spike, so if we could…"

Twilight sat on her haunches and watched the awkward dance of both men in her life trying to simultaneously enter and exit the bushes in a park she'd walked through and played in since childhood. _This. This is my life now._

"Y'know," Spike mused, brushing stray leaves off his scales as he finally extracted himself ", maybe that's not the best place to change, dude. There's a music festival being set up a few miles away. Probably a few porta potties…"

"Spiiiike, don't be gross!" Twilight squealed. "Change? Oh, you brought some special costume? That's…I won't lie it's sudden but that's wonderful Peter! I wasn't sure if you wanted to tell her this early but it'll make everything so simple-"

"Sorry Twilight, there's some sort of nest in my ear." Peter thumped the side of his head a few times and emerged, throwing on the jacket of his new suit and trying not to stagger under the sudden stuffy weight. He spread his forelegs demonstrably. "Anyway. Ta-da!"

"Oh wow." She blinked. "You…got all dressed up."

"I went through all that just to carry your laundry?!" Spike fumed.

"Nooo, you went through all that to carry my new Reigns Bond cosplay." Peter mimed that famous tomato throwing pose from all the posters. He was starting to acclimate to the suit but there was still a certain amount of stiffness. "Whaddaya think? Very Grand Galloping Gala, right? Twilight? You okay, honey? You're kind of thousand-yard staring."

"Just…trying to remember it all ended with doughnuts." Twilight shook her head to rid herself of visions of _that night_ in some alternate universe where today also had to happen. "Reigns Bond? So this is some kind of undercover thing! Is danger afoot?! Do we need to warn the Princess?! Assemble the Befrienders?!"

"No, no, no and wha-? I'm not even wearing the costume under the new number. It was just a nod to how stylin' I am right now!"

"Nopony says stylin' anymore." Spike grumped. "And why do you need to be stylin' without a g? It's Canterlot, only the toffs wear suits when they don't have to."

"The Torch says styling without a g." Peter said, surprised at how meek he felt.

"Spike." Twilight said gently. "It's Peter's secret to keep. If he doesn't want the Princess to know then-"

"How do we know she doesn't already?" Spike blinked.

"Okay, how did we get on this subject and would it be okay if we dropped it?" Peter asked, tugging at his collar. He'd expected the mountain air up here to take some of the edge off but the suit was starting to feel uncomfortably warm. Yeah. The suit. That was it.

"Well don't you wanna be honest with her?"

"Yeah, which is why she'll be meeting…me. Not the wall-crawler." Peter tried a smile "No need for dramatic revelation if there doesn't have to be. I'm only a super hero half the time, Spike."

The dragon blinked. "So, what, you're only honest half the time?"

Peter blinked. Spike sighed.

"Uh…y'know what Twilight, I changed my mind. Think I'll hit the movies and swing by to say hi to the Princess when it's all over."

"If that's what you think is best." Twilight passed him a bag of bits from her saddlebag. Spike waddled off, looking over his shoulder with a pensive smile.

"Good luck, guys. You might need it."

"What was that supposed to mean?" Peter asked as they began to mingle with the crowds of tourists, merchants and citizens trotting in and out of the park. The fact that the few of them that were wearing a suit carried briefcases (or had somepony else in a suit to carry it for them) made him feel self-conscious. "Am I supposed to feel like I did something wrong?"

"No," Twilight assured, still looking over her shoulder to keep a maternal eye on Spike until he was totally out of view ", Spike acts like one of the gang but he's still very young. And he's seen the kind of damage keeping a secret can do."

"Twilight, my identity-"

"I understand." Twilight cut in, glancing around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard "You've carried that secret since you were fifteen years old. But Spike's identity…he's seen the danger some dragons can be if they put their minds to it. Being a pony, raised here in the capital of Equestria? That's important to him. The Princess is as important to him as she is to me. It makes sense he'd be a little…touchy about keeping something from her."

"And it's important to me that this goes well. Spider-Pony's given me a lot but it's taken a lot away. I don't want it to sink this." Peter gave her a nuzzle. "You're both important to me too."

"That's good to hear."

"Well yeah. Can't do without my faithful sidekick." Twilight giggled, grateful for the change in direction. Peter grinned and decided to press his luck. "So okay, Spike's not a fan but what's your opinion of the swanky new duds?"

"Not as…flexible as your costume," Peter's heart skipped a little as Twilight batted her eyelashes the way she'd practiced in the mirror for months ", but it shows off your calves quite nicely. And you _know_ I like a stallion who can tie a mean Grantchester knot…"

"You should see me unravel it." Peter breezed in his best Bond brogue.

"Peeeeter, behave, there's people!" Twilight hissed through grinning teeth as she blushed. "But yeah, I don't know how necessary it was but I approve. What about you?"

"After spandex, nothing can ever be too itchy," Peter admitted ", but the fabric's a bit heavier than what I'm used to. Which is ironic since the entire reason I didn't just go with my old one is it's been dry cleaned stiffer than the Thing's ear hair."

"Does it breathe okay?" Twilight asked as they climbed into the waiting chariot "It's just you're wearing a black jacket and tie. _And_ carrying your saddlebag. _And_ we're going to be sitting out in the open in the land the sun is raised directly over every day."

"Hey, long as I can bow in it, right?"

"As long as you're happy, dear." Twilight beamed, returning the drivers' bow and leaning against Peter's shoulder as they began to pull their ride. "Now however will we endure this romantic carriage ride through one of the most beautiful cities in Equestria?"

"Could be our most harrowing team up yet." Peter teased.

'Endure' turned out to be the strangely appropriate word though. The air of the mountain road leading up to the palace was actually quite pleasant after years in Manehattan's thickness, but the prospect of what Peter was riding towards began to set in. The castle didn't look like any of the thousands of evil lairs he'd infiltrated before with Spider-Sense on full alert, but none of _them_ had housed his wizard girlfriend's wizard mom.

In addition, the weight of his bag, the rocking of the chariot and even the warmth of Twilight's body against his combined to make his new suit feel like it was heating up whenever the chariot was directly in the sunlight. Once outside the palace courtyard he checked to make sure Twilight was preoccupied with thanking and tipping the drivers and checked his brow with a hoof. Not damp but he could probably do to loosen his tie soon.

"Everything alright?" Twilight asked. Peter quickly turned the gesture into shielding his eyes as he took in the beautiful castle…parking lot.

"Fine, fine!" he covered "So it's been ages since the Bugle last sent me here. Do we wait for a guard or a butler or something to show us in?"

"Or something." said a gracious voice from on high.

Both ponies turned to see the icon of Equestria itself circling overhead as she came in for a landing. Princess Celestia smiled down at the two of them, the perfect Canterlot spring afternoon seeming to become that much brighter for her presence.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight cried with childlike glee, drowning out Peter's terrified wheeze of "…hi." as she galloped over to her mentor for one of those famous neck hugs. Even though he was now standing at ground zero and starting to feel the combo of the new suit _and_ his saddlebag had been a mistake, making him look less like a suitor come-a-courtin' and more like an overgrown school foal, he couldn't help but smile at how natural the moment between them was.

"Twilight Sparkle! Thank you for accepting an old mare's invitation."

Twilight hopped back to Peter's side and cleared her throat before bowing respectfully. "That is…hello Princess. It's wonderful to see you again. Spike will be by later but this is…this is my coltfriend, Peter Trotter."

She only squeaked 'coltfriend' a little. Peter followed, hoping it didn't look forced. With his luck, he'd been expecting the suit jacket to fall over his head or the sleeves to rip from prostrating his legs, but it was his faithful saddlebag that betrayed him. The bow sent it sliding down his back, over his head and to the ground, rattling with the sound of his camera, change and keys. He instinctively straightened up, only tangling his forelegs in the strap and making it more difficult for the aid who'd materialized from nowhere to pick it up.

"Sorry, thanks!" he blurted, not sure who he was apologizing to. His focus swung to Celestia with the inevitability of gravity, the scale of those amused but kind eyes baring down on him wiping out every hastily prepared statement.

Twilight had already made the introductions, hasn't she, what exactly was he supposed to say to the mare who'd seen civilization rise and fall thousands of times before his aunt and uncle had been born? It would've been easier if she'd been one of the pompous cosmic entities or power mad sorcerers who sometimes fetched up in Manehattan. He could have cracked wise at her. He'd always known what to say to Kulan Gath!

"The Horseshoe Torch said to say hi." his mouth said on autopilot.

"Oh, you know Johnnycake? How nice of him." Celestia trotted closer, making his hind legs quiver with repressing the urge not to back away. "But I'm far more interested in getting to know you. Cadence's description of Twilight's descriptions was quite-"

She titled her head as if appraising him, never stopped smiling but something did make her frown slightly. "Pardon me dear, you've got a little schmutz."

And then the Princess of the Sun licked one of her wingtips and rubbed it against his cheek. Peter got the impression that in just his coat being this close to the alicorn's constantly radiating magical field would've felt as satisfying as a sunbeam to a cat. In his suit, everything just got hotter.

Also the embodiment of ponyhood herself was spit polishing him. Twilight's face when.*

"Hmm." Celestia muttered. "It's more stubborn than Luna, I swear…"

"What?" Peter put a hoof to the tiny black dot under his right eye, tiny sparkles still twinkling around it. "Oh! My mole! Uh, no your highness, I…I've had that all my life…"

"Ah." the one thousand and change years old sorceress and diplomat managed. Awkward silence reigned. The sound of the approaching aid's hooves echoed off the castle's stone path, bouncing around the three of them like the embarrassing aftersounds of dropping a family heirloom down a flight of stairs.

"Ladies? Sir?" she asked from a garden door "Is everypony ready?"

* * *

*horrified_twilight_by_the_crusius-d5h7kmo


	3. Sense and Flammability (2)

_8_

" _Hey Reed, you in here?"_

" _Trick question, Johnny! You know I'm always here by my giant something-or-other-colliders! What can I do for you to make up for totally abandoning you to your sister's wrath because she could literally wrap me around her little hoof if she wanted?"_

" _Astute as ever, fearless leader! Long story short, for reasons my natural yet carefully cultivated machismo prevents me from admitting to, I feel the need to make my sister's life easier by making some quick scratch. Any ideas?"_

" _Well there is this one thing with a volcano!"_

" _A volcano, you say? This calls for some contemplative flame-goatee stroking!"_

Okay, the conversation hadn't gone _exactly_ like that, but reimagining it was one of a couple of ways Johnny had to kill time on the flight to…he checked the navigation instruments; Griffin Rock. Oh right, the testing town!

Even with the admittedly killer speeds of the Fanstichariots™ orbital flight mode, Manehattan to this far out in New Wingland took hoooourrsssss oh my gooooooooosh! Way less than flying under his own power would have, but still!

Johnny had gunned the engines as hard as they'd go and pulled as many insane mid-air stunts as he could before having to throttle back at least five times over the course of the trip. He'd even managed a nap. Maybe he was just cranky because of the remaining bruises from that thing with the Wrecking Crew.

His mood lightened at the thought of the best chowder and seafood in Equestria! He'd even make sure to bring back too much salt water taffy so he'd _have_ to share with Grim without looking like he was trying to make up for the (totally awesome) decoy prank.

Finally, the hills and distinctive mountain of the island came into view through the chariot's cockpit. Johnny picked up the magical shortwave speaker and glanced at his foreleg for the umpteenth time to make sure he had the mission (well, errand really) right.

 _ **Dr. Green, Griff Rock, Mt. Magma readings/geo-thermal, ask about**_ …and here River had been running out of leg and settle for a doodle. A…circle? With another tiny circle on top? Did Mr. Fantastic want the secret ingredient to this island's sundaes or something? Eh. Science.

"Griffin Rock, this is FC-26913 requesting clearance to land, repeat, this is FC-26913 requesting clearance to land. Call back for a hoofshake, Griffin Rock, over!"

"Say again, FC?" crackled the speaker "There might be something wrong with your radio."

 _You try and bring a little swagger into people's lives…_ "Listen, this is Tropical Storm from Fantastic Inc.? Dr River Reeds sent me? Over."

"Ah, okay FC, we've got your details from Doc Green right here. Clearance granted, repeat, you have clearance to land at Griffin labs airstrip. Need an escort?"

"Nah," Johnny grinned, checking the coordinates ", had a long flight in this tin can. Gotta feel the wind running through your mane sometimes, know what I mean?"

"I copy, FC." the radio chuckled "Should I let the doc know you're gonna be a little late?"

"Oh, I won't be late." Johnny had already unstrapped and was activating the auto-pilot rune on the dashboard. "The ship may be a few minutes behind but no biggie. The doc'll see me coming."

"Say again FC?" the tower asked like a responsible air traffic controller but Johnny was already sliding the canopy open, his only regret that he couldn't start off with the roller coaster thrill of the ejector seat. He'd need the pilot's seat (and, in the event he couldn't fly for some reason, the parachute attached to it) for the trip back.

Still, he was bailing out of a space age airship so he could burst into flames a couple of feet above a spectacular ocean view and rocket towards the island without wings, leaving the Fantastichariot to contentedly float miles behind him like a piece of paper on a summer breeze. That was still a pretty cool entrance.

He slowed to a deferential 50 mph once within island airspace. Couldn't very well salute the local fliers and awed ground based civilians if he burned their wings off or was too blurry, now could he? Photo op done he began turning in a lazy circle to take in Griffon Rock. He was a born city pony despite being raised in various small towns like this on the Manehattan periphery, but the woods and mountains were easily the equal of any of the various alien worlds and alternate dimensional landscapes he'd visited. Plus, that namesake griffon shaped mountain peak was just stylin'!

Even as he began to complete his circle, drifting back into his flight path he caught and squinted at the sight of a plume of smoke rising on the western horizon. The volcano maybe? Looked too lazily to be dangerous but still.

It wasn't hard to find the lab, sticking out of a mountain overseeing the town. Johnny admired the way it wound in and out of the stone, easily the superior of most of its evil counterparts with their bolted on and oversized aesthetics. He drifted down, following the runway outside the large hanger like buildings at a gradual place so as not to freak out the lab coated pony waiting for him. People always reacted better to a burning earth pony coming in for a landing if they behaved like an airship.

"Hi," he called as he cut his flames, completely slowed now to a gradual trot ", Dr Greene Eraser?"

"Indeed!" The older pony shook his offered hoof with one of those big old school mad scientist gloves. "And you must be the Torch! Remarkable!"

"I get that a lot." Johnny nodded modestly.

"No, really! You are astoundingly life like! Apart from that hair of course, but my compliments to your manufacturer none the less!"

Johnny could do the Peter thing and correct the doc, diving into the short but also not simple history of his predecessor, or he could do the cool thing and roll with it. Like he'd ever do the Peter thing. "Reed mentioned you folks needed a hoof with Mt. Magma?"

"Our geo-thermal experiment, yes!" Greene led the way into a workshop big enough for a fire truck to stand up in, indicating a desk laden with honest-to-gosh schematics for a giant volcano. "As you know our fair city is a, heh-heh, hotbed for in progress innovations!"

"Must take an awful lot of power to keep it all running." Johnny noted, taking in more of the designs. He was (sort of) used to Reed's almost art deco style of engineering but this had a different texture. He could almost see how the faux volcano would work but it couldn't hurt to ask. "So you guys wanna tap into this thing and save some on your next thaumaturgy bill?"

"We get warm fuzzies at the very thought!" Green agreed "Mt. Magma was built for the World's Fair before being moved here to channel the power of nature itself. It was all the rage back then, I understand. With our trademark zeal, the council ordered a pipe to be sunk deep beneath the surface to access real lava, sort of like a reverse chocolate sauce dispenser. Though the engineering involved led to many innovations and gainful employment, there just weren't that many uses for a full scale artificial volcano and more potential safety hazards than one could count!"

"Then why turn it back on?"

"We don't let anything go to waste here, Mr Storm!" the doc beamed "We also keep in touch with other island research facilities because you never known when one pony's dud could be another griffin's working prototype! Why, just yesterday one of our neighbours received delivery of a living sewing machine! Now my daughter simply has to have one! Good thing she doesn't know about _this_ particular trinket."

He pulled on a pair of thick gloves over the one's he was already wearing, which was the sort of ominous overkill Johnny could respect, using them to operate the mechanisms of a vault like construction bolted to the wall.

Johnny squinted through the reinforced glass. The chamber inside was wall-to-wall scrying stones to take readings and bare of much else, besides two large waldos Greene was manipulating through his gloves, and the wire covered plinth they were pulling out of the floor. He held up his foreleg to check…

"Oh, it's a _ring_!" He nodded at the small band of steel nestled in the middle of all those wires like it would nod back or something.

"Not just any ring!" Greene indicated the reams of ticker tape paper spooling from what the Torch had initially assumed was a new age filing cabinet. "We have a strict policy against trying on magical jewellery, (I mean you don't know where it's _been_!) but this little fella does astonishing things with heat!"

"And goes great with your eyes."

"You flatter me, Mr Storm!" Greene finished pulling off the larger gloves and tapped one of the schematics. "We were hoping, with some fine tuning, that the ring could be used to control the heat of the volcano for easier construction. If nothing else, lava that isn't molten is hard to see as a bad thing! But not only is the little devil hard to get a read on, Mt. Magam itself has been behaving oddly."

"Like turning itself off and on?" Johnny asked "Because Reed's our technical specialist and while I know my way around a filter system something this complex is in 'kick it 'n prey' territory, and it's kinda big for that. Though I know a few metas back home if you're interested."

"It hopefully won't come to that, we get enough drama around these parts as it is. In fact, normally a job like this would be handled by our local emergency services, but they're indisposed on the mainland." Doc Greene looked directly into the camera "What a shame you came alone too, and so this won't be a meeting of _two_ families of heroes!"

"Is that a…?" Johnny blinked. "Have you been recording this entire conversation?"

"Part of my contract, young Storm! I must keep the town appraised of all scientific progress and calamity! So far, this case falls somewhere in the middle. Every time we've conduct tests on the ring Mt. Magma has displayed some kind of activity. Subterranean tremors, smoke from cave openings, that kind of thing. No eruptions or lava, which itself is odd."

"Could the ring have busted it or something?"

"Anything's possible! Except getting down into the tunnels that honeycomb our humble island and investigating why there's smoke but no fire-ah, lava while the mount is active, never mind when we've shut it down out of frustration!" The doc's brow was creased with concern now, making him look as old as the grey streak in his mane suggested. "You saw that plume when you arrived, yes? Something seems to be making it from the inside, and if it doesn't come out through the crater it may _make_ a way out somewhere populated."

"There's a seismology kit in the trunk." Johnny assured, turning towards the soft drone of the chariot finally touching down. "And don't worry, all the Fab Four may not be here but the Fire-proof One is."

"You're a credit to your science-adjacent profession!" Greene called over the still slowing turbines, passing Johnny an instruction manual once he'd retrieved and fastened the kit bag.

"No problem, doc! I'll be back quicker than you can say Cave Carson has a Cybernetic Eye!"

And with a burst of flame and a wink, the High-Flying Horseshoe Torch was air-borne and racing towards smoke for not even the thousandth time in his life. This time he had in-flight entertainment, one hoof unlit to hold onto the Mt. Magma manual. In one of those moments that made him love his life, the leather-bound booklet honestly had a little picture of a volcano on it.

 _9_

When he'd been, like, eleven and leaning towards 'edgier' humour, one of Peter's favourite Uncle Glen jokes had been the one about the optimist who jumps off the Equestrian Sate building. Every floor he passes, ponies hear him be all like "So far so good, so far so good…"

In that spirit, he'd decided the best possible course of action, now that he was in the tastefully decorated manticore's jaws, was to keep moving. It wasn't the fall he had to worry about, it was how he was going to land. Osthorn _had_ thrown him off the Equestrian State building that one time, but unless he got particularly creative a tea party wasn't going to be salvaged by a web-parachute. Same principle though; slow the fall.

Thanks to the mutual mortification at the door the Princess already knew he was a complete and utter dork. There'd never been any hope of hiding that, but he could lean into it! Give enough dorky answers and, more importantly, ask enough dorky questions to keep the conversation focused on the other two ponies and he could last through the party as just Twilight's endearing dork until Princess freakin' Celestia realized she had better things to do than holding a tea party for said dork.

Better that than she come to the inevitable conclusion.

"…and so after that first sip we agreed we simply had to bring it over," Celestia was explaining ", I've always suspected the Saddle Arabian ambassador's wife was the better negotiator and had us all in the palm of her hoof, if you'll forgive the mixing of metaphors, since it was her idea to host the trade talks during a traditional Muleroccan tea ceremony."

"That's amazing!" Peter said with sincerity, completely failing to struggle with playing the part of dork "I mean the change you must have had to make for the economics alone…"

"No economic talk at the table," Twilight said in her quoting-from-academic-history voice ", because the Princess spends all day looking at tax thingies and they do her head in."

"I've laid down several rules during a century of teaching young magicians," the Princess smiled ", but that was the very first one I decreed after my coronation. Though there was an attempt to subvert it concerning a certain filly's allowance."

"Mummy and daddy said no," Twilight mumbled, ears lowering slightly ", and that digest version of the Grimorum Arcanorum looked so lonely."

"You should've seen her when her oven got possessed," Peter chuckled ", first D.I.Y I ever did with Spike because Twilight didn't want to get confrontational."

"Emotional, I said I didn't want to get emotional! It was so mean but it still smelt of muffins! Pinkie Pie made my first Ponyville birthday cake in it!"

"Honey, we were happy to do it but _I_ smelt like incense and baking soda for a week."

They looked up at a sound like being suplexed by a beanbag chair or taking an explosion full of kittens to the face. Princess Celestia was chuckling. "Do excuse me! Do you often do work around the library?"

"Oh yes of course Princess, plenty of work! Faithfulness hasn't gotten in the way of being of your friendship student, I-I mean friendship hasn't gotten in the way of being your faithful student, but I'm still beavering away at both your assignments like you wouldn't believe b-but I'm still letting my hair down like I promised, I-I-I swear, but I'll have that new case study in on time and oh you were talking to Peter…"

"Breathe, sweetheart." Peter gently patted her heaving shoulder, sincere but also taking a beat to admire how well he'd managed to roll up the sleeves of his suit shirt. Not buttoned up and impersonal, not too loose and seditious. Perfect business casual! He'd been amazed at how easy the balance had happened after instinctively handing the jacket to the aid.

He could probably do with loosening that blasted tie at some point though. How did Flattop stand this?! "Um, sometimes, your highness. Just domestic stuff to give Spike a hoof…or whatever those things he has are…, not magic. Not my forte, obviously."

"And that would be?"

"Hard sciences. What Twilight insist on calling 'Everfree think'."

"I'm just saying! You have your point of view, and I have mine…informed by over a hundred years of magical research and, you know, reality." Their tea hadn't arrived yet so Twilight took a victory sip from the milk jug.

"Because being compared to the one area of Equestria you can't understand is so respectful."

"I understand your 'science' just fine, dear."

"Oh, so it's not that you can't, it's that you won't."

"Peter! Not in front of my mentor!"

"You think that's bad, you just called it science." Peter looked casually at one of the dancing satyr statues to add that extra layer of gravitas to his own victory sip.

"I'm so sorry Princess, he's like this all the time," Twilight sighed at Celestia's amused expression ", despite being born and raised in a _magic_ kingdom. Even Applejack isn't this stubborn."

"Now see, being compared to one of the Apple family, that there is respectful. Thanks honey!"

"I'm having too much fun to correct either of your 'opinions'," Celestia smiled ", but I would like to thank the both of you for letting an old mare know courting hasn't changed much in even the 21st century of her reign."

Twilight tittered nervously while Peter fought the instinct to toast her with the milk jug with every ounce of his spider-strength.

"Though on that subject, how did you two meet? I'm sure it's a wonderful story!"

The couple's eyes met in a silent moment of _'Ah.'_ There _was_ a version of the truth minus any Spider-related details in there somewhere, it would just take some gymnastics to find it. Applejack would've raised an eyebrow no matter which they went with, so better to dive right in.

"Manehattan?" Twilight squeaked uncertainly.

"I, ah, we were both there for that thing with Dr Gloom?" Peter suddenly felt like he had a microphone and horde of rabid ethics committee members in front of him.

Princess Celestia blinked at them. It was like somepony had just casually told her their hobby was using live kittens as sock puppets. Peter's fur began to smoulder from what he was certain was the friction of her brain racing towards the obvious question: what the hay had he been _doing letting her student within spitting distance of ambiguously European dictators?!_

"Not to talk to him!" Twilight assuringly floundered "He just sort of…descended through the symposium's dome. Or rather one of his robotic doppelgangers did!"

"He _says_ it was a robot," Peter muttered ", he _always_ says it was a robot."

"I've noticed." Celestia looked between them. "A symposium, you say."

Twilight nodded, gratefully ploughing into this haystack of the familiar. "It was after Discord's escape! Some of his horsing around messed with some things in Maneahattan, well, this universe's Manehattan at least, and a ton of events got held up-"

"Fashion week," Peter chimed in ", my friend MJ was complaining about that one all month. Anyway, this wasn't one of them and I managed to convince the Bugle to let me atten-that is, take some photos!"

"And we were there because Rarity wanted to get in on the ground floor for next Fashion Week before the dust settled! She suggested we turn it into a little vacation. Even Rainbow Dash came along, because she heard there might be actual arena combat…"

"Luna, after her reorientation, did have a word with me about how the coliseums of old were more honest than boardrooms." Princess Celestia nodded. She smiled as Peter, imagining the image of the moon sister spinning on an office chair out of Flattop-meeting-induced boredom, tried not to crack up.

"Well we all got a work out after Dr Gloom showed up," Twilight resumed ", he-his 'robot' claimed some long lost Lashverian artefact and even though they'd only come along to keep me company the girls, even Fluttershy, well, we just…went!"

"It was amazing," Peter picked up ", because, see, a ton of our heroes showed up when he lost control of it, and in the middle of it all were just these six friends!"

"We just did our part." Twilight lowered her gaze to the sugar bowl, blushing.

"Your part was getting like three Manehattan super teams and a bunch of loners to actually sit down and work together!" Peter took her hoof, their eyes meeting. "That's beyond any of their adjectives!"

"You all wanted the same thing." Twilight said gently "You just needed a little help to realize it."

They smiled at each other. Then simultaneously snapped out of it and swivelled to see the alicorn smiling at them.

"Anyway!" Peter quickly resumed "I, uh, I took a bunch of shots of everypony working together and then we…" his brow wrinkled with the effort of summarizing "…bumped into each other. After that we stayed in touch, and eventually..."

"We came to our senses." Twilight finished, still speaking and smiling as though from somewhere far away.

"Congratulations to you both." Princess Celestia nodded in approval "I would propose a toast, but I asked the kitchen to take a little bit longer preparing our tea for more than adequate catch up time."

The rose and lilac fog inside Peter's head turned to glass and shattered. The tea hadn't even arrived yet and, even Spidey-free, recounting how they'd met had felt like sharing a large part of his soul. What in the hay was he supposed to talk about now? With, again, Princess-freakin'-Celestia?!

It was also starting to dawn on him that the sun would soon be more or less directly over them. Warm suit, tight tie, hot drink. Images of gagging on his own burning, constricting throat as a merciful escape from embarrassing pit stains ran through his mind! _Wait, no, you blow on it, you fool. Oh sun and moon, I'm forgetting how to be an adult!_

"Beg pardon?" he asked the distant waffling.

"Oh, just remarking on the kind of company you both keep." the Princess said as her voice came back into his focus. "The Element bearers have always struck me as a more modern incarnation of the eternal spirit of friendship and adventure dating back, well, more ages ago than I care to recall. Tea hadn't been brought over yet, at least. But while I've had the pleasure of Captain Rose's company on various occasions, Manehattan's protectors embody your city's trademark…let's call it uniqueness."

"You're being kind, your highness." the wise guy side of Peter's brain made him say before he'd thought it through. He felt a momentary burst of panic, like opening your washing machine and finding a nuclear bomb detonating inside, but Twilight and the Princess both chuckled. Maybe he could pull this off!

"I just find it curious, but un-surprising, that the two niches could stand side by side."

"I covered that in my report!" Twilight perked up "There's been so many hasn't there, but it concluded that even in a crowd, the real power is the individuals who can find common ground so the crowd can work towards as many goals as possible?"

"Was it the scorched, ozone smelling one?"

"That's the one!" Twilight beamed a little too much.

"I've seen some brave ponies in my time as a lovable freelance shutterbug," Peter smiled, overcome by the sentiment enough to put a foreleg around Twilight without sweating the PDA ", but six ponies with just their friendship and their hearts getting Timberwolf and Arrowhead to pay attention…and actually get along for more than a second! I couldn't help but fall hard."

"That was more down to Fluttershy…" Twilight blushed.

"That explains quite a bit." the Princess said fondly, making Peter wonder just how many varieties of gentle smile she had. Did she pass the centuries practicing them in the mirror? "Oh! Here comes the main event. A Neighpponese blend the ambassador got me hooked on fifty years ago, and a selection of cakes from this Pranceisian family bakery on Oxon street."

"Ooh, the ones you have on your cheat day?" Twilight asked, eyeing the trolley the aid was rolling in.

"Yes! Been here since the 30's I believe, well before cheat days were a thing at any rate. Thank you very much," she nodded to the aid as her cup was filled. ", I think you'll really like this Twilight, but if you prefer, Peter, we do have other selections."

"The gentleman would prefer…coffee?" the aid asked, the flash of a gathering storm in her eyes as she filled Twilight's cup.

"Tea's fine." Peter nodded in vigorous self-defence. Annoyed Deerdevil was no longer the look that would keep him up at night, and he felt it prudent to blow twice on his own cup before taking a sip, just in case the drink had been superheated by her quiet fury. It actually soothed his throat in spite of the tie. "Mmm! Do they sell this over here? Aunt May would love it."

"It costs a little more than most domestic brands, but yes." Princess Celestia used her telekinesis, powerful enough to hold back raging flood waters, to dab at her lips with a napkin. "She should try it with sugar. Twilight's mentioned your aunt to Cadence a few times. I'd be delighted to hear more about her!"

"Well, she-"

"But this is about you." Celestia continued "The Derby Bugle, isn't it? How is Ferocious Flattop doing these days?"

"Uh…he's kinda mellowed out since switching to bubble pipes?" Peter blinked. He'd been so focused on slowing the fall he hadn't accounted for swerves.

"Good for him! I was there the first time he picked up a cigar, you know. It would have been, hmm, about forty years ago. After he first brought the paper. He invited me to the grand opening, since he was planning on the Bugle interviewing me sooner or later. He was so refreshingly candid I said yes."

"Really?" Peter perked up, trying to lean into the skid "It's just a freelance thing, but you must have some stories about-"

"Oh yes, he makes…quite the impression. So a photographer, hmm?"

"He's better at it than he gives himself credit for." Twilight smiled "I think it's part of his special talent!"

"Uh, honey-"

"Pattern recognition! Highly advanced, too! I mean, his real area of expertise is science, what he _defines_ as science anyway, but it could be giving him enough insight for an interesting composition! You should see some of his notes!"

"Perhaps someday, but one thing at a time." It was still _so weird_ to see the same smile you'd seen on money all your life vaguely directed at you. "Cameras have always intrigued me. It's probably all those decades of having to sit still for portraits, but Manehattan must be an interesting city to photograph! Do you enjoy it?"

"It pays the bills. Mostly." Peter admitted.

"Good, good. You'll think I'm a vain old mare, but have you ever photographed me? The press is just one huge crowd behind the podium, and it rather tickles me that we may have met before now, in a sense."

"Yeah! Uh, n-not that you're a-I mean, a few times at conferences, not-"

"She's just teasing, dear." Twilight assured before causally biting into a mouthful of cake.

"I do that sometimes. Sorry, holistic connections just fascinate me." Celestia took another sip, giving his heart rate the chance to climb down from the ceiling "You also mentioned Johnnycake before and we were just talking about the Elements'…encounter with his circle. They must make for interesting front pages?"

"When I can catch them, yes." That was innocuous enough. All he had to do was not mention Iderspay-Onypay, and she might buy this photojournalist bit. "If you can convince ol' pickle puss-ah, Mr Flattop that it's news and not just another headbutting contest he'll even pay you a little extra for ducking all that debris."

Again, that twin chuckle, followed by student and mentor adding sugar to their drinks almost in sync. "Johnny is a nice lad. Buuut knowing him the way I do I suspect you two met in a professional capacity?"

"Ah…"

"For him."

"Oh yeah." Peter couldn't help smiling. Even in the face of whatever consequences revealing his secret identity to her would have, he liked the old immortal. Maybe it was the generation thing, but he could see something of Uncle Glen and Aunt May in her eyes. "We were barely out of high school."

"You never told me this!" Twilight mock pouted.

"I might have been too embarrassed." Peter grinned.

"Sounds about right." Twilight said, the casualness making the Princess chuckle again.

"He was going through one of his 'I'm my own pony!' phases and noticed my work about…another guy in the Bugle. His retaining fee was good and I only ever took the job to help Aunt May, so…" Peter shrugged. He'd have to thank Johnny for helping pad this whole thing out later.

"I won't ask for any stories," Celestia said, blowing the stall tactic out of the water ", but do you still keep in touch? He makes, pause, 'an impression' too, doesn't he?"

Peter matched her smile this time. "I'd never tell him this, his ego doesn't need the boost, but it is pretty cool to talk to a guy who's probably done a ton of heroic things before lunch!"

 _10_

"Chowder?" the Horseshoe Torch tried "Chow-dah. What if I say it like that? Y'know; howzabout' summa' that there chow-dah?"

"We only serve that for special occasions, hon." the griffin waitress replied patiently.

"But you're a New Wingland diner!" Johnny protested, looking at the menu for the fourth time in a row to make sure they hadn't hidden it for whatever reason. The booth seat was really comfortable and he didn't want to get up and go somewhere else. "You sure you don't have it? Like, you have sections for both species!"

"And you're an herbivore, hon."

"I like you! In that case, house veggie stew with an ice water, please. No salt, I'm flying."

That got a smile, though he wasn't 100% sure she recognized him. Other than a few locals giving him a cursory once over from the counter before digging in, nopony seemed to. A few of the mixed pony/griffin populous outside had applauded when he'd landed in the street and sauntered into the diner, and even now he was casually _not_ noticing some of them pointing at him through the window, but no requests for autographs or flame shapes. Not even a 'Do deformed rabbit, Mr Storm, it's my favourite!'

Maybe they just didn't read the right magazines, but here he was maybe a flaming curiosity. In this diner, he could've easily been any one of the people living on this little patch of paradise. Doing a job instead of having an adventure, heading back to a house instead of a penthouse in a high-tech skyscraper.

It was actually kind of nice. Put a smile on his face as he flipped through the manual.

"You new here?" the pony at the next table asked. She had the look of a freight airship captain, sitting with a group of similarly gruff but lovable griffins. She indicated the fancy gizmos poking out of his field kit on the opposite seat.

"Just passing through," Johnny saluted her with his spoon ", gonna take some readings for a friend of the family, probably be back to Manehattan before todays over."

"Flying?" one of the griffins asked "Couldn't help overhearing with Betsy, your little gag. And that's a _long_ way back by boat."

"It was a long flight too." Johnny grinned "Looking forward to it though! Just me and a ton of saltwater taffy, maybe some tunes."

"Yeah? What kinda rig you driving that's that fast?"

"Company custom," Johnny shrugged, tapping his kit bag with one hoof and snagging a baby carrot with the other ", the business takes us…a lotta places, so my brother in law wanted something that could take or do basically anything. Which meant a custom system for some serious mileage. Not to brag, but I had a hoof in the design."

"So what'd you base it off?" grinned the captain.

"The Kite Brothers 3 deuces injector." He took a casual bite of carrot, basking in the appreciative murmurs and whistles. "Mostly just for an excuse to have those sweet tailpipes, y'know?"

"I hear that!" another griffon called, saluting with her tankard.

"Your brother in law must have serious connections to score fuel for _that_ set up." the captain noted. "Before we switched to this gig the geniuses we were working for still had us trying to stay up with coal furnaces."

"Ouch," Johnny winced in motorhead sympathy ", and I say brother in law but he and my sister've been doing that dance for years now. Took almost the end of the world just to get them to admit they liked each other."

The crew chuckled appreciatively as he bit into an onion ring.

"I'm not joking. Best thing Galactaurus ever did besides, y'know, leave."

They stopped smiling as he sipped his ice water. He let out a satisfied sigh at the coolness spreading through his throat. He could taste the soup just fine, but heat, naturally, had been lost or at least blunted for him for years now. The soup could've been scalding enough to eat through to bone and would still feel no warmer than a pleasant afternoon, so cold and chill were how he added a little extra kick.

"Anyway, what about you guys?"

"Delivering gizmos from the mainland." The captain turned the lapel of her bomber jacket slightly so he could appreciate the specialized badge pinned beneath her stripes. "Risks are high but the pays great and the rides are even better."

"Risk?" Johnny couldn't help a snicker, hoping it didn't devolve him into a punk in the crew's eyes. "What, here?"

"We're not saying everything they build goes nuts, but there's a reason we aren't locals. And why we have twice the standard issue of parachutes on board."

"I dunno." Johnny glanced out the window at the lush pine trees on the horizon. Even at it's more eco-conscious, Manehattan would never have anything like those. "Seems like a great town to take five."

"Oh yeah, no question. Friendly locals, good prices, always some festival or other. When they do have chowder?" The captain doffed her hat. "Oh mamma! But they test some far out stuff over here."

"I hear they got an entire warehouse for the worst ones," chimed in one of the crew, enunciating each word in time to the chicken bone he bobbed like a conductor's baton ", the Best Left Forgotten Shelf."

"I'm with Fantastic Inc." Johnny breezed, leaning back in his booth "I've been pretty far out."

Okay, that was a Peter-tier line, but it had the desired effect. The crew's eyes were starting to bug from comprehension. "No way…you're not one of…?"

Johnny held up a hoof for a silent shh. Pure pantomime, the rest of the diner was engrossed in their own stuff and didn't recognize him anyway but he just couldn't help it.

"Which one?" the captain asked, "The rock guy?"

"You have gorgeous eyes so I'm gonna let that one go." Johnny leant over the booth, shaking hooves and talons. He'd shaken weirder appendages living the life fantastic, and kept meaning to ask griffins how they got their chicken leg hands so silky smooth. "Tropical Johnnycake Storm, Horseshoe Torch of the high-flying persuasion. How you all doin'?"

The captain squinted. "Tropical Johnnycake?"

"No, it's my middle name. Mom was a Pegasus, dad loved his sweets."

"Right, right, look is something going to blow up?" chicken bone asked. The rest of the crew either flinched back as though Johnny himself was about to explode or leant as far into his personal space as they could to scrutinize his face.

"Of course not!" he assured, hoping those guys couldn't see him crossing the tips of his tail behind his back because common sense said 'possibly' but also 'don't start a riot.' "Just a quick peek at Mt. Magma, honest!"

"Mt. Magma's going to blow up?!" another diner asked. "I knew it!" shrieked another.

Johnny took a big gulp of ice water and super-heated himself, spraying it out as a jet of steam complete with piercing whistle. The panicking diners skidded into stunned silence. They flinched as he held up one of Reed's magi-tech doodads from the kit, softly pulsing green.

"Easy folks, this whatever-it-is was built by one of the biggest geek- _geniuses_ in Equestria and every school foal knows rule one of magic metal shop; _if it ain't glowing red then nothing need be said!_ Just came in to grab a bite, didn't mean to spook anyone! I'm real proud of us and the rapport we've managed to develop here today, which should help put your minds at ease so…questions?"

He pointed at the nearest hoof in the forest of raised hooves and talons.

"You're a superhero, right?"

"You bet!"

"Doesn't that mean the volcano _is_ going to blow up then?"

"Why, because I'm a superhero?" Johnny shook his head. "Don't be that guy, sir. Nopony likes that guy. Yes ma'am?"

"Are you here because something's gonna blow up?" asked the griffon in a suit that just screamed off duty insurance salesperson.

"This isn't a Missile Bay movie! Rest assured, I'm just your run-of-the-mill talented and handsome faux volcanologist. It's just like getting your copier checked by a run-of-the-mill talented and handsome handi-pony."

Some of the patrons, even the crew, laughed. Johnny winked at the captain who was smiling despite herself.

"How do you get your hair like that?" shouted a wise guy, though Johnny did see some flattering interest in the eyes of a few mares and griffinesses.

"Cosmic rays!" he called back, which got a round of applause. Things settled down after that. Other than having to reheat his meal Johnny's dining experience continued uninterrupted as the regulars returned to their routines, and was actually enhanced by Betsy offering him dessert on the house. That did momentarily twang his conscience about the whole mess with Sue, but he felt she'd approve as he finally convinced her to accept payment. His _own_ card this time.

He enjoyed the fresh mountain air and aftertaste of cherry pie as he neared Mt. Magma, not even the roiling column of smoke able to dampen his mood. He did a lazy loop-de-loop just for funsies, catching an upside-down view of similar plumes wafting out of caves along the mountains. Close to the main column (probably the source?) was actually seeping between the seams of the interlocking hatch covering the mountain's mouth. All those details in the manual and the solution to Griffin Rock's problems was the simplest part of it.

"Pull the lever, open her up, burn out whatever's blocked inside." Johnny mused to himself as he landed on the small operation platform bolted onto the rim of the crater. "Make a cool couple thou, hope Grimm doesn't overdose on taffy. No biggie!"

He casually flipped the lever. Smoke hurtled out of the opening hatch as if he'd struck oil, tainting the air with a taste of charring and something unidentifiable as it dispersed. Even the Torch, who could _eat_ smoke like bubble gum, had a brief coughing fit. Surprised, he wondered if that was what was making the mountain shake.

The platform lurched, hurling a nonplussed Torch into the air! He hovered a few miles back from where he started, trying to get his bearings as the doodad in the kit bag started to _squeal._ He craned his neck to try and take in a full view of the green shadow rising out of the smoke.

Fin Fang Foom let out a sound that could either have been a roar or a yawn, spreading a set of wings so big the force pushed Johnny a few more feet back, giving him a complete view of the monster. That nose alone felt like it took up half the sky and all he'd seen so far was the thing's torso.

Foom only seemed to be taking stock, frantically looking around as he hauled more of himself out of Mt. Magma. One of those king sizes legs worked its way free and scrabbled for purchase as that snake-like neck darted to and fro. Johnny froze as bulbous yellow cat's eyes settled on the distant lab, narrowing. Fortunately, he'd been using his natural peskiness to get people out of jams since he hit puberty.

"Yo, fun size!" he barked, conjuring the flame goatee as Foom's fish-dog face swivelled towards him "Don't get any big ideas! Last I heard, you got your purple shorts handed to you by a pony who thinks _this_ is a good look!"

"You are not Spark." Even the creature's bemused inside voice rumbled deep in the bones.

"Yeah. I'm the only super pony you have to worry about!"

Johnny's only regret was that he'd still had the goatee on when he delivered the line. He drew back both forelegs, cranking open some internal faucet, and brought them swinging around to deliver twice the power of a jet thruster right between his opponent's eyes!

The flame sluiced off those green scales like a sad and lonely custard pie sliding down a diamond window pane. The dragon was not amused.*

 _Whatever you do, do not say "Ah."_

Before he could say _anything_ Foom unleashed his own howling torrent of fire! It was at least equal to his own effort but the Torch just floated there in the middle of it, feeling like he was being attacked by a disconcertingly large hair dryer. The worst part was easily the realisation that the enemy had _breathed_ on him!

Fin Fang Foom snarled, unfurling from his crouch over the volcano. It was like watching the Equestrian State Building stand up straight.

"Okay," Johnny admitted ", bigge…"

 _11_

"It's the little things really." Twilight explained. "The way we could talk about Fourier's law and Daring Do at the same time."

"The way you just get in your balloon and go when you want to think about something." Peter smiled.

"The way you've always got something to say even when you're surprised…"

"The way you brush Spike's fins sometimes even after he's clean…"

"He does most of the house work, dust is insidious! Um, the way you always remember how everypony takes their coffee."

"Eh, it gives me something to do with my hooves. The way you get as happy as kid on Hearths Warming whenever you've solved something."

"The way you dive in and out of your own head when you're thinking about something."

"The way you always smile whenever you're somewhere new."

"The way your mole glows in the moonlight."

Peter's head whipped back to Celestia. "Just to be clear that's aesthetic, not a glandular thing."

"How nice." the Princess chuckled "I'm glad you hold each other in such esteem. It's like watching Shining and Cadence all over again, it really is."

Peter's grin was strained from memories of a certain young lieutenant dropping a net on him back when captain Stone went missing. Twilight's expression was distant and unreadable because she'd just been compared to her brother and sister-in-law in a highly specific context. She nodded stiffly as the aid offered her a refill.

"Regarding academia," Celestia beamed as Peter subtly slipped his hoof over Twilight's to prevent her from throwing back hot tea ", have the two of you ever considered publishing a paper together?"

"Oh, we've thrown the idea around now and then," Twilight nodded, putting her other hoof over Peter's ", but we only really talk shop when we're talking about everything and anything, or when I'm trying to expand Peter's Everfree obsessed horizons…"

"Thanks, honey."

"Always a pleasure, dear. We've never seriously discussed it because, well, I have my own studies, then we'd need to negotiate a grant, figure out who'd get what equipment, if we'd be able to move it by train, you should see the cost of air-shipping these days, I mean really, and the biggest issue…we really wouldn't know what to make it about!"

"You also never know when King Sombra will rise again and you'll have to go on a quest to save the world."

"Oh that's just _adventures._ " Twilight waved a dismissive hoof. "And really Peter, Sombra? Spike beat him."

"As he is fond of reminding us." Princess Celestia said with an affectionate roll of her eyes.

"Spike's told us we should collaborate too," Peter admitted ", at least that's what we assume he means anytime he tells us to get a room! But yeah, what Twilight said. Plus, I haven't written one since the _Thaumaturgic Field Activity in Exquestrian Physiology_ study. Might be a bit, y'know, rusty."

The Princess looked up from chomping on her slab of marjolaine, wings flapping slightly. "The hex-factor study, eh?"

"Oh, I-I was just lucky to be recommended, the Hex-Ponies deserve all the credit for encouraging exquestrians to come forward for the study in the first place! Professor Endeavour took us all to school!"

"He's an insightful stallion, yes, but it's no less impressive to work in such company. Those studies continue to help medicine understand a whole new paradigm of ponies who need help." Celestia nodded as though some kind of point had been proven. "I see you live up to that microscope cutie mark!"

"What, this old thing?" Peter simpered, hoping the feigned humility would mask how humbled he really felt.

"You took part in that study as well, Twilight. Perhaps we should dig around in the royal archives, see if you overlap at all!"

"I've always wondered if those magic bursts might have had anything to do with…you know." Twilight was smiling but moving her plate around with a hoof as her eyes flited nervously between Peter and Celestia. "But after you see the conditions some of these ponies live with, it stops being about you. You appreciate how lucky you are for who you have."

"Like Spike." the Princess said, one of those enormous wings reaching along the side of the table and gently resting on Twilight's shoulder. Twilight's smile became more genuine.

Peter felt like a heel. _He'd_ volunteered for the study to see if the spider-bite was an ongoing process. He understood! But he couldn't look Twilight in the eyes and tell her that because of this stupid roleplay his secret had tangled him in. Because he was afraid of giving the kind old mare comforting her any reason to disapprove of him.

 _You coward, Trotter. You utter coward._

"On the other hoof, Rainbow Dash would think it was pretty cool if I suddenly grew claws and sideburns." Twilight smirked as she picked up her fork again.

"Don't even joke, honey." Peter smiled gratefully, then registered the Princess's raised eyebrow. "Uh, somepony I knew from school…?"

"Oh, I see! Where did you study?"

"M³! Ah, Midtown Manehattan Magnet high-"

"She means college, dear." Twilight cut in. "Peter won a scholarship to Equestrian State university! We have our back and forth about Everfree thinking but you should see some of the sorcerers and scientists who came out of there! Wisenheimer! Nutcase! That mare who invented duct tape!"

"We had her declared a hero of the realm on the spot." Celestia levitated and stirred some sugar into her tea even as those soft mauve eyes turned back to Peter. "It seems our young Mr Trotter follows in the hoofsteps of greatness."

"Oh, I-I dunno about that your highness, I-I get pretty busy, I'm just a pony-"

"Everypony in this city is 'just' a pony," Twilight said, putting her hoof on his again ", and every one of them has something special. Is something special to someone else."

Peter looked into her eyes. Twilight's voice was calm but her expression was concerned. She was looking between him and something in front of him. His eyes drifted down to the table. His tea and cake. Completely untouched.

"Well said Twilight." Princess Celestia nodded proudly and turned to the trolley. "Oh." she blinked "We're out of cake. Where does the time go?"

She raised a wing and waggled it at one of the countless windows in some sort of signal. Peter took the opportunity to squeeze Twilight's hoof as he gently lifted it off, giving her his _I'm Fine_ smile. It had never worked with Gem or MJ either. At least it was almost over and they could-

"I'm sure we can squeeze in some more catching up while they fetch a refill," he heard Celestia say over the sudden piercing sound of terror in his ears ", especially since we have a clearer picture of our lovable freelance shutterbug."

"We do?" The only thing worse than the squeak in his voice would be clearing his throat and trying again.

"It's a very flattering one!" Twilight said hurriedly.

"Indeed," the Princess nodded ", a good school, a good job, excellent manners. A very comfortable life, all things considered."

"Comfortable?" Peter repeated in consternation. He was too stunned to worry about the Manehattanite twang of his voice leading it into 'ey-yo-whatchu-talkin'-'bout?! range.

"Oh dear. I've insulted you."

"No! No, nononono,no, nooooo!" Peter grinned nervously at Twilight, who was looking at him like he was a briefcase that had started ticking. "My life…my life is a lot better than it was before. I mean that."

"What was wrong before?" she asked. He'd rather have tried reading Deadfoal's little yellow boxes than endure the sincerity in her voice.

"Nothing! Nothing big! It's just-" He shrugged haplessly in the face of the universe. "Well, I haven't done a paper in years, I've been at the Bugle since I was 16 years old. I've got a degree in thaumaturgical physics and the most complex equations I've done since college are taxes and the rent."

"But you wouldn't say you were unhappy?" Celestia wasn't smiling anymore. She seemed a polite kind of confused, the way you would be if someone tried to explain how being unable to find matching socks was a bigger problem than withering away from a flesh-eating virus right in front of you.

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean…"

"You would like to make some changes to your current situation?" she supplied in an act of supreme grace and mercy. Peter nodded gratefully. "Well then why not?"

"…I've…been…busy?"**

"And?" Princess Celestia asked simply.

Peter felt himself accelerating towards the pavement, the force magnified by his stupefied silence. Slow the fall. Yeah. Right. Might as well have tried to slow the planet's rotation by firing webs at the Misty Mountains and pulling real hard.

There was a flash of violet and green in the sky, descending lazily but surely towards them, and for a surreal couple of seconds he wondered if Norman had come out of forced retirement to put him out of his misery. "Spike?!" everypony exclaimed in unison as he landed in the middle of the table.

"Hey Princess, great to see you again, I was taking this shortcut after the movies, right, and there was this thing with a cabbage vendor and mistakes were made-" Spike was cut off by his parachute being blown over his head, slapping Peter's face.

Everyone flinched as the wind suddenly hammered the world around them. Needles of light sprouted erratically from the mountains as the clouds around them turned dark. Twilight squinted through the sudden rain, spotting the contrails of the Canterlot weather team streaking towards the chaos.

"Blasted death ray!" Princess Celestia muttered as they all galloped to the shelter of an archway, wings spread to shield them from the sheeting rain "Blasted military industrial complex! 'Oh, but it's _there_ Princess, might as well scare the Changelings, eh, what-what?' Twilight, can you do me a favour and make sure the emergency bulletin gets out? Luna's on her way back from Calisota but the sooner she hears of this the better."

"You can count on me, Princess!"

"I know. Spike, wipe your feet before you go inside." She reached a wing around with amazing dexterity and shook Peter's hoof. "And it was lovely to meet you, Mr Trotter."

He stared as she rose in a field of golden sparks, shooting towards the storm, then looked at himself in one of the innumerable polished surfaces that decorated the palace walls. Twilight and Spike looked like they'd been standing next to a puddle when a cartwheel ran through it. His now sodden new suit looked like so much damp tissue paper, as did he by extension.

His shoulders weren't slumping but the way the now itching and clammy shirt slumped towards the ground, they may as well have been. A sodden lock of his mane drooped right between his eyes, matching the way the tie now trailed along the floor like a noose that just couldn't be bothered.

And he'd been worried about sweating. He looked like he'd crash landed. Only standing here because the remains had been swept away and washed up somewhere. And at the end of the day, when he'd been looking the Princess right in the eye, even when the suit was brand new wasn't this _exactly_ what she'd been looking at?

"Come on," Twilight said, using her magic to ring water out of Spike's fins as though Peter hadn't completely failed her ", let's get warm."

 _12_

Barrel rolling to avoid a swiping claw, Johnny frantically considered his options. He couldn't burn the dragon and had no way to outmuscle it. The dragon couldn't burn him, but could hug him and squeeze him and crush him and squash him and so on. Hay, even just a brush from the tip of those giant bat wings could probably fracture his adorable neck.

"No place on Earth will give you safety, mortal," the dragon boomed ", when Fin Fang Foom strikes!"

"You're a people person, I can tell."

He peppered the creature's underbelly with rapid-fire streams of fireballs, channelling fragments of his epidermis into them hopefully for some extra oomph. Foom snarled, the sound starting in his bank vault chest and amplified as it rushed through the subway tunnel of his neck. Johnny may as well have been hurling popcorn at him.

"Away, child! I spent too much time looking for a way out of those caverns to tarry with a dust mite like you!"

"And I've been frying bigger fish than you and sending them back to the Mole Maestro's basement since high school, scaly!" the Torch sneered. Although never without the backup of the whole team. And none of old beady eyes' menagerie were smart enough to use Sub Mariner level dialogue. Or fire proof. "So how about instead of literally blowing smoke at each other, we go our separate ways? You put your new free time to use flying yourself back to scenic Monster Island and I don't have to waste mine dragging you to Tartarus."

"You think anything on this puny planet can contain me?!" Fin Fang Foom bellowed "Me?! He Whose Limbs Shatter Mountains and Whose Back Scrapes the Sun?! He who's claws cannot be stayed by time itself, much less the treachery of Iron Heart and the accursed Mandarin?!"

"You must spend a fortune on business cards." Johnny quipped, because words were basically the only weapon he had in this fight. Also, to cover the gnawing suspicion growing in his gut. "But let's stay on point! You wanted out? You're out. You don't wanna be here? I'm sure the feeling's mutual so how about you take off and-"

Another roaring blast of fire breath! The Torch squinted through the flames, going limp and working with the force this time, letting it carry him quickly towards the edge of the stream so he could focus all of his own flames into a burst from his left hoof, pushing himself out and into the air again.

"Stop _doing_ that!"

"I will do infinitely worse!" The dragon flapped his wings and rose over the volcano with surprising agility. "None command Fin Fang Foom! And once I have what was stolen, none shall try again! You mortals only think you've seen Makluan fire!"

Johnny glanced towards the lab.

"Yes!" Foom barked. "I know one of the ten rings is here! That long haired oaf dared to steal them from my horde, decades ago! And then he put them all on his legs! Who _does_ that?! After our last encounter, I was buried deep beneath the earth itself, but I could sense at least one of them as I clawed my way back the surface! It was the only thing that kept me sane as I sought a way out!"

"The…though of getting your bling back…?"

"THE THOUGHT OF VENGANCE!"

"Loud," the Torch winced, taking flaming hooves off his ears ", but listen, ol' Shellhead's Fu Manechu knock off has been MIA for as long as you have! Name a time and place, I'm sure Tony'll be happy to slap the scales off you again but the people on this island-"

"Dared to keep that which was stolen! Do you dare stand in my way, boy? When your one talent is useless against me?!"

If he bailed now, left the single-minded monster to his trinkets, the Torch might be able to get the islanders underground if not evacuated. Then he could get to the mainland, get the word out to the other big leaguers or at least a couple of EUP battalions, bring Foom down before his rampage cost too many lives. But that would mean leaving all the lives on the island at the monster's mercy.

Johnny glanced down at the town of Griffin Rock…

 _Now my daughter simply has to have one!_

…and knew he couldn't.

"I've got a lot of talents." he grinned brazenly at the dragon, and levelled his signal flare gun, retrieved from one of the many convenient hidden pouches in his FF-issue utility collar. The shot whistled into the air over Fin Fang Foom's head, bursting and showering the dragon with magic mist.

The giant _4_ now floating above Griffin Rock was impressive enough, but it was the magical signal pulse it was sending out that Johnny was counting on. Even if nopony was keeping an eye on a test bed like Griffin Rock and relying its appearance to all emergency services, the pulse would show up on instruments all over the coast complete with coordinates, relayed all the way back to Manehattan.

"Was that supposed to distract me?" Foom sneered.

"Nope. This is." the Torch said and flared white hot.

Fin Fang _screamed_ , his neck almost bunching up on its self like a python crashing a car into a wall as he recoiled, pawing at his eyes and trying to get his entire head as far away from the searing light as possible. He stopped beating his wings, feet slamming into and sliding down the side of Mt. Magma and into the ground below as he curled his wings over his head, almost hiding in his own shadow as his vision cleared.

He snarled. The pony's light had made him cry out and cower like the simple beasts of this planet and his pride would never forgive that. He focused on the call of the ring and the satisfying vision of the Torch being ground between his teeth as he took to the air again.

"Yes, yes," he muttered as he floated over the town, which erupted into the screams of crowds and griffins and pegasi thrown off course by his passing ", grr, roar, skreeonk and so forth."

He crossed the distance between the volcano and the lab in the time it took most people to use a crosswalk, slapping the parked Fantastichariot into the side of a crane with his tail as he landed to make himself feel better. Nodding at the satisfying sound of crunching metal Fin Fang reached down and sliced a line into a hanger roof with a single claw, then tore back the entire thing, rafters and even some support beams, by a corner as if flipping the page of a book.

Dr Greene Eraser looked up from one of the now diorama like labs, where he was using millions of gems worth of magi-tech lab equipment to make himself a sandwich. "Oh my."

"The ring!" Foom thundered "NOW!"

" Love! " crooned a voice in the monster's shadow " Is a burning thing! "

The air rippled as Foom's serpentine neck swivelled towards the wreckage of the chariot. Tropical Johnnycake Storm lounged casually against it, tossing something from hoof to hoof. The dragon's gimlet pupils dilated with apprehension.

" Hmm-hmm-hmm, na-na-naaa! " Johnny continued " And it makes a fiery… "

He flamed on suddenly! One of Foom's massive paws had been reaching towards him but he backed off instinctively as the Torch causally rose into the air, still tossing the treasure from hoof to hoof as he reached the beast's eye level.

He raised his flaming face as he curled his right hoof closed on the last toss, grinning. Something about the impishness swimming in those glowing eyes dropped a terrible certainty into the dragon's mind.

"No." Fing Fang Foom said in a voice almost too small for him. "No. Don't you dare. Don't you…oooh, don't you dare!"

The Horseshoe Torch dared. In a move almost too fast to follow he threw his head back and tossed the ring into the air. It was spiralling through the air one moment, gone the next. He actually masticated, the dragons screamingly empty eyes tracking from cheek to swelling cheek.

Then he gulped loudly, patting his chest with a hoof and a satisfied sigh that released small tendrils of smoke from his mouth. They wove together as Johnny smiled, showing off the new golden sheen to his teeth.

 _Oh no he didn't!_ the smoke message read.

Foom didn't even bother roaring. His eyes, nostrils, fangs, claws, wings, tail, everything swelled with furious, blinding instinct. Out of the corner of his eye Johnny saw one of Doc Green's gloves pulling a steel trap door shut, which saved him the trouble of a warning one liner like _it's about to get hot up in here_ or something. Instead he focused on raising his own temperature as high and as fast as possible without going totally nova, detaching the 4 sigil from his collar and slotting the small rebreather hidden there into his mouth.

The dragon's flame was almost white hot this time. Good. Johnny stretched out both hooves as far as they would go and began pulling the roaring tunnel into himself. Fin Fang's eyes narrowed as his breath became a thinner, more concentrated beam and poured on even more to compensate. Johnny just kept pulling, absorbing, waiting.

The pressure eased off suddenly as Foom gasped, his fire breath flickering out. Maybe he was recharging for another blast, maybe he'd figured out what Johnny was doing and switching tactics, but this was it.

 _Gotcha!_

The Horseshoe Torch instantly unloaded everything he'd just absorbed, engulfing the startled dragon's upper body in a perpetual, unending explosion hot enough to melt steel before he could finish inhaling. Through the sheeting orange and blue tint Johnny could swear some of the lab girders were starting to ripple. He hoped Doc Green's trapdoor was far enough away not to be welded shut. It'd be a real drag to go to all this effort and accidentally trap the guy underground with no way out and maybe no air.

As if on cue the rebreather began to rattle in his mouth; the collar's hour and a half of oxygen eaten away by the heat in minutes and leaving the device to struggle with Johnny's own breathing, which was only going to struggle harder for less. The good news? So was Fin Fang Foom.

The dragon swayed drunkenly in the blazing cloud world of Johnny's inferno, eyes popping and mouth gaping as his upper body began to turn red. He lunged suddenly, and Johnny bit back a yell as both giant hands squeezed shut around him, trying to crush him. Black smoke streamed off their scales like water in time with the waves of pain shooting through his body. The air felt like it was filling with concrete. But Johnny didn't let up and wasn't sure he could stop now even if his life didn't depend on it.

He felt it beating inside and all around. This was fire. He was fire. He was an unfolding storm. He was unending force. He was…he was about to…to pass…

 _13_

"I should be out there." Peter said again, still glaring down at the wet lump of his suit things.

"Dude, chill." Spike said between mouthfuls of cake. "They built the city on the side of a hill, there's loads of drains and tunnels and stuff to take care of flooding."

"Still." Peter ran a hoof through his still drying mane. "The winds back to normal but that was almost an hour ago and it's still raining. What if somepony…slips or gets trapped or something?"

"Then the guards and rescue workers can handle it." Twilight's horn glowed as her magic guided multiple combs and towels all around herself, erasing almost all signs that'd she'd been directing things in the windswept courtyard. "It's only the mountains up to downtown Canterlot, dear. That's not even half their response force."

"Yeah, but-"

"But you want to help and that's brave, but they've probably been ready for worse than this ever since you stopped Doc Ook from finishing that blasted thing. And you know your powers aren't at their best in the rain, how would it look if Spider-Pony showed up to help and just got in everypony's way because he couldn't stick to anything?"

"Can we at least agree I should have made sure old monkey paws' gizmo was out of commission instead of just leaving it there?"

"No, you're going to stop being silly, lay the blame at the hooves of the overeager generals who tried to turn it into something Canterlot and the rest of kingdom would never need, where it belongs, and have some cake." Twilight squinted at the devastated tray. "Spike! They sent that up for us to share!"

"You were out!" Spike protested. "And Peter was brooding!"

"You take that back!" Peter instantly regretted the prissy quality to his voice, often reserved for 'debating' with the Torch. "What do I look like, a Slam Spade poster? I don't brood! I…meditate!"

"And what do you have to 'meditate' about?" Twilight was using her diplomatic voice but whenever she used it in Peter's presence it morphed into a maternal 'why would you stick that up your nose?'. Everypony else noticed. They didn't.

"That…I'm sorry today didn't go better?"

Spike stopped chewing as the texture of the room changed, silent except for the sound of rain against the windows and the silent hum of Twilight's mind pulling fragments of the day together to form a picture she hadn't known she'd been looking at.

"You're not talking about the weather or your suit, are you?" she asked gently, stepping closer to him.

"Well, it's weird, it's like I should be but Johnny paid for it, but my instinct is still that I should feel something, frustration, regret, and it's weird I don't?"

"Stop stalling." Same tone but she may as well have delivered it with a Rainbow Dashian shoulder punch.

"Sorry." He fought the urge to flinch. The drumming sound of the rain made it feel even more important to fill even the briefest beat of silence. It outlined how small the castle suite was while she was _looking right at him_ with that unreadable look that meant she could either be about to cry or as far away as Saturn. "I just wanted to make a good impression for you, y'know?"

"What are you talking about? She loved you!"

"I wouldn't say-"

"You were smart, funny, adorably nervous, what more could she want? You even brought up the Hex-Factor thing and it wasn't a brag!"

"Look, don't be mad…"

"I'm not mad!"

"She's not," Spike said in a shower of cake crumbs ", if she were mad she'd be listing things you did and probably some of your faults, it's just she's using her heroic monologue voice. She thinks you're the coolest."

"Thank you, Spike!" Twilight enunciated "But don't talk with your mouthful!"

"Seriously big guy," Peter nodded ", I did not understand any of that even though it seemed pretty sweet."

"Sorry." Spike said after swallowing with a sound like a hot air balloon being turned inside out in the middle of inflating "Just sayin'. I bailed early because I figured it wasn't gonna be worth it if you weren't gonna tell the Princess you're Spider-Po-"

"Keep your voice down!" Peter hissed "I've seen soap operas! The maids always hear something!"

"This is what I'm talking about!" Spike brandished the remains of a lemon cake. "First you're worried 'cause you think she won't like you for being a super hero, now you're worried she doesn't like you for being a normal guy! Twilight would be so over this by now!"

"Well I guess I'm just not as like Twilight as you all seem to think!"

They both turned to Twilight as if she'd caught them doing something illegal. The sentiment wasn't untrue but it felt like it should be crossing some kind of line. They'd expected her to be rising into the air on orchid coloured fury, eyes seething white if not aflame with Kirby Krackle dots. They hadn't expected her to be laughing.

"Um," Peter tried, pressing his luck ", should we be in on the joke or making for the border?"

"No, no," Twilight managed, almost doubling over ", no, it's just…I'm picturing everypony back home, just in Applejack's barn falling over each other to make odds for Rainbow Dash's smarmy pool, and watching you two I just realized they could never dream of something like this and it's all rather wonderful…"

She dissolved into fresh spasms of laughter, infectious grins spreading across Spike and Peter's faces. Outside the rain began to slow to a drizzle as Twilight caught her breath back.

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do. The city's halted all trains just in case there has to be an emergency evacuation, _which there won't be._ The initial energy wave from the, ahem, death ray, even though it's more of a weather-inducing-ray than specifically-anyway, its stopped. Now it's just a matter of waiting for the weather team's magic to retake control, which is better done indoors. The staff have set up a little party in the Royal Sister's personal indoor cinema for visiting dignitaries, and if we're too full of tea and cake we can at least sit back and enjoy something classic. Spike, why don't you go on ahead to make the case for Plan 9 while I finish fixing Peter's mane?"

"Sure, but just so you know that's not how you spell _Smash Fortune meets the Golden Fleece._ "

"Traitor!" Twilight called as he scampered off. "Alright, we may have to stay the night so let's get this over with."

"You silver tongued temptress." Peter muttered petulantly.

"If anypony should be apologizing, it's me." Peter blinked as Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder. "You were fine today, please believe that, but I get it. I mean, it's Princess-freaking-Celestia! It probably wouldn't have made much difference but I should have asked her to give us a week or something. Just so it wouldn't be that much more overwhelming."

"It had to happen." He wrapped his own forelegs around her and they just gently rocked in the hug. "Like the stars burning out. Or the oceans evaporating. Or Spike discovering cider."

"Don't you even joke about that, banish you to the Phantom Pasture, swear to gosh."

Peter chuckled. "I was so busy trying not to let the business get into my life again I…didn't actually plan on her asking about my life. Not even Spidey-Sense saw that coming, y'know?"

"Parent teacher conferences." Twilight said simply.

"Okay, you win."

"Just answer me this. If anypony understands not feeling good enough for Princess Celestia it's me. If anypony understands why this is a silly thing to think, also me. But the way you talked about yourself today…do you think you're not good enough for me?"

Silence, made more oppressive by the rain finally stopping.

"Sometimes." Peter admitted. He couldn't lie or bluff. It would have been like trying to pull the moon out of orbit. "In my defence though? You're perfect."

"Oh for gosh sakes." Twilight rolled her eyes "Is this about worrying I come second to Spider-Ponying? We already had this conversation. You're not the only one with a calling!"

"We had a whispered argument with ourselves in a diner and then we just started making out. Not that I'm complaining, but the Third Philippic it was not."

"Because it didn't have to be! I like you, you like me…"

"Spike is Barney and it's really freak-y imager-y…?"

It was the deliberately clumsy sing song he said it in that made Twilight giggle a little too hard. She sighed, giving him a nuzzle. "If nothing else? You can always make me laugh. That counts for a lot."

"It's pretty much the only thing I understand about Pinkie Pie," Peter smiled ", and like I said…it's only sometimes. Even if my life was perfect? It wouldn't be without you in it."

"Smooth." Twilight took his hoof in a squeeze, looking directly into his eyes. "Peter. Neither of us is slumming it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." That was lame and needed a follow up. The universe was screaming at him to kiss her so he did. "So. Impromptu stay in your hometown. What you say goes?"

"As if you had a choice." She nuzzled him again. "Let's eat all the cake before Spike comes back and work on our argument for a decent movie."

"Ghostrustlers. Nopony will wanna be the guy who said no to Ghostrustlers."

"And you wonder why I keep you around."

 _14_

Johnny felt himself rushing up out of the blackness.

"Crystal?!"

At least that what he tried to say, but it sounded wrong even to his still buzzing ears. He realized this was because someone had placed an oxygen mask over his muzzle and started pawing at it.

"Easy, shrimp." the Thing rumbled, placing a steadying stone hoof on Johnny's chest. "You're just gonna be a lil' light headed at first, is all."

"Grim," Johnny rasped as the mask was gently removed ", was gonna getcha…saltwater taffy…"

"I hate salt water taffy. Gives me the hiccups."

"Aww man, that've been even better than the decoy…"

"He's fine!" Grim called out the opening of what turned out to be some sort of tent. Johnny tried sitting up, squinting at the sight of pegasi in guard uniform bustling from side to side through the gap in the soothing shade. His eyes popped as Sue galloped through and flung her forelegs around him.

"I can't leave you alone for a minute." she croaked in a red eyed voice.

"On the other hoof, I'm totally off the hook for the card thing, right?" Johnny's own voice felt a little stale from who-knew-how-long of disuse and tried to inject a little more swagger and volume into the quip so the atmosphere would feel less heavy.

"50/50."

"I can roll with that." Johnny used her shoulders to pull himself up a little straighter. "When did you guys get here? What happened to Fin Fan Finkile?" His eyes widened in sudden horror. "How's my hair?!"

"Still utterly unconvincing!" Doc Green announced cheerfully as he and River entered. "Our sincerest thanks should hopefully sound authentic! Your associates arrived almost an hour after you passed out, that, what did you call it Dr River, Fantasti-ship? Really is a marvel!"

"All down to our expert pilot." Reed nodded in Grim's direction then frowned with concern stretching his neck forward to get a better look at Johnny. "Though I'm more worried about our mechanic and feel we should be thanking you folks for getting him air as quickly as you did. How are you feeling, lad?"

"Like a used wad of bubblegum, boss man. Sure you can relate." Johnny tried to shoot to all fours with the weight of his sister still around his neck. "An hour?! Tell me I didn't go through all that just so you guys could lose lava breath!"

"We know how to take care of ourselves around these parts, my dear Torch!" Greene smiled, pulling one of the medi-tent flaps back. Johnny squinted through the sunlight as Sue helped him hobble out into the mercifully plentiful open air. His refuge had been built a few miles from a crater sprawling at the foot of the mountain side Greene's lab overlooked.

EUP guards ringed the crooked edges of the depression like grim faced Stalliongrad tchotchkes, each armed with an old timey bellows like device. The star attraction, though, was clearly the green legs and tail sprawled awkwardly over the edge, tangled together like sullen garden hoses. More guards toiled away with mining tools and unicorn beams to carve a weird join-the-dots guide around the snoring lips and nose sticking out of the pockmarked and blackened rock.

"You both took quite the nasty tumble off the side of the lab when you lost consciousness!" Green explained. "You were lucky enough to become tangled in some branches, whereas our dragon was so hot he melted straight into the ground when he hit, poor devil! A freight crew showed up and managed to both pull you to safety and concoct as much sleeping potion for our large friend here as we could, with use of all the pots and pans in Betsy's diner. Their ship will join the EUP's in helping haul our somnambulistic salamander to Tartarus!"

"That's me," Johnny smirked, mostly to let Sue know he really was okay ", makin' friends wherever I go."

"The only part I can't figure out is why the ring is still in its casing when I could have sworn I saw you-"

"You saw _a_ ring," Johnny cut in quickly as Sue raised an eyebrow ", not the Mandarin's. It was one of the decoder variety. Y'know, for the kids! We keep a bunch of souvenirs in one of the chariot's utility compartments, just in case. I just needed a way to get him mad."

"What'd ya do to the big lug anyway?" the Thing asked, leaning on tippy toes that could crush a boxcar like a cardboard box to get a better view of those flaring cavernous nostrils "Play Stretcho's biography on tape at him?"

"Manehattan Times best seller list." the genius muttered.

"Oxygen supply," Johnny grinned weakly ", fire _breath_ , right? Figured even if his lungs were as big as Gloom's ego he'd still need to fill them. More fire, less oxygen. It was the only thing my powers could really do to him."

"Quick thinking!" Mr Fantastic beamed.

"Not bad." the Thing agreed.

"Both the bravest and stupidest thing I've ever heard," Sue smiled as she hugged him again ", very you."

"I'll fire up the ship and see if the jarheads need a hoof," Grim announced, patting Johnny on the shoulder with surprising gentleness ", get us home before ya figure out what you're gonna do for an encore."

"I was going to give the two of you space to talk anyway," Reed smiled ", but Dr Green informs me the mayor would like a word, probably a photo op too once he's retrieved his hair piece. And we did perform the job we were hired to do, in a roundabout way, and are in need of a new chariot…"

"Tell him we won't charge for getting the ring to a Canterlot vault if he agrees to add 20% to our fee!" Sue called after him. She formed a force filed couch under her and her brother as the guards unloaded a fresh burst of sleeping potion fog into the dragon's makeshift prison. "I know you'll say you're okay, but…"

"Don't tell Badrock's ugly stepbrother, because I hate to see an old stallion cry, but it's always great to be reminded you guys have my back." Johnny nuzzled his sister. "If I'm any kind of hero, it's because all of you are mine. Especially you, Sue."

"That means a lot, little brother. Now, you were out cold and strapped to an oxygen tank for longer than I will ever be comfortable with, so I know you're not trying to charm your way out of something." She stopped nuzzling back so they could talk face to face. Her smile was sincere and a little sad and for years after Johnny would always wonder if she'd known what was coming somehow. "Do you want to say what you're building up to now or wait until we get home?"

"I could take more shots at Grim if it'd make it easier?"

"Tropical Johnnycake Storm!"

"Okay, okay! I just…you should know that I do appreciate what's it important." Johnny watched, unsmiling at the scene of the Thing helping lift Fin Fang Foom's tail into an airship harness. "And that's why I have to leave."

 _15_

 _What are you even doing here?_

Spider-Pony watched from his perch as the last gaggle of maintenance ponies trotted off in separate directions. Too many for him to keep track of even if there was the slightest potential of their being mugged. The streets were mostly deserted and well lit by streetlamps and the moon. Puddles from the artificial storm glinted in its light, the suddenness and unnaturalness of it still keeping people out of this district.

The rest of night time Canterlot continued on as though nothing ever happened, and he knew there were enough guards out to keep its peace because he'd had to duck into the shadows to avoid them seeing him at least five times tonight. A lot more difficult than it should have been, because the storm had soaked the walls and oh-so charmingly slanted roofs of downtown.

Midtown Canterlot was a free-running web-swinger's dream. Downtown? More the romantic shimmy-up-the-drain-pipe-swing-from-the-chandelier-dive-out-the-window-into-a-waiting-hay-cart sort of affair but still easy enough to get around even if he felt like a Shy-Hulk wannabe from hopping around everywhere. After the rain? Fuggedaboutit.

If nothing else he was cold, homesick for Celestial Park from the distant smell of damp forest grass, and his hooves were soaked and muddy from crouching and slipping on the damp architecture. He should have just stayed in the suite and borrowed one of Twilight's books, but he'd needed to clear his head.

 _Or you wanted to stop thinking. Face it, Trotter. Osthorn and Ook wish they could shake you like the Princess did today. And even if she hadn't, instead of a chaste snuggle with the girl you're crazy about, you'd probably still be out here in the dark because you haven't slept like a normal pony since freshman year!_

He sprang off the roof, firing a web line at the next building before he remembered why that wasn't a good idea. His trailing tail slashed through the puddles as he swung way too low way too fast, drenching his costume in muddy water. He yelped in shock, involuntarily letting go of the line and sending himself rolling along the narrow street and crashing down some areaway steps.

Dogs started barking blocks away and lights snapped on in neighbourhood windows. Ignoring the still smarting pain, Spidey sprang out of the areaway and almost overshot the next building's roof. _And now I'll have to come clean to Twilight about why my costume's filthy. Like the entire city isn't going to be wondering why there's muddy hoofprints halfway up their walls! Two suits in one day! Brilliant!_

He bounced from roof to roof for a while until he found a likely looking set of spires, using them to web-slingshot himself back towards the castle. He made it as far as a tree halfway up the mountain pass, which was probably just as well. Leaving the castle had been a simple matter of crawling out the bathroom window, making his way across the roof to one of the outer towers and jumping with a web-glider. Getting back in without alerting the most alert security force in the kingdom would require some delicacy.

In the end, he decided to cut through the woods, where could at least jump from branch to branch and feel spidery, circumventing the climb by reaching the river. Web some sturdy logs together for a makeshift raft, use Spidey-Strength and well-aimed web lines to the trees lining the river bank, and voilà! Drifting lazily in the lake under the castle's waterfall before you knew it.

He jumped onto an outcrop six stories up, leaving the raft to the river current. It would dissolve and come apart in an hour anyway. He took in the view of the forest and the distant lights of the city, serine even with the accompanying roar of the waterfall, then began the climb. He was crouched on the edge of one of the lower terraces, wondering what to do if any guards came along, when the golden field enveloped him.

The entirety of the castle raced past like a tower of paperwork bursting out of a cartoon briefcase and just like that Spidey found himself floating outside Princess Celestia's open study window, that billowing ethereal hair framed in the warm glow.

"Hope you don't mind." she said, glancing up from some paperwork and over her shoulder at him. "Just thought I'd save you the trouble. You adventurer types always have to do things the hard way. I'm convinced Doc Savage would still have taken that route even if we installed a stairway."

Spider-Pony could only stare at her. He should have been running through possible reasons for being there (the death ray? How would he have known? The Kraken thing? Wouldn't she know about that, then?) or at least snazzy but respectful one liners, but his brain had frozen up in principal's office terror.

"Peter," Princess Celestia said patiently over the scribble of her levitated quill ", it's late and I am over a thousand years old. We don't have to pretend. Now please come out of the cold."

The grandfather clock by the (now) antique armchairs continued to tick away long enough for Peter to realize…why the hay not? He looked down at his boots, but the golden glow had already washed away the mud so he stepped inside. The Princess sized windows silently swung shut behind him but he didn't feel trapped like he had at the table.

"Don't mind me." Celestia said, back still to him. "You may or may not have some questions. I completely understand. Or maybe you've seen the error of your ways and just want to go back to bed. Third tower on the right, eighth floor. I'll just be finishing up this…well it's classified, actually. You understand. And then off to the kitchens for some coco and pie. Would you like some?"

"Uh, no, thank you." He wondered if he should take off his mask and settled for just easing himself into one of the armchairs. Celestia just kept writing away, hair flowing.

"…do you know why?"

"Ah, a question that is all questions." Celestia smiled as she turned to him, the papers in her telekinetic grip organizing themselves into various envelopes. "It's clear why Twilight would be taken with you."

She took a seat in the armchair next to him, still managing to look like a work of art. "I am aware of certain things, yes. A pony's destiny is theirs to discover, which is why, beyond the occasional pat on a Befrienders' shoulder, I leave you and your friends and colleagues to it. And why I never told you. From what I've seen, there was no need to. Beyond quietly making sure all those murder accusations went nowhere, of course."

"I don't know what would be different if you had." Peter admitted with a slight, exhausted chuckle. He couldn't _believe_ he was having this conversation. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. Y'know. Today."

"I understand why you wouldn't." Celestia's telekinesis picked up a poker and poked at the fire. It felt good on his cold costume. "It can be difficult to let anypony into a part of your life. I was quite prepared to wait until you were ready, if you felt the need to tell me at all. Today was truly just about seeing Twilight and Spike again, and I'm always one to take advantage of the chance to meet a new pony."

"And, ah…since we're speaking plainly now I guess…what did you think?"

Another one of those smiles. "I think you're a lot like Twilight. Different, but alike."

"My mane's prettier. You can say it." He hoped she could tell he was smiling through the mask as she laughed. "Aunt May loves her. Uncle Glen would've liked her."

The room grew quiet except for the crackle of the fire and the ticking of the clock. He felt her put a wing around his shoulders, like being in the patch of shade under your favourite tree on a perfect spring morning, but he kept looking at the small, modern table neatly arranged with anachronistic bric-a-brac, not really seeing it.

"I miss him so much." Peter said quietly. Since they were speaking plainly now.

"He'd be proud of you." The Princess's voice was gentle but there was a strange authority to it he'd never be sure he wanted to identify.

"I'm not sure he should be."

"That is…part of the reason I wanted to speak to you tonight." He looked up into her now concerned face. "The way you spoke about yourself today. Twilight seemed surprised. Do you share these feelings with her?"

"Well, I grumble, sure. Who doesn't?"

"Peter."

He sighed, feeling like more and more of a doofus having this conversation in full costume. "She spoke to me this afternoon. I think it was supposed to be our first fight, but that'd imply I had a side. She told me neither of us was slumming it."

"Do you feel that way?"

"No! I just…" He looked up at her trying to push the sincerity through his mask lenses. "Twilight was trying to save the world _before_ she discovered the magic of friendship. Because that's who she is. Me? All my accomplishments are Spider-Pony's."

"So, you have these feeling in spite of Twilight, because you feel you have nothing to be proud of in your real identity and so she must have no reason to feel proud of you, despite knowing your secret identity."

Peter blinked. "Has anypony told you you'd make a good shrink?"

"I prefer to think of myself as a teacher." Celestia withdrew her wing and stood up. He could have been the size of Galactaurus and she'd still have made him feel three apples tall. "And I believe most ponies learn by doing. You asked me what I thought of you. I think, in either identity, you are very much like Twilight. And that you're both too hard on yourselves. However, I still stand by my question: and? You would like to make changes to your situation. You would like to give yourself something besides Spider-Pony to be proud of."

"So, I should…do it?"

"Good lad." Celestia still wasn't smiling. "I don't know what these changes will be. But I do know that if you feel you can say these things in spite of Twilight…I do not mean to be harsh, but perhaps your conscience is telling you something."

A beat. Then Peter Trotter the Spectacular Spider-Pony nodded.

"Thank you, Princess. Really. I needed that."

"I try." Celestia smiled again and stifled a yawn. "Oh, do excuse me! Are you sure you won't have any coco?"

"If it's all the same with you your highness, I was kinda planning on staring at the ceiling, contemplate those changes. Maybe listen to Twilight recite old friendship letters in her sleep to help me doze off."

"Do not let me detain you, then." Her horn glowed, dousing the lamps until only the light of the fire remained as he hopped up onto the window sill. "If you don't mind me asking. Which of those changes?"

Peter looked back at her, then reached up and pulled off the mask so she could see his face this time.

"Being better."

"Well then. Goodnight and good luck."

He sprang into the night in a blur of red and blue. Princess Celestia continued to tidy away some things on her desk until Peter sheepishly poked his head back in.

"Uh, sorry ma'am, which tow-?"

"Third on the right, eighth floor. You left the bathroom window open I think."

"Right, right. Thanks. Uh, goodnight!"

"Goodnight."

 _16_

"In a _world!_ " the Horseshoe Torch pounced from the diaphragm. "Where mediocrity runs _rampant!_ One Spider-Pony dares to be… _Better™!_ "

"Ah, go climb up your hind hooves." Spider-Pony muttered, rolling a dumpling into some sauce and then into some rice so it stuck. "Anyway, who're you to talk? 'Oh Sousa! I…need you to know I…under _stand_ what's…impor _tant_! That is why _I_ …have to l _eave_!'"

"What under Celestia's blazing sun was that supposed to be?"

"The Star Trot guy."

"Don't pretend you don't know all their names, Pete."

"Don't pretend you didn't get that out of one of the Thing's soaps." Spidey shifted on his web line so he could take a better upside down view of his bud. "Speaking of. You gonna be okay this season?"

"Are we about to upside down kiss?" Johnny rolled his eyes as he rolled some noodles around his hoof for slurping. "Because for real, I know a couple of girls on the weather team that'll make it nice and rainy."

"You're being very Namorish right now." Peter said in a prim voice, stealing some of his chow mein.

"How dare you." Johnny mock huffed then looked out at the city from their perch on one of the Chrysler Building's gargoyles. "It'll be fine. I'll still be on the team, it's not like I'm gonna be all Timberwolf about it."

"See, then I'd be worried." Peter took a swig of soda. "How's Sue taking it?"

"I honest to gosh have no idea. She just said 'alright.' Reed said there'd probably be a bunch of paperwork to do and then began talking about maybe designing a Torch specific signal flare which, which would rock, and Grim just started doing this little dance and singing _What a Wonderful World._ "

"Aww, see, he does care!" Peter chewed on another dumpling. "Did he beat me to all the good Manehattan real estate jokes?"

"Reed made a chart and it kinda took the fun out of it for him." Johnny shrugged. "I'll still be staying at the Baxter Barn until I find a place. I mean, who's gonna leave the living room window open and listen to your tales of woe, H.E.R.B.I.E?"

"At least he'd-it's male, right?"

"Reed says so."

"Well at least _he'd_ remember my girlfriend's name."

Johnny bugged his eyes as much as possible.

"Twilight Sparkle!"

"That's not a real person name, Peter."

"I will stick this takeout so far into your ear."

"Did Princess Celestia tell you to do that too? Pass the sauce."

"So _that's_ how you get your mane like that!" Peter snagged the packet from the little web sack he'd spun to hold everything. "And no, but she was…honest with me and I'm not sure I'd have been honest with her if she hadn't got the drop on me like that. Seems the least I could do is follow through on something for once."

"You'll do fine, man." Johnny saluted with his energy drink. "I mean, you get up wearing a costume that looks like that every morning."

"Can't be harder than looking for a Manehattan apartment when you're your own fire hazard." Peter clinked his water bottle off the can. "You sure you wanna do this, man? It's not chic but Aunt May'd be happy to make up the guest room."

"Thanks, but I beat a dragon." Johnny moved some noodles around with a chopstick. "I could do that anytime if I'd really thought about it, but now I can't think of any reason not to at least try to make something just…mine, y'know?"

"I know, man." Peter said quietly.

They looked at the city again.

"Look at us!" Johnny grinned suddenly. "Two little ponies, all grown up and galloping out into the world!"

"Gonna be as fantastic, as amazing, as spectacular, as awesome and as many prefixes as we wanna be!"

"Old ponies do this stuff every day, we do the impossible all the time!"

"If dragons and mad scientists and gangsters can't stop us, what chance does romance and real responsibility have!"

"Gonna be out greatest adventure ever!"

"Starting…now!"

They resumed looking at the city, takeout cooling in their laps. A storefront on the edge of the block below them exploded suddenly in a shower of masonry and alarm bells. A pony with a glue gun and funky helmet and a donkey in a quilt suit were trying to heft bags into a waiting cart.

"Oh look, crime."

"Oh, thank gosh."

* * *

*/CMQwYl8O(Imagebox link)

** watch?v=3uUTPUNeBks(youtube link)


	4. Line of Ire (1)

_1_

The lights go up.

A study in a Manehattan penthouse. An earth pony reclines on a Chesterfield, idly swirling the contents of a wine glass as his brow knits appreciatively over whatever book he's reading. The burgundy smoking jacket combines with his chocolate coloured coat and blonde hair to make him look like some illicit mix of Turkish delight and a vanilla swirl.

It compensates for the fact the wine glass is full of chocolate milk and his copy of ǝƃɐɹǝǝԀ s,dɹnʍ┴ is upside down. His crystal blue eyes flick to the camera.

"Oh, hello there! I'm Tropical Johnnycake Storm, but you can call me Johnny. You may remember me from such feats of bravery as a little thing I like to call 'The Last Ten Years!'"

A montage of news photos, the Horseshoe Torch (and the occasional other member of the Fantastic Family) in action against assorted mad scientists, evil wizards, robots, kaiju and apes with super powers. The last one is Johnnycake straight up taking a selfie with Galactaurus, Devourer of Worlds.

"Been an adventure, hasn't it?" Johnny says, now standing by a globe with a hoof on it, as if patting some sort of exotic pet. "And now we have the chance at a new one…together!"

Panoramic shot of the Manehattan skyline, the majesty, the energy, the character. All ruined by the Horseshoe Torch flying into frame, one hoof raised to his brow to pantomime looking back and forth.

"They say there's eight million stories in the coated city, and half as many apartments. Guess who's looking for one? If your answer was the high-flying Horseshoe Torch, go to the head of the class!"

A montage of various scenes across the city. A couple on a bench. A mixed species basketball game. Pigeons on a roof for some reason.

"Somewhere out there in this beautiful city is the perfect place to hang the many stylish hats and similar accessories I wear in my role not just as hero, engineer, sky diver, race car driver and cordon bleu chef, but as a fellow Manehattanite! If you know of a happy home in need of a hero, let me know!"

The typical Equestrian nuclear family around the dinner table. Though, judging from the way Father's pipe bubbles over and Mother starts taking aim with her book, not one who was expecting or asked to be filmed.

"Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself. Do it for mom, dad and starshroom pie."

Johnny now stands in front of an abstract portrait of Princess Celestia, solemn gaze levelled at the camera like a descending warhead telling you this is for your own good. "Do it for Equestria."

"H.E.R.B.I.E?" comes an affable baritone "What are you doing in my study?"

Eagle eyed viewers might just have the chance to register Johnny rapidly slicing his hoof under his chin for _cut!cut!cut!_ before the camera blurs to River Reeds' upper torso stretching around the half open door. "Johnny?"

"Hey doc! Before you ask any questions I just wanna assure you the lil' sputnik takes full responsibility and you should be proud of him for it!"

The camera squeals in protest as River's brow creases, either from his powers or realisation. "Is that _my_ robe?!"

The world judders into static and clears in the shadow of a silver colossus striding down Canal Street. The sickly yellow equine face inside its helmet shrivels with revulsion at the strands dangling from its mighty power lance.

"INSECTS OF EQUESTRIA! YOUR WORLD IS NOW THAT OF TERMINUS THE TERRI-shoo, shoo! Go on, get out of it!"

It swings the weapon to and fro, more like a pair of tweezers holding something bacterial than the nightmare of a thousand solar systems. The camera chirrups in terror as a sudden lash sends a screaming Johnny and Spider-Pony hurtling straight towards it-

Static.

 _2_

"Of course, that's just the first cut." Johnnycake Storm said, timing his most disarming grin with the parting curtains for maximum disarming sparkle.

"Uh huh." grunted Juniper Waters, super pony lawyer to the stars "And I advise you to make it the last."

"As my lawyer or as my friend?"

"The former since there's an outside chance you'll listen to me." Juniper reached out to stop him playing with her Starswirl cradle. "This isn't a good look, Johnny."

"I'm just doing what all truly great Equestrian artists have done since time immemorial: trying to cash in on my talent and good looks to score an apartment! This is Manehattan, June! The most enterprising city on earth!" He side-eyed a wall of photos where she posed identically with varied famous clients. "Also, according to focus testing, the one major conurbation where Grim isn't more popular than me."

"Popularity depends on perception." June settled back in her chair, sighing. "I see this, I see your way of reaching out and, even though this hurts a little, it's actually pretty creative."

Johnny leant back in his own chair, satisfied hooves behind his head and taking advantage of the sunlight to make his mane shimmer.

"Everypony else? They're going to see one of those high and mighty super ponies trying to muscle their way into a home as payment for services rendered. And if you don't, nice place you got here, be a shame and all that."

"You _cannot_ think that little of me!"

"Of course _I_ don't you goober, but _I_ know better because we're friends."

"That an invitation to crash on your couch?" Johnny muttered as he fumbled the film out of the projector. "Least you could do after torpedoing my big idea."

Despite his powers he still _felt_ the heat of her gamma irradiated gaze on his neck. He turned as slowly as possible with ears lowered and an innocent smile like a good boy as the office, despite now being fully illuminated, seemed to plunge into the same emerald darkness as June's eyes. "Kidding!"

"Good." June said with a quiet firmness as the glow faded. "Shy-Hulk doesn't need to be _that_ strong."

"I don't really wanna hit up anypony in the business anyway." Johnny resumed packing up his wears as if the great green apocalypse hadn't been narrowly averted. "Last thing I need is the tabloids running another 'Super pony nepotism?!' scandal and Sue nagging me for it."

"Try being the shoulder she'll cry on if you actually pull this off." June muttered, arranging some papers on her desk. It wasn't quite noon yet, but any time of day was usually too early for Tropical Johnnycake Storm. "How's that going by the way? And, more pertinently, why bring this to me?"

"Because every photo of me is gorgeous but like 40% of them are on fire, every landlord's nightmare." Johnny stared up at the ceiling fan, wishing June's visitor chair was the swivelling variety so he could at least mildly entertain himself. "Maybe I could work out some kind of deal with the city, like you had with Las Pegasus!"

"Shy-Hulk was going through a phase, okay?" June cocked her head to the side, scrutinizing him. "Has anypony actually refused you residence because of your powers?"

Johnny's slump became rigid.

"You haven't even applied anywhere, have you." It wasn't a question. Not from the way her nostrils flared but her poker face stayed. "You're trying to get out in front of any potential problems. You're here because you need a licencing lawyer."

"Do I get smashed if I say yes…?" Johnny was smart enough to not try the smile this time. "I mean, there _is_ this specific film score I wanna set it to-"

"You might if you waste any more of my time! I have clients with real problems, kid. Not all of them have superpowers."

"But I mean…is it a good idea? Pitching myself? Just in case somepony wants my expertly quaffed goodness but not my fiery hot treats?"

"Gross." June put a hoof on his shoulder. Her eyes were still regular magical species green, not atomic emerald, but he felt a little bit of Thing-esque weight to the hoof, as if even her alter-ego was reaching out to him. "And the only way to find out is to put yourself out there. Maybe they'll say no, maybe they'll have the right. I'll still go to bat for you if I have to, but you have to make the first move here."

"Are you talking like a wingman so I'll think about this like wooing a filly and it'll be less intimidating?"

"If it'll get you out of my office, yeah."

"You're the best June!" Johnny grinned and vaulted out of the chair with the same enthusiasm musical urchins showed for drain pipes and rickety fences. "Give ya a hug but you have other cases and that suit looks expensive!"

"You're learning." June smirked. She walked him out into the lobby as the projector folded up into a slim saddlebag, another River Reeds marvel. She side-eyed him expectantly as he fidgeted with it under the pretence of deciding which shoulder would be the cooler to sling over. "Last chance to unload."

"Just a feeling I've had ever since I took down Fin Fang Foom-"

"Oh, right. That happened." June said with the leaden weight of _three weeks' worth_ of his bringing it up.

"-but just looking for one tiny, preferably authentically hard wood floored, apartment feels so much…bigger. More-" He tried to keep walking and wave a divining hoof at the same time.

"If you say 'real' I will Hulk-out and punt you all the way back to first grade."

"Okay, okay, but you get what I mean, right? Those days when you wake up from a dream but somehow you feel like everything you know was unreal all along? Like, I dunno, a fairy tale. Oh, excuse me sir!"

"Quite alright!" The dwarven warrior tipped his helmet as if Johnny hadn't almost collided with his hefty battle axe and continued on to the front desk with the gallant knight, elfin archer princess and obligatory hooded pony of mystery.

The party wizard, a unicorn in a hat that must once have been pointy but had seen some things, man, gave June and Johnny a nervous look as he hurried to keep up, followed by a box with lots of little legs.

"That's my two 'o clock." June put a companionable hoof on his shoulder as he hauled open one of the glass front doors. "But yeah, I know what you mean. Felt the same way looking for my first place. Hay, when I got my degree!"

"Yeah?"

"That feeling of knowing so much but just having more questions you don't know how to ask, nopony telling you the answers. And this was _before_ I had to share a brain with the Anti-Social-est One There Is! There was something my mom told when we met for coffee on campus once. Put everything in perspective. Wanna know what it was?"

Johnny tried to keep any and all pleading out of his eyes as he did the old cocky raise of the eyebrow routine.

"Welcome to adulthood, kiddo, you've got real problems now." his lawyer said and pushed him out into the big wide world of Equestria.

 _3_

"Not to be a downer, but one day we're gonna feel like we're just too old for this."

The Spectacular Spider-Pony was in freefall, which wasn't unusual. He fired a fresh web-line, now being trailed by the tail of the pony in the chicken-snake costume, which was, sadly, also not unusual.

"Get off!" the Basilisk snarled, corkscrewing in an attempt to either dislodge Spidey or dash him against one of the passing skyscrapers. The move was familiar and easily countered with Spider-Sense, but something was off about the voice.

Spidey released the line, firing two more. The startled not-Basilisk hadn't been prepared for the sudden release of weight and was even less prepared for its sudden return, braking and sagging with equal violence.

The sudden stop sent Spidey careering up like a pendulum, somersaulting onto the villain's back. He peered upside down at the still recovering face in the beak/mouth of the cowl. "Well if it isn't Dark 'Blackie' Deco, my favourite also-ran!"

"Yeah?! We'll see after this also-ran runs ya through!"

Spider-Sense made him turn and shield his eyes, but the Basilisk Beam still stung. The strike from the suit's tail was sharper! He chastised himself as he toppled through the air. The Basilisk suit: not bad for what technically amounted to a rubber monster costume with a supped-up flashlight attached. It never paid to underestimate outfit or wearer.

He snagged one of the trailing web-lines, now dangling back at square one, to mix terminologies. The real deal Basilisk would probably have been out of range in the seconds it would take his eyes to adjust, but Dark Deco had been out of the game for a long time. He could work that.

"So you thought, what, you'd get all dressed up, take in the sights, maybe the museum district, blow your parole to the bottom of Horseshoe Bay foooooor…?"

"Haw! Nice try web-slinger! Keepin' this suit is almost worth a hundred times what I'll get paid for running this little errand! Wouldn't tell you who left it on my doorstep even if I knew!"

"Aww! In that case how about a sneak peek at what's in the mystery box?" He snagged the other web-line, taking advantage of the Basilisk's attempt to slam him into a semaphore tower to anchor the still sticky strands against the gantry beams.

Blackie practically squawked as his momentum pulled them taut as bridge cables, almost sending him bungeeing backwards into the shutters! Wasting no time, Spider-Pony galloped along the impromptu tightrope and sprang for the satchel, which Tombs would have been smart enough to trust to the grasp of the suit's tail, but that Deco had been carrying in his hooves the entire chase. "Yoink!"

"NO!" Blackie howled, eyes popping as he slashed both batwings as forward as they'd go. Peter winced as one sliced across the front of his costume, the other batting him clean over the opposite skyscraper and through the roof of a clock tower.

He let out a groan, swallowed by the rumble of gears as the world shuddered back into focus. "Don't suppose you got a spare set of ribs in here…?"

The satchel had only stayed with him because his wall-crawling kept it practically magnetized to his hooves. Which meant Basilisk would be coming after it, hard and fast. Which meant it'd be real great for the pounding headache and spots in his eyes to ease up right about-Spidey-Sense!

He managed to perch on a walkway railing, still holding the bag, as the Basilisk torpedoed through the adorable little hatch doors, decapitating the adorable little wooden personality-rights-safe Princess Celestia with those furiously flapping wings.

Peter had spent his entire career avoiding their designer who could wield them with expert precision, but they were sharp and strong enough that they didn't need to be. The only reason Blackie hadn't taken a leg off with the frenzy he had them in was because they were mounted on his back.

"Get your filthy mitts off my payday you little punk!" he practically shrieked, whip cracking that industrial strength tail after the somersaulting web-slinger, leaving mangled railings and cannon ball like dents all along the walkway.

"Y'know what, why not?" Spidey mused, weighing the prize in one of said mitts as he leapt onto a rotating gear. "Doesn't go with _my_ outfit anyway!"

He coiled on his perch, getting a good wind up as the deranged Deco lunged for him, recoiling halfway through as Spider-Pony cannoned forward suddenly! He took advantage of the Spider-reflex induced hangtime, making sure he had the perfect bead on that faux-scaly underbelly as the satchel came up from its latest spin. He released the strap, sending the heavy cargo hurtling into the wannabe Basilisk's gut.

The impact knocked the wind right out of Blackie, and Blackie _right out of the suit._ Peter could still hear the Champagne cork _POP_ noise of all 200 lbs of pony shooting out through the mouth even over the deafening chime of the catapulted Deco slamming into the tower bell.

Not that he had time to gloat. He was too busy becoming tangled in the limp Basilisk suit, losing control and tumbling to the hard floor. The satchel smacked into a space way too close to his head for comfort, spilling its cargo. Looked like…rocks?

Blackie moaned, peeling his face off the bell like removing old tape, then squealed as he began the perilous tip backwards into freefall, only making it halfway as web strands looped around the rafters to cocoon his hindlegs.

"Iiiiit's _Echo with Deco_ ," Spidey drawled in his best Morning AFM voice, dangling upside down in front of his captive ", Manehattan's most underrated and frankly underwhelming insight into the mind of the underworld with your host: Dark Deco! Whatcha been up to, Blackie?"

"Dreamin' of wrappin' my hooves around your scrawny neck, you-!"

"Really? I was gonna go with zen garden!" Spidey snagged one of the stones with a web-line, waggling in front of Deco's flaring nostrils. "Seems like you could use it! Whatever could these be for if not personal use? Is it supposed to represent the kinda mindset that'd actually pay you to steal a bunch of rocks?"

The feel of the one in his hoof made him take a closer look. Engravings, stylized, maybe a language?

"Didn't ask questions," Deco snarled, drawing his attention ", not for the kinda incentives we're talkin' about here!"

"And those would be?"

"Among other things another shot at you!" Something about Deco's sneer made him spin around before his Spider-Sense kicked in, still too late to do anything. Something hard and fast smacked into his back, sending him sprawling to the floor almost half way across the room!

He moaned, forcing himself up on one leg, trying to discern if he was seeing what he was seeing or if it was just his vision blurring: the Basilisk, tail still lashing, floating there besides Blackie. The _empty_ Basilisk _suit._

 _What in the whole wide world of Equestria..?!_ _How hard did he hit me? How DID he hit me?_

Spidey struggled to clear his aching head and process the image as the apparently alive costume wrapped its tail around the satchel, slicing through Deco's bonds with one wing and unnervingly opening its own headpiece as wide as possible to allow him to slide back in.

"Nifty, ain't it?" the now re-ensconced hood chuckled, flashing him a mocking salute with a scaly hoof "It's been fun whipping your tail again Webs, but I got a delivery to make. Let's do it again real soon."

Spidey at least managed to gleam some satisfaction from the villain's escape as Blackie banged his head off the hatch, trying to vamoose the same way he broke in. By the time he managed to stagger into daylight the wannabe-Basalisk was long gone. Pedestrians far below peered up at him as he peered down from the ledge. Good thing Deco hadn't tried going through the clock face, he wasn't sure he'd have been in shape to stop any falling glass.

 _Okay, that was new! And if it's not how come Tombs never used it before? Summoning spells, sure, and Spark was talking about upgrading with all that fancy new stuff from the Crystal Empire but…remote control? Okay Trotter, focus. How'd he do it?_ He flipped the rune stone he'd somehow been able to hang onto up and down in his hoof, eyes narrowing in concentration. _Who hired him and what did they want these for?_

Then he turned around and saw the giant clock face.

… _is that the time?!_

Ten minutes later (three of which he wasted in a nearby alley trying to pull off his mask and pants at the same time) Peter Trotter was galloping down Fulton Street at practically full Spider-Speed, scattering what pedestrians he wasn't weaving around. "Sorry! Incoming! Gangway! Yeah, same to you buddy!"

He skidded along the asphalt as he realised he'd overshot the doors under the beakers and test tube logo, snagging his saddlebag strap in his teeth as it almost shot off his body and scaring the living daylights out of the poor ponies behind the reception desk as he bounded to a stop in front of them.

"Hugh…hugh…hi!" he gasped "Uh, P-Peter Trotter for the interview?"

"I'll see to this." He fought the urge to peel up the floor tiles and hide underneath as the Minotaur supervisor glared down at him, flipping through her notebook. "Ah, yes, here you are Mr. Trotter. You're early!"

"Oh?!" he beamed.

"Yes, we rescheduled for tomorrow. I'm surprised the paper didn't tell you."

"Why would the Bugle…?"

Oh. Oh no. Oh noooo.

He'd been needling Rocky for weeks about it, hadn't he, letting him try out as the Bugle's scientific consultant for some extra cash. It had been at the back of his mind when was trying to get the lab interview, only then Spellectro and the Shocker had gotten into that power measuring contest in the middle of Mason Square Garden, so he still must have been reeling from that when marking the calendar.

He was at _the wrong lab_ for _the wrong kind of interview!_

Okay, focus. The clock behind the reception desk was obscured by one of the supervisor's horns, but his chance with the real lab was shot. Send them a polite apology later, right now? Why not?

"Ah, never mind. This is unorthodox, I know, but since I'm here would you happen to be hiring?"

"As a matter of fact…"

 _4_

"The math doesn't lie," Reed reiterated patiently ", every few hours somewhere in the city a pony is moving out of or into a two-person lease. You'll find a needing roommate a lot faster than you'll find a waiting apartment."

"Hear what you're laying down, doc," Johnny replied, back pointedly turned to the chalkboards the older unicorn was levitating despite the importance of the process at hand ", but won't it be kind of cramped in there?"

"Oh, come now John, you of all ponies worried about somepony else cramping your-?"

"As if! It just seems unfair to ask them to make room for all this style!" Johnny whipped around, clad in the latest casual Roaman wear and forcing H.E.R.B.I.E to float backwards in case of getting lashed by his tail, or worse being berated for allowing hair to besmirch the racks of Johnny's wardrobe hanging from his waldos.

"What do you think?" Johnny asked, dawning shades and completing the _Never-Actually-Played-Polo-I-Just-Like-The-Shirts_ look.

"I like them." Reed said because he knew how the lad worked at this stage. "Listen, if storage is a concern I have some helpful mass shifting furniture left over from that one expedition…"

"We'll see what kind of place I can score first." Johnny said a bit too quickly.

"Alright. Sure you don't want one of us to come with you?"

"Sue's out with Armilla, you've got like a thousand new discoveries cooking, and somehow I don't think a pile of rocks in a trench coat is gonna help make a good first impression." Johnny was already sliding the terrace windows open for take-off. "Besides I already guilt tripped him into covering monitor duty for me."

"Oh, more like a hundred, really." Reed corrected, even now making multiple notes on one of his ever-present clipboards. He frowned. "Monitor duty is more a Befrienders thing, isn't it? _We_ don't do it."

The building shook to a furious bellow of "WAIT A COTTON PICKIN' MINUTE!" several floors down. H.E.R.B.I.E wobbled in mid-air in a flurry of velvet and cashmere.

"See," the now aflame Torch grinned, forelegs spread demonstratively as he prepared to lazily tumble backwards off the balcony ", if I can pull that off what's charming my way into a hearth and home?"

Famous last words.

The charm offensive actually worked perfectly during the first attempt. Kind of?

"Any particularly loud habits we should know about, Mr. Storm?"

"I prefer to attend rather than host." The mare he was facing was older, but it was the 21st reign of Celestia and he'd pranced around with one of the Eternals for a bit, so he was mixing a fair bit of respect into his coyness. "The read sheet of music is more divine than the loudest symphony, my grandmamare used to say!"

"Mmhm. So no parties?"

"No ma'am!" That she'd know about.

"I see." Not scribbling on her clipboard but running a hoof down it. He so had this! "No visitors of a…questionable nature?"

"Perhaps, if the question is where they learnt such manners!" Like he'd dance with anypony who couldn't think quickly on their hooves.

She made a humourless sound. "And it says here you offered to pay a few weeks' worth of rent in advance?"

"I'm sure there'll be something to spare after all the charity work." Johnny beamed, mixing in a little technical truth.

"I'm sure there would." She smiled politely. Like a rock to the head with a complimentary note. "If your application met our standards."

"You're turning me down…?"

"This is an Off-Bridleway property Mr. Storm," the landlord said sternly, looking at him over the horn-rimmed spectacles he now realised were meant to be quirky. ", we cater to _character_ around here."

"I'm a super pony!" Johnny sputtered "Look!" He ignited his head. She didn't even adjust her glasses. "What tenant could be more-uh…c-charateristic than that?!"

"It _is_ Manehattan." she said flatly. The sheer logic of it was so close to a physical force he flamed off like a helpless watermelon who'd made the mistake of wandering into a dark alley in mallet territory.

"I…you…that…but my application?! I was so charming you could offer me as a main course at the Regis! What could I have possibly done wrong?!"

"I'm afraid, as the foals say, ya boring."

" _That went out of style two apocalypses ago, you hag!"_ Johnny screeched! In his head. Half an hour later. He didn't even remember getting into the cab. If the universe had had any decency the driver would've turned out to be the Wingless Warlock in disguise, but he was so rattled he forgot to make a pass at her.

There wasn't technically a second attempt, not because of any unforeseen faux pas but the more mundane fact the East Side place he'd had his eye on had been sold by the time he arrived. While he was reeling the universe decided to spring Manehattan's legendary Never Aroundness of cabs on him. It took a few minutes huffily wandering the streets and almost getting run down by a furniture truck to remember _he could fly._

"Comin' through folks!" he called as he passed through the civilian airspace over Celestial Park, not so frazzled he couldn't remember to avoid accidentally sending flocks of pegasi, griffons and medium sized dragons spiralling to the ground in a blaze of fiery death.

"Nice contrail!" a weather pony called.

Johnny glanced over his shoulder to give her a patented smile, but it was flattened and distorted by the glass pane of what she really meant: the change in background magical frequency had turned his trailing flames into a shower of candy coloured, abstract shapes. Flowers and squiggles mostly. He looked like he was pulling the opening titles of _Saved by the Bell_ behind him.

"Ley lines." he hissed, clenching chagrined teeth as he put on a burst of speed to get out of there.

The third attempt was the first to honestly hurt.

"Nice!" He stepped into the studio/loft/almost-out-of-a-movie space with the same delight Reed usually showed for the discovery of a new class of pony eating bacteria. "Is this early 50's Stallifornian architecture? On this coast?"

"Excellent eyes, Mr. Storm!" the younger landlord beamed. She was dressed in professional business wear that only matched her charmingly lowkey energy if you imagined her working somewhere fun, like a Las Pegasus casino. One of Johnny's favourites.

"Eh, work takes me a lot of places. You recognize certain things."

"I wasn't referring to your gift for architecture."

Johnny gently released enough of his powers to make it look like he was blushing, both because endearing himself would help with the sale and because the only thing the ladies loved more than a cultured stallion was a humble one. It faded as she led him through to the Canterlot ballroom sized living room and broke his concentration with the best feature.

"Holy cow," he gasped, eyes flashing with the sunset glowing behind the elephant sized bay windows ", what a view!"

"Oh, I agree!" she breezed following in after him. He'd have added his own line to let her know he was receiving loud and clear, but the spectacular panorama of towers and parks was overriding all other signals.

"And you want how much for this place?"

"Can you really put a price on something this good for the mind and soul?" she asked. He was seriously going to have ask her name at some point so he could add her to his Hearths Warming card list.

"Can't believe I missed seeing something this amazing on the way in!"

"Well, we _have_ only just met!"

Scratch that, so he could invite her over for Hearths Warming.

"Does your _je ne sais quoi_ come with the place too?" he asked casually taking full advantage of her own coyness.

"I'll certainly be…around." There was something about her smile that got to him. Not like that, like…hadn't her lipstick been green when she'd opened the door? Maybe it was the light in here, the view was the meteorological equivalent of a roaring fireplace. "But you'll have plenty of company."

"No kidding, check out all those clubs down there! And the signs! This street has so much nightlife you could use it as an emergency runway in a blackout!"

"Funny you should mention that, because _I_ was trying to engineer an opening to mention your neighbours!" The landlord clapped her hooves together with the military precision of a Bridleway cue.

The front door glided open through some unseen method, which Johnny would've thought was odd, given he didn't remember closing it, but didn't because of the murders' row of Ambiguously 20-Something mares that parade marched through it. The windows bounced the radiance of their vivacious smiles around the room and straight into Johnny's brain.

" _How's it going everypony?"_ he would have said, but the looks they were giving him and the sheer radioactive luck pouring out of this walk-in miracle's walls made him feel like he was drowning even as his throat went dry. He trotted backwards and only landed in the _sinfully heavenly_ embrace of one of the many recliners because he bumped into it and tipped himself over.

"Is something wrong, Johnnycake?" the landlord cooed, lashes fluttering as she placed a hoof to his brow, practically buoyed up there as the wave of oh-so-concerned neighbours flooded around the chair.

 _Surrounding him_ his inner explorer cautioned, shrugging off his inner playboy, inner rockstar and inner Formula One champion's attempts to dogpile it a lot more easily than most of his colleagues would have given him credit.

"Wrong?! Sun and country, no! Heck, that view…"

He paused, Johnny-Sense tingling.

"Yes!" There was a fingernail of desperation sliding down the chalkboard of her tantalizing voice now, her hoof switching to his chest as if trying to shove him into the recliner like a bag of incriminating evidence into a peatbog. "Sunsets are practically mesmerising, aren't they?!"

"Yeah, but…can I-? Thanks." She squeaked as Johnny took her pressing leg to examine her watch, politely but firmly sliding one of the encroaching neighbours backwards as a bulwark against the rest with an outstretched hindleg.

"Yeah, it's only 2:30." he said, half noting on adventure honed instinct that the watch was more of a high-tech communicator type of deal, a slight extra-terrestrial slant to the digits.

"But it's awesome, right?" she grinned disarmingly even as she yanked her foreleg out of his grip with more combat hold breaking experience than a real estate agent should have, even in Manehattan.

"Oh, absolutely!" Johnny nodded contemplatively, almost there. "The whole place is perfect! In fact, it's almost like it coulda…"

He trailed off, staring vaguely into the middle distance as his eyes focused sharply as Timberwolf's claws unsheathing.

"Could have what?" the landlord asked, adjusting her lapels almost as if she were a gunslinger limbering up for high noon.

"Could have been made…for me…" Johnny gave the apartment another look, the same slow kind sunlight gives to bombed out ruins in a war movie.

"Aww crud," he said dejectedly ", this is a Skrull honeytrap isn't it?"

"What?!" the landlord chuckled "Whaaaat? Nooo-ho-ho-oh, what? Ahaha, that would beSEIZE HIM!"

Johnny used a quick but low level thermal burst to shoot himself towards the kitchen island before the ring of beguiling danger could close! The would-be captors crashed into each other in a synchronised jump, styled manes and tails billowing like parade balloons in the world's saddest crash landing.

"Ladies! Ah, ponies! People? People! Let's not be hasty!" He scrambled for purchase, trying simultaneously to climb down, stay atop and not mar the immaculate marble counter as angry, yellowing eyes began to rise out of the tangle. "This place isn't rent controlled, right? Technically you'd be inflicting all sorts of harm on me every day! They say stress is the greatest cause of hair loss, and as I'm sure you know I love my hair! Financial, follicle! Double the emotional damage!"

He sprang to the piano in the upper right corner of the room as another neighbour lunged for him, the discordant _pldingtwang_ of his hooves striking the keys perfectly timed with her face slamming into the marble top. He hauled the top board up, creating a barrier for a war crying Skrull, swinging herself towards him with the chandelier, to bounce off and crash land on a trio that had been trying to sneak up on him.

"Well, I've had a wonderful time," he called, slamming the board down and balancing on it as he took aim with a foreleg ", but this wasn't it!"

With an almost turbine like roar a jet of flame burst from his hoof, propelling the entire piano towards the windows like a battering ram made of class, demolishing and bowling aside lesser items of furniture. The squealing of the frenzied castors was almost drowned out by shrieking Skulls as they dived out of his way.

All except his would-be landlord, who he barely had time to register was homicidally galloping towards him! No, wait. The last coffee table between them.

Nonplussed, Johnny watched as the Skrull commander leapt onto the table, hurling herself into the air with the same in-equine grace. The front of the piano ploughed it into expensive dust as she thrust hooves towards him glowing with the same violet energy that flooded her eyes, bowling him off the runaway instrument and effortlessly landing in his place!

He tried to roll with the impacts of the familiar laser blast and hitting the floor, but he still felt the breath rushing out of him as he landed. Purple dots of energy and disoriented vison flashed all around him as he stared up at the still careening piano.

"Yes!" the commander cried, thrusting clenched, violet pulsing hooves. "Oh yes, yes, _yes!_ "

Then she looked behind her. "Oh no."

She managed to hurl herself into one of the plush chairs just in time. The piano rammed into the glorious faux sunrise with an appropriately vaudevillian sounds of torment, shattering itself…and the sky?

Through the multiple shocks his system had taken in the last few seconds, Johnny watched as cracks and static lanced across the magnificent view, muddying orange and gold with pale electric green. Even as the shattered piano rolled back from the impact the entire wall began to tip forward after it.

The commander yelped, still glowing hooves scrabbling in place for a few precious seconds before she managed to bolt out of range of the collapsing screens.

"A hologram." Johnny mumbled hollowly. "It's a hologram." It was the revelation not the blast that kept him stunned in place as the Skrulls swarmed over him, holding him down.

"Honestly? I thought it was a little much." The commander brushed herself down, smirking in triumph. "But it did the job, didn't it?"

"Uh, I dunno commander," piped up the underling holding down Johnny's left hindleg ", he did notice the time difference."

"You know what the royalty won't notice, private?" she replied sweetly. "Your name! When I leave it out of my report! The report that tells the tale of how my _brilliant_ scheme captured the legendary Horseshoe Torch, one of the four greatest enemies of the empire!"

"Not to risk being written out ma'am," the Skrull who'd faceplanted into the counter top pointed out nasally, snout still accordioning in that gross shapeshifter way ", but protocol says he's not officially captured until his powers are neutralised, and realistically speaking how could we hold him if they weren't?"

"I'd have ordered you to get the stasis cuffs on him by now if you didn't keep interrupting!" the commander snapped. "Where are the cuffs anyway?"

"In the piano like you ordered, ma'am!"

"Yes, the clearly totalled piano. Fools! I meant where are the other stasis cuffs!"

"Other stasis cuffs, ma'am?"

"The other stasis cuffs." she said with the calm of someone who could laser blast your head off your shoulders and was trying not to. "The ones I told you all to hide around the apartment."

"You, uh, specified the-" Accordion Face began.

"Yes," she snapped, violet energy flaring out of her eyes ", to agent 2162! Which one of you is 2162?! Hurry up, he's coming 'round!"

The energy in her eyes flared brighter as every hoof, some of them going green and scaly, went up. "What?! You can't all be…what?!"

"You did ask for us, ma'am." Accordion Face pointed out, a note of reproach in her voice audible even as she began trying to stretch her snout back into shape.

"No, I asked for the best agents from the best seduction departments in the empire!"

"Right!" Accordion Face winced as she released her nose, now straight but still wobbling. "That's us. Department 2162."

"And _you're_ agent 2162." Johnny and his captors looked back and forth between them as the commander began trying to _force_ a problem into a solution. "The one I ordered to hide stasis cuffs in the piano. That's clearly not going to work. So where are the rest of them?"

"We're _Department_ 2162." Accordion Face sounded worried now. "We're agents of the twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty second infiltration department. So, see, we're all agent 2162."

" _What._ " The room flared purple as the commander's eyes widened. "All sixteen of you?! How would that…what kind of…so where did all those other orders I sent out go?!"

"Did you check if they were, like, received?" asked the woozy chandelier Skrull as her squashed comrades carried her over.

"No! When I give an order I expect it to be obeyed! I shouldn't need to-"

"Well if you _had_ ," the deleted left leg Skrull pointed out, not un-bitterly ", you'd probably have found a bunch of messages from high command asking what the ⟒⋏⌇⍜⍀⟒⎅ you were talking about."

"What kind of asinine system is this?!" the commander practically shrieked, staring from underling to underling. "How in the ten dimensions does that make sense as a naming convention?!"

"Well it sort of saves time if you think about it." one of Chandelier's supporters pointed out.

"How?!"

"I mean, there's twenty thousand one hundred and sixty one departments before us. And besides the fact this is, like, spy ops and junk so anonymity is the point, we're all in the army. It's not like anyone cares about our names."

"Some of us don't even get into the reports." Left Leg muttered.

"YOU SHUT UP!" The energy frothing in the commander's hooves winked out as she clasped them to her temples, her popping eyes still glowing. "This is why this empire is collapsing!"

"So, okay, since we're all agent 2162," Accordion Face interjected in the tone of someone sliding towards the edge of a greased ledge ", and you told agent 2162 to hide the stasis cuffs in the piano…and we're _all_ agent 2162…"

In near perfect sync all their reptilian gazes shot to the wreckage. The mountain of mahogany rubble was a lot more metallic than it should have been, broken sea shells of high tech cuffs sparking in a pitiful pile where they'd poured out of cracks in what must have been a very hollow piano.

All eyes shot back to the blinking Johnnycake.

"Where's the Super Skrull." The commander wheezed "Oh ⎅⟒⏃⍀ ⋔⟒, where's the Super Skrull?"

"We thought _you_ were the Super Skrull, acting commander!" Accordion Face gulped.

"I'm _a_ Super Skrull, you lummox!"

"Lyja." They froze at the ice in the pinned Torch's voice. "Is that you, Lyja?"

"Yyyyyynnnnnnnn?" the commander managed, ears lengthening and chin segmenting as she struggled _not_ to shift back to her ponytail. Unfortunately, even though they were vibrating from the effort of non-committance, she'd let her vocal cords revert.

The Skrulls pinning Johnny shot away from him like a splash mark on concrete, just in time to avoid being cooked alive by the angry blast of flame that punched a hole in the ceiling! Hot dust and cold daylight poured into the devastated space.

"I told you what would happen if you came back." Johnny hissed, fully alight with his eyes glowing a deeper, seething orange.

"What can I say?" Lyja smirked as they circled each other, glowing violet eyes matching his as she rippled back to her true green form. "You're just so _easy_ , Johnny!"

She elongated her foreleg to put more speed into the blasts! Her still mostly disguised troopers dived for cover behind the remains of the furniture as the Torch countered each shot with his own savage bursts of flame.

"Give me a break." Johnny spat as he forced her to back up. "Lyja the Laser Lasher! Man, what happened to you? You were always the absolute worst, but you used to be better than…whatever this is!"

"So I'm a little rusty!" she panted as her purple jumpsuited back met the wall. "But I'm sure it'll be just like the old days. After a lot of practice."

Johnny hated the way she was smiling. Hated the sadism in it. Hated the thrill it still gave him.

"Even if you weren't booked for a one-way trip to the Stockade, did you seriously think you'd take me down with…?" He waved a blazing hoof vaguely in the direction of the peeping green minion heads.

"Can't blame a girl for trying." She actually shrugged.

"Watch me. I _know_ you, Lyja. You might be almost unluckier than a certain web-slinger I know, but you're twice as creepy crawly. The only reason you'd slither out from under your rock is if you had a bigtime plan. You're such a schemer you make Gloom sick!"

"Flatterer!" she winked, sending out violet sparks. She knew he hated that too.

"I'm not playing around, Lyja." Some of the cold fury left his voice as he sincerely asked the question. "Why did you come back?"

"Well lover, the answer to your question is: SMOKEBOMB!"

The space filled with righteous flames almost the exact same instant it was flooded with the choking green mist.

Johnny snarled, sparks shooting from between his teeth as the hacking Skrulls tried to rally around him. Okay, she was back which automatically made everything terrible and she'd gotten away, which was worse because who knew what she was up to this time. But sixteen Skrull infiltrators and a heads up wasn't chicken feed. Once clean-up had finished, and the rights were sorted out maybe he could still use the space. Like, sure, two holes in the roof and the view had been a lie, but…

Then he saw what the collapsing screen had done to the hardwood floor, put back his head and blasted another hole in the ceiling with a coulomb of flames that emerged from his mouth along with the desolate scream.

"You monsters!" he was yelling as the M.E.U.P galloped into the chokingly smoke filled room, banging one of the 2162 agents' multi chinned face off the now irreparably scuffed kitchen counter "It could have been beautiful! IT COULD HAVE BEEN BEAUTIFUL!"

 _5_

"So what went wrong?" Applejack asked as they hefted a bale of mildew smelling wreckage onto a cart. The other was starting to fill up with salvaged crates and barrels as she cleared it of wooden posts, two of which she slipped onto her back as she trotted past.

"I'm not joking," Peter insisted as they headed back to the jagged gashes in the mud ", the suit moved all on its own!"

"Nah, that sounds…well, weird but that's just, whadda you folks call it, the business!" Applejack placed another post and deftly tapped it straight into the soil, completing a task that would have taken a stallion twice her size ten minutes of sweaty, jaw numbing labour with a hammer. "You get a new gig yet? You don't sound so sure. If ya don't mind me sayin'!"

"It's cool. They said they'd think about it." Peter sighed. He cast a web lasso around another pile of wreckage. It was lucky the strands were adhesive enough, still allowing him to reel the timber in, as his unenthusiastic yank didn't pull it all the way closed.

"That doesn't sound so bad!" Applejack trotted over, satisfied for now with the two neat(ish) rows she'd set up along the bank or the river, and began hefting barrels onto her back, placing her hooves against another to roll it. "They know your name now, right? And hey, you applied somewhere!"

"I guess." Peter gave a smile that was transparently for her benefit. "Felt more like they were seeing how far I was pushing it or something. Or sizing me up for a straitjacket."

"Now there's an idea! Your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Shrink!" Applejack gave him one of her nudges that would've sent an unenhanced pony vibrating like fine china in an earthquake. Peter sometimes got the feeling she liked not having to hold back around him. "You could make sure some of the nuts ya tango with stay in the packet! Wouldn't even need to ditch the costume! Whip yourself up a moustache 'n clown 'do, a pair of tiny specs 'n a bad accent…"

Peter couldn't hold back a burst of laughter, forcing him to readjust his aim to snag more floating debris. "Ja, ask them why zhey hate zeir mutha…"

"Oh gosh, they don't do they?" Applejack shook her head as she organized some of his bundles closer together. "Don't get me wrong, we've gone up against some weirdos, heck, even before Twilight showed up but these fellas sound like they either got too much spankin' as foals or not enough!"

"No comment." Peter checked a crate he'd reeled in wasn't too waterlogged and passed it to her. "Looks like we're about to wrap up, boss. Wanna try for the grand prize?"

"Uuuh," Applejack coked her head, considering the scarred caboose jutting out of the river like a cubist's impression of a cheeky wooden duck and nodded ", sure, gimme a minute to grab the spare wheels."

"Hey, one pony wrecking _and_ construction crew up in here," Peter offered ", you already did the work of an entire salvage crew and even brought emergency cart wheels! What's the point of bringing a grade-A genetic misfit like me along if you're not gonna let me lighten the load?"

Applejack's look could have sandblasted a Canterlot Castle wall, but she was smiling. "What, 'cause this is stallion's work and I should be a good lil' filly and sip cider on the veranda?"

"I-I didn't-" Peter stuttered, dropping the crate he was carrying and only managing to catch it with the proportionate hasty juggle-grab of a spider "Anypony could get bitten by a…some of my best…"

"Buddy, you are way too easy!" She gave him another nudge, this time startling him into tumbling the crate into the damp but neat pile. "Look, you got the big city; my family has this town. Savvy?"

"Definitely." Peter bumped her proffered hoof. "But my friends tell me to stop trying to do everything at once all the time even on _my_ day off, and that thing had to be four or five tons before taking on water."

"What do I look like, Rainbow Dash? Just 'cause I got a rep to maintain doesn't mean I'm gonna rope burn my teeth out and maybe drown myself. But this baby was carryin' fertilizers, paints, some construction stuff…weather team'll filter the worst out, but we can't just leave it there leakin' who knows what!"

"Least it's not one of the town's sources," Peter said, raising his voice over the web lines his tail was weaving together ", and I'm sure the apothecary'll whip up something to help the fish."

"Yeah, it's the other wildlife we were worried about!" Applejack replied clearly, even though she should have been distracted with the windup she was taking with her lasso. Mare had Matt tier game! "Especially Fluttershy, naturally. Fence oughta keep 'em out so they can find a better drinkin' spot."

She let fly, perfectly nailing the wagon's rear spoiler. "Okay, wheels are probably gonna go and if it's in the mud we'll be here all dang day so hard 'n fast, yeah?"

"On your mark." Peter monotoned back in his best Ground Control voice.

"You're learnin'." Applejack smirked, taking a firm grip between her teeth and pulling her line taut. After a muffled countdown the splintered remains of one of Ponyville's supply wagons was splashing backwards through the water bleeding from its multiple gouges, making the mud it had churned up that morning even swampier.

With a synchronised yank both ponies sent it shooting forward, knifing new lines through the remains of its chaotic tracks. One of the rear wheels, now technically the front, did shatter, pitching the wreck down and the jolting the devastated actual front into the air, landing completely clear of the mud.

Nevertheless, Applejack insisted on replacing all the wheels. Herself. "Gonna be enough hassle gettin' this convoy back to Ponyville as is, can't have this overgrown bath toy collapsin' in the middle of the road."

"See what you mean." Peter agreed, peering into the damp darkness of the shattered sides. "Hey, there's some more loot in here if-"

Applejack made a number of strangely articulate noises from where she was tightening a bolt. With her mouth.

"…sorry?"

"Anythin' that wasn't watertight'll be mulch by now." Applejack repeated then spat to the side to get the taste of metal out of her mouth. "It's these holes I'm worried about. She looks like one bump and she'll split like Rarity's brain that time we opened a Shears next to the new all stallions gym."

"Or." Peter offered, taking a few steps back.

Applejack watched, begrudgingly impressed as he fired his webs into the wagon's eviscerated sections with crossbow precision, weaving lattices that pulled themselves tight together and slammed the dangling segments back into place. The wagon now looked like it had been caught between a rock and another rock, but also compacted instead of gutted. All the webbing was internal, no visible reason to think the wreck had held together long enough to be brought back than sheer dumb luck.

"I won't tell if you won't." Peter winked as he attached the debris wagon's rear winch to the remains of the wreck's front spoiler before she could try to prove something. As if he wasn't.

"Ya get all kinds of weird fish in Equestrian waters these days." Applejack nodded, taking advantage of his unsolicited gallantry to yolk herself to the salvage cart, putting herself at the front of the convoy.

"Oh, come on! You can't seriously expect me to let you pull this monstrosity yourself!"

"Hay nah, why do ya think I brought ya along in the first place? Your good looks?" She indicated the other yolk with her head and a very Manehattanite impetuosity. "And once we're on the main road you're outta those reigns and trottin' 'longside. There's three of the biggest mouths this side of the Dragon Lands packin' Elements of Harmony and it ain't gonna be Honesty's fault Spider-Pony's secret gets spread all over town!"

"Oddly flattering." Peter slotted the large wooden 'DANGER: DONE OUR BEST BUT WHY TAKE CHANCES' board into place, completing Applejack's fence. "Nice calligraphy by the way! Isn't this the kind you use for your stalls?"

"Best lesson trade school ever teaches ya is the importance of makin' an impression!" she beamed. "I never did ask what of."

Peter was laughing so much he almost didn't manage to harness himself properly but in no time at all they were trotting briskly along one of Ponyville's well-worn trade roads, a boxcar and a half's worth of salvage and debris rattling complacently behind them.

Peter idly wondered if this was the road he'd chased the pain-in-the-tail white collar crook he'd come to think of as _The Commuter!©_ down. He'd come to think of it as his first official Ponyville adventure.

Technically he'd passed through once on an adventure to the Everfree Forest, which he…might tell the friends about if he and Timber could ever agree on what _happened_ in there. But it had been interesting to come back out of costume once Twilight piqued his interest.

While a generous slice of Canterlot could be glimpsed between mountaintops, the town had been built up out of many travelling farmers, explorers and traders from all over the kingdom, a hub of activity even before Equestrian Express ran one of its major lines through it. Almost every major business or travel route weaved through the place, which was probably why the proximity of one of the few unexplainable phenomena in Equestria was conspicuously absent from the tourist board's literature.

He smiled ruefully, wondering what the locals had made of that weirdo luchador from the Big Apple showing up, chasing a thief who looked _sort of_ like the bum from _Married with Foals_ and getting into a spat with four of the local celebrities while Twilight and Fluttershy were out of town. Thank the stars above Flattop hadn't been there…

"Don't forget the dog." he mumbled distractedly in response, then shook his head. "Sorry, you say something?"

"I was tryin' to say thanks." Applejack grumbled, but not as much as he'd seen her do with ponies who deserved it. "Coulda handled it but it was good of you to lend a hoof on your downtime. And can't say I was lookin' forward to all that work without Big Macintosh around."

"Oh no, happy to!" Peter assured as they navigated one of the turns. "And I'm sorry about your brother. Falling into poison joke sounds bad enough but being allergic…yikes!"

"Ah, Zecora and the others are all over it." She was trying to sound unconcerned and he wasn't going to stop her. "Have the big lug up 'n fitter than a new pair of spats in no time. But the town _needs_ this stuff, even with a replacement on the way tonight."

"I've lived through enough blizzards back home to know what you mean." Peter nodded gravely. "Hay, I was there for the one where they turned the Good Spell blimp into a dropship the roads were so bad."

"Oh gosh!" Applejack laughed "Not the same thing but after Winter Wrap Up our school, we must've been a year younger than Applebloom, but they took us to see some documentary or whatever at the theatre and that was in the news reel! It was like, I dunno, like watchin' aliens droppin' a circus on a city for Hearths Warmin'!"

"That's the best way I've ever heard it put!" Peter felt a web-swing like rush of nostalgia. "Our whole neighbourhood turned out to help, right, it's me, my aunt and uncle, we can see the bridge and this…waterfall of parachutes and boxes is just _spraying_ down onto the island out of this, this, this sky whale! Only they weren't colour coded, it's the ley lines acting up between districts, so they're bursting into any random colour! Like watching the sky drop a paint jug! And I'm scrabbling at uncle Glen in my snowsuit, begging him to put me on his shoulders so I can get a better look!"

Their laughter carried over the rattle of the wagons, which lowered as they were forced to slow down to catch their breath.

"Guess I still think of him that way." Peter mused, not really looking at his hooves on the road.

"In your snowsuit...?"

"A giant."

Nothing but hooves and cart wheels on packed earth for a few beats.

"He sounds like he'd still give you a boost today." Applejack said with the warmth she usually reserved for Twilight. She rolled her eyes as Peter stopped dead to look at her and was bumped back into trotting by the momentum of the convoy. "Please, I come from a family who doesn't say nothin' 'less there's somethin' to say and run with a herd of fillies younger than me who don't say nothin' until everything's gone wahoonie shaped. Gotta be good at readin' ponies."

"It's not your problem." Peter frowned, looking at his hooves again so he'd hopefully sound less defensive.

"You're datin' the girl who turned me into one of them, ah whaddayacallsit, anthropomorphic personifications of the concept of truth." He was half convinced she'd phrased it that way so he'd state at her again. "We may as well be friends." she smiled, shrugging. "Besides you'll just wind up havin' the same conversation with Twi _anyway_. Practice'll do ya good!"

"Yeah, like trimming my web-shooters from the inside." Peter muttered. "Ah, it's dumb but the fact I haven't written anything in a while came up. No major research papers, not even the Bugle's science section, but…"

"Buuuut?"

He couldn't stop heaving the sigh. "Technically? I should've been overqualified."

"Over-? You're pullin' my leg!"

"Would this face lie to you?"

"Buddy, Rainbow Dash doesn't lie to me." She looked to the sky contemplatively. "Much. Anymore. Makes April Foals day 'bout as much fun as gettin' an all over massage from a porcupine."

"There actually was a supervi-" Peter began.

"So, what, you should've been too good for 'em but you also couldn't prove it even though they knew it?"

"Uh…basically." Peter blinked.

"Dang, Spike wasn't kiddin' about your luck!" She shook her head, chuckling as he frowned. He'd have to have A Chat with the dragon later. "Mind if somepony else has a take?"

"May as well be friends." He gave her a smile as the rooftops of Ponyville came into view. He felt her slowing to a stop and matched her pace to avoid dragging the entire convoy over her.

"They didn't say no. Even if they did, you still took an accident and tried to make it into something else."

She tapped the front of the cart behind them with a hindleg. "Like what we did today! Wasn't those couriers fault their rattlin' and bangin' woke that hibernatin' manticore up, and it wasn't it's fault it was scared and jumped the first thing that moved. So sure, I'm gonna miss out on a lil' sleep tonight to make sure my neighbours get the supplies they need, but at least now we can all tide over 'til then. Plus, since Fluttershy helped the poor beastie back to sleep, we know where an innocent creature's den is and can set up the right cautions, like we did at the lake."

She smiled, putting a hoof on his shoulder. "And the crown agreed to give the town a salvage fee, which gets split with my farm. And even though I _totally_ coulda pulled it off without ya, I got to help my home and learn something about a friend at the same time. Today coulda been worse. All we can do is do good where we can."

"You're as bad as Twilight, you know that?" Peter smirked to show he was feeling better.

"Don't make me toss ya in that junk pile!" She gave him another hardy nudge. "Speakin' of! Homestretch buster, outta those reigns! Time to lie by omission!"

"You've changed since you started hanging out with those no-good city ponies." He ducked her swipe, shrugging his way out of the reigns and adopting a nonchalant air as they began the journey towards one of the ways into the town square. If Applejack missed Spider-Strength taking the brunt of the convoy, she didn't let it show.

"Gotta dump this at the depot before I hand out what we saved and tell everypony you're more help than ya look. I'll try and swing by when you grab your train!"

"Sure you don't need any more…?"

"Go do your real responsibility and see your girlfriend, ya busybody!"

"Love you too!" Peter called over the rattle of the convoy, but still hung around for a bit watching her recede, making sure the wreck didn't come apart, until he realised he was attracting attention for scrutinizing the back of a waterlogged wagon.

He cantered casually across the plaza with the rest of the hoof traffic. No festival on today it looked like, but he still smiled at the energy, the flow of ponies going in and out of the shops, houses and restaurants. It was like a condensed version of Forest Hills! More carnival atmosphere, less tennis and decent(ish) pizza! Less things to swing from admittedly and it had taken practice to avoid sending a hoof through someone's straw roof, but that felt…right.

Spider-Pony had to adjust to the place. Peter Trotter? Peter Trotter got to be…anypony.

Business and pleasure though. He had to pick up his saddlebag from the station locker he'd started renting, Blackie's mystery rock nestled in the same secret pocket he kept the mask in. Hope it hadn't scratched the lenses during the train ride, he'd hate to dump this on Twilight and then hit her up for a quick repair spell too.

To ease his conscience, he decided to stop by those flower ponies the girls were always grumbling about (apart from Fluttershy who just mumbled) and pick up the ultimate romantic token: an optional snack.

"One heather and hydrangea bouquet please, ladies!" he beamed. "Oh what the hay, throw in some magnolia, mix it up a little."

"Heather and hydrangea with a magnolia chaser?!" one of them cooed and swooned simultaneously "It's Twilight Sparkle's mystery stallion!"

" _Daisy!_ " Lily snapped, practically strangling the bouquet as she wrapped it "Read the situation! We talked about this! Will that be all sir?"

"...eyup." Peter squeaked, hastily nosing the bits across the counter and snagging it in his mouth before she turned out to be Mystique or something.

Tucking it into his saddlebag he tried to straighten up and almost collided with a camera lens. "Wh-?!"

"Sorry Mr. Trotter!" Featherweight beamed, managing to bounce up and down despite his rig. "Just wanted to let you know! I got into that contest! They're gonna see my stuff!"

"You did? Nice!" He grinned, holding out his hooves to the little guy. "Down low!"

It was so cheesy his esteemed publisher's lactose intolerance was probably flaring up all the way back home but so what, the little guy's genuine enthusiasm for the craft deserved a doofy big brother pony boosting. "And the golden rule?"

"Safe is close enough," Featherweight repeated with rote weariness ", everything else is why Celestia invented telephoto lenses."

"Like, sh'aaay, 'ese?!"

"Your keys?" Featherweight blinked.

Peter crossed his eyes to take them in. He'd wondered why they tasted more metallic than usual. He slipped them back in, turning broadside to the colt. "Darn pockets! Okay it was supposed to be a surprise, but lower left one. Modified 'em so they should fit with your rig."

"Oh wow!" His eyes were almost as wide as the caps clenched in his widdle buck teeth. "Th'nks sh'oh m'ch!"

"Keep it up, kid!" he called as the colt bolted off to geek out somewhere. Licking his chops to try and get the taste of plastic out, he looked up and saluted an approaching shadow. "Hey Rainbow!"

"Hey homewrecker!" Dash chirruped back.

"Still doing the girlfriend's faux-abrasive best friend routine?" Peter smirked back. "Because pretty sure that went out of style two apocalypses ago!"

"What routine, I'm like this with everypony." She winked at the apex of her lazy loopdeloop. "Watch out for runaway mail ponies!"

"Huh?" And then that mail pony, you know the one, cannoned into him because, for some Pinkie Pie-esque reason, she didn't set off his Spider-Sense.

"So since she was going your way anyway…" he was explaining ruefully a few minutes later, passing Twilight her small parcel.

"You know, I really need to sit down and figure out how that particular gift of yours works." Twilight frowned, gently checking his head with a hoof. "I mean the symbiote makes sense, but why does Owlacious set it off and Derpy doesn't?"

"Maybe because owls eat spiders, honey." Peter's eyes pinballed back and forth as he checked the cornices. "Where is he anyway? Torturing some field mice, perhaps?"

"My owl _does not_ torture field mice!"

"That you know of."

"I'm the one who cleans out his cage! I'd have noticed, wouldn't I Spike?"

"Only because I clean everything else around here so much I could do it with my eyes closed, and he's _your_ gross bird." Spike emerged from the closet, lining up supplies on the counter. "Hey Pete."

"Hey big guy. Want a hoof?"

"Nah, it's cool! Make with the mushy mushy!"

"You surround them with _books_ …" Twilight muttered, straining with the box's tab, magically sealed to prevent telekinetic shoplifting. ", you share your _notes_ …do they repay you with a _vocabulary?_ Nooo…"

"Maybe this will be more intellectually stimulating!" Peter nosed open his bag and searched it, temporarily panicking that he may have lost the specimen. Thankfully it hadn't scratched his mask's lenses but fallen inside it.

"Oooh, my favourite flowers and an object of unknown origin!" Twilight snatched it up in her telekinesis, inquisitive eyes roaming all over it even as she quipped. "Keep this up and I'll start to think you're sweet on me, Mr. Trotter!"

Her eyes narrowed, her grip on the tab loosening. "Hmm…strong vibrational frequency…engraved, stylized, maybe a language? Where did you get this again?"

"A scaly little bird dropped it in my lap after trying to drop me." He went on to explain Arcadian Tombs's career as a golden age adventuring inventor, the decades of frustration as he was always overshadowed by more dynamic colleagues.

How the bitterness had driven him to go corporate, snapping when a certain family business tried to swindle him out of his greatest invention, a mystikenetic harness that would allow non-pegasi to fly! The predilection for the basilisk species venomousness that had driven Tomb's to model his spare prototype on them, allowing him to match Peter's youth, strength and agility in mid-air. And how a low level smuggler had managed to get his greasy hoofs on a version of the suit, almost as dangerous as the old lunatic because of his lack of finesse.

"But Mr. Tombs never manipulated it before?" Twilight mused "Hmm. Could they be working together? Tombs somehow piloting the costume in case something happens to Dark Deco?"

"A remote controller sounds like a distinct possibility," Peter frowned as he finished an oatcake ", but Tombs is the last pony who'd do Blackie a favour. They despise each other for stealing their shot at the big time."

"Wasn't he a for real basilisk-pony at some point?" Spike asked, wiping a window. "I remember seeing some photos in Twilight's scrapbook."

"Oh man, yeah, that was weird." Peter shook his head. "Back in my senior year he had some kind of midlife plus crisis and hooked up with an underworld lab big into illegal magi-gene research, custom super soldiers kinda crud. It was like fighting a crocodile skin sofa! His metabolism couldn't handle it though and it wore off after a while. Put him out of commission until a few years ago."

He blinked, looking at Twilight as she floated the stone and multiple tomes in front of her, still wrestling with the tab. "You keep a scrapbook? On me?"

"…I like research." Twilight said diplomatically, blushing. She sighed and put the books down and the stone on a table. "Sorry Peter, I'm trying but if it's ancient it'll be buried deep. The downside to the Princess letting me study the Elements some more and drip feeding the Canterlot archives is it feels like my brain has more flight paths than Rainbow Dash on mushrooms! And! This! Stupid! Tab!"

"It's cool!" Peter smiled. "Whenever you can get around to it! Want me to…?"

"I faced down Nightmare Moon fresh out of grad school, I'm not going to be beaten by a piece of plastic!" Her expression softened into one of sympathy as she took a break from trying to wrench her forelegs out of their sockets. "I feel sorry for some of your 'regulars' sometimes. The minds it must take to build those suits and devices! What would Mr. Tomes or Dr. Ocellus do if they'd turned to magic instead of Everfree think?"

"Pontificate even more?"

" I'm feeling too good to fight with you today! " Twilight sang, nuzzling him as she gave up on being one of the common people and levitated a protractor from a nearby pen mug to stab the box open. "Shining's going to host the Equestria games, I'm drowning in delicious research, there hasn't been a crisis since last November and Spike's thingy finally arrived!"

"My what now?" Spike hopped off the windowsill he'd been cleaning as she floated a small plastic something or other with earphones and a belt like strap.

"Oh sweet, a Spark Enterprises MAGiPod!" Peter cooed. "Gosh hon, that must have set you back a bit! Tony only let them on the street after spinning them out of all those crystal communications upgrades he made for the crown!"

"It was pre-ordering the songs that really hiked things up," Twilight beamed, passing it to Spike ", but the girls all chipped in when I explained it was a present for Spike!"

"Present?!" Spike practically hurled the thing back at her, backing away as though burned. "B-but I didn't do anything to…"

"Everything okay?" Peter asked, taking a cautious step forward. The problem ("problem") with their relationship was he and Twilight were so simpatico it felt like they'd been officially together longer than they had. There was a lot between her and her friends he wasn't privy to. Yet.

Then again, he still hadn't told her about that night with uncle Glen. What really happened. Yet. Maybe Spike deserved his secrets. They couldn't be worse.

"It's fine!" Spike said with an embarrassed desperation Peter knew a little too well.

"It is." Twilight reassured, using her telekinesis to fasten the cord around his waist and her hooves to place the earphones around his neck. "You were _fine_ at Hearths Warming, and I'll always trust you. And have a lot of birthdays to make up to you. But if it helps think of it as a work present!"

"Work present, huh?" Spike weighed the phones cautiously.

"Well you _were_ saying yesterday how nice it'd be to have some real music while you worked!"

"Yeah, and then you said it'd be nice if I could actually carry a tune or remember the words." Spike gave her an impish smirk. "That was last month."

"Put on your dragon metal, dear."

"Dragon-?" Spike's eyes went wide with awe, joyfully snapping the headphones into place. "Thanks Twilight!"

He almost bowled her over with the hug. Peter presumed she winced from the button jamming into her side and the proximity of the now playing earphones to her face rather than the affection. He could _feel_ the tinny blasts of industrial sounds from here. They both backed up in bemusement as Spike dropped away and began swaying and humming, his tail wrapped around his duster.

"That was nice of you." Peter chuckled as the dragon began to dance-dust his way across the room, impressed the little guy actually could do it with his eyes closed.

"Nice nothing, that was all for me." She sprang at him suddenly! Spike continued to headbop obliviously as a startled Peter reared up to catch Twilight in his forelegs. The last of the soreness from Basilisk's tail and the convoy melted away as she planted a kiss. "I've _had_ it with his unsolicited commentary when I'm in the middle of having woo pitched to me."

She teleported both of them suddenly, Peter blinking away purple sparks as he found himself back on all fours and facing the main staircase. He felt the reassuring weight as she materialized on his back, draping herself and gently wrapping her forelegs around his neck.

"Up those stairs, gorgeous! I want you to tell me how perfect my coat looks at sunset again!" She playfully dug her hooves into his sides like spurs. "Chop, chop!"

"Looking to kill a few hours until then, huh?" he smirked, getting into a starting crouch.

"You're the improvisational sort, I'm sure you'll come up with something!"

Spike, lost in a world of power cords, completely failed to register her giggle as Peter made a mock macho whinny and galloped up her bedroom stairs two at a time.

Okay, so it was only weekends, the odd early weekday and more often some primal magic brouhaha. Okay, so the pizza was decentish at best. Ponyville wasn't perfect. But just to get away from it all and feel like a normal pony was rarer than gold to a grade-A genetic misfit. With Twilight? It could have been on fire and still been paradise.

But even as the door slammed shut and the curtains were drawn, he could almost _feel_ Manhattan thousands of miles away, waiting and generating twice as many reasons to put the mask back on.

Manehattan needed the Spectacular Spider-Pony, and Peter Trotter was no longer sure he wanted to live in a world without this girl and her town.

 _To be Continued_


	5. Line of Ire (2)

_6_

After…all that (and a few hours of debriefing, bad coffee and insisting he didn't need a blanket, suggesting the officer in charge as an alternative so she'd get mad and expedite his dismissal, though he'd meant it, she really did have a showpony lovely coat) the intrepid Horseshoe Torch tried going further afield.

"How do you feel about wharfs, Mr. Storm?" the white suited landlord asked, making him regret the idea immediately even though nothing had happened yet.

"…how do… _you_ feel about wharfs?"

"Please Mr. Storm, neither of us is on trial here! It's not the 60's anymore, am I right?"

"Yes." Johnny said simply, trying not to wonder what the random date had to do with anything because it clearly couldn't go anywhere good.

"I only ask because Storm is a good strong name, distinct as hoofprints, but storms, wharfs, you know, there's connotations!"

"There don't have to be!"

"Oh, I like that!" the old pony chuckled, Mozart mane wobbling slightly. Johnny was convinced his eyepatch had changed places at least twice since they began the conversation.

He tried to supply his older family members' style deficiencies by a wrapping a mix of impishness and swagger around his natural talents but had the uncomfortable feeling this Mr. Fishodour (that _name!_ ) was either better at stringing ponies along, operating on a different plane of reality or both.

The Baxter Barn (technically the Baxter Building on paper but named after the founders farm like laboratory that gave the building it's distinctive place in the Manehattan skyline, neat trivia if you wanted to appear worldly on a date) had gone through several landlords before Sue had finally been able to help Reed fully claim the property, and Johnny wouldn't have trusted some of them with her old Princess Playset dollhouse let alone somepony's home and future.

Fishodour made those guys look like lemonade stand foals with delusions of grandeur just by standing there.

"We have a thriving little community here," he explained continuing the tour, or at least leading Johnny around the apartment a lot ", well, little. Always up to something! Got to keep your eye on them!"

"I'm big on socialising!" Johnny tried smiling. "What do folks around here do for fun?"

"There's a certain amount of running around, they must enjoy _some_ of it!" Mr. Fishodour was randomly open doors now. "What line do you want to go with, Mr. Strom?"

"Sorry?"

"Ahaha, no it's me who should apologise! Old habit I picked up from my days running a Las Pegasus legal firm!"

"Oh, you were a lawyer?" The Las Pegasus and legal hooks gave him an opportunity to bring up June and hopefully make him feel like he had his hooves on solid ground for the first time in this conversation.

"No, just owned a lot. Ah, here we are!" The all white colour scheme was the only reason Johnny could buy this crank wasn't a disguise for the Impossible Pony as he wearily followed him into the living room. "I meant to ask what line you're in?"

"Explorative research." Johnny said carefully, giving the old weirdo a onceover and deciding to play to the cut of his suit.

"Explorative! Sounds profitable!" Fishodour smiled wistfully. "One of my many great, great grandfathers was an explorer, you know. Or at least he dealt in international waters a lot."

"Isn't this a little much for one pony?" Johnny asked. "I mean, you haven't let me get a good look at any of the other rooms, but this seems more family sized."

"Now don't be greedy Mr. Storm!" Fishodour wagged a hoof. "You already saw the restaurant downstairs, despite my best efforts!"

"Yeah, I…did wonder why you asked me to meet you around the back."

"Oh because that door is so much easier to open! Besides if it's restaurants you want you've got a view of a much more successful one from this window!"

"Not especially!" Johnny looked through the open window anyway. "I'd probably fix that backdoor too. No offence but it'd be kinda hard to sleep in any of these bedrooms if your thriving little community could run in and out whenever they want."

"Fair point." Fishodour consented "We're quite energetic for such an out of the way place. Always some new venture somewhere! Why, I recently took up tumbling! It's important to have skills to…fall back on! Eh? Eh?"

"Mmm." Johnny agreed, idly looking the place over and vowing never to pick potential housing via flame dart to a map ever again. Not because this was where fate had driven him but because the dart had naturally burnt a hole in the place name and this Wherever-The-Hay had been next to it. "This place seriously feels bigger than I'll need, what kind of price were you thinking?"

"We already agreed on one!" Fishodour beamed "And you _did_ say you wanted somewhere nopony would ever think to look!"

He held that pleasantly disposed smile though an entire beat of the superpony staring at him.

"No, I didn't." Johnny said. "I think you have me mistaken for somepony else. Maybe you get a lot of ponies who drop out of the sky on fire and make appointments at the last minute, but…"

"Oh no, easy mistake, could happen to anypony!" Mr. Fishodour assured. "My real 3:30 and I have never met face to face! Don't even know if they're a pony!"

"And, ah, the current owners?"

"Don't deal in…well, I really shouldn't say! But even if these were the proceedings I thought they were they'd have no bearing on them!"

"Yeah, but it's just that all their stuff's still here." Johnny picked up and examined a framed photo of three foals, feeling like their eyes were going to follow him all the way back home. "These people know you're trying to sell their house, right?"

"No, _you're_ running an illegal panda gland harvesting lab in the basement!"

"What?!" Johnny recoiled both from the accusatory hoof and the bomb burst sound of the dropped photo smacking the floor.

"See? Accusations aren't fun Mr. Storm."

"Mr. Fishodour?" came a deadpan voice that dragged Johnny to the centre of the earth with how exhausted it was "Are you up here? Because I don't wanna complain but there's this thing I found in the basement that we should probably talk abou-oh, uh, hi."

"Hey." Johnny said, trying to keep his voice as un-incriminating as possible. "Um."

"Bob! You're…"

"Back, yeah. Left, ah, left something in the basement, which I kinda feel we…"

"I was going to say alive! Remarkable."

They stood there looking between each other, until Fishodour smiled and shrugged. "Well, can't _hoof_ -stand around here all day. Hup!"

He hurled himself backwards out the window with the grace of an Equestria Games competitor! Johnny and Bob almost knocked each other over racing to it to see…Fishodour landing perfectly in his open roofed carriage, which rattled off around a corner and out of sight. Only the sea breeze and sound of distant hoofbeats indicated the old stallion had ever existed and Johnny wasn't sure the experience would ever leave him no matter how hard he tried.

After fixing up the family's door and accepting one of their burgers to go (least he could do) he was touching down on the terrace, feeling every mile of today's insane journey slapping into him like waves. The hardest part? He _had_ to tell Sue.

"Lyja?!" Sue threw off her work glasses, almost scattering the papers she'd been studying as she bounded from the kitchen table to embrace him. "Oh Johnny, I'm so sorry! How'd she even know where to lay that trap?"

"She's always been good at picking her moments." Johnny flopped down onto one of the couches, staring at the actual sunset out the magically tinting windows. "Other places I had lined up were probably cool, but it's not like the guard'll let me near them. Afraid you guys are still stuck with me."

"I've had you kicking my hooves out from under me since before you could walk." Sue smiled, sitting next to him. "I can wait a little longer."

Despite himself (or maybe that burger) Johnny smiled.

"It's a big city! You'll find somewhere!"

"Maybe. I _could_ talk to Skrull engineering, find out where they took that hologram."

Sue laughed then stopped at the contemplative look on his face. "You're serious."

"Hey, if I can't have hardwood floors…!"

"Well if ya ain't got nothin' better to do," the Thing rumbled, snagging his tail in his teeth as he walked past ", you can make yourself useful for once 'n help me sort out some Yancy Street business."

Johnny's protests were cut short as he flopped to the penthouse floor, adopting a resigned pose as he was dragged along. "Why not? A warm cup of your dignity _would_ hit the spot right about now…"

"Don't stay out too late!" Sue laughed as they turned the hall corner leading to the hanger. "You've got plenty more home hunting left to do!"

"Could I proofread web-head's jokes first?" the Torch muttered into the carpet. "Throw myself down some stairs, maybe."

It _did_ feel good to be out in the darkening city air though. Maybe because instead of the long flight of shame back to the penthouse he was on a mission. Okay, that was Peter think, time to shake it off.

 _7_

"So wait," Spike blinked as Peter suited up in the middle of the library floor ", why'd you take the train if you were just gonna use Twilight's set up to go back all along?"

"Peanuts and the fact I had only one more ride until I had enough miles to redeem on my rail pass." Peter winked, pulling the mask halfway over his face to cover his eyes but not his snout.

"I'll keep digging around for this." Twilight promised, levitating Deco's stone back into his saddle bag.

"It's cool. I'll hunt down Tombs and see what I can find out. Doubt it's anything big, that's not his forte and it sure isn't Blackie's." They shared a last kiss before he pulled the mask down fully. "And don't stay up too late! You've already got a lot going on."

"Maybe it's your fault for wearing me out." She teased, horn glowing. The floor beneath him filled with warm light and cool, stale smelling city air as she backed away.

"Same time next weekend?"

"Maybe earlier if the fate of the world's at risk again!" she called, the light shimmering off the Elements display behind her.

"Hey, Discord's a good guy now." he shrugged as space began to waver around him. "Anything could happen!"

Her laughter was swallowed by his apartment blooming into existence around him.

Sunset. The underworld watering holes he knew about should be starting to fill up.

He tossed his saddlebag onto the couch, checked his mail (no response from the lab but he hadn't seriously expected any) and launched himself out the living room window.

Despite his constant internal carping, going straight from Twilight Time to web-swinging was actually bolstering! Maybe it was refreshing that for once in his adult life he wasn't choosing to put a relationship to the side to focus on the business.

Then again, going from the most engaging and intelligent pony he'd ever met to the more primal feeling of galloping across the sides of buildings and swinging past towers, billboards and rooftop gardens: what wasn't to like?

In a montage of shady taprooms, alleyways and an unobtrusive visit to the Bugle's archives he confirmed that Tombs had been granted early parole into a work release program in a little under an hour. Hadn't even had to hang Turk off a fire escape or anything!

"Huh. Damage Control."

A consult position, which made him smile grimly under the mask. Old man had certainly caused enough damage. But where was the connection? Spare parts for Basilisk suits? Then how'd Blackie fit in? How'd that stone?

Ears not being pointy enough to qualify for World's Greatest Detective he decided for a more direct approach: trying to annoy it out of the old buzzard.

Arcadian Tombs arrived in his musty old rooms in what had, in his day, been one of the finest explorer's guild halls in the city to find his nemesis perched on the head of his favourite gothic reading chair, pretending to flip through one of the yellowing tombs that filled every corner.

"So how was your day?" Spidey cooed, making a show of neatly closing the book and then dumping it like a brick into a tower of them, collapsing it.

"What do you _want_ , arachnid?" Even without being framed by the Basilisk cowl Tombs eyes always unsettled Peter. One sharp and bird like, the other languid and reptilian.

"Magical jewellery and horseshoes to match, but it looks prettier on the Elements." He hopped off the head of the chair, landing in the seat with his forelegs behind his head and one hindleg crossed over the other. "Speaking of! Can't be doing your entitlement complex any good knowing there's a younger, sleeker Basilisk model out there!"

"Believe it or not I care even less about that fool Deco than I do you."

"You could tell me what Princess Celestia's hair is made out of and I still wouldn't believe you." Spidey sprang to the ceiling, lenses neutral as he stared the old man (upside)down. "Come up with any cruel and unusual ways to make your baby more versatile lately? I know how you like to tinker."

"No longer, I'm afraid." He hadn't missed the old man's reptilian smile. "You see before you a reformed stallion."

"Cade, old buddy, old pal, we've talked about this! If you wanna make me laugh just be yourself!"

"Rest assured this whole affair is most amusing." Tombs finished removing his hat and coat. His remaining hair seemed to be peeling itself away from his balding dome in a wing like shape, not helping with the whole Evil Genius thing. "You have no evidence to connect me to whatever you're accusing me of, and even less right to invade my lodgings like this."

"Evil-bird-suit-mastermind-says-what."

"What?!" Tomes scowled.

"Ah _-ha_!" Spidey pointed a hoof in triumph.

"I haven't missed these inane games, I really haven't." Tombs picked up an old teapot and started to water a small bonsai tree. Peter half suspected the old man was filling his mouth as a stall tactic. After _this_ long it couldn't be because he actually thought it'd make the web-head stop talking.

"Deco swiped a bag of ancient stones from the Magical History Museum." Spidey dropped to perch on a suit of armour, keeping Tombs in view. "That's _your_ game, not his."

"You flatter me," Tombs smirked again, using a small trowel to stir the gravel of his little zen garden ", but then my expertise is far more considerable than you and that lout's combined."

"Never kept you out of the Stockade, did it?" Spidey tried. There was a flair of those strangely beak like nostrils, but you had to know Tombs to recognise it.

"The Stockade never held me for very long." That reptilian curve of the mouth again as Tombs lowered himself onto the mat next to the bonsai table, making sure the web-slinger got a good view of the small metal band around his ankle. "And since then I've been under constant surveillance. As you can see, my gift from the state here is still the obnoxious yellow of my allowed radius, rather than any of the random colours crossing into another district would generate."

"Please," Spidey scoffed as he fired a tail-web to the ceiling and dangled around Tombs in a slow orbit ", the stones in those things are so basic they freeze up by rubbing some tinfoil into a local lay line and wrapping them in it!"

Then again, _he_ only knew that because Felicia had told him. Lay lines were also the reason adding alarm spells to these bracelets had been abandoned, helpful as that would have been, because crossing one could short the stone out before they even went off.

Hay, just wrapping a thick enough bandage around your hoof and faking a limp could buy an offender a few hours of freedom. The only reason you never heard of anypony trying the old paint-it-yellow trick anymore was because the crown had seen through that immediately and started casting them with non-stick spells!

"Even if you didn't pawn the suit off to Blackie, you'd never sit still working a nine-to-five while he was flying around. The bitterness would break you in half."

"If you'll ask local law enforcement or the good people at Damage Control, you'll find I've been doing just that!" Tombs said jovially, eyes closed now to rub the meditation image in.

"So the only real question is what've got in here that'd let you effect things outside."

"Ah, a locked room mystery, is it? Haven't had the pleasure of one of those since I had to help figure out who built the first death traps inside the pyramids…after they were built."

Spidey stopped circling. "…that actually does sound kinda cool."

"One tries one's best." Tombs opened his reptilian eye. "You realise of course that I only tolerated your presence so you'd wind up with egg on your face when the M.E.U.P finally arrived?"

"What?" Spidey turned towards the door, wondering how he'd missed the sounds of hoofbeats on stairs or why there'd been no Spider-Sense blast! And got his answer as a green unicorn with a blonde mane and a badge rammed her way inside.

"Back away from him!" she barked.

"Gem?!" Spidey's lenses widened, distorting their twin reflections of her irritated expression. "I-I mean…officer Stone?"

"That's detective Stone to you, web-head. Let's take a walk."

 _To be Continued_


	6. Line of Ire (3)

_8_

"So gimme a clue!" the Horseshoe Torch called over the hum of engines, hovering as close to the Thing's chariot as was safe. Didn't wanna set fire to his hat and coat after all. "What'd they do this time? Glue your hooves to a pedestal again? Sneezing powder in your fancy custom skin cream? One of Lockjaw's doggy bags on your porch?

"Said it was Yancy Street business," the Thing smirked, pulling off a hoof-into-shoe smooth landing in a carriage bay without even looking at his controls ", nothin' about the Yancy Street _Gang._ "

"…are you dying or something?"

"Yeah, the thought of doin' this for ya is killin' me." Grim Skies led him around a corner into the street proper, adjusting his king-sized fedora brim. Johnny flamed off, striding as hard as he could so he could pull alongside the mass of trench coat and adopt a more casual canter.

He searched each alleyway and storefront for signs of…he wasn't sure. Yancy Street was as personal to Grim as Hob's Garden was to Deerdevil or Haven to Cage. Others in the business weren't unwelcome, but there were nuances that needed to be carefully navigated and were almost impossible to articulate.

For example, how Grim would rage against the place and everypony in it one moment (which to be fair could be applied to Manehattan in general) and then bellow his pride in it as he headbutted Terrax the next, for as long as Johnny had known him.

"Place looks better than you made it sound," he noted as they passed the local synagogue ", then again I always thought Reed found you in the Savage Land or something. Y'know, flossin' with fossils, making loincloths out of velociraptors, licking volcanoes for sustenance, that kinda thing."

"Wasn't that different back in the day," the Thing said without a trace of irony ", and even then? Beats whatever Ken Doll factory you escaped from."

"…yeah, okay that was pretty good. Whoa!" Johnny ignited on instinct as a frog leapt out of a nearby park pond, bursting briefly into showtunes before it landed on the sidewalk and resumed it's normal bland staring. None of the pedestrians seemed phased.

"Just ley lines, squirt." the Thing rumbled with a roll of those Ever Lovin' Blue Eyes. "We're practically a beeline for the Kingdomsburg Bridge, whaddaya want?"

"Got one of those crazy long scrolls on you?" The Torch doused himself. "Where are we going anyway? You're being weirdly subtle. I don't like it. Feels like you're trying to lure me into a subway kiosk so you can make like a Daring Do book and roll over me."

"Classy." Grim waited for a passing carriage to finish crossing and trotted across the road. Johnny almost walked into him, expecting the journey to wind up in an alley or the Phantom Pasture or something. "Well. Here ya go matchstick."

"Here I go what?" Johnny squinted, trotting around the Thing and squinting into the deepening shadows. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"I look like a guide book to you?" Twin jets of something that smelled of brick dust snorted from the Thing's nose as he harrumphed. "Guess lightin' up don't mean you're all that bright!"

The comeback died in Johnny's throat as he began to slowly turn, actually taking in their surroundings. He'd assumed Grim had just been crossing into another part of the block, but the big galoot and his noir cosplay had been blocking the revelation.

They were standing in the middle of what might once have been a park, some new looking playground equipment in each corner next to lines of picnic benches, but now encircled by low new stone walls making it more like a secluded garden.

The place looked strangely serene in the setting sun, like they'd stepped into a tranquil alien world in the middle of Manehattan's constant background noise…which Johnny now realised was slightly muffled by the walls.

Remodelled tenements on either side of each wall linked up with the one glinting at them in the setting light now, overseeing the park. All three formed one big complex, the park building as the centre. The park entrance and front doors were designed to mimic a brownstone setup, combining to give the whole thing equal feelings of accessibility and privacy.

"Not bad." Johnny smiled, craning to take the whole thing in. The sun was giving the building a sort of halo thanks to strategically placed abstract Pegasus statues on the roof. "Armilla?"

"Yep! We just finished a few days ago."

"You built this?" Johnny blinked at the proud smile on that stony mug.

"Commissioned!" the Thing clarified. "You might remember my lil' windfall!"

"Ugh, seeing you that happy was so _weird._ " Johnny groaned with a roll of the eyes.

Technically he was a financial non-entity, what with being 15 when he stowed away on that fateful airship test. When Reed, Sue and Grimm all clubbed together to found the company he legally couldn't have been a part of it if he wanted to. Through Fantastic Inc's finances his money was Reed and Sue's, a salary paid for serving on expeditions and supplemented by his percentage of his own merchandising rights.

Which was how Grim was paid too, leaving that money he'd paid in untouched and to grow with basic compound interest. Johnny still wasn't sure that wasn't a mix of Reed's guilt and Sue playing some kind of long game. She'd been the one to break the news to the big lug after all: he wasn't on Tony Spark's level but now had enough that he could build his own custom airship armada if he wanted to.

Or apartment buildings, apparently?

"Good looking place, gruesome." Johnny smirked in pretend-begrudging admission, patting a stony foreleg. "And here I'd have thought you'd have made a Thing Museum and traumatize innocent tourists."

"Project much?" the Thing smirked back down at him, craning with him to take in the statues again. "Wakin' up with my own lil' dragon horde…I dunno, felt this itch to get back in touch with the old neighbourhood. Fix it up before somepony finally bulldozed it. Maybe make 'em feel like they don't have to fight back as much."

He proudly gestured up to the central statue, a rearing Pegasus. "This place was one of the first on my list."

"Yeah?" Johnny looked over his shoulder to take in the street behind them, full of various breeds and species. "Looks like the neighbourhood's in good shape, but what's so special about this place?"

"I was born here."

Johnny looked up into those big blue eyes, trying not to laugh as he pictured an adorable little rock baby! "Tell me your Aunt Petunia has photos!"

"Like anypony in this neighbourhood could afford a camera back then!" He thought the Thing was about to pull one of his stomping off routines, but he was only making his way over to a small plaque by some of the bushes.

Johnny peered around him as he heaved trench coated shoulders and respectfully removed his hat. At first, he thought it was some weird postmodern thing but realised he was looking at a cutie mark carved into the stone: a pair of wings framing a cracked circle.

"Hey Slammy." Grim said softly. Johnny felt like the big guy had almost forgotten he was there, and that it might have been better if he wasn't.

"Your brother?" he asked carefully, remembering fragments of his teammate's bio from various editions of their press release.

"Yeah. Strider "Slam" Skies. High 'n mighty leader of the Yancy Street Gang." The Thing smiled ruefully. "'course he probably wouldn't have been if the place hadn't been such a dump. When I say we were born here I really mean we was dragged up where that coffee house is. But there's only so many times ya can mosey past the ol' place and stare at the lot where his last big rumble went down. Think he'd like the place. Not too fancy."

"Grimm, I…I didn't know." Johnny backed up uncertainly. He was pretty sure any display of sympathy would wind up a Clobberin' offence. "You never said anything."

"On account of it not being any of your business." Those blue eyes were back under the shadow of their brim and looking down at him now. "Only told you so you understand I want you to treat the place right!"

Something cold churned inside Johnny even as indignant steam began to rise off his back. "You're… _giving_ me this place?"

"Whadda I look like to you, an Element of Harmony?" The Thing huffed. "I'm the one comin' out ahead here once you sign the paperwork. May as well fork over half your action figure dough for the next couple of-"

"I see!" Johnny's eyes were orange and venting flame now. "You're not condescending to me, you're just humiliating me!"

"Humi-? Ah, I shoulda know you'd take it like this!" Grim snapped, making the mistake of waving a dismissive hoof.

"Did Sue put you up to this?!" Johnny snapped, taking a furious step forward and rising to the Thing's eye level as he flamed on.

"No, and you know what? She ain't said word one!" The old goon actually had the audacity to jab a condemnatory hoof against his _4_ crest. "For some crazy reason she actually wants to see you get somewhere, so watch the mouth or I'll lose my famously amiable temper!"

"You fraud!" Johnny laughed furiously. Pedestrians were staring in through the gate at the two elementals staring each other down. "Oh boo hoo, I'm 400 pounds and my wings don't work no more! But I've heard your trash talk! You can't _stand_ the idea of anypony managing to climb out of your shadow!"

"For the love of my sweet Aunt Petunia boy, willya stop lookin' a gift horse in the mouth and take the blasted keys?!"

"Oh what, because little Johnnycake can't do it on his own?!"

"Kid," the Thing said simply ", if you think that's what any of this is about then you got bigger problems than just finding a roof over your head."

The Torch seethed, flames flaring in and out like a revving engine.

Then he launched himself into the air so hard the Thing had to cover his eyes from the light, as the backdraft sliced his street clothes to embers. Grim Skies watched the furious comet climb, arching directionlessly away from the city. He coughed, squinting at his brother's memorial through the smoke curling off his uninjured shoulders.

"Yeah," he sighed ", I dunno what I'm gonna do with that kid either."

By the time Johnny had calmed down Luna's moon had risen, and he could feel the near stratospheric cold even through his flames. _Stupid,_ he berated himself as he began the loop back to earth, _stupid, stupid, stupid! What was THAT?_

 _That_ had been him acting like a total cliché because a kind gesture from a friend made him feel inadequate. That was him acting like Dr. Gloom because somepony dropped paradise in his lap. Flaming on like that! What if somepony had been close by?

He let out a long sigh, a pony of fire incongruously breathing out cold mist, and altered his course to head for the lights of Midtown. He needed to get lost for a while. He needed to think up an apology to Grim _and_ Sue. He also still needed his own space but…

He hit the brakes, squinting in the constantly flashing brilliance of Times Square as his ears pricked up. "Huh?"

Yeah, he hadn't imagined it. Burglar alarm, heavy duty! He soared over the rooftops, switching his eyes to infrared, a trick Reed had taught him a few years ago after theorizing about similarities between his and Sue's powers.

The crowds and steam ducts below became one big throbbing swamp of rainbow colours, but he was guessing something he could hear all the way up here had to be coming from a rooftop setup.

And…bingo, warm bodies diving for cover from cold shapes. Blinking back to normal Johnny realised he'd been looking down through the shattered dome of the _Blue's Birds_ airship dock.

Gratuitous heroism and daring violence, that's what he needed!

"Airport's the other side of town, fellas!" he called as he arched through the gap, hovering above the floor to take stock of the situation.

After years of watching civilians scatter and panic he'd learned to assess quickly. Security guards desperately trying to take control of the situation, maintenance and business ponies rushing for the stairwells. And writhing from parked ship to parked ship, a team of…flying snakes?

He hurled a fireball at the one racing for a cornered senior maintenance pony, knocking it away from her in a shower of harmless sparks. "Anypony hurt?"

"Not yet! They just came out of nowhere! They're so fast! They're taking everything apart! Look out!"

Johnny lowered his temperature so he could bowl her to the floor, one of the bat winged shapes darting over them. A few deflated balloons hanging from winches suggested the site was safe, but he'd have to watch it anyway. The amount of hydrogen in here could probably take out the entire block and leave only the ley lines.

Not that he needed to act right this second, it seemed. The hanger was clearing quickly because the invaders didn't seem to care about witnesses, simply almost bowling them over if they happened to be in the way.

And they weren't trying to take the parked gondolas apart either…their tails snapped at panelling too precisely, pulling out…he couldn't make out what, too much movement. It didn't help that these things were ridiculously skinny.

"Hydrogen tanks are…?"

"Other side of the room and sealed," the maintenance pony managed as he led her to a stairwell ", standard procedure. Provided you don't aim right at 'em…"

"Sure," the Torch winked, passing her the wrench she'd been using ", but only because you're cute."

Launching himself through the open windows of a luxury gondola he arced around the room in a circle, trailing a wall of flame between the seven invaders and their targets. He blinked as they finally stopped moving and came into focus: empty Basilisk costumes.

"Y'know I wish I could say this was the first time the bad guys didn't have the decency to show up, but…"

He squinted, trying to focus on what they clutched in their tails. One lunged at him, empty cowl yawning wide like a maw! One of his new epidermis enhanced flame-shields easily bounced it to the floor but it had been a diversion for the rest, swooping through the shattered dome.

The suit he'd just deflected hadn't been carrying anything but there was some kind of stone poking through the peeled lining of its cowl. He'd check on that later. Giving chase he braked in mid-air as he realised the other suits hadn't gone far, whipping in a circle around a hovering figure.

"The Horseshoe Torch?" the apparently real deal Basilisk sneered "Man, takin' you out'll do more for my rep than just the Spider!"

"It's important to have goals." Johnny squinted. This guy was like Grim old, not Basilisk old. "Since we're just floating a couple hundred feet above the greatest city on Earth, don't suppose you'd answer a quick question? Your crew here ripped off one component of millions of gems worth of hardware. Everything from even just one of those ships would've gotten a decent price on the black market. Why only go halfway?"

"My client was specific!" the Basilisk sneered as the empty suits dropped streams of whatever they'd stolen into the sack he was holding open. "Y'know, there's something I've been _dying_ to try since I got this gig!"

"Make real friends?" Johnny quipped, preparing twin flame jets for the left and right suits "Because I know a guy who's dating-"

"Nah! THIS!"

Johnny had just enough time to register that bruise of a face rearing back as the empty costumes shot forward, the slits on their foreheads bursting into a chaotic lightshow that he could _feel_ through his hastily shut eyes!

What felt like a rubber tube made of titanium lashed into his sternum and he felt panic and vertigo as he fell through pulsing darkness before he ploughed into something coarse and spongy…

Wheezing and groaning he blinked back the blinding spots, realising he'd been saved from slamming into the hanger floor like a cake dropped from the top of Canterlot Castle by one of the emptied ship balloons, stopped a few feet above at least a few broken bones.

"And that's why I'm the _Horseshoe_ Torch…" he wheezed once he got his breath back.

Once his vision had cleared he slid down the canvas, using a thermal pulse to slow his drop to the floor. He'd have to hang around to explain things to the M.E.U.P (again) so he may as well take a look around. Whoever had been taking those Basilisk costumes for a joyride was long gone and had taken their plunder with them, but he still had that weird stone, which the FF could ask the guard for access to, and the eyes of a mechanic.

He squinted into one of the gutted panels, trying to see if he could spot the missing component by its absence. It took a couple of trots down the row before he realised.

"Huh…now what'd somepony want _those_ for?"

 _9_

"So…" Peter Trotter said.

Gem Stone looked up from her drink. They were at their usual table at MJ's, the early night crowd just starting to warm up on the dance floor. Compare notes, she'd said. As if they hadn't been out of each other's lives for months.

"You got promoted!" Peter tried to smile, knowing from the way it felt he must look like a symbiote trying not to dry heave.

"I did." Gem smiled, humouring him. "How about you? May said you were looking for work!"

"Still got a roof over my head." Peter managed eventually, looking down into his untouched cider. He couldn't do this. It was Gem! First kiss Gem. Never give up Gem. You looked me in the eyes every time you told me you loved me and held back your biggest secret Gem.

"What were you doing under the Basilisk's?" Her tone didn't sound accusatory. That was something!

"Trying to figure out this Dark Deco thing." he shrugged, making professional eye contact now "That's who was driving the suit this morning."

"Think he's got accomplices?" Gem asked "Because the station's been swamped with multiple reports of Basilisk attacks. Faceless Basilisks!"

"Faceless?" Peter blinked. "So, Blackie _is_ the one with the remote control?"

"The what?"

"Right, right!" He hastily explained the out of bodysuit experience back at the clocktower. "But I still have no clue how he did it. There's no way he'd have found something to add to Tomb's design on his own. He even mentioned he was working for somepony."

"And you were going to pass this along when?" Gem frowned. "These things have been hitting the city all day! We even doubled surveillance on Tombs just in case! You're lucky it was me passing by between shift changes."

"I didn't even know there were that many suits! I was…out of town." Why couldn't the club lights be going off to hide his blush? Why couldn't the plush booth be made of quicksand and mercifully swallowing him?

"For the whole day?" She raised an eyebrow, almost giving him The Look. Then smiled softly in realisation. "You were visiting Princess Celestia's student."

"You…looked her up!" Peter said, trying not to sound too cheerfully panicked.

"We've _met_ , remember?" She bumped his shoulder with hers. "That Sanctum Sanctorum case? We all went out for coffee afterwards? She was trying not to bring it up, but it slipped out when we were talking about Daring Do and the incredible accuracy to arcane history? MJ was fangirling over her fashion friend!"

"Oh man, I forgot!" Peter felt his entire body shaking with laughter and spontaneously released tension. "And Fluttershy too! And then Pinkie Pie got into the club sound system and…"

They dissolved into laughter, muffled by the sounds of the club. Peter finally took a sip of his cider to rehydrate as comfortable silence settled over the booth, a little pocket in the dimming lights and moving bodies.

"Feel better?" the Unicorn smiled.

"Yeah. Sorry." He let out a fortifying sigh. "You and Twilight…I shouldn't worry but I do. You're…you, I could never forget that. And she's…she's…"

 _She's one of the few people who makes me feel like a whole person. And I can never thank her enough. WORDS aren't enough._

"She's good people." Gem said, taking pity on him. "I like her."

"Thanks. That means a lot. I know it shouldn't but…you were that important too. You still are. Not _that_ way! Just…"

"I get it." Gem eased back into her side of the booth. "We have history, but I'm happy for you and Twilight. We're not what we were but I know we have each other's backs."

She conjured a folder and slid it across to him. "Which is why I'll always kick your tail to make sure you're on the job."

"The M.E.U.P's wanted my tail for worse." he quipped to let her know he was okay now and flipped through the files. "Huh. These are all mechanical robberies. Blackie Basilisk's heist was artefacts. Well, a bag of rocks."

"Huh," Gem frowned ", maybe that's why museum staff are still trying to find out what's missing. All they know is the theft took place in the archives. Lots to comb through. But maybe if we focus on geology we can-Agh!"

She almost spilled her drink as a piece of parchment plumed out of the air in green fire, bouncing off Peter's and into his lap.

He hastily checked to make sure none of the other patrons had noticed but special guest DJ PON3 had switched tracks just in time to drown the _fwoosh_ of Spike's breath.

"It's from Twilight!" he assured, unfurling it. Gem illuminated her horn so they could make out the cursive in the changing club lights.

 _Peter,_

 _Finally found your rock!_

 _Northern. Pre-Sisters old. Possibly_ _pre-three tribes_ _old._

 _Not saying it's Asgardian, but it wouldn't surprise me. Had to go_ _that_ _far back._

 _Main rune_ _is_ _a language. Closest I can translate is "Will across distance"_

 _Best I can do right now. Super tired. So tired I cast a spell, and nothing happened. Try and follow up in the morning._

 _Love you, tilde left arrow three!_

 _What? Agh Spike, no, not like that! Uuugh!_

 _-Twilight ~3_

"At least he put it in." Gem murmured, bemused.

"And Twilight's given us a link in the chain." Peter smirked with Rainbow Dashian pride. "Will across distance. Deco's piloting an army of Basilisks through Asgardian rune stones. One pony crimewave!"

"Also explains why the museum hasn't come forward." Gem Stone's grim face had become even grimmer since college. "Active Asgardian artefacts are heavy duty contraband. But my question is where'd Deco get the idea?"

"Whoever hired him hooked him up with the costume."

"Which still doesn't explain the M.O here." Gem's shoulder was pressing against his as they both lent in to study the reports, but they were both too in the crime solving zone to notice. "From artefacts to random machines. Dark Deco was a Manehattan crime throwback when _we_ were kids. There's been no bank jobs, no jewellery stores! Putting together his own army once he knew he could, sure. But leaving the financial district untouched?"

"Random."

"Sorry?"

"You said random machines. Maybe not." Peter began flipping through the reports even as he asked the question. "Was anything stolen from Damage Control?"

"No, first lead I checked." He smiled, feeling proud of her. "Stop that. Where are you going with this? Still Tombs?"

"Maybe. I do know better than to underestimate him by now. What I'm wondering is what's he after? He had to know Damage Control wouldn't let him near anything he could weaponize…"

"I can look up the victims for connections to Damage Control." Gem nodded, catching the still glowing new folder she'd conjured "They work with hundreds of smaller salvage and disposal companies all over the kingdom, he'd be able to look up what they deal with and when to go for it."

"Okay, so what're going with is…" Peter spread the file's small map over the table, adding blurry photos of Basilisks and damaged airships and boats. "Tombs is locked down: work then right back home. He finds out about these Asgardian control stones. Sets up Blackie anonymously with another suit to draw suspicion. It couldn't be me officer, why I'm still watering my pretentious Neighponese shrubbery! Check out my stinky tracking bracelet!"

"And Blackie, desperate to get back in the game, agrees with his mystery partner's orders to rip off these other scrap dealers because he gets to keep all the suits." Gem Stone followed, flipping through the new files "Or so Tombs lets him think."

"And that leaves us…right back at square one." Peter's ears folded, the rush abating. All these years and he was still an armchair detective at best. Twilight had mentioned wanting to try out one of those mystery dinners, but it wasn't like the city would be on the line from cosplay.

More than it usually was.

"Think so?"

"We know Tombs is probably using Blackie for something, we just don't know what." Peter's eyes narrowed. "All these thefts. He's building something and for all this effort it's going to be big!"

"Then he'd probably need a big place to put it together." Something in Gem's voice made him turn to her. Even after so long she still looked so right to him pouring over data. Textbooks. Police records. The girl he'd loved and so much more now. "What if you were right? What if Damage Control is the link?"

"You said-"

"That _they_ didn't lose anything, yeah. But their subcontractors did." There was that triumphant smirk. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten it. All that was missing was her glasses. "And one of them has a disused plant…" She jabbed a hoof to the map. "Right here, a few blocks from Tombs' lodgings."

"I should ask Twilight to wear glasses…"

"What?"

"I mean, I'll swing by the station if I find anything!"

 _10_

"Lay re-aligners?" Mr. Fantastic finished zipping up the blue unstable molecular fabric vest that only he really wore anymore. Johnny figured Sue only kept her white one so they'd be their own little duo within the team. To him it always just made them look like their own Winter Warp Up variants. "Interesting."

"Maybe." The unignited Torch agreed, following his field leader into the depths of the lab. "Dunno what a D-lister like Not-Basilisk would want them for, but it's a lead."

"Perhaps more than you know." Reed's horn glowed with that distinctive Krackle of his magic that pumped its way through so many of his designs, sliding back an equipment rack. "I agree it's not our usual sort of case but between this and the rash of thefts I suspect our scaly suspect is constructing something. And to take precautions against lay line magic suggests it's something that depends on precision. Deadly precision."

All these years on the job and Johnny _still_ got a little tingle whenever Reed accidentally talked like a 60's movie trailer!

"Any luck with that weird stone?"

"Yes, the police helpfully confirmed my suspicions a few minutes ago!" Reed beamed, running the previous effect by turning back into a 50's dad. "An Asgardian rune stone! Most likely loaded with a powerful animation spell judging by your encounter at _Blue's Birds_. How are you feeling by the way? That sounded like a nasty lash."

"Well enough to step up!" Johnny smirked, flaming on just to show off and sending the shadows of the lab wild. "Especially if we're going up against Asgardian action. Even the standard stuff up there can be weapons grade down here!"

"Indeed, and the Princess will most likely be expecting a full report from all parties involved to find out how so much outlawed magic was allowed into the city!" Reed turned away from whatever gizmos he was tinkering with, horn still orbited by pulsating dots. "Are you sure you're up for this? It doesn't sound like you had the best time of it with your…uh…errands today."

"Grim Skies tattled, huh?"

"It was his coat, really." Reed gave an understanding smile. "Or what was left of it."

"I'll work with the shrimp if he'll work with me." the Thing rumbled, striding into the lab alongside Sousaphone in full Phantasmal Pony mode. Floating inches off the lab floor the Torch held his gaze for a few seconds, then nodded.

"What are you thinking, dear?" Sue asked Reed. No mention of his treatment of Grim. Johnny wasn't sure what to do with that. He'd been chewed out for way less. Even deserved some of it. It was why he had to at least try to get out of here. Stop being the little brother.

"The proverbial splitting up in search of clues." Mr. Fantastic smiled as he levitated a small hoof compact device to each of them. They looked like one of the dozens of variations of an overgrown compass he'd made over the years.

"I've enchanted these to pick up the Asgardian runes Basilisk is using…and a secondary feature that should spot if lay line energy is being countered. It should show up as a dark distortion. Our quarry wants lots of re-aligners for some probably nefarious purpose."

The Baxter Barn's rooftop garden glowed under the moonlight, some strange plant specimens in the neat rows glowing fluorescent colours and giving the space a cheerful air in addition to the lights of skyscrapers and billboards. Johnny had been tempted to throw a rave up here as a kid, but Reed and Sue guilting him with the potential loss to thuamic-botany had been surprisingly effective.

The glass doors of the actual barn shaped main building whooshed open, the Phantasmal Pony and the Horseshoe Torch galloping past odd specimens and stranger equipment to the barrier at the edge of the roof. They waited for the sound of the silo opening and the Thing's chariot fans.

"Remember, standard search procedure." Sue said as the glass partition began to sink into it's grove. "Search your area, ping us to let us know you're moving on and-"

"Send a flare up if I'm in trouble. We've been doing this a while, sis." The Torch smirked at her as he flamed on. "And Reed said this literally four minutes ago."

"I'm thorough! Sue me!"

"Conflict of interest! We have the same lawyer!"

"Good luck everypony!" Mr. Fantastic called, bounding towards them and stretching his springy forelegs for more speed. His particular method of roof travel needed an extra wind up, turning himself into a glider as he launched himself off the roof and soaring over the city.

The Phantasmal Pony galloped onto what seemed to be open air, creating an invisible force field platform to ride. Johnny always half wondered if she allowed ponies to (sort of) see it for reassurance or if he could pick it up due to some weird sibling thing.

He took the long way around to his search pattern, drawing alongside the Thing's Fantastichariot. "Somethin' on your mind, junior?"

"Grim, look, about this evening…I'm sorry."

"I figured." Grim wasn't looking at him. But. "Offer's still on the table if you want it."

"Rein check?" Johnny tried not to sound too relived. "I need to see how far I can get on my own, otherwise-"

"I hear ya, squirt." the Thing nodded. "Don't go growin' up too fast. Can't do without my favourite punchin' bag!"

"Aww that's okay, my little Thingy!" the Torch smirked as he began to pull away "I already planted an extra special gag inside it! Shouldn't stain _too_ much!"

"Wh-oh you fryin' pan faced lil'-!" The rest was lost over the sounds of wind and traffic, but the epidermis covered hairs on the back of Johnny's neck could feel the old man's clenched hoof waving as he curved back into position.

If it had been the jungles of some uncharted island or the weird dreamscapes of the Negative Zone he'd have felt totally fine, but there was something exciting about being on the job in night time Manehattan! Maybe it was the fact it never really stopped either.

The tedium of sector clearing did set in pretty soon though. Clear an area. Ping the others. Clear another area. Ping the others. Checking the small clock face built into the compact he groaned at the hour and a half that'd gone by and began to debate the merits of a quick shawarma break. He _was_ technically already drifting towards street level…

Something whipped past his snout and began circling his head! Johnny squawked, covering his precious hair, his flames glowing brighter on instinct and illuminating the area. It was…an origami web swan.

"Never gets old!" Spider-Pony crowed from his perch behind a chimney. "What's up gack face?"

"Got a bone to pick with you, hose brain," the Torch groused, gliding over ", about your peanut gallery."

"You mean my rouges gallery."

"I meant what I said."

"Wait, the FF's on the Basilisk thing?" Spidey squinted at him in that weird one tiny eye, one big eye way his mask did. "It's that serious?"

"Reed thinks it could be. Maybe he's ripping off junk to fence to pay for that face lift."

"Different guy, though we've got a pretty substantial hunch the original Mr. Personality's got him wrapped around his hoof."

"…has there been a bad guy called Mr. Personality yet?"

"Careful, the universe'll hear you and make him an Elements of Harmony thing." Peter cocked his head at the compact. "Need laser tracking to do your hair now?"

"A) I would love that."

"Yeah…" Spidey conceded.

"And B) your guy stepped up enough that he's using Asgardian stuff. That leaves a pretty distinct energy signature, ditto if he's using ley re-aligners."

"Ley re-aligners…" The mask's lenses narrowed as Peter did that contemplative hoof to the chin thing.

"It's fun to say." Johnny swept the compact around the area, getting nothing but the stable glow of centuries of magical trails and the odd stray radio signal. "Taking forever to pin either of them down though."

"Maybe not." They lent close together, tourists craning up to gawk as natives rolled their eyes. "Can that thing check ahead? I was heading for the old _Tinker's Class_ factory."

"You want hay-fries with that?" Johnny muttered as he began scrolling. Blocks of magi-mapped Manehattan sped by until they finally reached an industrial section. A back spot flecked with golden light churned in the centre of a large building, a swarm of small white letter "A"s drifting across it. "Rune stones and chickens and snakes, oh my. I'll ping the team."

"What's that, go on ahead and steal all the credit?" Spidey raised a hoof to his cocked ear as he fired a web-line at the nearest building. "Well okay, if you say so!"

"That's kind of you citizen, but a _professional_ hero could never allow an amateur to risk letting the bad guys get away like that!" The Torch put on an extra burst of speed. "Just to be clear, we both know what a ley re-aligner is, right?"

"I'm the one with the thaumaturgical physics degree, Mr. Gap Year."

"And I'm the one who's been building flying bathtubs since he was 16." Johnny smirked back. He counted down until the mid-swing web-spinner let out a groan. No matter how much smack he talked, he could never resit a nerd challenge.

"It's a small engine like device that generates randomised signals to protect sensitive mechanical systems from high or sudden changes in background magical frequency, such as between nations with different magical natures or more often ley lines in large concentrated centres, like our very own Big Apple."

"A+." The Torch doused his flame, skidding slightly across a nearby roof as the shadow of _Tinker's Class_ loomed over them. "Pop quiz: what'd one of your peanut gallery want them for?"

"Let's ask him." Spidey whispered, doing that creepy melt into the shadows thing. Rolling his eyes Johnny galloped across the roofs, managing each jump with the bare minimum of noise until he landed on the edge of the factory. Peter was already perched by a skylight, wiping away grime.

The lights were low, strategically lit lamps placed along scaffolding lending just enough light to make everything into silhouettes and highlights. From what they could make out most of the Basilisk costumes were just…hanging there. Others flittered around something under a tarp or hauled carts full of metal towards it.

"An airship?" Johnny guessed. "Like, a basilisk shaped one?"

"They _do_ both have a serious need to advertise." Spider-Pony murmured.

They both flinched back from their porthole as a door slammed open, pouring light into the room. Creeping back up in boy detective sync they looked down as Dark Deco hovered from a foreman's office across the central catwalk, cowl pulled back and eating a sandwich.

"It can't be this easy." Johnny muttered, raising an eyebrow as they looked at each other. Mainly so he could see two of his own reflection in Spidey's lenses doing it.

"On the other hoof, you're supposed to be the _Horseshoe_ Torch," Peter shrugged as he began fiddling with the lock on an ancient roof hatch ", and some of us have to go job hunting tomorrow."

"Oh hey, how's that been going?"

Spider-Pony yanked the bolt free, taking the splintering door with it and dived into the shadows.

"Good talk." the Horseshoe Torch muttered, lighting up and diving in after him.

"What the-?!" Blackie spat as his flames lit the room in violent oranges. He began scrabbling, trying to pull the cowl on…with the hoof holding the sandwich. The hovering Basilisk outfits shook in mid-air but didn't move. The others working below ground to a halt.

With almost a decade and a half of practice each, the super ponies fired a thin beam of flame at the lining of the faux-Basilisk's cowl and a wad of webbing at his hooves! The mouth and the rune stone sown into it whipped into the air as Deco crashed to the floor.

"Aww man, my stone!" he cried. Then looked down at his now pinned, sticky hoofs. "Aww man, my sandwich!"

"I'd make a prison food joke but this whole thing is sad enough already." the Torch said over the sound of leathery suits hitting the ground, shaking his head.

"Maybe we can still get a happy ending." Spider-Pony waited until the air was totally clear of suits before flipping off a gantry rail to land on the edge of an empty cart, weight and momentum rolling it up to the tarp. "If we can take a look at what they were working on maybe we can find a link to Tombs."

He reached out, tugged.

"Tombs?!" Blackie spat.

"The real Basilisk?" Johnny asked, flaming off. Then he saw what was under the tarp, freezing up exactly like his partner had.

"Indeed!" a withering voice cried triumphantly from the shadows.

Spidey's Spider-Sense had kicked in seconds before the sound, but he'd been too stunned by the rough mechanical body staring back at him to react in time as the Basilisk suits sprang back to life, a torrent of tails and wings slamming him into the air! Deco squawked as his own costume's tail whipped up, cracking against Johnny and pitching him over the railing to crash onto a lower catwalk, stunned!

Groaning, Spider-Pony forced himself up on one leg from where he'd landed, looking up at the smirking Arcadian Tombs as a Basilisk costume pulled it's mouth wide to admit him.

"I was hoping for a few more uninterrupted hours to put on the finishing touches," the real Basilisk called loftily as four of his empty minions wrapped their tails around his creation and began to haul it into the air ", but then you showed up. Ah well, I _was_ going to make Deco's suit spit him out somewhere over the East River."

Deco sputtered indignantly.

"This way I shall have the pleasure of doing it…" Tombs smiled with those crooked yellow teeth. ", in spirit!"

Deco went dead silent.

"How-?" Spidey croaked.

"Oh, live long enough you pick up all sorts of things," Tombs examined his tail like Rarity would a fresh pony-pedi ", such as enough Asgardian rune stones to construct a fake zen garden, allowing one to pilot a few of one's spare costumes under the authorities' noses. Of course, there's the small matter of the item the stones were forged to control not being on this plane of existence…but I'm the industrious sort! Good evening gentlemen! See you all tomorrow…perhaps for the last time!"

With that wheezing cackle of his, the old man soared out through the shattering roof after his prize.

He sighed contentedly at the feel of the wind on his face, admiring his half-completed creation in the moonlight. Then turned, snarling with frustration at a glow behind him.

"Fastball special!" a still woozy Torch called, using a jet of flame from one hoof to pour on the speed as he began to wind up with the web clutched in the other.

Spider-Pony went from trailing behind his partner to rocketing past him, eyes narrowed with determination as he levelled both web-shooters at the old pony's startled…

The familiar _thwip_ was muffled by a sound almost like Unicorn magic as the heads of the shooting web-lines morphed into two enormous dandelions.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding!" Peter snapped as they caught the wind and began to drag his forelegs back "Ley li-iiiiii-nyaaagh!"

A startled Torch had just enough presence of mind to flame off as Spider-Pony crashed into him, sending both of them tumbling end over end back to earth. The spinning streets rushed up to meet them…and something caught Johnny just in time for him to feel his spirit launch out of his body and snap back in inches from the pavement.

"I gotcha roomie!" came a familiar and ridiculously soothing voice.

"Soarin?!" Johnny croaked as his college roommate drifted carefully down to the street. "What're you doing here?!"

"Investigating an aerial crimewave." Spitfire hovered above them, holding a dangling Spider-Pony by the tail. She didn't look pleased with either of them. "And catching amateurs while the real threat gets away!"

"Amateurs?!" Johnny snapped back, trying to wriggle free of Soarin's grasp.

"At least you've got the decency to be registered with the crown!" Spitfire's golden eyes flashed darkly between the eyeholes of her mask as she released Spidey's tail, letting him flip down onto a street sign. "I swear web-slinger, if I didn't owe you one your vigilante butt would be off to the Stockade right now! Either of you want to explain what the hay just happened?"

"The Basilisk, captain." Spider-Pony glared up at the moon. "He's building his own Destroyer."

 _To be Continued_


	7. Line of Ire (4)

_11_

"The Destroyer." Detective Gem Stone said, staring at the curled ball Blackie Deco had become.

"I mean, wouldn't that be _a_ Destroyer?" Soarin' flinched as Stone and Spitfire rounded on him. "Y'know, cause now there's…two of 'em."

"Thanks." Spitfire said dryly before turning her scowl on the morning edition of the _Derby Bugle_ , a blurred photo of both Wonderbolts diving for the tumbling super ponies. "We're lucky whoever snapped this didn't catch the knock-off, or the city would be in even more of a panic than that time Discord crashed the _Today Show_."

"Sure we don't wanna try for an evacuation though?" Soarin' frowned. "It's the Destroyer, Spits. Even Princess Celestia couldn't take that thing without help!"

"And she would be busy." Spitfire kneaded the space between her eyes, grateful that the mask wasn't in the way.

"I'm sorry, _what?_ " Gem snapped, eyes going wide.

"She had one of her visions." Spitfire sighed. "Official word is she's 'somewhere else', waiting for something. For all we know she may not even be on this planet right now."

"Princess Luna's on stand-by!" Soarin' assured.

"And was probably the help her sister had last time, if that legend's even true." Gem frowned at the documents spread over the table. "Even if the Befrienders weren't helping out with that flood in Gemina and could back her up, none of them could do anything without serious damage to the city."

"That's why we have to find the Basilisk." Spitfire had been up all night running down as many dead ends as any of her colleagues and still sounded determined. "Nopony ever beat the Destroyer by _fighting_ it. If we can find his body, we can stop him projecting his mind into it! Then it'll be just so much scrap metal!"

"I know!" Gem snapped again "You think we haven't been trying? He's been alive almost as long as the city itself. He could have millions of hiding places we don't even know exist. Hay, if the magic works the way the legends say it does he wouldn't even have to be in the city!"

She shot a furious look to the cell across from them. "And even if our only witness knew anything, he's practically catatonic."

"Well wouldn't you be?" Soain' said as his office chair completed its latest rotation. "They have a serious grudge, right? Tombs probably doesn't even care about the loose end. Just wants to crush something 'cause he can."

There was a whimper from the cell as Deco's shoulders convulsed.

"Uh…sorry!" Soarin' called sheepishly.

"You might have more than that to apologise for." Spitfire was smiling in a way that made the hairs on the back of Gem Stone's neck stand up. "You just gave me an idea."

"Oh man." Soarin' sighed. "Am I gonna have to go on the stand again?"

"Maybe. It can wait until you find your old roommate."

"Johnnycake?!" Soarin' sat up quickly. "Look, if this is about eating everypony's shamrock breakfast sandwiches, the fridge lighting was _super_ bad and those labels are tiny…"

"What are you thinking?" Gem cut in "Something with Deco? This isn't the Bone Dry Desert, Spitfire. Prisoners have rights."

"Yeah," Spitfire smiled ", like the right to protective custody. Got a free semaphore rig? There's some notes I wanna send while Soarin's out."

"Mind telling me what they are?" Gem trotted out after her as she headed for the stairs to the communications wing. "It sounds like you _want_ to bring super ponies in on this."

"No," the Wonderbolt said flatly ", but I've had _my_ big idea. I'm hoping they can come up with a better one."

 _12_

"She said what?" Johnny blinked.

"Not in so many words." Soarin' shrugged "You gonna eat that?"

They were sitting in one of the cafés outside the Baxter Building, an out of the way one where a Wonderbolt and member of the Fantastic Family could talk without drawing attention or give you the impression giant metal hooves would soon be stomping their way up 3rd Avenue. Again.

"Watching my weight anyway." Johnny nosed the croissant plate across to his old friend. "She's seriously going to use Blackie as bait?"

"Sounds like the lovable Spitfire I know." Soarin' almost jumped out of his seat, craning back to see Spider-Pony perched on one of the columns of the café's façade, sipping a cup of coffee and hidden from view by the shadows of the column and their table umbrella. From this angle he couldn't even make out what colour Spidey's exposed muzzle was. "Fake out, right?"

"…right." Soarin' glanced at Johnny. He'd had his own minor encounters with the vigilante, but.

"He'd just swing into the middle of whatever we did anyway." The Torch rolled his eyes. "Don't give him anything to eat, he'll think we're keeping him."

"We could use all the help we can get," Soarin' sighed ", Spitfire's announcing Deco's transfer through a warehouse district to try and minimise any damage, but even with Princess Luna and the rest of the squad inbound we're gonna be hard pressed to contain it."

"Hey, what're we, tourists?" Johnny smirked.

"Well you haven't had any more luck finding him than we have!" Soarin shot back "Don't get me wrong man, I'd be thrilled to take the old buzzard out early! As is, baiting him out into the open this afternoon is the best we can do."

"What happens to Blackie?" Spidey asked suddenly, as if emerging from thought.

"Huh? Uh, the transfer in the papers is a decoy. He'll be shipped out to Raider's Island after the fake convoy takes off. Why?"

"Because that's probably where Tombs is gonna actually hit." Spider-Pony said, sounding a little too casual as he pulled down the mask. "Think about it: guy had the idea to build his own Asgardian death mech using a bunch of rocks and rubber suits. You really think he'd go to lengths this ridiculous, bring Blackie in at all, if he _didn't_ have a way to track him down?"

"We locked the rune stone Deco had on him in a Canterlot grade vault." Soarin' pointed out.

"He was wearing it in his hair for gosh knows how long!" Spidey snapped suddenly "He's probably _sweating_ a magic trail!"

Johnny coughed loudly as the other diners' heads turned towards the column, then lowered his voice. "What my not-so-learned colleague is trying to say is super villains are a bitter and ostentatious lot. The Basilisk only exists because he never got the attention he always wanted. What better way to prove he's the star than take out the understudy?"

"I hate these guys." Soarin' shook his head. "Man, a storm? Counter with enough centrifugal force! Monster attack? Herd it back where it came from! How do you keep up with the kinda guy whose solution to a tracking anklet is…mythology?!"

"Preach." Johnny and Spidey said in sullen unison.

"Look guys, Spitfire's got her issues with your…business. But she wouldn't be turning this over to you if she didn't know you could follow through."

"We will." Johnny promised grimly.

"Follow through…" Spidey mused. He lent out into the light a little to address Soarin' better. "Did Detective Stone manage to find out what he wanted the airship re-aligners for?"

"Because it's gonna be big and he doesn't want the lines to mess with the spell, probably." The Wonderbolt swallowed his fortifying mouthful of croissant. "Y'know, hit the Diamond District then cross into Tortoise Bay and suddenly find out he's an action figure, that kinda thing. Plus, moving something that big's gonna take a boatload of magic! We saw it almost blotting out the moon when we caught you guys, and it didn't even have hindlegs yet!"

"Why would it?" Spider-Pony mused to himself. He finished his coffee and attempted to Bankshot the cup into a nearby trash can, forced to catch it with his webs when it almost tipped over. "Um. I will. Be in touch!"

Johnny shook his head as Soarin' tried to follow the web-slinger's hasty scrabble out of sight.

"You work with some weird ponies, man."

"Didn't complain when you were tagging along for explorative research bits to pay for flight school." Johnny smirked.

"Yeah I did, you just didn't listen." Soarin' smiled back.

"Couldn't hear you over all the adventure." Johnny chuckled. They chinked styrofoam cups. "So how's it been going, mister bigshot Wonderbolt?"

"Eh, the odd storm here, the occasional monster there. Mostly we've been clearing King Sombra's old stuff out of the Crystal Empire. Guy had _a lot_ of caves. Anyway, we want the whole region to be safe as possible for when we get into the Games. What about you?"

"I beat a dragon from outer space and now I'm looking for an apartment."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

 _13_

"So this is your plan, Dr. Rivers?" Princess Luna glared over her billowing mane at H.E.R.B.I.E. The automaton immediately tried to hide the brushes he'd been carrying.

"Best I could do, yes." Reed nodded, gathering up the parchments and tomes strew across his work table. "I'm sorry it's not more proactive, but-"

"Nonsense." Luna assured "Banishing this false Destroyer to another dimension is very likely the only way we can assure this city will be left standing. We were forced to use similar methods against the genuine article centuries ago, even with the mighty Sleipnir's help. You should be proud in coming up with a solution this quickly!"

"That's my boy." Sue smiled as River Reeds coloured. "Tea or coffee, your highness?"

"Tea, please Ms. Storm. No milk. Thank you." Luna accepted the cup, gazing out at the skyscrapers through the lab window. "In what my sister insists I should stop thinking of as 'my time', this island was a small collection of colonies forging bonds through favours. I refuse to let an upstart astral projector like this 'Basilisk' ruin what it has become! Two sugars, please."

"What I think River means is we should consider a contingency plan." Sue pointed out, trying to look like she wasn't trying to impress the Princess of the Moon by using her own brand of telekinesis to float her condiments over.

"We got one." the Thing rumbled, holding out his extra sized cup "If he doesn't leave, we clobber him, right Princess?"

"Indeed!" He blinked as Luna chinked her tea cup against his so hard his stony foreleg shook a little. "But we have an opportunity to plan ahead here, Mr. Grim. I understand you are allies with the Panther Prince and the Sub Mariner? Their own kingdoms' magic may-"

"I was thinking of something a little closer to home." They all looked up as Spider-Pony finished crawling across the library ceiling, dropping to perch on the Thing's shoulders.

"I look like a throw rug to you, shrimp?"

"You really want an answer to that?" Spidey leaned over to wink upside down at the Thing before hopping off and trotting up to Luna. "Your, uh, highness. Sorry to butt in, but-"

"We know of you." Luna's face was impassive as her eyes seemed to look straight through his mask, then began following the web pattern of his costume. "You are one of those who goes into the dark places and makes the night safe for others. And yet for as much of it is in you, you laugh. This is admirable."

"…thank…you?" What was it with him and Princesses lately?

"Whatever happens from hereon in, know that we expect great things. From both of you."

Peter blinked under the mask, suddenly feeling like he was on a very small island in the middle of the ocean. He had no idea who else she could be talking about.

"Yeah, see, this is why our friendship is founded on lovable sniping." Heat on his back as the Torch drifted in behind him, lowering his hooves temperature to give him a noogie. "Too scrappy to take a compliment, this one! It's sad."

He shoved past Spidey, still burning but at his lowest temperature to avoid ruining the floor, and trailed streamers of flame behind him as he executed a ballerina worthy bow. Sue didn't roll her eyes because he knew that was what he wanted.

"Your majesty! Tropical Johnnycake Storm, high-flying Horseshoe Torch." He straightened up, holding out a glowing hoof. "It is an _honour._ "

"We are sure." Luna smiled ruefully, handing him her cup. Johnny blinked, then grinned as he turned to Reed. He _liked_ her!

"Before we all shoot down Paste Pot Pete's homelier cousin's idea, Soarin' wants you to know Spitfire's deigned to work with us! She's gonna leak the timetable for the accomplice's transfer, send the Destroyer on a wild goose chase. The fake convoy heads off at 2:30 through the old industrial district of Hobbs Garden. Ten minutes later they'll cart the real one off to Raider's through the Upper East Side in an unmarked wagon."

"Risky, but not bad." Mr. Fantastic nodded, securing his saddlebag. "I suggest we split up. Three of us tail the fake, three of us stay with the real deal. Unfortunately for our banishing spell to work the Princess and I will need to be in the same location."

"The Destroyer, no matter the mind that wields it, is not a subtle instrument." Luna said grimly. "Even if we chose the wrong one doctor, I'm sure we'll know when he strikes. A simple teleport should suffice."

"He'll go after the fake." Spidey insisted. He tried not to flinch as those cyan eyes flashed to him. "I've been fighting this guy practically all my life. No way he doesn't have a way to track Blackie, stones or not. He'll wait until we think we've pulled it off and then he'll show up in his fancy new suit to rub it in."

"And you had a plan for this?" she asked. Peter swallowed.

"Yeah. See, anypony can pilot the Destroyer but Tombs will _need_ the city, the world, to know it's him! He mentioned finishing touches back at the plant. I think I know what they'll be, and-"

"Then you'll have to hurry." Mr. Fantastic's horn glowed, opening on to the entrances to his lab. "I take it you'll want to make use of the facilities here."

"Just like that?" Spidey blinked. "I didn't even say what…"

"You don't need to, son. Not after this long."

Luna scanned the Four's faces. The Torch winked at her. "You are clearly trusted. Please hurry. It is almost noon."

 _14_

The Golden Oak Library was quiet. Until the floor glowed purple and a superhero jumped out of the living room floor.

"Twilight?" Spider-Pony called. He trotted around in a circle, mindful of the lengths of metal cord wrapped over his shoulders. He wandered if he should call out again but there was something in the air. Something he felt like he shouldn't disturb.

He nudged open the main library door. No sign of anything…except that blasted owl in the corner. "Hoo."

"Not in the mood!" Peter muttered. "Have you seen her? I need…" He'd come over to run the plan by her and get a magical boost, but not really.

He'd had paradise with her yesterday and now he was about to swing off with a hastily assembled (though it wasn't bad for a rush job if he said so himself!) doodad to face an unrelenting sociopath armed with a homebrew Asgardian weapon of mass destruction.

And something else. Something Luna had said. Something in the air.

"Hoo."

"Yeah, exactly." Spidey's ears perked up, he twitched one of the foyer curtains open. Looked like half of Ponyville out there!

" _A True, True Friend-_ "

"Aww, she's busy." he smiled.

"Hoo."

"Somepony worth more than both of us, pal." He didn't even flinch as Owloysius swivelled to follow him with those unreadable eyes. Something in her voice, Harmony maybe, comforted him. Made him feel all Bring It On, Universe.

The light of Twilight's living room ley line flashed off the Elements of Harmony display case, which he'd completely failed to register was empty.

"That was fast." Johnny observed from the couch as he materialized back in his apartment.

"She was busy." Spidey shrugged.

"You sound way too happy about it." Johnny teased. "C'mon, let's go make an old pony cry!"

"Race ya!"

They both leapt for the living room window at the same time, slap fighting over it until they tumbled out and began swinging and blazing for the Hobbs Garden precinct.

The Torch raised an eyebrow as the device his partner was carrying flashed slightly every time they crossed districts. "Sure that thing'll work without your girl's special touch?"

"Hey, there's Mr. Fantastic _and_ Princess magic in here!" Spidey shrugged in between firing web-lines. "If that's not a guarantee then what is?"

"The fact you built it."

"You never said word one about the Spider-Mobile."

"Y'know one of these days I should fish that thing out of the river and rebuild it out of spite."

"Please, Twilight would love it."

"Are you _sure_ she isn't a Skrull?"

"Get out of my head, Storm."

 _15_

"So many bakeries." Soarin' sighed as the streets swept by beneath them.

"We'll load up before we go home." Spitfire assured. "This is Manehattan. He can't blow up _all_ the bakeries."

Luna coughed loudly, making Mr. Fantastic and the Thing swap knowing looks as they hovered beside her in a Fantastichariot. The Wonderbolts straightened up, though you could feel Spitfire's eyeroll through her goggles.

"Halfway there." Reed noted as the wagon below them turned a corner. The blue-grey paintjob helped it to stand out from the riot of taxis, delivery carts, moving food stalls and some of those fancy new automobiles down below. The decoy would be the standard M.E.U.P black and gold, perfectly visible from the air even if it didn't have the rest of the Wonderbolts and half the Manehattan press trailing behind it.

"You're sure he's going to hit?" Spitfire scanned the rooftops. "Maybe we should've used the stone as bait instead. Threatened to take his control away somehow."

"Do not second guess yourself, captain. The day's still young." Luna assured "And besides, one stone against the number needed to enchant and control even a facsimile Destroyer would be no threat. This pony may dress funny, but he knows what he's doing."

"Maybe I'd feel better if our tip-off didn't come from a vigilante." Spitfire huffed. "Surprised you brought him in on this, Princess. As is I'm just grateful we have a pro like Grim Skies along!"

"For real!" Soarin' used a roll to flash the Thing two wingtips up.

"Ah, you'll make me blush, cap."

"Champions, as you should know captain, come in all shapes and sizes." Luna smiled.

"Speakin' of size," the Thing growled, pointing ", radar's pickin' up somethin' bigger than the chip on Namor's shoulder comin' up trough the water! There!"

The wagon was on a riverside road now, a frothing mound in the water sending small waves splashing into the lanes. The two out of uniform guards at the reins struggled for control but were swept halfway to the curb, the wagon almost tipping over as its front half was demolished!

The escort began to dive towards the 10-foot-tall shadow hauling itself onto solid ground, the shrieks of panicked civilians almost drowning out the sound of its hooves crashing into the concrete. The Destroyer! Kind of.

The torso was a decent enough approximation of the bull like original, but large metal bat wings lanced out of the shoulders. The masterpiece was easily the almost mile long metal snake tail, lashing with unsettlingly organic movements. The metal was darker, cruder but just as solid looking as the original.

"Behold!" an amplified voice boomed from the shadows of the grate-like helmet "The Basilisk Maximus!"

"Behold _this!_ "

"Eh?" The Destroyer titled its head back as the ever lovin' blue eyed Thing crashed down onto it from thirty feet up! The impact cracked storefronts and shattered street lamp bulbs along the block, everything but the Basilisk tail vanishing in dust from the resultant crater.

As the others tried to touch down the tail coiled suddenly, whipping into the dust cloud. Fleeing pedestrians fled even harder as a cursing Thing was sent rolling down the street, demolishing a park and the lobby of an office building before he stopped.

The Destroyer launched itself after him, managing to soar almost an entire block before sapphire magic wrapped around its tail. A fire hydrant ruptured as its torso crashed into the road with a startled yelp.

"You have one chance to surrender!" Princess Luna snapped, eyes narrowed from strain and concentration, her horn almost invisible as she tried to telekinetically reel the behemoth towards her.

"I'd think someone of your age would know better than to face the Destroyer, Princess!"

"The only thing this monstrosity has in common with the Destroyer is they're both the toys of sad old men!"

"Ah, but it's close enough for the stones!" The Destroyer reared up, slamming its hooves together. Glass shattered and concrete fractured from the shockwave, bowling the Princess and the charging Wonderbolts over!

Satisfied the Destroyer stomped and slithered its way towards the overturned wagon, ignoring the krackling magic bolts Mr. Fantastic fired at it. "Please Dr. Rivers! These parlour tricks are beneath you!"

"You want to see a trick?" the genius smirked as the metal shadow fell over him "Very well! I shall make your target…disappear!"

And he did, taking himself along with it.

"What?!" The Basilisk Maximus froze, startled. "How…the Phantasmal Pony, of course! Very clever Rivers! You're even broadcasting magical waves to mask the tracking spell Deco picked up from the rune stones!"

The tail raised to begin striking random buildings in a bid to draw the heroes out of hiding, but the first blow never landed. Instead, in a sapphire flash the Destroyer found its own momentum turned against it as it rematerialized in mid-air, sending itself spinning into an evacuated construction site!

As it scrabbled to regain its footing a levitated crane hook spiked into the joints between its tail, pinning it.

"We are not done." three Princess Luna's snarled from their perches in the girders in front of it.

The Destroyer strained to use its tail, succeeding only in pulling the crane down on top of itself. With a snarl it settled for driving a hoof into the nearest Luna. She smirked at it as it drew back, totally unscathed despite the buckled girders behind her. The staggering Destroyer found itself surrounded by blurs of navy blue, a small army of Lunas swirling around it like bats. The occasional magic bolt flashed off its hide.

"Illusions!" Tombs' voice spat as his creation thrashed at the fluttering shapes. "Is this really the best you have?!"

The helm, crudely hammered to resemble an amalgamation of the Destroyer's head and the Basilisk's cowl, lowered contemplatively. "No, perhaps not. You're stalling for something else!"

It lunged out of the swarm, the crane cable finally snapping as it crashed into daylight and onto the street. "And with a simple adjustment of the runes so I can perceive different kinds of magical energy…yes!"

Through the haze over his mind's eye, Arcadian Tombs' consciousness could now perceive energy wavelengths. The world was a pulsing violet glow, shapes becoming abstract. And the glowing bodies of Mr. Fantastic and the Phantasmal Pony, shielding the cowering Blackie Deco and throbbing in blue as they used their powers from a nearby alleyway!

Whirling the Basilisk finally saw the real Luna, perched on a gargoyle and the energy around her horn dancing in rhythm with River's. Looking down, he could now see the circle of energy gradually forming around him. "A portal?! I think not! This city is mine now!"

The tail whipped up, slamming down in front of the Fantastic Family's power couple. It probably wouldn't have squashed them even if it had made contact, but it didn't need to. The impact rattled both ponies, Sue and Deco flickering back into existence and the aura around Reed's horn evaporating.

"Reed!" Sue cried as a wing sliced into him. Reed's face contorted as his body straitened to absorb the blow. The wing swept him into the wall, crashing him through it. She furiously wrapped a force field around it, hurling it into the air and pitching the startled Destroyer over and onto its back.

She let out a relived gasp to see Reed stretched and curled in the wreckage of an office like an abandoned hose, but his body pulling itself back into shape. If he could instinctively take control like that then he was alive. But clearly unconscious. The Destroyer had managed to take their plan off the table.

"I'm gettin'-!" Blackie began, turning to bolt.

"No." Princess Luna said, landing in front of him and slapping a specific spot on his neck with a wing. Deco's eyes rolled back, and he collapsed with a dreamy smile. "Is your, uh, partner…?"

"He's fine." Sue nodded as they began slowly trotting towards the rolling Destroyer. "But he's out of the game for now."

"Nothing's ever simple." Luna muttered. "Force field battering ram, d'you think?"

"Ready when you are."

As the Destroyer finally righted itself a shimmering mass crashed into it so hard one side of its helm almost caved in. It just made it look annoyed. The next two assaults sent it skidding backwards down the wrecked street. It met the third attempt with its hooves and wings, its tail throwing sparks and a horrendous screeching as it resisted.

With a violent shove it punched through the translucent barrier. Sue cried out from the mental feedback, collapsing into Luna's grasp. Luna's expression shifted instantly from concern to fury, glaring up at the advancing Destroyer with her eyes and horn glowing.

"I would have settled for simply robbing this city blind and retiring to an island somewhere." Tombs voice rumbled out of the helm. "But crushing a Princess? That needs a much grader follow through…"

It raised a hoof.

"Now there's the fickle old bird I know and revile!" The Destroyer whirled to find Spider-Pony balanced on its tail, snapping a metallic brace shut around the appendage.

"Did you just…try to clamp me?"

"Looks like it! Did it work?"

"NO!" The Destroyer lashed its tail, sending the pest sky high.

"Pity." Spidey shrugged as he began to descend, then cupped his hooves to his muzzle. "'EY TAX-AY!"

He fired a web-line, the Horseshoe Torch snagging it and whipping them around the Destroyer's head.

"C'mon Cade-i-kins, who'd ya really wanna make an impression on? Me, or some patsy who couldn't find _his_ Asgard with a map?"

"Don't mind us!" the Torch called, racing towards Midtown "We'll just be sightseeing while you make up your mind!"

Luna watched nonplussed as the Destroyer howled with fury, launching itself after them.

"Okay, we need to cross as many ley lines as possible," Spidey called, looking over his shoulder at 30 tons of thrashing metal behind them ", so as many neighbourhoods as you can!"

"All part of the service!" the Torch called back, blazing down a side street.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what're you doing?"

"I'm heading for Antlersona! It's closest!"

"Then what're we doing on 101st?"

"Going to Antlersona!"

"On what planet do you get to Antlersona via 101st?"

"The one where Gracie Mansion doesn't get demolished?"

"That's on 88th!"

"Right, which is why I take the turning on 93rd! Wide berth!"

"That's way too close to Museum Mile! Twilight loves it!"

"So," The Torch looked over his shoulder raising his hooves like scales. ", seat of government, your boring date night! Real neat to know where your priorities lie, Pete!"

"Oh, like you ever went to a museum without your teachers strapping you and the other back row kids to gurneys!"

"I'm an explorer, I hunt down ghosts and cultists through museums more than you poke your mole!"

"Yeah? Ever look up this thing called a compass? Because we're on Park Avenue now, genius!"

"You were _just_ whining about Museum Mile!"

"You _just_ missed our turning!"

"Our? Who's doing all the flying here?!"

"Somepony who thinks he owns turnings, apparently!" Spidey's eyes almost burst through the lenses as they whipped around a corner. "Ack! Where're you going now?!"

"Celestial Park! You want ley lines!"

"I _want_ to be in one piece! Know what else'd be nice?! A pilot with a sense of direction!"

"You wanna swing it, you go right ahead!"

"Maybe I…Spider-Sense! Low!"

Johnny dived, the shadow of the Destroyer's tail whip cracking the empty air where they'd just been! He banked as wide as possible, trying to put distance between the giant _and_ cross as many of the park's different sections as possible. One of the biggest clusters of ley lines in town.

"Too low!" Spidey cried, streamlining his hindlegs so he could ski across the surface of the reservoir, water sheeting into the gaining Destroyer's face. "Too low!"

"There is no pleasing you today!"

"There's the Planetarium!"

"I already let whatshername have the museums!"

"No, stir-fry head, Bridleway!"

"You wanna take her to a show now?! How do you have the budget for this filly?!"

"MJ knows somepony! I mean-!"

"One of the biggest ley lines in the city, I know!" Johnny put on an extra burst of speed to avoid blazing into civilian airspace. "I'm messing with you!"

"By scraping me to a smear on 76th street for some reason?!"

"Shortcut! Gonna take the turning at 73rd to get on 71st! Make him cross the line twice!"

"Why skip 72nd?"

"73rd's closer to 71st!"

" _That is not how that works!_ "

"I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU BOTH!" the Basilisk howled through the Destroyer's grill.

"AH, SHADDUP!" both ponies shot back.

"Will you just admit we're lost and ask somepony?!" Spidey snapped, twisting to avoid a billboard.

"Oh yeah, at 15 stories up and near 200mph! I'll just flag down a passing airship!" Johnny's eyes darted earthward, Spidey yelping as his body followed. "Hel-LO!"

The swiping Destroyer overbalanced in mid-air as its razor tipped wing completely missed Spidey's tail, sending itself tumbling into the river.

The candy coloured mare with the chrysanthemum Cutie Mark blinked at it, then the molten stallion drifting a few feet above the pavement in front of her in _One-Of-You-Prance-Girls_ pose. The weirdo luchador she sometimes saw in the newspapers dangled upside down from the street light his line had wrapped around, trying to count the stars whistling around his head.

"Excuse me, ma'am! First, just wanna say that is a delightful shade of eyeshadow! Second, could you possibly tell a lost and lonely colt what part of this great metropolis he happens to be in?"

"Hobbs Garden." she croaked.

"Really!" Johnny smirked up at the woozy Spider-Pony. "I do believe to get all the way here from the Upper East Side, one would have to pass through Antlersona!"

"You don't wanna know what's about to pass through me…" Spidey groaned. The sound of the Destroyer bursting out of the river rocked the air. "Oh no."

He let out a wail as the Torch took off again, spinning around the street light like an unwinding fishing lure before finally coming loose. "Where are you taking me now, you lunatic?!"

"Chelsea! Now who needs a compass! Wanna swing by your place and get yours?"

"Actually, I think we're done!" Spidey squinted as light began to flash along the clamp he'd placed on the Destroyer's tail. It sparked aggressively as the behemoth's torso rushed over the neighbourhood ley line, flicking briefly into visibility in its shadow.

Manehattan was relatively young as Equestrian cities went. It had been cobbled together out of various settlements grown around the promising island before they all banded together to reach it. But many things had happened since then. The island had its own paths, centuries old, older than the two sisters who'd one day rule over it, and the inhabitants just added more.

Left alone, Manehattan Island would probably have been a smorgasbord of different magical environments just due to sheer geography. It was too big and varied, part of a planet evolved from magic the whole time. Forests and hills and rivers. Eventually trade roads. Sewers. Streets. New streets. Train lines. Subways. Basements. And underneath, the older lines. The older histories. New layers being added decades at a time.

Each species brought something of their heritage and magic with them, tracing more and more. Neighbourhoods and parks replaced swamps and glens and hills, all different but part of the whole. Under the right lens, the City that Never Slept would look like a brain scan, different neurons constantly firing. Sometimes things sparked, a burst of random magic. And the city's attitude had tamed even that, turning it into a minor annoyance, a more carnivalesque version of static shock.

And it was this constantly shifting background magic Peter had been counting on. That the giant-sized anklet he'd thrown together had been absorbing as Tombs chased them from district to district.

"What?!" the Destroyer bellowed as crackling ley line energy raced from the anklet through its tail and all over its torso. It juddered to a halt, slamming into the street, fighting to move. "A…paralysis spell?!"

"Ley line powered!" Spidey crowed, dropping from the hovering Torch's grip onto a nearby fire escape. "Just had to alter the re-aligners to _pick up_ ley energy and BAM!"

"Webs figured you'd use bigger versions of your old tricks!" the Torch smirked "Especially the one where you pack the tail of your outfit with ley re-aligners, so nothing happens to it in mid-flight! And that's not even how he beat you the first time he figured it out! Check your six!"

Staining, the Destroyer's helm turned to see a glimmering, static-like thread trailing from the bracelet around its tail. "That accursed ley tracking trick?!"

"The absence of ley energy thanks to the vibrations of your re-aligners, but yeah! I'm flattered you remember!" Johnny could hear the grin under Spidey's mask. "Not only is your new suit so much junk right now, every Wonderbolt and M.E.U.P officer is following that trail right back to whatever rock your hiding under!"

"They'll find your remains first!" Tombs shrieked through the helm "This thing is powered by my will! And my hate! And I DESPISE YOU!"

Both ponies dived aside as the engine of destruction launched itself at them out of sheer hatred, ploughing right through the building! Cowering civilians looked up, finding the crushing rubble superheated together and caught in a straining web-net.

"He's still moving!" Johnny half sang desperately as he amped up his flames, for all the good they'd do.

"I know!" Peter shot-sang back, wondering if it was worth snagging some of the rubble to use as a flail and trying to buy some distance.

The Destroyer's torso loomed out of the shattered façade of the building, looking even angrier for the manically sparking ley energy dancing all over it. "And now-!"

It froze. "Wait! No! NO!"

The helm juddered as if struck like a gong, sagging into its chest. The super ponies looked at each other, then flinched as the Destroyer reared up again…somehow more gracefully. It gently pulled itself out of the building, managing to land of the sidewalk with incredible dignity despite most of its tail still being half way up the wall and indoors.

"Gentlecolts. This is Princess Luna. Well done."

The crowds and rescue workers broke into wild, relived applause. The sky filled with Wonderbolts and Johnny let out a relived puff of flame to see Sue, Reed and the Thing hovering towards them on one of her invisible platforms. He glanced at Spider-Pony, blinking at the sight of Peter's masked ears folding.

"What's with you? Your gizmo worked! We won!"

"That's my apartment building."

"Oh."

"My apartment specifically."

"…oh."

They watched in silence as Luna irritably yanked the Destroyer's tail free, eviscerating Peter's ceiling and obscuring the wreckage in a cloud of dust. As if the place had just freshly exploded.

 _To be Continued_


	8. Line of Ire (5)

_16_

"Ms. Grace?" the intercom squawked in a bored monotoned. "That rando you asked to come by randomly came by."

"Thank you, Anne." Mrs. Grace said with the same patience she used on everypony who worked on this floor. "I take it you mean Mr. Trotter."

"You know I don't look at names past noon Ms. Grace, nopony worth knowing shows up past then. Grey coat? Microscope Cutie Mark? Kinda frazzled? Got a birth defect?"

"Hey!" another voice squawked indignantly.

"Sorry, birthmark. I get the two mixed up."

"I'm coming out now, Anne." Mrs. Grace said firmly, needlessly straitening her suit as she took her hoof off the button.

"Listen lady," she heard the young stallion snapping to Anne's ever unimpressed face as she swung the office door open ", I've put up with way too much today, no, this century, to be treated like a doormat right now!"

"Well sir, since your hooves are on my desk maybe you'd like to help yourself to my appointment book and we'll sort something out. You're not married, right?"

Ms. Grace smiled and shook her head as Peter flushed with mortification and Manehattanite fury. All these years and customizing her door to open soundlessly was still paying off in new and interesting ways. "You-I'm gonna-"

"Shake my hoof like a gentlecolt, I hope." she smiled as he spun around.

"Uh, that…yes! Hi! Hello!" She raised an eyebrow as he clasped it in both and frantically shook as if trying to unfurl a parachute in mid-decent. The boy had quite a grip. That he was clearly tempering. "Uh, sorry it's so late, I only got your letter a few minutes ago! My apartment kinda…"

"Ah, I was wondering." Ms. Grace led him out into the hall. "I'm afraid it will be at least a day before we manage to complete repairs on your building. How's your situation right now? We work with organizations that deal in temporary accommodations…"

"A friend made me a surprising offer, so that's actually okay." Peter ran a hoof through his mane as if trying to comb the entire day out of it. "Dunno how I'll be able to chip in, but…"

"Mmm. We'll see." He really wasn't thinking about this as the opportunity it was. Either shellshock or a good heart. Possibly both. He'd need focus either way, and how hard could he be to steer compared to the rest of her employees. "Mr. Trotter, do you know why you're here?"

"Ah, no. Your letter was kinda charred but it sounded like you just wanted to meet? Listen if this is an insurance thing, I can promise you now I don't have the bits to-"

"Our service is to Equestria in general." Ms. Grace gestured to the offices they were passing through. "It's my responsibility to make money back so these ponies can live of course, but that's what we are. A service, not a business. Or a charity."

"I see?" He really hadn't figured it out yet.

"Mr. Trotter, I understand that coming home to find yourself homeless is quite the shock, but do you remember what you did yesterday?"

"Got hit by a mail pony…?"

"How you spend your free time is between you and great pony in the sky, dear." she smiled "But I was referring to a rather impromptu interview at one of our recently purchased labs."

"That was you guys?" Peter blinked, then stared out of the large window that gave visitors a generous view of the racks of construction vehicles. His own startled reflection helped him focus and he turned back to her. "What is this?"

"An investment, I suppose." Ms. Grace took her own look at the lifeblood of her company. "You may not have impressed them, but you made enough of an impression that they told me about you. A young pony with what should be fine credentials and next to no relevant research. He even came to the wrong sort of lab for the wrong sort of interview."

Peter's ears drooped. He looked at her curiously as she put a gentle hoof on his shoulder. "And what did he do? Tried to make it work. That was interesting."

"Oh?"

"What's even more interesting is the copy of Dr. River Reeds' report on the whole Destroyer incident I received an hour ago. _He_ didn't make that anklet and while I've had the pleasure of Spider-Pony's company a few times over the years he never struck me as the scientific sort. It makes more sense if you look at the credit for all those photos old Ferocious Flattop likes to use and have a copy of their resume."

He was trying to facially stonewall her for reasons she honestly didn't care to speculate about but couldn't keep the curiosity out his eyes. He was getting the idea but still not the reasoning.

"Do you know that little toy has revolutionized magical detainment in only three hours? Of course, there's issues with the idea of paralysing a wearer so it's a good thing you'd need far more magic than is practical to make it a permanent feature. But a visible trail when they try to go somewhere they shouldn't? You can practically hear the thundering of hooves as the industry races to reverse-engineer the concept. Quite the pretty penny for the pony who had the idea."

"Wait, really?!" He looked shocked, as if money was as alien a concept as the Planet Krypton and he was vaguely terrified of it. Oh, he _did_ show promise.

"Or it would if he could stake any claim to it." Ms. Grace shrugged. "The anklet concept technically belongs to the Crown so he'd need to lodge a request to build any to begin with, and magical examination would confirm the spells and materials used as property of Fantastic Inc. even if Dr Rivers hadn't said so in his report. Very messy."

"Uh…yeah." He followed her to the real showpiece, the rows of cubicles and lockers in the large office at the end of the hall. "So, if this pony is such a mess…why does this feel like another interview?"

"Oh, it isn't." Ms. Grace smiled at him, but her eyes were determined as ever. "It's an offer."

"But anything I could show you is hopelessly out of date! A-and the anklet-"

"Who said anything about that?" She raised an eyebrow. She hoped covering like this wasn't going to be a habit with him. "You want something more to show potential employers? I'm sure a few years in the exciting world of high-concept construction will pad your resume."

Peter blinked at her. "This is…I don't know what to…"

"Say yes, I hope." She smiled. "If you think we'll take it easy on you, don't worry. The job's demanding enough as it is, but I lost a quite talented consultant to his own ego today and am taking a flyer on a nice young stallion who clearly needs something to pull himself together. Shake my hoof and you become an investment. And for the amount of training and responsibility I'm investing in you, I will expect you to make good."

He blinked at her. Looked at the vacant cubicle they were standing in front of. Watched as a janitor slipped Arcadian Tombs' nameplate into a push-bin.

Smiled and held out his hoof.

"Welcome to Damage Control, Peter Trotter. Hope you survive the experience."

 _17_

"Not gonna lie," Johnnycake said, dusting his finally free hooves down as he surveyed the living room ", thought it'd be bigger."

"That a crack?" the Thing rumbled, carefully trying to navigate around the boxes filling the space.

"No, that thing right over where you keep your brain, that's a crack." Johnny traced it with a line of fire. "I was talking about Pete's check. I mean, getting money out of Amazing Grace? That's supposed to be Hearths Warming come early! I don't even spend that 'starter salary' on mane and tail products!"

"I'm starting out." Peter shrugged. "This was as much as they could give me in advance. Felt lousy asking but I wanted to show I'm good for this place."

He held the check out to the Thing, involuntarily waving his undamaged hoof as those massive stone jaws took the corner and tucked it into his new landlord's bomber jacket.

"Ain't you I'm worried about, webs."

"Hey, have you met him?" Johnny was pushing a last box into his bedroom. "Guy's even more likely to burn the place down than I am."

"That why you told me about it?" Peter smirked back "Plausible disability?"

"Deny this." Johnny made a rude gesture with his tail. "Like I'm not gonna spend every party explaining away your sad existence in the corner zone."

"I didn't say nothin' about no parties." Grim Skies scowled.

"So you must've said somethin'!" Johnny called back. "Like oh yeah, that's who I'm renting too! Jazz! Clobbering! Penny-farthings!"

"Regret anythin' yet?" the Thing asked Peter as they shifted the last of his smoky, dented but still intact possessions into his new bedroom.

"New job comes with insurance, so." Peter shrugged. "Have I said thank you too much yet?"

"I'm an idol of millions shrimp, good etiquette forbids me from puttin' a limit on how much tearful thanks I get, no matter how humble a stallion I may be." He looked around what was going to be a guest bedroom until Johnny had shown the kid around. "Looks like ya made out okay. Considerin'."

"Yeah, the Basilisk only took out my living room." Peter smiled to himself as he gently placed a family photo of Aunt May and Uncle Glen, already in the new frame Sue had lent him, onto his new bedside table. "All the important stuff was in the bedroom."

"Maybe ya ain't as unlucky as ya think."

"Maybe."

"You two done making out yet?" Johnny asked poking his head through the door. "Because this next part is gonna be hard enough as it is."

"Admitting you're just a really, really light brunette?"

"Finally acceptin' polo shirts are dead and nothin' ya do is gonna bring 'em back?"

"I c'ld 'urn th's y'know." Johnny smirked (or at least curled the corners of his lips) as he lifted his own deposit check in his mouth.

"You could also go jump in the East River, but there's laws about pollutin'." The Thing snatched the check and stuffed it in his other pocket. 616b Yancy Street was officially theirs. Just like that.

"Well squirts, if ya ever need anythin' don't hesitate." The Thing waited until he was halfway out the door. "To ask somepony else."

"Sure you won't stay for coffee?" Peter asked en route to the kitchen. "Actually, it's dented but I got a box of this really cool Neighponese tea Princess Celestia got me hooked on around here somewhere. Dust adds flavour, right?"

"Please Pete, as if a pony with taste dresses like Grim does." Johnny stuck his hoof in the door to stop the Thing closing it, making to follow him out onto the landing. "Be right back, real hero talk. You understand."

"Understand this." Peter called back without turning 'round, making an equally rude gesture with his tail.

"Somethin' on your mind, matchstick?" the Thing asked, looking over his shoulder as he navigated the stairwell. Johnny noted it was just big enough to accommodate that hulking frame and half wondered what plans Grim had been brewing for the apartment before now.

"Just wanted to know why." Grim paused, managing to half turn to get a better look at him. "I'm not ungrateful but you put _work_ into this. You wouldn't hoof it over to just anypony."

"Nah. I hoofed it over to family." Two sets of blue eyes. Not staring each other down, but locked. This was important. "Back in the day I didn't do much right by the old neighbourhood. Since sayin' thank you would probably turn ya back into a pumpkin, maybe you could pay this forward and keep an eye on the place for me."

"Friendly neighbourhood Horseshoe Torch, huh?" Johnny smirked. "I do enjoy a challenge."

"You're on Yancy Street now kid. You don't know from challenge."

Johnny watched him plod out of sight then headed back inside before he lost his machismo and said something affectionate. He considered the new digs again, still not sure how to feel now he was here but riding the slight buzz.

Still a lot to unpack, but they'd got the couch and entertainment system set up. An airy living room he half suspected had been designed for a Thing sized occupant, two spacious windows filling the room with light. At nigh the lights of the skyscrapers would light the place up just right. Bathroom door on the left (which he was already planning to save up to turn spa-grade, no matter what Pete said) next to the front door, dining nook and kitchen on the right.

And that was just the living room. He considered the wall facing the windows, almost glowing in the evening light. His bedroom on the left, Peter's on the right with plenty of wall space to stick whatever dumb trophies and kick knacks they wanted in between. They'd already stuck up a poster and it helped.

He could almost see it, a few days from now. When the buzz would just fade out. Home.

"So we should probably make a start on our rooms." Peter said, nosing an extra coffee cup across the counter.

"That'd be the responsible thing." Johnny took a sip. "Or."

They locked eyes and counted down to three in near perfect sync.

"Hook the radio into the LCD-ball and binge watch _30 Rock._ "

A couple of wires, some minor electrical burns and several hundred network jokes later Peter rubbed his eyes, realising the buzzing sensation was coming from the glow of the crystal ball being the only light in the room. Luna's moon and the lights of the city glowed beyond it.

"Man, I gotta be in for orientation at 9:00 tomorrow. Ugh. Didn't even tell the _Bugle_ I got the job yet. That's gonna be a fun conversation. You want anything to eat?"

"Sure." Johnny yawned, stretching. "Man, we should celebrate but nowhere trendy'll be open yet. Kinda late to book a table too."

"Could try Ponyville." Peter mused as Lemon Swiss cried out her mouth. "They do these great potlucks."

"Wouldn't it be way past their bedtime even if we could grab a train?" Johnny smirked, clapping his hooves.

"What're you doing?"

"The more important question is why do we not have a clapper?"

"Good taste?" Peter was in his room now, hunting through some boxes. "Train, schmain. Twilight set up a ley line spell that opens a portal between our living rooms. After today we may as well put one to use."

"Y'know what? Despite the taste of mildly irradiated saliva in my mouth I'm feeling too good to shoot you down." Johnny hopped off the sofa, muting the radio and getting the lights so Peter could search his boxes properly. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also professionally curious to see just what kind of cryptid your girlfriend in Vanhoofer is."

"Play nice or I won't introduce you to Rarity and Fluttershy."

"The model?" Johnny squinted. "It's not 2010 anymore, Pete. Everypony should be old enough to admit Flüttershy is just a fairy tale designers tell divas so they'll eat their diet pills."

"Atlantis. Wakanda. The Crystal Empire. Asgard. You got blown off by Nightmare Moon right in front of me."

"Alright, alright. So what's the deal? We're not gonna have to chalk one up, are we? I mean, the floors not authentic hardwood but that's no reason to draw on it."

"As long as there's something of ours in each other's homes, we'll always find each other." Peter smiled. He'd cleared some boxes away. Johnny hung back but craned to see what he was looking all schmaltzy over. It was a hairbrush. He smiled despite himself.

Peter pressed a hoof to it, eyes closed. Something happened to the air. For a second the world around them was all sorts of purple.

Johnny felt like Crystal had been standing next to him all this time, as if the last few years had never happened. The image of Blackjack Mahogany on the globe twitched. Boxes were suddenly not where he remembered them and then were back again. And a violet aura pulsed gently around Peter's body, leaking through his hooves in strands that spread across the floor. Johnny's ears were full of a silence like a choir.

And then it was over. The apartment felt mercifully solid and there was a strange relief from the sounds of belligerent taxi drivers outside the windows.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" Peter looked up, the violet glow fading from his eyes.

"Forget it. So, do we, like, knock, or…?"

He yelped as Peter vanished in a purple flash. And again, as Peter reappeared mid eyeroll, grabbed his shoulder and tugged him through what felt like molasses made of light. He almost chocked on the sudden change to the air.

He tried to blink the spots out of his eyes until he realised he was actually looking at bunting and streamers. Peter grinned abashed at the startled Elements. "Sorry, girls! Had to pick up some baggage."

"Like you don't have enough of your own." Johnny smirked, looking around the cosy space. "Huh. Nice! Are we inside a tree or one of those tavern chains?"

"Oh gosh." Applejack looked between them. "We completely forgot. Okay, Pete, you're maybe gonna wanna sit down, get a glass of cider…"

"What's the occasion?" Peter beamed, checking out the loaded table. One of Rainbow Dash's 'ironic, I swear,' soft rock ballad CDs was crooning away on the stereo. Kind of late for a Ponyville party but he wasn't about to pass up what looked like Apple family sheppard's pie with a Cloudsdale casserole! "Johnny here and I were actually hoping to rustle up a little celebration!"

"Um." Fluttershy said.

"Were you now?" Rarity had materialized between him and Johnny. He took one look at her face and wondered why he'd been surprised. "And what is, ah, Johnny celebrating?"

"Well I have made an interesting new acquaintance!" He flashed her his own dental work. They both liked what they saw. "Hi, Tropical Johnnycake Storm. My friends call me Johnny."

"Rarity Belle. Charmed!"

"Very!"

"I'm in the friendship making business myself. Perhaps I could tell you about it sometime."

"I'd be delighted. When are you free?"

"Oh brother." Applejack took another swig of cider. "I just ate, people!"

"Rarity?" Everypony looked up at Spike scowling from Twilight's room. "Is that guy bothering you?"

"Oh wow, there really is a dragon!" Johnny beamed "Cool, I thought you just made that up!"

"Why would I make that up? Exsqueeze me." Peter sprang from the huddle, ricocheting off the wall so he could crouch on the staircase. "Hey Spike! Is Twilight in? Got big news!"

"Uh, yeah, I mean, no, I mean…" Spike scratched his fins awkwardly. "Oh boy. Look man, you've gotta promise not to freak out?"

"Why would I-?" Peter flinched as the door was kicked open by what looked like a phalanx of cake boxes.

"Heads up, everypony!" Rainbow Dash announced, Pinkie Pie bouncing in behind her with her own load. "Dessert has officially arrived! Oh hey, Pete! Man, do we have a treat for…"

She caught Johnny's hair out of the corner of her eye and lunged like an enraged jaguar, Fluttershy just managing to catch the cakes before they stopped hovering in mid-air. " _You?!_ "

"You?!" Johnny leapt back, igniting and hovering almost a foot in the air from shock as Applejack managed to throw herself between them. "Oh hay, you're _that_ Rainbow Dash?!"

"It's not exactly a common name." Peter blinked. "Wait, wait, you two know each other?"

"I've broken up with at least three Rainbow Dashes." the Torch shrugged.

"Well I'm the only one you have to worry about!"

"Down, girl!" Applejack snapped, turning her face to the side to avoid furiously thrashing wings. "Wait, you're Tropical Storm? From flight school? Dang, I'm half tempted to let 'er-"

There was a flash of sunlight outside and the halfway closed door was barged open again. A frantic looking Princess Celestia stared around the room. "Excuse me girls, I'm sorry to intrude but I was just in Manehattan and…Johnnycake?"

She caught sight of Peter. "Peter Trotter! Oh, thank goodness! I thought something dreadful had happened! It occurred to me that I really should visit you to make sure you were prepared, but if you're already here-"

"Princess? Yeah, the Destroyer…" Peter frowned. "Prepare me for what?"

"The Destroyer?!"

"Hey your highness!" Johnny waved around the struggling Elements of Honesty and Loyalty.

"Rainbow Dash! Whatever are you doing!"

"I'll show you if AJ'll just let go!"

"Do not let go!" Johnny urged, conjuring a flame shield and football helmet.

"Spike?" Twilight's voice came from the kitchen.

"Twilight!" Peter grinned. He somersaulted down onto the floor, trying to get around the tangle of bodies to see her. "Man, you will not believe the day I've had!"

He finally managed to shove Rainbow and Applejack apart with half his spidey-strength. "It's been…"

And then he saw her. "…crazy."

His mind tried to superheat even as it melted, running through every dribbling scenario his career could suggest. Clone? Long lost twin? Other reality? Marediaga costume? But her eyes. Nopony could fake those. It _was_ her.

"Oh." Princess Twilight Sparkle said with an awkward rustle of her new wings. "Um. Hi?"

 _How is this not To be Continued_


	9. Prologue: Fancy Meeting You Here

_1_

Dead silence. Even the stereo had gone quiet as it changed tracks. The only sound was the flickering of the Torch's flames.

And then Twilight was squawking with laughter as Peter darted forward to hug her, new wings and all, just in time for the next song to kick in.

"Peter!"

"Holy cow!" He couldn't stop smiling. He felt as if he'd been launched into orbit. He could feel her wings fluttering against him. "You…you're beautiful!"

"What?! No, I'm not!" She was grinning back. "Come on!"

"You come on! What happened? I don't care! You're beautiful!"

Cheers and applause behind them, Pinkie Pie blowing a kazoo, Rarity bursting into tears in order to get a smidge of attention, the feel of Princess Celestia's wings draping over them both.

The sound of Rainbow Dash tackling the doused Johnny to the floor and trying to reap some sort of revenge, which should have dampened the mood but eh, it was Johnny.

They'd been young and happy and flying high.

That had been almost a week ago. He'd had time to think since then.

 _2_

And now he was fighting a mud-monster.

"Can't you just bake them solid together?" Spider-Pony called, ducking behind a hanging bakery sign as a mudball cannoned into it. "We're gonna be late!"

"Can't crank it up that high with this many people around!" the Horseshoe Torch called back, swerving around a globular hoof morphed into a hammer. "And I get the feeling they kinda… _want_ that?"

The Sandpony/Watermane abomination squelching towards them let out a gurgling sound that sounded uncomfortably like two voices howling down the same drain at once.

"Webbings useless!" Spidey grunted as he ducked the swinging hammer. "Never a cement mixer around when you need one!"

"wUuUuUgGgHhHhNnNn" the Mudslinger moaned.

"Creepy." Johnny conjured a small, literal firewall to buy them some breathing space. "Okay, are you guys in there? Can you _understand_ us?"

The Mudslinger paused, swaying and dripping in front of the flames, then began to morph its misshapen head back and forth between it's two creators. Eventually it let out another gurgle, Sandpony and Watermane's heads growing out of the streaming mess that constituted its shoulders.

"Technically not a no!" the Torch concluded, flaring brighter as a warning. "So what's the deal guys? You can't stand each other! Not unless the Warlock's paying you to be on the same team! Is that what this is?"

"wUnNgH…" the Watermane head moaned.

"Huuuuuulp…" the Sandpony groaned.

"NUGH! wUunGh…"

"Today did _not_ have to start like this." Spidey muttered. The street was clearing of pedestrians, but it was only a matter of time before the authorities arrived and gave the creature even more targets. Which would eat up even more time. Also, _taint the memory of this day even more._

 _This day was going to be PERFECT._

"No plan survives first contact with the enemy." the Torch muttered. "Whoa!"

The entire right side of the Mudslinger's body, the Watermane side, lunged at them through the firewall, howling either from the steam streaming from its mud or the solid spikes lancing out of it! The concrete the heroes had been standing on shattered as they leapt clear.

The Torch retaliated with a round of fireballs but the sludge the combined villains had turned themselves into was so sodden they were extinguished practically on contact, only succeeding in surrounding the Mudslinger with a swampy mist. "Do you have one yet?"

"One what?" Spidey called, sliding under an abandoned hay dog cart as the creature's tail whipped into a street light, buckling it.

"A plan!" For his part Johnny began to whip around the Mudslinger as fast as he could given the confines of the street, trying to keep it distracted with his flaming contrail. "Y'know, our thing? Bounce one-liners off each other, suss the problem out? You do nerd stuff, I execute with flawless precision and take all the well-deserved credit?"

"I don't know!" Spidey yelped as rock hard tipped mud-spears lanced into the wall he'd be perched on. He'd stuck there almost too long, given it a target!

"Say what?" Johnny skidded to a stop, his shock barely preventing him from missing a barrage of mudballs fired from the Watermane side with hydraulic force. Glass and timber shattered somewhere offscreen.

"I said _I don't know!_ " Peter swung from a line, trying to stay off the ground as the creature flailed for both of them. "Man, last time Rarity and Pinkie Pie used the force of cleaning spells and making a mud pie out of it until Sandy and Maney just kinda…burst! The time before that, I was just lucky there was a tilt-a-whirl around!"

"Rarity, huh?" The Torch's grin glowed with his flames as he superheated a nearby steam vent, managing to stall the composite creature by blowing it and the manhole it had been standing on about 50 feet up. "Yeah, she seems like she's into…cleaning."

"Focus!"

"Right back at ya!" Johnny drifted over to his roommate, putting a cooled hoof on his shoulder. "She's gonna be happy to see you no matter what, Pete."

The spider logo on his chest swelled as Peter sighed. "Today is maybe the biggest day of her life, man. And I'm out here doing…this!"

"Yeah. _So do it._ " Serious Johnny face. "Help me work this out. Sandy doesn't want to be here almost as badly as you do, right? We can work that."

"Augh!" Spidey kneaded the space between his lenses, pinched almost shut. Johnny was seriously going to have to ask how he got his mask to do that sometime without sounding like a dork. "I don't…I don't _know!_ There's nothing here my talent can see to improvise with!"

They both looked up as a shadow whipped past them, crashing down practically at the other end of the block. The erupting mud pile froze halfway through tossing itself into the air and over the walls, begging to pull itself back in a slow but determined reverse explosion.

"sKwWwUuUuUgHsSsHhAaGh!"

"HUUUUULP MUUUUGH!"

Spider-Pony flinched at the sound of one of his oldest enemies desperate gurgling. "You're…you're right, Brush is doing all the work here…"

"Can we use Sandy to separate them? From the inside?"

"I don't…ugh, if we had some equipment, maybe! The problem is both their elements, they're making one now, so it's the two of them rattling around in there! If we could just isolate their Soul Molecules…"

"That's their minds, right?" Johnny's eyes narrowed as they raced towards the almost reformed monstrosity. "There's like a grain or a…puddle or whatever, but that's _them_? And the rest is just sand or water?"

"Yeah!" Spidey was weaving a web-net over the creature from his perch on a street light, for all the good it'd do. "What're you thinking?"

"Tug of war." the Torch smirked "Three against one! Flint! Flint Heart! You in there?!"

The Mudslinger growled, pouring its way out between the micro-thin strands in the webbing, a bubble with desperate features growing out of its forehead. "hUuUuLlLlPpPp…"

"We will!" Johnny coaxed. "Just a hoof and a head will do! Try!"

"Think I'm gonna hurl…" Spidey groaned as the Mudslinger crammed a furious hoof against the side of its head, trying to shove its better half back into the torture pit of its consciousness.

Like some gruesome parody of a centaur a sodden, familiar torso mushroomed out of the creature's back, its rippling head tightening into the snarling features of Moor Brush as Flint Heart's prominent brow and cornrow mane began to take shape. Even his trademark green hoodie began to melt it's way free. "H-help me…he's outta his mind! I think she mixed somethin' into him! Some kinda love potion! He's tryin' to pull me back in!"

"WUUUUUUN!" Watermane bellowed through the Mudsligner's mouth. Something pink _did_ seem to be glinting in one misshapen eye…

"Hang on!" Johnny called, firing a stream of flame into that hideous face. Even with the street clear he still couldn't raise his temperature to the levels needed to insta-bake something as wet as this monstrosity into pottery with any kind of precision. But that wasn't what he was trying to do.

Firstly, no matter what you're made of, having your face bubbling at the same time it's hardening to the consistency of freshly poured tire rubber is, to put it mildly, distracting. Secondly, Sandpony only needed to be cooked solid enough from the backwash for the dented manhole cover Peter had tossed to embed itself in his chest, complete with a couple hundred web-strands.

Sneering in vicious satisfaction even as the Mudslinger threw up a leg morphed into a mud-shield, the Sandpony enlarged his hooves into inflated crab claws and grabbed hold of the lifeline.

The Mudslinger reared up furiously as Spider-Pony tossed a spaghetti tangle of webs up to the Torch, who rocketed backwards with as much jet force as he could muster without frying his partner. Spidey looped his own lines around his adhesive tail and spun, galloping in place for all he was worth.

Now running on only Moor Brush's befuddled instincts as half its intelligence began to literally claw his way to freedom, the Mudslinger howled and thrashed, trying to hit three targets at once. Inch by inch, biting down on a primal scream, Flint Heart began to pull his rapidly cooling silicates free of his captor!

"NUUUUUUGH! WUUUUUUUN!"

"Against…three!" the Torch grunted, air shimmering around him as he forced his internal needle to climb even higher.

"Think…I'm gonna…pop somethin'…" Spider-Pony winced as he slammed an adhesive hoof into the concrete, trying to drag the another after it as his teeth gritted under his mask.

"WUUUUUUUUN!"

"Yeah!" the Sandpony snarled. "ME!"

Sudden release that would have been sweet if it hadn't happened too fast to register! Johnny spun end over end almost the entire block as Spidey's forehead almost collided with the road. He looked over his shoulder, then up at the trailing comet of wet sand as it arched overhead, splattering into an abandoned intersection.

As he limped over the Torch was already hovering close as possible, carefully using thermal pulses to heat the sodden mass enough for it to better pull itself together. Steaming and half sunk into Manehattan tarmac, the Sandpony slithered back into existence.

"Thanks…" Flint Heart wheezed.

"Easy, man." Spidey said gently. The Sandpony had proven even more complicated beyond just being almost impossible to stop, but even if he'd still been on the wrong side of the tracks instead of just his own ambiguous and temperamental part of the business nopony deserved what he'd just gone through. "We'll explain to the M.E.U.P, but you need to tell us what happened."

"Moor…somethin'…" The Sandpony coughed, spraying wet sand. They hadn't known he could still do something that mortal. "She put somethin'…in 'is…in 'is head…"

Satisfied that he was as stable as a discombobulated shapeshifter was going to get Johnny floated over to the stain that had been their other long-time beach nightmare. He felt a strange sense of ownership over Watermane even if he was a bottom of the barrel bush leaguer. Maybe it was just their contradicting elements.

Enough of Moor Brush's water had cleared for him to also half-form back, that infamous muscle shirt and the now constantly soaked looking mullet he'd derived his dumb name from surfacing out of the mud like a lazy kaiju.

"She said…only love…one…" Brush's muscle head voice sounded strangely heartbroken. Johnny was used to his obnoxious dudebro twang. "She promised…"

He lapsed into a silence so heavy Johnny instantly knew there was no point asking who. Something in shimmering shades of pink slid languidly out of the Watermane's ear with a fresh stream of mud. He snagged a sample tube from a compartment in his utility collar and carefully scooped it up, trying to avoid possibly infecting himself and also getting his money-making muzzle dirty.

"Any ideas?" he asked, shifting it to his hoof as Spidey trotted over.

"Love potion, probably. He was so crazy it could've been a love _poison_. I can have Twilight take a look." Spidey blinked. "Oh man, Twilight!"

He shot a guilty look to the unconscious Sandpony.

"On it." Johnny assured, lighting up a hoof and approaching a building corner.

By the time the M.E.U.P arrived all they found was two puddles of unconscious shapeshifter, a pink glowing evidence bag hung from a street lamp by a web-line and a message burned into a wall so skilfully the charcoal looked like the ink of Princess Celestia's very own quill.

 _ **Esteemed officers of the M.E.U.P,**_

 _ **One of those days, huh? Please find enclosed one possible love potion! Open with care.**_

 _ **Ask the Watermane about it but go easy on Sandpony. Would have been worse without his help.**_

 _ **Swing by for a report later! On royal business right now! Please tell the owner of this building to talk to Damage Control or Fantastic Inc!**_

 _ **Yours, the High-Flying Horseshoe Torch**_

 _3_

Lilly and the girls were halfway through discussing _the horror_ du jour when a handsome chocolate coloured stallion kicked the library door open.

"And THEY'RE OFF!"

"Waitwaitwait-" somepony on the end of the strange lines wrapped around his waist began but was drowned out by the _whoomf_ of the Torch igniting. He winked at Daisy then blasted off, somehow not setting the treehouse on fire as he dragged a screaming Spider-Pony after him.

Lilly wasn't sure if she should faint but did anyway.

"Trainline…" Johnny muttered, whipping a ring of fire in the skies over the terrified town as he scanned the ground. "Trainline, trainline. Aha! Trainline!"

"Other way!" Spidey hollered as they arched towards the White Tail Woods. "See the mountains?! Canterlot Castle is right over there!"

"On it!" Johnny's retro-thruster hooves glowed almost white hot as he course corrected and poured on the speed. "You okay back there?"

"No! Floor it!"

Miles of woodland and forest and pitstops were blinking by under them in minutes. Squinting, Johnny could make out floating parade balloons and modified party clouds spraying confetti between the tips of one of Equestria's most iconic mountain ranges. He could practically hear the roaring crowds already.

"You bring your camera?" he called over his shoulder.

"No!" Spidey twisted into the swerve as they whipped around the peak that would let them sneak up on the specific castle tower. As much as a blazing comet could sneak. "It's just a family and friends thing! Oh man, should I have worn a suit?!"

"If you have to ask you probably shouldn't!" Johnny assured. "Wow! What a view!"

Canterlot was celebrating. Banners with Twilight Sparkle's Cutie-Mark flapped from practically every battlement. It was a good thing they'd decided not to trust the train as from the air the Knight's Cross and Pilgrimage stations looked like a child's model of clogged arteries.

Airships hovered carefully in holding circles over mid and downtown to avoid all the bobbing hot air balloons, because the three major docks were all flashing their Max Capacity signals. Downtown was blaring one of Twilight's favourite Sapphire Shores numbers while Protector's Square a few blocks from the palace was halfway through a Neigh Orleans-esque _May the Saints Go Marching._

Even the graffiti in the Cauldron featured the occasional respectful Twilight mark next the less vitriolic messages.

Say what you would about the pony species, they knew how celebrate a once in a lifetime miracle. Technically the fifth this generation. Princess Cadence's own promotion should probably also count but that was _so_ late 90's.

The streets were so packed the Wonderbolt and C.E.U.P forces hadn't even noticed the meteorite trying to scooch in between the balloons. Peter had the disconcerting feeling the one of Discord was following them with its eyes, but he was doing almost 300mph over the capital with a cosmically irradiated hairspray and airship enthusiast for a driver. Not a lot to be concerted about.

"Nice day for it!" Johnny called as he angled for the woods behind the castle's lower levels.

"No kidding! My costume's gonna have confetti in new and interesting places for weeks and I'm not even mad!" Peter stuck out a hindleg to send a rainbow spray shooting up from the river as they shot past. Then blinked. "Oh man, my costume!"

"Been waiting for you to say something for _years._ " Johnny nodded solemnly as he skidded to a halt, allowing his partner to lower himself onto one of the more secluded balconies. "Seriously, you just now realised you know two fashion designers?"

"I left my saddlebag all the way back in the city!" Peter moaned even as he pulled off his mask and began wrestling his way out of the shirt. "Where can I stash it? What if something happens?!"

"In Princess Central? Please." Johnny looked around then smirked as he spotted an empty decorative vase. A surreptitiously borrowed tree branch stuffed in over the wadded-up costume and voilà!

The guard on duty outside the presentation tower was humming idly along to the conflicting tunes of the city when he spotted the swaying foliage.

At first he thought some kind of Everfree monster was trying to climb the stairs but the two voices helped resolve the front and back as two different ponies gingerly but hurriedly trying to climb the stairs and not let one of the palace vases, the uninspired kind the Princess's always got from the aristocracy and stuck out back to forget about, slip off their backs.

"You're sure this is it?" The grey and brown one was glancing around nervously.

"This is the way Lady Candelabra showed me, and you do _not_ forget something a lady like that shows you!" The blonde and chocolate one smelled strangely like the barracks hearths after they'd been put out.

"Now-then-now-then-now-then," the guard announced in the tone he'd been practising for years ", hwhat do we 'ave here?"

" _This_ , officer?" Johnny automatically adopted a showpony's body language, Peter yelping and managing to stop the vase tipping over by reaching up to adhere his forehooves to it and desperately sticking one of his hind ones to the stairs. "This is love's true course, which never-"

"We're with the press!" Peter cut in quickly. "I am! I'm with the press!"

"Indeed, sir?" The guard looked him up and down. "They make fountain pens big nowadays, is that it?"

" _Look._ " Peter said patiently.

A beat went by. The background music changed to _Equestrian Splendour_ and what Johnny could have sworn was the _Fraggle Rock_ theme. "Yeah?"

"That's as far as I got." Peter shrugged and almost went tumbling to his death. "Give me a hoof here?!"

"I should point out, gentlemen," the guard said carefully as Johnny tried to wrap his forelegs around the vase ", that even if I didn't know better than to think you were approaching the most important building in Canterlot with a battering ram, I couldn't-"

"Why not?" Johnny frowned.

"You're too…normal." The guard shrugged, shouldering his spear. "All things considered."

"Consider it, buddy!" Johnny scowled "Normal?! Ha! That breakup between Ice Crystal and Honey Tea? I did that!"

"Really." The guard's nostrils flared so wide Peter was surprised his Spider-Sense wasn't going off.

"Yeah! So obviously one of us runs in some pretty big circles and should be allowed in to the event of the season! Thanks!"

"Well, sir," the guard said in the sort of voice both ponies had heard evil mastermind's use as the death trap started up ", even if I could verify that, I happen to be a big Ice/Tea fan."

"Of course you are." Peter deadpanned. "Look, her brother's here somewhere! Shining Armor? Looks kinda like he escaped from the Sgt Pepper cover? Uh, the album, not the war hero! He's expecting us." He looked askance at Johnny. "Well, he's expecting me, Johnny kinda just…happens to people."

"Can't leave my post, sir. Sorry. But if you could show me a press pass, I'd be fine taking you as far as the lounge."

"I thought this was a friends and family thing?" Johnny raised a brow.

"It is! I just mentioned the _Bugle_ because I left our invites back in the city!" Peter smiled at the squinting guard then, expression unchanging, squeezed his eyes tight shut. "Along. With. My press pass."

"And you quit anyway, right?"

"And I quit anyway."

"She's gonna fly, sir." the guard shrugged again. "The whole city's going to see it. They're filming it, even! She's going to be in newsreels in every nation on the planet! So why don't you just, y'know, take your…shrubbery and find a spot? You found your way up here, I'm sure you could find a good view! You're not gonna be stuck in the back on the fifth greatest event in 21st century Equestrian history because you drew the short straw! Not that you're bitter."

Silence, except for _Equestrian Splendour_ changing to _Wanna Know What Love Is_ while _Fraggle Rock_ kept going. Johnny and the guard looked into the corner of the archway to see what Peter's eyes were fixed on.

"Nice vase." Peter said with a careful lack of emotion as he shifted his own onto Johnny's back. Johnny squawked as he realised how much of the work the proportionate strength of a spider had been doing.

"No it isn't." the guard said too quickly, fumbling for his spear. "AWK!"

"Okay, problem solved!" Peter grinned, showing too much teeth as the guard's legs and tail thrashed around the mouth like a surrealist's rendering of a flower. He gripped the door handle. "…except for _the door being locked!_ "

"You're doin' your really high panicky voice thing…" Johnny wheezed, legs trembling.

"I! Am not! Missing this! _Because! Of!_ _A door!_ " Peter was sticking to it now, shifting through three positions per minute as he hauled at the handle. "Gaaagh, it's like a Canterlot vault! Of course it is, _we're in freakin' Canterlot!_ "

"Take the vase." Johnny grunted. Peter hefted the guard's, which squealed in panic. "No, not that one!"

Once free, he rolled his neck and shoulders to try and work feeling back into them, gaining some comfort from the happy accident of making it look like he was limbering up for his trick. Igniting a hoof, he heated the space between the edge of the door and the frame, turning the stone and steel soft enough to swing open.

They darted inside, Peter hefting the costume vase along with them. Johnny squeezed around it, using his still molten hoof to both smooth the melted mess back into shape and allow the high-end locks to snap back into place. There was a crackling hiss.

"…did you just weld us in?!"

"Of course not." Johnny lied, hefting his end of the vase so they could start climbing the staircase and force Peter not to ask anymore questions. "You should've left this thing outside! Or back in the city! With our invites!"

"Should've taken Aunt May." Peter muttered.

"Yeah, probably."

"Do you think that guy's okay?"

"He's an Ice/Tea fan Pete, he's getting everything he deserves."

They lapsed into the silence of Peter's guilt and worrying about guard shift changes and Johnny's trying to climb all these typical Canterlot stairs with what felt like half a Grim on his back and guilt that he maybe kinda sorta locked them in.

"You're sure this is it?" Peter looked around nervously as they entered a hallway.

"Nowhere else to go!" Johnny sighed with relief as they slid the vase to the floor as gently as they could, trying to drag it into a corner where it wouldn't look weird. "This is where the team got our first ever medals! They always have the big stuff at the very top. Listen, you can hear the music."

"Right, right." Peter took a deep breath as they headed for it. "Okay. Everything's gonna be just fine. That's what she said. Just fine. Just all of us celebrating the biggest moment of Twilight's life! No bad guys! No masks! No death rays! No web-"

"Web?" Spitfire asked as he almost walked into her. He'd been too busy psyching himself up to realise he was about to walk into the door she was opening.

"…weeeeeeeeehere are my manners?!" Peter grabbed her and Johnny's hooves and forced them into an awkward shake. "Captain Spitfire! You must know the Horseshoe Torch? Say, weren't you roommates?"

"No, by the grace of Celestia." She squinted at him, yanking her hoof back. "And you are?"

"With me." Johnny smiled, even as he remembered that would be a mistake.

"Uh huh. And what're you doing here, Storm? Got an invite in that collar?"

"Would I be all the way up here if I didn't?" Agh, putting on his charming city colt voice, yeah, that was another no-no.

"They're with us, darling." Rarity breezed into the space between them, somehow managing to give him a full profile view of her dress and not dent the feather in her hat. "Hello, Peter!"

"Rarity!" Peter tried not to sound too relieved, then frowned. "Should I, ah-?"

"No suit. She wouldn't have wanted you any way other than you are, dear." Rarity winked, then hooded her eyes as she glanced to the side. "Oh, Johnnycake! Sorry, didn't see you there!"

"Well, we've both been pretty busy." Johnny smarmed back. It had been a few days since they'd last spoken but he liked how instantly it felt like they'd fallen back into playing the game. And guessed she did to.

"This true, uh, Twilight?" Spitfire was glancing over her shoulder, then shook her head. "Sorry, sorry! Princess!"

"It's alright, it's alright!" Twilight blustered out of what Peter now realised was a bathroom. But her dress, her hair, her wings, just…her. It could've been the mouth of Tartarus, which he'd stared directly into a few times admittedly, and he would've felt like he was watching an angel step out of a stained-glass window.

"H-hi." Twilight grinned, her face reddening almost to match her dress. "I, um, I was washing my hooves, but you know, dress shoes take forever to get back on, and I forgot I'm telekinetic and I-I don't know why I had to tell you about my hooves…"

"Hi." Peter felt like he'd never stop smiling.

"Hi." Twilight smiled back.

"I'm convinced." Spitfire smirked. "Gonna meet everypony on the roof for the big flyover. We've made sure the skies are clear Princess, you're gonna love it up there! Never gets old. Behave yourself, Storm."

"Somepony's got a reputation!" Rarity smiled, moving to block the exiting Wonderbolt from view and take up Johnny's vision. "I wonder what I'd find if I cared enough to dig."

"Nothing but scurrilous rumours!" he grinned, loving any opportunity to use the word scurrilous. Wait for it, wait for it. "Unless it's true of course."

"Fascinating." She turned on her heel and began heading to the party up front, almost hitting him with her tail in a move he would bet the Thing's weight in bits she planned. "But I'm a busy pony, you know!"

"Oh, tell me about it!" Johnny trotted alongside her partly to keep the game going, partly because being stuck with the lovebirds back there would probably make him want to shove his own flaming hoof in one ear and out the other. "Gonna be all over Equestria myself. Probably beyond. If there's any beyond left to discover. But I just couldn't set hoof on an airship without making sure Pete got here!"

"A great responsibility, you might say." Rarity said coolly, but he could tell by her smile how much effort it was taking to keep her eyes casually dead ahead.

"The word _right_ from my mouth!" Don't Flame On, you hardly know her. Don't Flame On, you hardly know her. Don't Flame On, get to know her. "I take responsibility about as seriously as I take matters of the heart."

"Well, you're not the only one with responsibilities." She still wasn't looking at him. "And I'm afraid I simply don't have the time to play games with you for the foreseeable future. Since _I_ can't set myself on fire to get attention, I have to actively promote my business. Of course, I'm delighted to take time out for Twilight's coronation, but I'll be just buried in paperwork trying to catch up on new store locations!"

"Oh?" Johnny blinked.

"Yes, weeks I'm afraid. No, romance is quite off the table, into the wastepaper basket! You won't believe how far the place I've got my eye on is! Dreadfully time consuming!"

"Where?" Johnny tried, desperate to buy time. Sue would see through any excuse but if he could catch Reed when he had a clipboard in front of him then he could get away with practically anything.

"Yancy Street." Rarity said casually, adjusting her hat.

Johnny knew better than to say anything. He just let the gravity of their mutual _Uh Huh_ smirks drag their eyes towards each other.

"Well this is me!" Rarity beamed as they reached the presentation room. "I'm up front with the others. Family and friends only, you know."

"Of course." Johnny bowed. "Ms. Belle."

"Mr. Storm." She didn't bow back. She was good. "Oh, and keep an eye on those two, could you? Make sure they don't stay lost in each other's eyes or we'll be here all day. Bye!"

Johnny half tuned to see Peter and Twilight half talking, half nuzzling in the corridor and looked back just in time to see her causally trotting into the crowd of courtiers as if she'd never even noticed him. She was _good._

"So glad you're here!" Twilight was saying for the fifth time in a row.

"I really like your mane." Peter said. His smile faltered a little. "I'm so sorry I'm late. If not for Johnny I'd probably be sticking to the roof of a train right now, and you should see the mess Knight's Cross is in…"

"Is this a business thing?" Twilight asked, still smiling.

"It's always going to be." Peter sighed "That's what I'm worried about. I want to be here for the big stuff, but…"

"You are!"

"But _you_ should be my biggest responsibility!" He was holding her hoof now.

"Did Johnny give you that line?" She smiled, raising an eyebrow like Dash and Rarity had taught her to. "Because that sounds like a Johnny line."

Peter struggled to keep from bursting into relieved laughter, the last thing he needed was everypony in the room stopping to stare at the new Princess's weird boyfriend.

Princess. He was still getting used to it, but at the same time it felt right.

"Biggest responsibility!" Twilight rolled her eyes. "Actually, you know what? That sounds like me. Remember when I missed your birthday? You remember how long _that_ took to clean up?"

"We still went out!"

"And I still had all my molecules, but that's not the point." She squeezed his hoof. "We manage. That's what we do. If only one of us had to drop the other to help somepony that'd be one thing, but we both manage."

"Yeah, but there's always another birthday." He nuzzled her neck. "Twilight, you're a princess now! You can fly! I just…I want you to know I'll always be here for once in a lifetime stuff like this, but all I can do is promise to try."

"And that'll always be enough for me."

"It shouldn't have to be." he sighed, head half resting on her shoulders.

"Peter." She was still smiling but her voice made him look up and pay attention. "I'm still your girlfriend. You're not winning this or any other argument. You want to know what settling is here? Alright. Who was it this time?"

"Uh, the Mudslinger." He shook his head. "You remember, that thing Sandpony and the Watermane turn into…"

"Was anypony hurt?"

"No."

"There you go."

He pulled her into a hug, since he couldn't afford to toss her into the air right now. "You are spectacular."

"I am _going_ to be late." They kissed, Twilight blushing as her wings flared. "Sorry, sorry! They have a mind of their own!"

"It's fine!"

"Yes." That smile. What did he used to do without that smile? "Everything's going to be just fine."

He believed her. He and Johnny settled into a secluded enough spot by the buffet table, watching things play out. Shining Armor and Cadence turned up a couple of minutes before everything kicked off, Cadence waving at him a little too enthusiastically.

Peter waved back, still not sure what exactly to make of being this close to _the_ Equestrian expert on love. He tried not to dwell on the fact this was the sort of thing he couldn't _stand_ about higher-tier magic.

How did you become an expert on something as…esoteric as love? How was that a talent? How could you make energy out of that? Did she have a degree in the biology too, or…?

He shook himself out of the spiral because Cadence and Shining had been perfectly decent to him in the short time they'd known him, and settled back into smiling. Johnny helped himself to an early plate of everything, knowing from years of practice the scowling servants would be too busy trying not to break the cathedral like hush of the event to say anything.

He spotted Rainbow Dash glaring daggers at him from up front. ' _Nice hat'_ he mouthed, but she ruined it by mouthing _'I know'_ back. It was, blast it. It was a great hat.

Applejack turned around to see what Rainbow was trying to eyeball to death and he took a few prudent steps behind a plant. Peter met AJ's gaze and rolled his eyes. She winked at him, tipped her own hat and went back to talking to Fluttershy.

"Did I miss anything?" A blue Unicorn had come up alongside him. He seemed to be trying to figure out how forward he should be standing.

"Nah, they're about to speak. It's fine." He couldn't stop smiling. Neither could the older pony. It was just that kind of day.

"Look at her." his new table companion said fondly. "I worry about her sometimes, but I really shouldn't."

"That's still very kind of you!" Peter knew he'd appreciate it if the city ever spared any kind of thought for it's resident web-head.

"It's my responsibility." The older stallion shook his head, smiling. "Ah, but listen to me go on! Where are those legendary Canterlot manners? Night Light."

"Peter Trotter." Peter accepted the hoofshake. "It can just be one or the other. Full names fine, but it's a Manehattan thing."

"The big smoke, eh?" Night Light raised an impressed eyebrow. "This was going to be a small thing, well, relatively speaking, but you must be pretty important to be up front. Are you a friend?"

"Uh," Peter considered the girls as they group hugged, smiling ", I think so. They treat me like one. We're kinda in the same line of work, but I'd like to think it's that they're just that…friendly."

"I know what you mean. They're all so different but it's impossible to imagine them without each other."

"Really is."

They listened to the rest of the speeches, both pretending they weren't on the verge of tears. Something was nagging at Peter. Night Light wasn't even remotely Spider-Sense worthy, hay, he reminded Peter of some of the veteran Damage Control personnel he'd met over the last few days, but there was something familiar. It was Canterlot, maybe he'd heard him on the radio or something?

"This is gonna sound weird, but have we met?"

"Not as far as I know." Night Light craned his neck, spotting something in the throng. "Ah, that's me! Nice to meet you! Have a good time!"

"I will, you too!" Peter nodded as he trotted towards Cadence for some reason. He focused back on the Elements, just enjoying the haze of the celebration atmosphere. And just like that it was over. Nothing left but Twilight's inaugural flight.

"I flew out that window when we first announced ourselves." Johnny deposited his crumb covered plate back on the table, smiling more genuinely than usual. "She's a lucky girl, Pete."

"Yeah." Peter said vaguely.

"You two have a lot to look forward to."

"Careful, or I'll start to think you're under Queen Chrysalis' spell again."

"Okay, that was one time." Johnny's smirk was back. "Oh, and tell the Princess and her merry mares that Chrysalis was the designated FF monster queen for years. We saw her first."

"What am I, your mailman? Or are you still scared to go near Rainbow Dash?"

"I'm not taking that from somepony who breaks out in a cold sweat at the sight of Pinkie Pie."

"You'd not be so hot to visit _your_ princess if Karnack was in charge of laughter." Peter blinked then turned guiltily to Johnny, who was trying to look as if he was looking at Rarity. "I'm sorry, man! I didn't think! It's this mountain air…"

"It's cool!" Johnny smirked at something internal, blue eyes strangely steady. "Banter's what we do. Don't go soft on me."

"No, I know, I just…I know Crystal was…important. I shouldn't have…"

"Yeah, she is." Johnny glanced at Rarity for real. "You really want to make today count, Peter? Make every day after this one count too."

A beat, something private between them even as the hall broke into applause.

"Soooo, the Psycho-Pony?" Peter smirked.

"You're lucky there's too many classy people around for me to make tail gestures."

Twilight looked over her shoulder at him as she spread her wings. He winked. She giggled, turned, and launched herself into the sky in a sapphire blur. The crowd below went wild. He felt Johnny pat him brotherly on the back.

"So." the Horseshoe Torch said, using a toothpick probably just for the causal look ", Chinese tonight?"

"We're doing that lunch thing in Ponyville in a bit." Peter glanced at the remains of the buffet. "Talking about dinner already! How much did you eat anyway?"

"Enough to make sure Dash probably runs out of whatever her favourite stuff is way too soon."

"Still waiting to hear what the story is there."

"Keep waiting." Johnny beamed. "Hello?"

"Hello." Night Light smiled trotting over. "I'm sorry, have we met? You have one of those faces." He turned to Peter before Johnny could answer. "Listen, Princess Celestia's booked a tavern in Ponyville, it's for friends and family. Just doing a quick headcount before we set off. If you're not coming, I'm sure the buffet will do."

"Oh, wouldn't miss it!" Peter assured. "Got a place at the head table, even!"

"Really?" Night Light was looking at him differently now. Trying to figure something out.

"There you are!" Princess Cadence was practically galloping over to them. "Oh, this is perfect! It's so good to see you getting along! I had a good feeling about today!"

"Oh?" Peter and Night Light said together, then looked at each other uncertainly.

"Princess Cadence!" Johnny bowed. "Wonderful to see you again! Say, could you tell your Element friends, just Rainbow Dash really, that Chry-"

"Hello Johnnycake." Cadence smiled ruefully. "I didn't know you knew Peter!"

"We're roommates." Johnny put a foreleg around Peter and pulled a solemn face. "I'm doing my best with what little I have."

"And you don't have a lot." Peter deadpanned.

"Now now, today is a happy day!" Cadence beamed. "Shiny! There you are! Come see how well Peter's getting on with your father."

"Who?" said a strangely familiar voice from behind Shining, who was reading Peter and Night Light's confused faces a lot faster than his wife was. Johnny did his own calculations and carefully unwrapped his foreleg from around Peter's neck.

"Peter!" Cadence said, replacing it with her own. "You know, Twilight's special somepony! I'm so glad you're getting on, sometimes it's so awkward when the parents and the boyfriend meet like this!"

Peter felt his pupils shrinking almost all the way to the back of his head. The Unicorn she was addressing was nigh identical to Twilight.

"Boyfriend?" Night Light said. He sounded like he was being strangled. Peter wished _he_ was.

"Uh, honey." Shining said hopelessly but valiantly. His mother trotted past him and stared at Peter. He couldn't believe he'd failed to notice her until she was literally right in front of him. The resemblance was uncannier than any of the Hex-Ponies could hope to be.

"Boyfriend." Night Light said, now sounding like he was coming from the centre of the earth.

"Yes dear." Twilight's mother smiled. It was only a smige hysterical. "Apparently."

"Um." Cadence said, looking between them.

"Hello." Twilight's mother said carefully. "I'm Twilight Velvet. Family name, obviously."

Seeing that Cadence was equally frozen, Johnny gently reached over and nudged Peter.

"Hello." Peter managed. He tried to smile. It did not work.

"Boyfriend." Night Light said too loudly for the nearby crowd to ignore.

"Yeah." Peter licked his lips. "I. Yes. Yeah."

"Yes." Velvet said. She turned, prompting them all to follow her gaze. The Elements and the royal sisters had stopped a little short of walking up to them, and the crowd was starting to notice. Johnny and Rarity looked at each other and knew they were both trying equally hard not to laugh.

"Hi Peter!" Pinkie Pie waved, either not tuned into the show being broadcast or maybe just not caring. "Having fun?"

"Uh." Peter looked at Cadence, who still hadn't taken her leg off him, and at Twilight's parents. Night Light's eyes were unfocused as ponies tried to get around him to get at the buffet and Twilight Velvet was looking right at him, which was worse. "Ask again later?"

"Mom, we can explain." Shining sighed.

"Oh, you will." Velvet said quietly. Not angrily, but.

"It's okay Mrs. T!" Dash assured. "He's cool!"

"Thanks Dash." Peter tried to smile again. "Nice hat."

"I know!"

"Perhaps," Princess Celestia said diplomatically ", it would be better if we were to continue this at the _Carrot and Stick_. In private. Where we can all have good memories, too."

"Private sounds like a good idea to me." Twilight Velvet said, glancing from Peter to Cadence to Shining like a warhead deciding just where to land.

Luna cleared her throat. "Rainbow Dash. You will accompany me in making sure nothing goes awry for the Princess's inaugural flight."

"Awww, but this show's live!" Dash whined. She rolled her eyes as Luna's glowed. "Awright, awright!"

"You clean up nice!" Johnny called as she and Luna galloped for the archway.

"Drop dead!" Dash called back, clamping her hat down as she leapt into the air after Luna.

"They'll make sure Twilight has plenty of fun and time to catch us up." Celestia considered the six ponies holding up the buffet table and sighed. "I know today probably isn't what you were expecting Velvet, Night Light, but for what it's worth I agree with Twilight's friends about-"

"TROTTER!"

"No way." Peter said without thinking, almost breaking his own neck as he twisted in Cadence's rigid grasp to stare at the walking aneurysm pushing its way through the crowd towards them.

"Don't you move, traitor!" Ferocious Flattop bellowed, almost sending Fluttershy under Rarity's skirts. "Why, after all the things I've done for you!"

"Can we help you?" Shining snapped.

"Do you validate parking? No? Then beat it!" Flattop shoved past him, practically knocking Johnny backwards into the buffet. "You've been canoodling with the story of the CENTURY, AND NOT ONCE DID YOU THINK TO-"

" _I_ think, Ferocious," Princess Celestia said ", that you should lower your voice."

The publisher looked up at her without a trace of intimidation, snorting whatever he was suffusing his lungs with these days out through his nose in fury. "I want the first interview!" he said simply.

"I can't give you that." Celestia replied calmly. "Princess Twilight is her own pony."

"Worth a shot." Flattop shrugged. He glared at Peter, who was glaring back so hard Cadence had finally let go and backed away. "This isn't over."

"Yeah it is." Peter said, trying not raise his own voice. "I quit, remember?"

"Oh, I will." He'd never heard the old crank this quiet. Flattop spun on his heel, gave a sort of bow-nod to the Princess and harrumphed his way back into the throng.

"If you would follow me." Celestia sighed, forcing a smile. The strange procession set off down the staircase, trying not to trample each other as they fought to be anywhere but here.

"Cannot _believe_ that old fraud-" Peter half spat, trying not to stomp hoofprints into the old stone.

"I know." Shining Armor sighed. "But hey, you quit? Good for you. You ever feel like doing any forensics work just send a letter."

"Thanks." Peter sighed, tried what felt like a real smile. "Hey. Your sister's a Princess."

"You get used to it." Shining smiled back. Peter liked little moments like this, mostly because his first instinct when meeting one of Equestria's top cops was still half to spray webbing and hightail it. "So, if you want to write about _that_ too."

"Might take you up on that."

"So, so sorry!" Cadence was trying to say to Twilight Velvet and Night Light at the same time, forcing Applejack to duck. "Just so sorry! He ticked so many boxes I just assumed you'd know!"

"I'd like to see those boxes." Velvet said calmly. "Since I assume you made one of your reports on him. I would very much like to see that."

Cadence went quiet.

"Boyfriend." Night Light whispered to himself.

"Applejack, don't shuffle your hooves like that, you'll trip."

"Yes ma'am."

"So," Johnny smirked ", fancy meeting you here."

"Fancy?" Pinkie Pie looked down at her dress. "You know what, yes, this dress is pretty fancy! Nice to meet you, I'm Pinkie Pie! I like your mane, is it real?"

"Um…"

"He was talking to me, dear." Rarity insisted gently, trying to get her position back from the bouncing pony.

"Oh, sorry!" Pinkie beamed. "Can you ask your friend if his mane is real?"

"Just a little farther now!" Celestia called over her shoulder, trying not to sound too relived. "We use this way to be discreet. There's a carriage bay in the next tower, so if everypony could partner up we'll be to the _Carrot and Stick_ in no time. Give the press the slip. No offence, Peter!"

"None taken, Princess! I quit, remember?" Everypony chuckled.

"At least he's got a sense of humour." Velvet smiled. Everypony chuckled but not as heartily.

"Ah, here we are!" Celestia paused on the lower stairs, the group trying not to pile into each other, though Fluttershy did blush a little when she bumped into Johnny at the back.

"Um, hello."

"Hello." Johnny gave her a patented smile, then whipped around to get a better look at the former fashion sensation of Equestria. "You're real."

"Oh." Fluttershy blinked and looked down at herself. "Well, I-I like to think so."

" _Carrot and Stick_ …here we come!" Princess Celestia's horn glowed. The door handle rattled. "Here we come!" Rattle. "Here we…" Rattle. "Here…we…" Rattle-rattle-rattle. "Oh dear."

Johnny peered over Peter, who was peering around Cadence. Rarity raised an eyebrow as they shot guilty looks at each other. This was the way they'd snuck in. Where they'd melted the door shut. With a guard stuffed in a vase right outside.

"Boyfriend." Night Light said one last time, turning to stare at Peter as Celestia, apparently forgetting she could teleport and lift boulders with her mind, began to pound on the door and call for help.


	10. Match Making (1)

_1_

"I say it's a spaceship." Rainbow Dash said, lounging in the rafters of the Castle of the Two Sisters weeks later.

"A spaceship." Rarity rolled her eyes as she played with Twilight's mane.

"Yeah! Think about it. We get, like, everywhere. Soon we're gonna run out of everywhere. Solution? A kick butt spaceship!"

"It's a bit small for that, dear." Rarity said patiently. "Would you like me to do your wings as well, Twilight?"

"Um, if you like." Twilight smiled at her and went back to the manuscript she'd been studying. "And not to take sides-"

"Because mine's the best." Dash nodded, playing with a low hanging drape like a cat because of her complete inability to stay still even when relaxing.

"-but if you get the magical geometry right it _is_ possible to alter the scale and mass of something to be contained in a space far smaller than intended! It's getting things bigger on the inside than the outside that's the problem. If you're not careful you wind up with a lot of space that doesn't know where to go, so it tries to be everywhere! Um, not that I'm…speaking from experience."

"What?" Dash squinted.

"I don't have a scar that exists in three planes at once, who told you that? What is this, the Scarlet Inquisition?!"

"That's nice, dear." Rarity said absently, levitating a copy of _Under the Sun_ over as well as finer brushes for feather work. "Personally, whatever's in there I hope we get to keep the box!"

"You would." Dash muttered.

"Hmm," Rarity raised a brow ", this article says they're still digging up Plunder Seeds in the Manehattan region! Strange, they're usually so efficient. Or at least they rush everything."

"It'll be the geology." Twilight sighed. "Even beyond Manehattan's complex magical background variations, we're talking about acres of vastly different land that was co-opted for different uses before being built over. The island itself is some of the most solid bedrock in all of Equestria, that's why they can afford to build skyscrapers so tall they technically have three resident airspaces!"

"Four." Dash said, trying to make shadow puppets with her wingtips. "They designated an extra Emergency Services one in the 70's. Your colt and his buddies cut through it all the time." She snickered. "Drives Spitfire nuts!"

"Would you like me to do your wings too, Rainbow?" Rarity offered as she examined the glossy new sheen to Twilight's.

"Uh, got any of that Istallion stuff? Fleetfoot swears by it!"

"Let's see…" Rarity probed with her telekinesis, scanning _Under the Sun_ as Twilight continued to happily babble about the Manhattan Prong psychoiographic region. "Hmm. I hope they didn't hit Yancy Street."

"It should only take a few days," Twilight said without pausing for breath ", the problem is some of them may have latched onto the ley magic, probably entirely at random, but off the top of my head that's most likely why they won't have retracted with the rest. Signal suddenly cuts out, but you're stuck in the shifting spectrum of two neighbourhoods and the rest of you is held in place by unchangeable minerals. Baltimare and Coltcargo have had similar problems. Removing inert vines won't be so hard though!"

"Let's hope so! Fashion Week cost enough as it is. Aha!" Rarity waved the correct tube in the air, then remembered which Pegasus she was dealing with and just tossed it. "Here we go!"

"You're a gem." Dash caught it without looking, reminding the two magicians that most of that ego was earned. "Wait, back up. Yancy Street? That's the Lower East Side, right? Figured you for an avenue girl!"

"Flatterer!" Rarity chuckled, tidying away her things and deliberately not looking as Twilight admired her touch ups. "It's not that downmarket, really! Quite a few hotspots!"

She eyed Dash carefully as she put her makeup bag away, but she didn't seem to have noticed the little slip.

"It's a lot like the cloudbank you were raised on, Rainbow." Twilight smiled, though naturally there were certain parts of Dash's story she suspected of being either exaggerated or totally made up. "Oh, and Grim Skies was born there! In fact, a lot of the recent renovation are all him!"

"Grim Skies?!" Dash sat up, almost squeezing all the balm out of the tube in her hoof. "Rarity, are you gonna team up with Grim Skies? Because you need to tell me if you're gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!"

"I could…make him a very large suit?" Rarity looked at Twilight for help. And got none as the Princess shrugged helplessly. "Anyway, it's just a possibility! I'm still scouting! Don't even have a partner yet." She smiled to herself. "Although, things change."

"You'd know, huh Twilight?" Dash grinned, rubbing her wings together to work the stuff in. "Just add a crazy seed attack and a magic mirror, not necessarily in that order, and bam!"

"You're leaving out a mis-cast spell and the Elements achieving a one in a million sense of harmony and euphoria," Twilight smiled, glancing down at where she estimated the chamber they'd found would be, relative to their position in the lounge ", but yeah, I would. Things are stable enough for everypony now though, I'd say."

"Speak for yourself." Dash quipped, completely ignoring the fact she had. " _This_ Wonderbolts ready to take off and she's never comin' back down!"

"Wonderbolt _cadet._ " Rarity teased sweetly. Dash threw her imported balm back a little harder than was necessary. "I echo both sentiments, honestly. Things are good _and_ there's room for them to improve!"

"Yeah, like getting an Elements spaceship."

"Is she still goin' on about spaceships?" Applejack called from the upper levels.

"Yes!" Twilight and Rarity called back, now sharing _Under the Sun._

"Beats a really big weed whacker!" Dash scowled.

"What?" AJ called.

" _Weed! Whacker!_ " Dash enunciated.

"It makes sense! Ya got a bunch of weeds with attitude? Whack 'em! We probably just turned up too early or somethin'!"

" _You're_ too early." Dash muttered.

"I heard that!"

"Oh sure, _that_!"

"The valiant efforts of Damage Control." Rarity mused, turning a page. "Bit on the nose, but it sounds familiar. Ugh! That logo, though."

"That's Peter's new job!" Twilight said, though she was now engrossed in what Sapphire Shores had to say about her new arts program. "They clean up after ponies like him. Well, us. The Magic of Friendship might restore a lot of things in a flash, but it's murder on windows and delicate masonry."

"Well I hope they get rid of those nasty things for everypony's sake," Rarity said idly ", since _someone_ conveniently decided snapping those greasy fingers of his was cheating for once."

"Yeah," Dash grunted, slipping onto her front to let the balm dry and examining one of her spread wings to admire the effect ", those things were such a pain. Y'know, normally I'd find something with that many spikes cool."

"Somepony say my name?" the dragon asked, bouncing a ball down the stairs as he went. He stumbled half way, Twilight and Rarity yelping as they ducked the renegade ball. Dash caught it in her wing, again without looking. "Uh, thanks for the ball Rainbow Dash."

"De nada'!" Dash shifted it to her hooves, yawning. "You've gotta figure the Princesses did the same thing way back when. All those hallways!"

"Are we done for the day?" Spike asked hopefully, watching Rarity turn another page.

"Probably." Twilight said vaguely. "It's going to take a while before the Historical Preservation Society can raise funds for a proper construction crew to-ooh, Ice Crystals is putting out a new book! I know what I want for Memorial Day! "

"Poor Honey Tea." Fluttershy said in perfect sync with Rarity as she and Applejack made their way down the stairs, Pinkie Pie sliding down the banister after them. "I packed some sandwiches unless everypony would like to eat in town?"

"Walk'll work up an appetite." Applejack yawned. "Where're we thinkin'?"

"You guys know Sugar Cube Corner's happy to give free treats to extended family, right?" Pinkie smiled.

"Yeah, which is why we don't take ya up on it." Applejack's own smile withered as she glared at Dash's perch. "Most of us." Dash chucked the ball at her, but she caught it just as effortlessly.

"Burger Princess then?" Pinkie asked, bouncing in a circle to take them all in. "Twilight and I have enough points between us for a serious discount!"

"I'm, ah, actually trying to take a break from there." Twilight fought not to blush because even though her back was to Dash Rarity's smirk was mere inches away. "Even before my wings they knew me on sight."

"Town is only so big and you were the new girl, darling." Rarity said mercilessly. "I, for one, would prefer a meal that has this daring new ingredient known as actual flavour."

"Seconded." Applejack nodded. "Everypony's workin' or out or I'd invite ya'll over for lunch. Don't mind cookin' if we pick somepony else's place though!"

"Got some Cloud Casserole you could heat up." Dash offered. "I mean, I'd have to pick the care package up from the post office first."

"You know you're not supposed to store food in those lockers, right?" Twilight turned to squint up at her. "Don't your parents know your address, anyway?"

"Oh what, you gonna tattle on me?"

"…no." Twilight admitted, falling into the trap of enjoying being a fellow bad girl like Dash had planned.

"What about that sushi place on Market street?" Spike asked. "You guys can eat that, right? I mean, it'll probably be mostly Griffons in there, but they have veggie options too. Salads and stuff."

"Now there's an idea!" Rarity beamed at him, accelerating his pulse rate.

"Too fancy!" Pinkie and Rainbow said in a perfect combination of enthusiasm and lack thereof.

"Oh, you two think lapels just because I feel like it sometimes is too fancy!" Rarity muttered.

"They are!" Pinkie bounced up to Dash's perch so they could high hoof without looking.

"What about that one place, ah what's it called," Applejack pretended to struggle ", oh yeah, Ambience!"

"Seconded." Dash said, sitting up a little too quickly.

"Oh yes, that place." Rarity's smile stopped just shy of a timberwolf's only because her mouth couldn't open that wide. "Next to Dream Searcher's office."

"The Olive Branch!" Twilight said loudly and only to stop AJ and Dash saying anything.

"Not until they change their environmental policies." Fluttershy scowled.

"Ooh, ooh, Sunny D's!"

"You're 22 now, Pinkie." Rarity said not unkindly but firmly. "Raison D'etre!"

"That's in Canterlot." Applejack scowled.

"And expensive!" Dash nodded. "Might as well just clean out the Equestrian Express snack car on the way up!"

"They do good coffee, you have to give them that." Twilight said half-heartedly. "Do we feel like going further afield though?"

"Further Afield?" Applejack squinted. "Ya wanna grab lunch in a _department store?_ "

"No, but what's wrong with that?! My mother and I used to eat in those when I was a little filly!"

"Oh yeah, the age when you'll stick anythin' in your mouth, that's a real recommendation, Twi."

"Is this because they wouldn't write back about your invention?"

"Maybe." AJ was trying to avoid eye contact now.

"Darling," Rarity said carefully, levitating her saddlebags on so she could start backing everypony into making some kind of decision, preferably hers ", don't take this the wrong way but maybe what is, let's be honest here, a waffle iron that forces everything to taste like apples is something the world just isn't ready for."

Dash used both wingtips to mime gagging. Applejack snorted steam jets and took a stomp towards her perch.

"Okay, okay, what about pizza?" Spike tried, raising his claws for calm. "Who doesn't like pizza?"

"I don't know," Twilight face-scrunched ", other than Salernitano's nowhere really does it for me lately."

"You've become so spoiled since you started getting Manehattan style straight from the source, you known that?" Spike folded his arms.

"I don't see you complaining!"

"What about somewhere local?" Fluttershy tried not to flinch as everypony turned to blink at her at once. "It's just that you're all talking about chain franchises, not that there's anything wrong with that! Although, I have some leaflets about the Olive Branch's connections to big oil if anypony's interested."

"Local doesn't sound too bad." Rarity nodded, then smirked at Dash. They'd had the luck to be sat closest to the family and the boyfriend a few days ago. "Like, say, the _Carrot and Stick?_ "

"Ooh-hoo-hoo, maybe that's what's in the box!" Rainbow cackled, forcing Twilight to dilute her glare by splitting it between them. "The letter she shoulda written! _Dearest, darlingest Momsie and Popsicle: so, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the symposium…_ "

"I was busy!" Twilight snapped.

"Twilight, please!" Dash leered in her best Rarity impression. "Not in front of Spike and Pinkie Pie!"

"Busy doing what?" Pinkie asked, now balanced one legged zen master style on one of the recently repaired banisters.

"Pulling Rainbow Dash out of all those craters mostly." Twilight smirked, managing to high hoof Rarity on her second attempt.

"Pffft! Okay, yeah, that was pretty good." Dash grinned, now draping herself upside down on the beam she was using. "Guuuys, come ooon! I've only got an hour and a half of putting off my shift left!"

"Fine," Twilight huffed, conjuring everypony's saddlebags on, enjoying the fact she could now do this and also that the sudden weight made Dash fall off and just manage to catch herself ", the _Carrot and Stick_ it is! Just to show everypony!"

"So, what do you think is in the box, darling?" Rarity asked Fluttershy as Twilight teleported them outside to save time.

"She thinks it's a spaceship." Dash swooped low, narrowly missing Twilight's head with her saddlebags for revenge.

"I…hope it's something nice." Fluttershy smiled.

"Maybe it's snacks." Spike groused, stomach gurgling as Twilight levitated him onto her back.

"It's probably gonna be big." Applejack shared rueful smiles with Twilight as they trotted after everypony.

"It's us." Twilight said simply. They navigated the trail Zecora had showed them, taking a strange kind of comfort from walking backwards through the path they'd followed Nightmare Moon down almost three years ago.

Twilight blinked when she realised Applejack wasn't following her and that the airborne Rainbow Dash had frozen in almost perfect sync. Both pony's heads whipped to the left, glaring into the underbrush. "Girls?"

"…nothing." Dash muttered as the other's stopped to look up at her.

"Nothin' we can see, anyway." Applejack's eyes narrowed with years of experience living with the Everfree Forest right next door.

"It's not an animal." Fluttershy hugged her knapsack a little. "At least I don't think it is."

"Then it ain't our problem."

"Yet." Twilight and Rainbow muttered.

"Pass me one of those sandwiches, Shy." Applejack muttered. "Chewin' 'll work off some of the aggression. RD?"

"What kinda sandwiches?"

"Um. Grilled margherita."

"Awesome!" Dash was almost on top of Fluttershy but hesitated. "Sauce?"

"Well I didn't know what everypony would want so…ketchup."

"Aaand?"

"Mayo."

"I'll take point." Dash said, voice bitter from crushed expectations instead of trying too hard.

"More for me." Applejack's smirk lasted until halfway through her first bite as they set off. "Aww, crusts!"

"I'll have them!" Spike said hurriedly.

"AJ, wait, my mane!" Twilight ducked as torn bread crusts whipped into Spike's clutches.

They'd feel better once they got back to civilization and could have the typical power playing over who paid. And would remain completely oblivious of H.E.R.B.I.E cowering behind a tree for the rest of the journey.

Trying to beep quietly the automaton extended his telescopic eyes, zooming in on the dog eared _Under the Sun_ feature on Yancy Street sticking out of Rarity's saddlebag. **"Ask P,"** was written across the corner in eye liner, **", can delay but Sat would be** **perfect!"**

 _2_

"Attaboy!" Johnnycake crowed into his collar mic, lounging on a cloud as the snapshot resolved and magically flipped the message on his compact. He didn't indulge this particular oddity his powers allowed him that often, and if he didn't pay attention he could _still_ sink halfway through, but it was smart to keep his distance.

For starters, where was the fun in letting Rarity know he was still playing too? And then there was the matter of Rainbow 'Fun Police' Dash.

The crown also hadn't officially _said_ the FF couldn't take a couple of readings of the Tree of Whatever It Was, but if River Reeds had been good at waiting for paperwork to clear the _Excelsior_ would never have been in position for that cosmic storm.

…Cosmic Storm would be an awesome codename.

Anyway! Technically he and the Herbster were out here in the sticks to figure out what kind of signals the crystal shrubbery was putting out, since Reed knew by now that asking for a sample would be time consuming and probably impossible to take.

As a curiosity and potential contingency against any more floral related crises, of course. He totally didn't want to find a polite way to ask the Elements for samples of their blood.

Just like he hadn't asked Johnny to be the one to scope it out because he knew the Torch had experience getting into places he really shouldn't.

"This weekend." Johnny mused, sliding lazily off his cloud and Flaming On. "What've we got this weekend?"

Now that he and the Web-Slinger were ensconced in 616b Yancy Street, or at least too lazy to unpack the remaining boxes they'd crammed into the closet, Sue had decided the policy should be that he technically had weekends off like a normal job, but the whole team had known that was an impossible idea going in.

Even if Blastaar and Annihilus didn't have another spat, they were all born adventurers. One glint out of the corner of Reed's telescope and they'd be tripping over each other to clamber into a ship.

It was a shame Soarin' had been serious about graduating from the Wonderbolt reserves back in the day. Johnny could've swapped with him like they had when Crystal really wanted to see the outside world.

Maybe he could trick Soarin' into coming along to distract Dash? What Pegasus mare didn't want to get distracted by the most promising stallion member the line-up had had since the '88 Equestria Games? Rarity deserved more attention than that, though.

And there was still the fact Rainbow Dash had his scent. She and the blonde with the other cool hat had picked up H.E.R.B.I.E like a pair of timberwolves and you could feel the interest in the air between him and Rarity. The second she suspected they were making a move she'd come gunning for him, hence the Soarin' idea. But asking them or Twilight and Peter along would be babysitting their friends, and they clearly both wanted some adult time.

It was a shame this wasn't a super thing, since swapping in B-listers to cover for a missing family member had worked out in the past, even accounting for Spidey's _hilarious_ stint on the so called New Fantastic Four. Maybe he could call in sick and they could coax the Horsepower Torch out of retirement?

…or.

"Oh yeah!" Johnny cooed, loop-de-looping with delight as the idea solidified and he reached the mouth of the cave under the Two Sisters. "H.E.R.B.I.E? Playback!"

" _I know what I want for Memorial Day! "_ Twilight's voice crackled out of his collar.

…did the tree flash from his flames or her voice?

"No." Johnny rolled his glowing eyes. "And don't even think of doing that restaurant bit again! Isolate Rainbow Dash." He squinted at the confused chirruping. "What do you mean who?! Who do you think?"

The Tree of Harmony's branches seemed to twinkle almost fondly at the sound of Dash's fake gagging. "If I didn't know better, I'd think I was rubbing off on you. Uh…search: Grim!"

" _-ed to tell me if you're gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!"_

"Yes, you do!" Johnny grinned, extra flames shooting out his eyes as he adjusted his compact's settings.

H.E.R.B.I.E finally floated into the cave, chirruping and gesturing inquisitively as the device's screen glowed, bombarding the Tree with every kind of scanning spell Reed knew, had invented and had come up with that morning.

"Basically." the Torch nodded at him. "I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"

Hero and robot's heads turned to the suddenly shuddering compact, following it as it shook out of Johnny's grasp and vibrated into the air. He couldn't tell if the rising pitch was coming from the compact or the Tree.

Finally, the device just…stopped and dropped. Johnny barely managed to catch it, blinking at his and H.E.R.B.I.E's reflections in the blank mirror surface. The cave had gone so quiet, almost smugly so, he could just make out the strange, grating sound the magically overloaded machine was making.

"Yeah?" Johnny glared at his distorted, flaming image in the crystals. "Whadda _you_ know?"

The Tree of Harmony only glinted in response.

 _3_

Being a Damage Control consultant, Peter was learning, really came down less to how much you knew and more how good you were at standing around waiting for things to happen.

He was trying to pull his weight, though. He'd never make it as a certified construction worker unless he took the right courses, though the company did offer them, but it also provided the latest science and magic literature to keep everypony up to date.

He was getting the twin benefits of realising how up to date he actually was, covering whatever he hadn't known, and not having to spend a bit to do it! The actual money wasn't high for a freshly certified consultant, but it was consistent which was key.

He felt like he was doing his bit there too, not just because he'd been focusing on the Bleecker Street vine site he'd been assigned to for three days running, but also the unpaid time he was putting in. Getting to know his crewmates, doublechecking the readings he'd taken, asking about what exactly went into the reconstruction process, lending a friendly ear to the shell-shocked residents and coordinating with Aunt May at FEAST to make sure they were taken care of.

And, naturally, swinging around all night as Spider-Pony to make sure no one made off with the giant spike covered vines he'd been trying to help clear out of Bleecker Street!

Anything that could paralyse and kidnap not one but two Alicorns, the city's villains figured, had to be worth either a mint on the black market or worth it's weight in gold as a weapon.

Peter had run his own tests, thankfully spared having to come up with an excuse because Ms. Grace wanted to know what she was sending her crews in to remove and whether they'd need more than just heavy padding.

They didn't, but even technically dead the vines were still potential weapons. With enough work you could make some nasty potions out of the sap and some decent armour out of the thorns.

Although it was degrading over time, the thorns sent out a weird kind of vibration that knifed though most test magic, which was probably why they'd punched through so much of the Equestrian landscape. If not for the pain in the tail of the city's ley line frequencies they'd probably have overrun the entire East Coast in a matter of days.

The window for that work was closing fast too! Cut off from their seeds the vines just sat there, their magic being steadily eaten away by the city's own background varieties and rotting. Unfortunately, they just sat there big, still relatively fresh and a juicy target.

Which was why Peter Trotter, rookie Damage Control consultant, had been dressed in a spider-costume and in the middle of a fight between the Enforcers and the Circus of Crime last night.

He'd been half tempted to let them take their samples just to minimize his workload but the thought of someone like Thunderhead or Bonestone with that kind of weapons grade material…

He'd also have been lying if he said this all hadn't presented a welcome distraction. There was a conversation he was probably going to have to have with Twilight at some point.

"You get used to them." smiled Upside, his current cubical neighbour as he entered his own.

Her out tray was full, meaning the company wouldn't need her to do anything unless the construction crew she was assigned to needed to solve a problem. He still had a lot to prove but once he did, he'd have that kind of free time, convenient for sneaking off to Spidey. Right now, he was here to catch up on his own paperwork and cool his heels until his late afternoon shift.

"Thanks!" Peter tried to stifle a yawn and pop a crick in his neck from where Fancy Dan had landed a lucky shot at the same time. "Used to what?"

"The late nights. Did you hear about that thing on Bleeker? It's Bleeker, right?"

"Yeah, that's me!" Peter slipped on his orange Damage Control vest, thicker than the fabric of his costume but becoming that little bit more familiar every day. "And yeah, I heard. Good thing Spidey showed up. Maybe he isn't such a menace after all."

"It's weird!" Upside leaned over the partition. "I've lived in the city practically my whole life and I've never seen one of, you know, them!"

"A super hero?" Peter blinked as he sorted some papers. "What, not even a Befrienders parade?"

"Oh, eveypony goes to those." Upside smiled, waving a hoof dismissively. "Those creepy vines are the first time I've been in the middle of something like that! I mean, we get dumb ley line stuff here, not Guardians of Harmony tier events!"

"Is that what everypony's calling the Elements now?"

"Sometimes." she shrugged. "You know how horse whispering works, especially in this town. Anyway, only bringing it up because we're almost done over on Barrow. Could send some equipment you guys' way the day after tomorrow if you'd like!"

"Oh wow, really? That'd be sweet! I'll have to check with Load Bearer, but I doubt she'll mind! How'd you get done so fast?"

"The thorns don't like river water!" Upside beamed. "The ponies working the graveyard shift found out some vines were rotting faster than others and looked into why."

"That sounds so very Manehattan." Peter chuckled as he finished his paperwork. "So, the gunk in the river messes with them?"

"It messes with everything." Upside said, affirming her Manehattanite credentials. "I was telling my botanist roommate about it and she thinks coming up through the riverbed didn't do them any favours. But yeah, enough solvent in the right place and some of their thorns break off, but! They're still big, sharp and putting out that weird field."

"…so you could use them to cut the vines up." Peter sat back heavily in his chair, trying to work through the shock of the simplicity and do the math in his head. "That, yeah, that would speed things way up, especially if you were smart about segmenting them!"

"Ms. Grace is sending out a memo once they've done more lab work, but yeah! We tried it out and now we're onto actual reconstruction work, finally! But we won't need removal equipment, might even be able to spare a crane!"

"You're a lifesaver, Upside." Peter fumbled for a pen rig so he could start filling out requisition forms and talk at the same time. "Hey, who needs superponies!"

"Are you drawing a giant buzzsaw?" she snickered incredulously.

"What, Load Bearer'll love it! Ooh! Or!" Peter's eyes were wide and unfocused now. "Or! Hoses! Straight from the river! She was trying to figure out why it was so hard to get the roots out of the pipes, but there's tons of filtration magic in those! If we could pump enough fresh—no, raw, raw water down there we could, yeah, we could haul out the big ones, recycle the thorns for the saw…"

"Or, uh, we could just have Princess Twilight zap them all away?" Upside sounded a little nonplussed.

"I _wish_ it was that easy." Soft violet darkness shooting over his eyes! "Guess who!"

She yelped a second after he did as he jolted backwards almost into her nose, her wings still wrapped over his face.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Twilight was trying to remove her wings which were now fluttering nervously. "Rainbow Dash told me to do that, I should've known better!"

"Toldja." Spike said as Ms. Grace raised an eyebrow. "Hey Pete."

"Oh that's okay, I'll just put we-" Peter tried not to do a double take at his boss's presence. "Uh, water balloons in her…hi honey! Hey Spike!"

"Princess Celestia did mention you two were an item." Ms. Grace smiled. "The young filly is here to check on our progress."

"It's not that we don't believe in what you do here Ms. Grace!" Twilight assured, managing to turn the wing that wouldn't fold back off Peter into a shoulder hug. "If anything, I'm the one taking responsibility! We just assumed we'd solved everypony's problems when we used the Elements on the seeds. We should've been helping long before now."

"Oh, live as long as I do and you'll learn you can rarely solve everypony's problems all at once, dear." The old mare looked between the trio. "But with a little time, eventually you can mend just about anything! What was that about hoses, Mr. Trotter?"

"It was Upside's idea, really." Peter jerked his head to the cubicle partition.

"Not really!" the Pegasus smiled nervously as their employer's eyes fell on her. "We just tried out chopping them up with their own thorns on Barrow Street. I mentioned we're ahead of schedule and was wondering it Trotter would like some help, but since the Princess is here…"

"Oh no, you guys are actually way ahead of me! I wish I'd thought of that thorn thing! Hello!" Twilight stood up on tippy hooves to reach up and shake Upside's hoof. "I'm Twili-uh, Princess Twilight! …which you know! Sorry!"

"Uh, Upside! Nice to meet you! You're together?" Upside stared between her and Peter, lingering on Spike as if trying to figure out where a dragon fitted in. Perhaps it was some kind of…unionized chivalry thing? Like was he an intern monster and the Princess had to rescue Trotter from him, or what?

"Twilight wasn't a Princess when we met!" Peter explained, hoping he didn't sound guilty or something.

How to explain this to other people was one of the many things he should probably have devoted some time to thinking about but in his defence, he was _still_ reeling from trying to explain everything to her parents.

He also had the guilty suspicion that beyond her own hectic adventures, Twilight had neglected to mention their relationship because _thwip thwip_ had to be kept _hush hush._

"It's okay, I'm still getting used to it too!" Twilight flustered. "And, well, it sounds like you have everything under control really, because, ha, y'know, Damage Control, so now I, ah, don't really know how much use I'll be…"

"Well, moving faster means we'll need faster access to Canterlot disposal and security." Ms. Grace smiled as Spike expertly whipped out a quill and started writing down what she was saying. "And there's been some bad business with underworld factions trying to steal the wretched things, so anything that gets them out of the city is fine by us."

She glanced at Peter and Upside, who'd trotted around from her own cubicle to get a better look at the Princess and the dragon. "You two were saying something about hoses?"

"It was Trotter's idea." Upside said just in case. "But water from the river already made them sick, so if it doesn't get rid of them it'll at least make them useless to those bad guys, right?"

"Long as you don't try setting fire to them!" Spike winced, then realised he should have saved it for the looks everypony except an abashed Twilight was giving him. "That's what _I_ heard, anyway."

"I think there's something to that." Twilight mused. "The water, not the fire!" she hastily clarified. "I was wondering about teleporting them away, but that could do even more damage to the buildings they're embedded in and, well, I'm not a structural engineer. Could you treat water damage if we tried controlled teleporting into the spaces? Even if some of the roots stay behind the bedrock and the…well, it's arguably not water, but it'll turn them to mulch and leave them to rot in the darkness beneath the city forever, is my point."

Silence except for office chatter. A few passers-by slowed to confirm there was an Alicorn in the building and hastily moved on, sensing the awkwardness.

"Too mystic?" Twilight blushed, glancing nervously between Peter and Ms. Grace.

"We can treat water damage, yes dear." Ms. Grace nodded, now even more convinced she was dealing with a nice undergraduate instead of Canterlot nobility, appreciating the change of pace and adjusting accordingly. "We'll just have to check which sites can afford controlled flooding and which can't. Could take a while."

She nodded to herself, coming to a decision. Twilight was not remotely surprised she knew Princes Celestia. She suspected this was one of those _A-Thing-Or-Two_ stories she'd marvelled at in her junior year.

"Trotter, you're her majesty's liaison. Take her along with you when your shift starts, show her how things are done. Upside tell Highrise to start collecting thorns and pass that onto the other sites. Might as well make them even less dangerous."

"Wait, what does that mean?" Peter half ran after her as she turned. "I'm Twilight's liaison, you said, but you just told us everything you're gonna do. What does that mean?"

"It means take your girlfriend and her assistant out on the town instead of hanging around this stuffy office, you silly foal."

"Hey, we've got even more in common now." Spike beamed as they watched her leave.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, both our bosses are kooks."

"Hatched him myself, you know." Twilight smiled at Upside as the Pegasus fought down startled laughter. "I know you guys are in security too but if it would help, I could seal those thorns in this faux crystal stuff I've been working on?"

"Oh, that'd be cool!" Upside beamed. "We've been lucky random heroes have been showing up to stop those guys!"

"Really." Twilight smirked, side eyeing Peter. "Gosh, I wonder if they ever sleep." He shrugged all like _I'm-50%-Spider-24/7-, Whadda-Ya-Want?_

"Oh hey, there's Load Bearer." Peter reared up slightly to make sure he'd seen that distinctive brick coloured mane as she removed her hardhat. "Gotta bring her up to speed, meet you upstairs? There's this place the crew goes to in Midtown, we can wander around for a bit and grab a bite, maybe meet everypony? If she finds out we're together and I haven't made the offer, she'll be all pouty and put me on drainage inspection."

"We'll be down there anyway if Ms. Grace gives us the go-ahead." Twilight smiled. "But yes, that sounds lovely! See you upstairs."

"You mean downstairs?" Upside frowned as they smooched. The couple froze mid lip-lock.

"It's a Canterlot thing." Spike said quickly, in the middle of playing with Peter's complimentary DC-Bulldog bobblehead. "Balconies and spiral staircases, y'know."

"Oh, right!" Upside used her wings to slip some paperwork into a saddlebag with that same bulldog logo. "Well I better go see Highrise and get things moving on our end, but that spell'd be great! Not even the added security, she just likes shiny stuff. Uh, would it be rude if I asked you to sign my saddlebag? The others'll never believe me otherwise!"

"Oh, no problem!" Twilight still wasn't quite used to this part of her…promotion yet, but this was a lot tamer than the post Nightmare/Discord signing frenzies the Elements had endured a few years ago.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash had been the only ones in their element. Uh, the self-esteem kind, not the Harmony…yeah. At least Sweet Apple Acres had a small side line in shipping baked goods to grateful enthusiasts.

She teleported Peter's pen out of its rig, frowning at the doodle of a giant buzzsaw, and scribbled her signature. "There we are! Sorry it's not in purple or anything!"

"It's fine! Great to meet you! Hope the Princess thing works out!"

"Thanks, me too!" Twilight waved as she flapped off.

"Is that a giant buzzsaw?" Spike squinted at Peter's desk.

"Yes. Stop playing with that thing, you'll catch your fingers!"

"What do you need a giant buzzsaw for?" the Dragon asked as Peter trotted up.

"Gotta get my hair ready for the Grand Galloping Gala somehow." He smiled at Twilight. "We're on. Have I said it's great to see you yet?"

"No, but you can make it up to me upstairs."

A few flights of stairs (and Twilight getting winded and just teleporting them all the way up there) later they were on the roof of the office block, the Flatiron District and practically the entire city spread out below them as Peter adjusted the web-shooter nozzles on the underside of his gloves. "Last chance to back out, you two!"

"I've been practicing with these wings for weeks. I earned this!" Twilight rolled her eyes. Peter blinked at the purple flash as she teleported herself onto his back, pulling his mask down over his head. "And I'm in the market for a living sedan chair!"

"Everypony warned me about you Canterlot fillies." Peter adjusted Spider-Pony's mask, chuckling as Twilight slapped the back of his head. "Spike?"

"Let's do this." the Dragon rumbled in his best movie trailer impression, snapping on a pair of goggles. "Ow!"

"…are those swimming goggles?" Spidey was doing that signature squint.

"Rainbow Dash wouldn't let me borrow hers."

"And you're surprised?" Twilight muttered as Peter helped secure the harness they'd insisted Spike use if he was going to do this.

In addition to her wings she didn't have to worry as much thanks to Peter's wall-crawling powers, adhering her to him even through the fabric of his costume. He most often used the technique to carry accident victims to safety, and she still blushed a little remembering the time he'd used it to help sneak her into that Changeling hive.

"Actually," Spidey mused as he made sure Spike was firmly strapped to his chest ", it's kinda bright out today. My lenses are polarized, but maybe we should grab you guys some sunglasses?"

"Peter." Twilight warned in the voice it hadn't taken her long to perfect.

"Alright, alright, I get concerned, sue me!" He pawed the ground, Spike tucking his feet up in anticipation.

"They warned me about you Manehattan colts."

"Will you two stop flirting and gYAGH-WHOA-HO!" Spike erupted into hysterical laughter as Spider-Pony sprang, Dragon strapped to his chest, Princess stuck to his back, to the edge of the roof.

He teased them with the view, letting them think he'd stopped before realising he was balanced only on his hind legs, lazily letting the momentum of the jump and their weight tiiiip them precariously…

And just as Twilight and Spike realised how high they really were, they were falling.

 _Teleport,_ Twilight's mind jabbered as Peter made a show of lazily stream-lining his body, Spike's desperately scrabbling legs reflected in accelerating office windows, _remember you_ _can teleport, he's not really going to do it, you can fly, you can teleport, he's milking this, you CAN MAKE HIM PAY, Y'O C'N TE'LAAAGH—_

"T'ch!" Peter had to make sure the sound carried over the wind, which ruined the effect, but the exaggerated nonchalance was part of the act anyway. "Did I leave the stove on?"

" _Peter._ "

The problem with a slightly lengthened Alicorn neck: that bilious feeling came just as quickly but had further to travel. The sudden tingling feeling in her legs as he feigned a yawn and used it to slowly flip them up and over, so they were now vertical while plummeting straight down while he assumed a 'Hmm' pose, _did nothing to help._

"Now is it West 25th or West 27th? I can never remember!"

" _PETER GLEANN TROTTER._ "

"Yes dear." He fired two web-lines straight up, slowing their decent to a leisurely Alpine decent rather than a heart stopping death dive. But only, Twilight realised, wings flaring, so he could build up torque to bungee them back into the air, the beautiful, conniving little…

"Sorry!" Spidey beamed at the startled pedestrians they were sagging in front of, hooves only a foot above the sidewalk. "Wrong floor."

"I'm going to make him pay for this." Twilight confided to them.

And then they were ascending, Spike's one liner strangled in his throat by the primal whooping. Spider-Pony fired another line, penduluming them towards 7th Avenue. Teasing aside, he was careful with passengers. No stunts, no hard landings, simple A to B stuff.

But who said he couldn't mess with them a little?

"You're enjoying this way too much!" Spike guffawed as Peter leant forward at the zenith of one swing, almost slapping the dragon in the face with his own tail.

"The pleasure of your company?" Peter used the hangtime to snag the edge of a building and reassure himself the little guy's straps were still biting tightly into his shoulders. "Not at all."

"Help, help!" Twilight called playfully as ponies boggled at them from a rooftop garden. "That wicked Spider-Pony has kidnapped me! He wants me to do his math homework!"

"It's Manehattan honey," Peter grinned under the mask ", with my luck another hero's gonna hear you and believe it!"

Okay, the cover of Amazing Fantasy#15 it was not. Okay, they probably looked like an 8th grade play centaur costume designed by somepony who'd never seen one. But fun as web-swinging was, genuinely, after all these years, it was a part of himself he could never really share with anyone else. Not…fully.

One more way his powers cut him off from the world. Or the world off from him.

Whatever. He was in love, was quite fond of the pre-adolescent Dragon strapped to his chest, and now he had somepony to share one of the innermost parts of himself with. And nothing waiting for him on the ground was going to stop him enjoying it!

 _To be Continued_


	11. Match Making (2)

_4_

"Thank Sun it's Friday." Rainbow Dash muttered, banking to home in on some low hanging clouds.

"Every day is like your favourite day if you want it badly enough!" Pinkie Pie called, voice wavering only slightly as she tried to stuff her anti-parasprite instruments into her party canon.

"That's not bad! You should put that on a t-shirt!"

"Aww, Dashie! But would anypony wear it?"

"I would!"

"I might!" Fluttershy smiled as she floated towards them, surrounded by a choir of birds. "It'd be great for gardening! Oh, and Discord might like one! He enjoys little slogans on things."

"For real?" Dash squinted.

"Yes! He says they make almost less sense than he does." Fluttershy spread a wing, allowing some of her choir to rest on it. "We're ready, by the way!"

"Same here." Dash smirked in satisfaction as she surfed her cloud creation to a few feet above the ground. They glanced at each other as Pinkie bounced up and down on her cannon, trying to force her tuba inside. "We're sure this is gonna work, right?"

"We…woke them…up this…way!" Pinkie grunted, finally managing to cram the tuba in with a depressing blast of notes. "Phew! So, why wouldn't it?"

"The sad thing is, we've run under worse logic." Dash looked nervously over her shoulder as a shadow fell over them. "Is your, uh…"

"She's a friend." Fluttershy said simply, smiling up at the circus tent coloured dinosaur glaring down at them. Dash focused on admiring its rainbow patterned batwings to drown out the fight/flight reflex.

"Can we all take a moment to appreciate Partyerodactyls are real?" Pinkie grinned, rolling her cannon over. She followed the others gazes to the distant Ponyville, where three multicoloured blurs shot from street to street. Ponies who weren't screaming in terror of three psychedelic Everfree monsters were screaming from the area around them randomly morphing into a multicoloured bubble of different kinds of party music: orange classical, red accordion and blue rave. "I mean, there's nuances, but!"

"Can't Mama Bird here just go in and clip their wings?" Rainbow tried again. "How much worse could she do than we have? You'd think they'd be happy to see her!"

Mama growled at her then let out a series of wheezing coughs. Fluttershy's birds scattered but not very far as she fluttered up to pat the poor thing on her shoulders.

"Um, they can't, not with their current eyesight. And she's still not feeling very well. Without her roar they won't identify her! That's why the poor things are running around town! When we woke them up they thought they were being called home, but she's not there so they're just flailing around. If something as big as her goes in, you know how everypony will react!"

"Hey, hey, watch it sister!" Dash snapped, backing across her cloud as Mama's serpentine neck loomed towards her for better glaring. "It was Pinkie's idea to try and make a cloud-power cord mix for her party album!"

"Technically it was my fault for booking Fluttershy's choir on the same day." Pinkie blushed, sounding a little like the other Pegasus as Mama's eyes rolled to her. "I should've had the courage to ask you both to reschedule, and I _really_ should've checked to make sure there was no one around we'd disturb! I'm really sorry!"

Mama coughed noncommittally.

"Fine." Dash harrumphed. " _We're_ really sorry. But since actions speak louder than words…"

She raised her forehooves. Pinkie hefted her cannon. Fluttershy drew in a breath, raising two wingtips as her birds' chests inflated…

"Don't panic, ladies!" A squadron of blazing toy sized biplanes dived out of the sun, whirling around the Everfree creature and scattering the startled Elements. "I got this!"

"Whadda you think you're doin'?!" Rainbow Dash practically spat, shielding her furious eyes from the glare of the Horseshoe Torch hovering in front of the panicking Partyerodactyl, jabbing with a flame constructed chair and sporting a constructed top hat.

"The Fantastic Family special!" Johnny winked at her. "Saving rookies and stopping monsters!"

"Don't!" He blinked, the chair and squadron evaporating into embers as Fluttershy desperately flung herself between him and the creature, forelegs spread almost as wide as her flapping wings. "Please, you're scaring her!"

" _I'm_ scaring her?!" Johnny had just enough presence of mind to hold his hooves out placatingly but not to shut off his hat. "She's the size of two buses standing on each other's shoulders!"

"She's with us!" Rainbow Dash snapped, zooming up to his glowing eye level.

"Um, not to put pressure on you guys," Pinkie cut in ", but that thing Zecora said not to let happen looks like it's happening!"

Dash and Johnny stopped glaring at each other to turn and wince from the shimmering town, three bubbles cycling through shades of their respective primary colours as they came closer and closer to merging into one. The Torch's flames rippled in time with the grass as the discordant soundwaves began to screech into a single pith.

"I'll deal with you later!" Dash snapped, flapping back to her cloud construct. "Just do what you do best and float there uselessly, we don't have time to waste on you right now!"

"Plenty of time to take your shot, apparently!" Johnny called back. The intense light dimmed in a scalloped shadow and he looked behind him, wondering if Mama had blocked it for both of them or if he'd just happened to be in the way when she stretched her wings. "What're you even gonna do?!"

"Finish it the way we started!" Through the gaps he could just make out their silhouettes, coming together, Dash in the lead. "Simulate a roar! Fluttershy?"

"Okay…a-one, a-two, a-one-two-three!"

Johnny had been at close range for several monster roars during his career, usually closer to their ravening maws than anypony (or their eardrums) should come. This was the first time he'd been technically behind one and it felt like it should be somehow worse.

Dash's cloud produced a bone jarring electric bass as she rammed her hooves into strategic spots. Fluttershy's perfect pitch climbed higher and higher, becoming a whirlwind funnel of sound with her birds' songs wrapping around it. Pinkie's thing felt like the world's most jovial war crime.

The Torch could almost _see_ the combined effect, the air blurring with different textures and combing into cheesy 60's laser beam rings racing straight for Ponyville. Even with his eyes straining from the light and the _noise._

The hurricane roar sliced clean through the blazing disco inferno that was becoming Ponyville…and snuffed it out.

Pulsing silence as the spires and thatch of the town settled back into focus, the only movement grass blades and flower petals that had been blasted into the air by the cacophony floating back to earth like ashes.

Then three snake-like streaks, speckled with pastel patterns over a base colour, danced their way into the air towards them.

"Incoming!" Rainbow yelped, hitting the deck as a blue blur almost shaved her trademark mane off.

Pinkie squealed, leaping onto her party cannon like a startled housecat as a red one looped around and around her before darting to it's mother. Fluttershy blinked, then slowly eased herself to the side to allow a trembling orange one to waver past her.

Johnny stared down at the reunited family, the hoarsely croaking Mama flapping her wings in joy as three smaller, snake-like Partyerodactyls fluttered and bounced around her, signature coloured sparks sheeting off their wings and filling the air with tinny, discordant genre notes.

"What just happened?"

"The Elements of Harmony special!" Dash sneered.

"We accidentally woke this family from hibernation." Fluttershy explained. "But now that they're all together they can go home!"

"And the lightshow?"

"Their music magic building to a crescendo that would've destroyed Ponyville and everything all the way up to Canterlot." Pinkie's smile wavered slightly as she glanced at the rooftops, some of which were still smoking. "Which wouldn't have happened if I'd just been happy with my good old-fashioned party mix."

"Hey, nothing wrong with tryin' new things, pink stuff!" Rainbow Dash's own grin faltered as she turned to see the blue baby mimicking her Encouraging Cool One pose.

"So, you…had everything under control?" the Torch tried to smile. He'd been working on how to put his plan into effect all last night and had been _delighted_ at what looked like a chance for a classic team up to endear himself to his old flight school…friend.

Instead he'd menaced a distraught mother with a bad case of laryngitis and almost thrown off the split-second timing needed to stop most of central Equestria being flattened by a soundwave that'd make Klaw cry from the craftsmanship.

 _Is this…is this what being Peter is like?_

"Um." said Fluttershy.

"Yeah!" Dash shot back into the stare down space, ignoring the heat from his flames. "Even after you butted in!"

"Okay, okay." Johnny waved his hooves in supplication, floating backwards to give her some personal space. Because he was a respectful, enlightened 21st century stallion. Not because those intense magenta eyes still felt like they could dissect him and make a couple of artful salads out of his innards.

"It worked out, though!" Pinkie was having a bouncing contest with the ecstatic red baby while its sisters nuzzled their mother. "We'll just leave you out of the diary!"

"…thanks?"

"You're welcome!"

"No, he's not." Dash hissed.

"Rainbow." Fluttershy said gently.

Rainbow glared down at her then they all followed her gaze, watching the reunited Partyerodactyl family as Mama embraced her children with her wings one final time. Blue fought her way out, flapping abashed wings.

Red waved a wing at Pinkie as Mama gently wrapped her foot around her, Orange snuggling happily into the other's grip, sharing a reptilian smile with Fluttershy. Blue looked at Dash with begrudging respect as Mama gently but firmly clamped her tail in her mouth, nodded gratefully to the Elements and took to the air in a riot of carnival colours.

"Yeah, okay." Dash muttered.

The summer peace rolled gently over them as they watched the colourful shadow recede, Johnny feeling out of place. He'd never have imagined Rainbow Dash chilling out over something so simple, not the same way as the two radically different mares she was somehow rolling with, but their muscles seemed to be relaxing identically, their breathing slowing to the same pace.

Also, he was still on fire. Not really going with the vibe.

"Is it too soon for a Yay-We-Didn't-Break-Everything party?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Maybe we can talk about it at our next recording session?" Fluttershy suggested. Pinkie smiled back gratefully.

"Count on it. Just gotta put these clouds back first." Dash gave her a wingtip up, then whip cracked her glare back on the Torch, who'd folded his arms for something to do. "And take care of some air pollution."

"Y'know, I actually miss that caustic Cloudsdale sarcasm." Johnny chanced a smile. "Was hoping we could catch up! Talk about the good ol' days!"

Rainbow Dash let out a snarl that reminded him of a timberwolf, both the animal and the Hex-Pony, and blasted off so hard she almost whipped out his flames.

Johnny shared a few awkward seconds blinking with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie before she swooped back down, her muttering muffled by the cloud corner she had clamped in her mouth and jetted back into the sky, dragging the entire thing behind her like Father Hearths Warming's sack.

"Huh. She _has_ mellowed." Johnny blinked at the furious rainbow contrail then smiled at the other Elements. "Well, wish me luck! Nice to see you both…again."

He'd leant in slightly as he was talking and terrified Fluttershy's birds with his Flame Form, sending them twittering and racing from her shoulders and back in a torrent of colours and disturbed golden hair and feathers. She looked as if she was about to cry.

"You too!" Pinkie Pie, now somehow wearing oven mitts, clasped his hoof and shook it vigorously, almost dragging him out of the air and setting fire to the grass she was standing on. "And good luck I guess!"

She sighed to herself as the Torch recovered, winked at them and took off in a jet of flame.

"She only growled a little bit!" Fluttershy assured, putting a wing around her shoulders.

"Oh, it's not that! It's just…" Pinkie scuffed the ground a little. "Following Rainbow Dash where other ponies dare not tread used to be _my_ thing."

 _5_

"I can smell you back there!" Rainbow snapped into the wind, 300ft above Ponyville's fields and climbing, pushing her cloud construct ahead of her with both hooves.

"Did you get faster?" Johnny pushed down on his internal accelerator, trying to pull alongside her. "Swear that's not a come on, genuinely asking!"

"Go. Away. Storm!"

Still so mad that not even flattering her skills was working. He was going to have to go Nova Flame with the charm here. Assuming he didn't run out of breath first, he was channelling half an exploding zeppelin into his thrust and she was _still_ accelerating!

"Look, don't you want to know why I came all the way out here?"

"The great pony in the sky is punishing me?"

"Ha! Your banter's really gotten better!" He was grinning in spite of the tension, which did make her finally look at him but did not make anything better.

She braked suddenly! He shot past her, twisting upside down as he tried to slow himself. He hung there until the upside down construct came back into focus then executed a loop to come back up alongside her.

"Y'know I'm a Wonderbolt now?" Her glare only wavered as she glanced at the specific knots of cloudstuff she was kneading with her hooves. "Well. Wonderbolt cadet."

"Wait, for real?" He had a sudden impulse to hug her. It was all she'd talked about back at flight school. Well, okay, all he clearly remembered her talking about, but to be fair his immediate memories of Rainbow Dash included a lot of swearing. "Oh man, congrats!"

"I'm only telling you so you understand somethin'." She leant towards him in a very Fin Fang Foom kind of way. "I'm gettin' even better at busting up jerks like you than I already was. HYUGH!"

She executed a near perfect Krav Maga kick, the cloud construct bursting into plumes that shot back for miles, some of them almost reaching Ponyville. She'd just restored an entire section of sky in seconds. Only one was left in front of her, and it had a horseshoe and lightning bolt impression stamped into it.

Johnny had been intimidated by the best of the best for a decade of super heroism now and had foolishly spurned women far more skilled in the art of vengeance than Rainbow. This helped, but also some cavepony instinct told him not making any sudden moves right now would be a good idea.

"You're still in my airspace." Dash muttered. It had been kinda better when she was refusing to look at him, but at least he had her attention now.

"I thought about writing," he shrugged ", but, well, I figured you'd either burn it or worse, return it." He smiled. "Man, remember that epic reverse letter bomb you pulled on, what was his name, Turnbuckle? With the…"

He pantomimed, because that thing had been a _crime_ and he wasn't going to use _his_ flames to recreate it.

"The mohawk _and_ the widows peak?! Oh yeah, that was epic!" That grin was nice to see again. He'd moved on, but still. And she was taking the bait. "I had this Griffon friend in freshman lag displacement, it's where I got all the meat for…no, nope, not happening!"

"What's not happening?" Johnny grinned. All he'd needed was a crack. Flames were good at finding holes in defences.

"We're not bonding!" Rainbow Dash snapped. If she'd been on the ground or a cloud she could've stamped her hoof the way she really wanted to. "You blew all those good times away! If there even were any!"

"That's what I wanted to talk about." Johnny chanced drifting closer, altering his flames and temperature for better mood lightning and atmosphere. "Rainbow, we haven't seen each other in years! You won Best Young Flier and I didn't even know until I asked Soarin' about it!"

"You always did take it for granted." she muttered, folding her forelegs.

"What?"

"Flying!" He almost flinched at the how high the indignation in her voice was. "The only reason you were even there was 'cause somepony decided you need to recertify your flight certificate every few years! _And_ you'd missed the class the year before!"

"You know how it is when you're saving Equestria!"

"Yeah, goin' on three years now! Four next Summer Sun Celebration!" How did somepony this passionate manage to make her eyes glint that metallically? "This one guy still thinks we're just rookies, though."

...whoops.

"That guy sounds like he, ah, has a lot to make up for."

"He could start by turning around and going back to Manehattan." She jerked her head over her shoulder towards the mountains. "On the other hoof, the mouth of Tartarus is about a day's journey over that-a-way. Leave now, there might be a good cell left by the time ya get there!"

Johnny fought down the grin and the impulse to shoot back, even though that was a good one, and heaved a sigh.

"You're right, Dannii-whoa, whoa, whoa, put down the cloud!"

It was less the cloud, more the spikes of flash-frozen moisture she'd punched out of it and was taking aim with like a mace.

"Don't. You. _EVER._ Call me that."

He'd been gambling on the confidence entrusted pet name, derived from her full one, conjuring Fall/Spring memories of dorm rooms, the cloud campus, that thing with the sky pirates, and malt shops. He must've _really_ blown it, but in his defence even back then it had never taken much to set off Mt. Rainbow.

"Iwassayingyou'reright!"

"…go on." She let the cloud drift back into its orbit but didn't take her hooves off the makeshift chain.

"Well, you are!" Johnny shrugged, knowing another sigh would break the illusion she was only marginally buying into now. "I could feed you a line about how I've changed, but please believe I was a different person when you knew me. I was so wrapped up in trying to be my own pony, away from the team, that it never even occurred to me to ask you to come along!"

"You were condescending a lot, too." Dash said, voice cold but warming to this _Johnnycake-Is-Wrong_ topic.

"I was?" Oh, right. They'd been the fun, get away from it all dynamic duo of Cloudsdale campus, but the FF, he'd argued, had been seriously major league for a freshman flier. He'd meant major league _dangerous_ but there was the distiiiinct possibility he hadn't actually phrased it thaaat waaay? They'd been arguing a lot by this point. "I mean, yes, I was!"

"But not to Soarin'." She was doing the foreleg folding thing now, which was promising. She wanted him to try harder, which meant she was drawing him in, which meant he could go with the flow!

And Peter said this stuff was complicated!

"Soarin' was just kinda, y'know, around!" He began to slowly circle her as she half turned away, trying to make it look like _he_ was trying to keep control and that _she_ had all of it. Even though she was now having to work a little harder to pay attention to him. "We were roomies! Sue liked him! Like she liked you, remember?"

"I don't remember you mentioning you went to college with a Wonderbolt all-star reserve!" She glared over her shoulder, unable to stop herself following his lowkey contrail. "Woulda been a nice contact to have!"

"Yeah, but it's not like you needed it!" Because game should respect game, he let a little actual admiration into the _Whatever-Did-I-Do-To-Deserve-You?_ face. The one he used for the delusion of grandeur cases when he was stalling so Reed could free the hostages. "You're a Wonderbolt cadet now and you didn't even need flight school!"

"Yeah, and even if I wasn't part of the sisterhood on Princess Celestia's speed dial?" She waited until he was floating back in front of her so he could see her eyes. "I _still_ wouldn't need _you!_ "

"And why would you?" He stopped circling because she'd been foolish enough to make actual eye contact. "We were so good together, y'know, as partners, and I never really let you spread those wings!"

Rainbow Dash demonstrated how much her prowess with her wings had increased since he'd last seen her by holding herself aloft with one and pointing the other's wingtip at her mouth for _Gag Me_ , complete with sound effects. It sounded distressingly more organic than it had on H.E.R.B.I.E's recording.

"Gag you may, Rainbow, gag you may! It's not even a fraction of what I deserve!" Hanging your head in mid-air was hard if you didn't mean it, so he tried to make his puppy dog eyes glow more. "I was a heel! A jerk! A veritable scoundrel!"

"Are you seriously tryin' that three times for emphasis trick on me?!"

"I'm trying to make amends!" Johnny clasped his hooves over his _4_ logo, great heart substitute. "Look, we've always been on the same level and we've only gotten better with age! We're part of the first line of defence and your friend is dating my Spider-Pony! Big stuff, little stuff, we're gonna run into each other!"

"So obviously I should cut out the middle pony and just run you over, is what I'm hearin'!" Dash smirked. How had it taken this long for the armed forces to notice her?

"No jury in the land would convict you! But just because we can't be what we were doesn't mean we can't try to make something new!"

"Oh what, we'll be our own lil' spin-off?" Dash scoffed. "Flames and Feathers! Because of course _the guy_ has to get top billing!"

"We don't have to put labels on it." Johnny assured, filing _Flames and Feathers_ away for trademarking once he got back to the city, possibly a mini-series, studios loved those. "Although if we had to? I'd like to think of it as a new friendsh-"

" _Do not finish that sentence._ " Dash warned.

He felt a strange note in her voice knife through his epidermis and deep into his bones. A wine glass fragility to the air between them. Had sparks come out of her Cutie Mark or had the sun gotten in his eye?

She sighed through her nose, her wingbeats slowing slightly. She suddenly looked like she'd been awake for all the years since the breakup. "Johnny, man…what're you _doin'_? We said what we said. Sorry isn't nearly enough."

"You don't have to apologize!" Johnny insisted and felt his brain trying to roll over since it didn't have its own eyes.

"I didn't say _I_ did!" Theeere was the Rainbow he'd been expecting, like she'd never left. Like somepony like her would ever want to look vulnerable.

"You just said it wasn't enough if _I_ did!" He quickly turned the protesting spread forelegs into a penitent hoof clasp. "…and you're so right! But there must be something that comes close? A trip! An adventure! An all you can eat on my bit at _A Lume di Candela_ , Cloudsdale's best old-world restaurant!"

…actually he hoped she didn't take him up on that, she had a nigh-Giganto appetite and he had to pay rent now.

"Pfft, that place?" Dash was trying not to laugh. "It's been gone for years, you poser!"

"Wait, really? What happened?"

"Burned down." She enjoyed that; he could tell. " _Troppa_ luce di candela!"

"Huh." Johnny blinked as he tried to process then felt the slot machine part of his brain click. Jackpot. The perfect opening. He risked heaving another sigh, sparks trailing out with his breath and sending him mournfully turning away from her like a depressed birthday balloon. "Guess that's a sign then. Neither you nor the universe want this. I'll have to tell Grim and the gang to cancel the reservation…"

He hung his head this time because his back was to her and it helped him bob forward miserably, a flaming lost little puppy. Who could feel her starting to vibrate behind him. Wait for it, wait for it…

"Grim?" Dash's voice said in his ear suddenly, over the rush of air that almost blew his flames out. "You mean Grim Skies? Captain Grim Skies? Saved _the Daybreaker_ Grim Skies? Platinum heart for courage and compassion Grim Skies? Four consecutive buckball touchdowns Grim Skies?"

"Oh, you know Grim?" Johnny made sure the smirk was off his face when he turned to blink innocently at her.

"Did you not see the poster on my dorm wall?!" There was a strange squeal he didn't remember ever hearing in her voice before now but that manic smile felt like the dental equivalent of a pair of favourite slippers. He remembered it from a few concerts and mostly A.I.M brawls.

"Which one? You had like a million, and the lights were off most of the time."

"The Grim Skies one, dummy!" She grabbed his shoulders, mercifully spared hospitalisation as he rapidly lowered his temperature. "The stallion for all seasons!"

"All seasons? Grim?" He shook his head. Right, right, Pegasus mare and, incredible as it seemed, the old crank _had_ lived a whole other life before the Life Fantastic. "That is…not how I'd describe him."

Sparks burst from his eyes as the grip on his shoulders tightened suddenly. "But then," Johnny wheezed through his constricting chest ", can mere _words_ really do him justice?"

"A lot, but I'm too excited to say all of 'em!" If they'd been on the ground, she'd be jumping up and down. "Are you for real? You can introduce me to Grim Skies?!"

"Sure, if you want!"

"Want!" Dash hissed through teeth clenched shut by fangirl grinning. It was worse than that time Annihilus had tried to swallow Johnny's head.

"Well, there's this thing on Saturday…" He looked her up and down as if inspecting an airship component and nodded. "You know what? Yes."

"Yes what?" Dash whispered, pupils too tiny to allow suspicion in.

"Rainbow, not only am I going to introduce you to the Idol of Millions himself, I'm going to make up our entire career to you." He let his right hoof glow more warmly as he placed it on her shoulder. "Daniella Sacharissa Rainbow. Will you do me the honour of taking my place on a Fantastic Family mission this weekend?"

He'd expected her to eye him with that Cloudsdale back-stratus-streets suspicion that she'd always displayed whenever spare change, other fillies or forgotten birthdays had come up. Spinning him around by his forelegs while somehow also holding him close enough to fuse his ribs together, not so much, although he was familiar with this part of her. But the _noise_ coming out of her mouth! Like Peter's face sliding slowly down a window pane!

"OmigoshomigoshomigoshI'mgonnameetGrimSkiesI'mgonnameetGrimSkiesWe'regonnabebestfriendsomigosh-"

"Yes, you are!" Johnny winced, trying to keep smiling even if it felt like his one still open eye was about to be popped right out of his head. "Just show 'em this tomorrow!"

He was proud that he managed to produce the fire-proofed messenger tube, containing proper documentation and pass with a magician's flourish, despite the agonizing pressure. And bonus, the fact she was a legit Wonderbolt (cadet) now would mean she technically had her own paperwork that'd skate her past almost everything, including Sue's glare, the same way Soarin' had back in the day!

She almost sliced his leg off snatching it, clutching it to her chest like Annihilus's Cosmic Control Rod. "This doesn't make up for everything."

"Yeah?" he blinked.

"But…" She stopped fighting her smile. "It's a start."

"I'll take what I can get." he smiled back, massaging his sides. She'd almost cracked his epidermis open like a lobster shell! "So, friends again?"

"No." Dash said with that bluntness he'd almost forgotten about. "But maybe if the Princess sends a scroll and you happen to be in the same airspace, I wouldn't mind being paired up with you. Much."

"As long as we don't get stuck Spider-sitting." He held out a hoof for a shake.

"Tell me about it." She didn't take it, instead clutching the tube even tighter. "And, y'know, if Mr. Skies isn't too busy helpin' the stretchy dude out, I could. Maybe. Sorta. Y'know."

Rose coloured eyes darted back and forth.

"Become his official Elements/Fantastic team buddy."

"You can ask him Saturday?" Johnny tried, sensing this might be the only way he got out of this conversation alive.

"Oh yeah!" Dash beamed, practically squeezing the tube open. "'cause I'm gonna meet him!"

She hovered there for a beat, her whole body shaking almost faster than her wings then squealed again, looping around the startled Torch from so many different directions it was almost as if he was being attacked by the Planet of the Rainbows before shooting off in a crazed zigzag pattern back to Ponyville.

"I'm gonna meet Grim Skies! I'm gonna meet Grim Skies!" she chanted so hard Johnny was surprised the words weren't following her in a receding cartoon trail. "I'mgonnameetGrimSkiesI'mgonnameetGrimSkiesI'mgonnameetGrimSkies!"

Johnny waved after her as he floated back to earth, mostly so the echoes would fade away faster. So _that's_ what somepony else having fangirls was like. Sweet Celestia. But it had been worth it. Rainbow Dash was off the board. His plan could start.

After he relished things a little, of course.

Making sure nopony was around he reignited his top hat construct. "Hahahaha." he said softly to nopony.

He began rubbing his hooves together, dancing flames becoming sharper. "Mwuhahaha!"

A flaming monocle burst into existence over his right eye as he threw back his head. "BWAHAHAH-"

"Excuse us!"

Johnny almost broke his neck whirling around. He'd been so focused on Rainbow he hadn't paid attention to the landscape beneath him and it turned out he was now floating only a few feet above one of the town's main roads.

The orange Pegasus who'd called for his attention was at the handles of a well maintained scooter, her friends sharing space in the cart behind it with what he would've sworn was a sarcophagus.

"Um. Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah?" Johnny tried.

"Only you were sorta rubbin' your hooves and laughin'." the one with the bow said.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know you're on fire?" the Unicorn with the curls asked.

"Yeah?" He had to take control back somehow. He let his gaze drift back to the sarcophagus, letting them follow it. "What's that for?"

"We're not supposed to talk to strangers." the Earth Pony with the bow said a little too quickly.

"I won't tell if you won't." the Horseshoe Torch said diplomatically.

"What's there to tell about?" the Pegasus nodded, pawing the ground. "See ya, mister fire monster."

"Stay in school!" Johnny waved.

"C'mon girls!" They took off down the nearby hill, hooves thrust to the sky for the group chant. "Cutie Mark Crusaders Archaeologists, Yay!"

"Where does Peter _find_ these people?" Johnny stared after the dust cloud. He looked over his shoulder at the distant town. "Oh. Right."

 _6_

"So, how's the new job?" Twilight asked as they trotted up a Midtown street.

"Should be asking you!" Peter nuzzled her. "Been a while since, uh-"

"Since Night Light rushed out to borrow a copy of _Fantastic Beasts_ so he could make sure you weren't an Everfree monster wearing the guise of a pony to lure Twi to her doom?" Spike asked, lagging behind and engrossed in a trade paperback.

" _Thank you_ , Spike. Honestly though, can't blame him."

"I can!" Twilight scowled as Peter blinked at her. "Well, we were at lunch! It was rude! And he used _my_ copy!"

"The library's copy." Spike said, a talon raised over the fold.

"…so he used Ponyville's copy! We were at lunch! Thank gosh May showed up!"

"Your mother wasn't being _that_ bad, hon!" Peter lied. It hadn't been the honestly innocuous questions, it'd been Velvets eyes. Watching everything he did. Assessing for weaknesses.

"Only because there were witnesses." Twilight muttered, rearranging their levitated shopping bags. "I'm glad they bonded though! Our families should get on."

"Aunt May said she's meeting your mother for tea up in Canterlot next week, even!"

"Twilight knows!" Spike smirked. "Velvet put it in their new weekly letter, which I'm to make sure Twilight sends on time from now on."

"We'll talk about saving the world and boundaries in the next one." Twilight muttered as Peter got the restaurant door for her. "And put that thing down, you'll walk into something!"

"Look who's talkin'." Spike muttered, then flinched as he trod in something cold and purple that hadn't been there before. "Yeek!"

"Oh, did I say walk into?" Twilight smirked over her shoulder now that the cover of _Jack Staff_ wasn't between them anymore, horn fading. "I meant step in."

"Play nice, dear." Peter smiled, holding her chair out for her because Aunt May instilled habits died hard, and also, yeah, they both loved it.

"Represent, bro." Spike hopped up onto his own as Peter took his.

"No, I just meant that's an omnibus edition. We should treat it with respect." He craned over as the Dragon spread two almost Pegasus wing sized pages. "Ooh, see, this is what I was telling you about, isn't that the best spread?"

"Yes, a Caesar salad burger, easy on the tofu, and a diet hay-shake, please," Twilight nodded to their waitress ", oh, and two sunny meals for the children."

"Sweet potato steak, side of hay-fries and onion rings, glass of mango juice, please." Peter smirked at her. Twilight, not the waitress, that would've been creepy. "Spike?"

"Uh, you guys do fish?" The drake unenthusiastically poked his head over the omnibus.

"Yes sir, if you'd like," the waitress smiled kindly ", but it's just one of the options on our dragon menu."

Peter winked at Twilight. He'd told her about this option when they'd been looking for something to keep the kid occupied in _Forbidden Planet_ and it was worth the wait. Spike blinked, looking around the room to realise there _were_ dragons, just…sitting there. A lot of mixed species tables, actually.

"Spike?" Twilight smiled.

"Uh, r-right!" Spike looked around, unable to keep the smile off his face or put his oversized paperback down so Peter mercifully nosed his own menu over. "Uh, uh, does the ruby special come with, y'know, actual…?"

"Oh, I'm afraid not, sir! We keep meaning to change the name. Sanitary concerns, y'see. It's the geology around here."

"Then two double baconators, extra cheese and bacon, please!" Spike grinned as the two (relative) adults fought to keep their faces from turning green. Twilight glanced at her menu and went a little white at the price, though.

"He'll have a Sunflower soda. Um, a _small_ one."

"We could hit Dragon Town again?" Peter offered as Spike kept glancing between the Dragoness in the business suit on the left and the dragon family on the right. "Y'know, out of costume and when whatshername with the hat hasn't been conned into opening a doorway to the Dark Dimension through fireworks of dubious origin."

"You guys'll have work, but thanks." Spike smiled, fins colouring as he went back to _Jack Staff._ The dragoness about his own age at the family table had been looking back at him.

"There's always another time." Twilight tried. "And that antique store we managed to banish the Mindless Ones back through had some good looking pieces!"

"Sure," Spike smiled genuinely this time as the waitress brought their drinks ", and hey, they won't have a festival every _night_ , right?"

"Y'know as much as that was so typical of Trixie, you really do have to admire the mastery of pyromagikinetics and gravithuamic geometry it took to pull that off." Twilight put her hoof on Peter's. "Ooh, listen, are you free this weekend? Rarity was angling to use the ley line in the living room, and I thought, well…"

She shrugged, wings moving more easily with her shoulders than they had the last time they'd seen each other.

"I might be working." Peter said, ears flattening. "Uh, like, actually working not, y'know, the business. If not for the Plunder Seeds they wouldn't even put me on a site this early. Paperwork to make up. Sorry."

"It's alright!" Twilight smiled reassuringly, giving his hoof a squeeze now. "She says she's coming up for business and pleasure, and I'm not sure I want to be involved in that either."

"I could…" Spike began.

"No, you couldn't."

"Uh, could leave her a key?" Peter suggested. "Y'know, let get in and out. Or! You guys could stay over!"

"Oh! That would be fun!" Twilight's smile wavered slightly as she looked at Spike. She could send him home through the line, but what'd be her excuse? "Would, uh, would your roommate mind?"

"Pfft, Johnny?" Peter struggled not to squeeze her hoof into putty from the suppressed laughter. He was honestly surprised one of his web-shooters hadn't gone off.

"Who's Johnny?" Spike said suspiciously.

"Now there's an idea!" Twilight's wings fluttered slightly in excitement. "Maybe he could, what's his thing, Flame On and cover for you!"

"No." Peter tried to smile but it felt like stirring molasses. "Johnny's responsibilities aren't mine. I can't just pawn them off on him."

"You use that word an awful lot, man."

"Spike." Twilight warned gently.

"No, I just mean…! It's like you've gotta quota to fill or something!"

 _Not wrong,_ Peter thought _, it's just that I never will._ A thousand lives. A million. They'd never balance. Not when there'd always be that unforgivable one.

"Sorry to bring down the mood." he sighed.

"You're not!" Twilight assured. "Look, we knew there'd be difficulties on both sides when we went into this. But we knew what we wanted."

"And I've wanted to be there." Peter smiled. "But before the _Carrot and Stick_ …"

"That place is going to haunt me forever, isn't it?" Twilight fumed. "Maybe I should tell the Princess it's actually haunted. Well, occupied by outside entities, hauntings aren't-no, Spike, hauntings _are not_ real. Banish it to the Phantom Pasture is my point."

"Is this about the prep week?" Spike asked Peter. "'cause you know you only missed a fake murder mystery, right?"

"A what." Peter said flatly, as if the brick wall had decided to cut out the middle man and just get in the car with him.

"Pinkie and Rarity convinced themselves the staff were out to get me." Twilight rolled her eyes. "They were my old classmates and teachers in disguise! They were acting all weird because they wanted to throw a little surprise party for me! Mind you, Mrs. Final Act _did_ always have a thing for steepling her hooves and chuckling in the shade."

" _The point is_ ," Peter tried again, thankful the table was isolated enough that other diners didn't turn around at the emphasis ", that it's been a while since I've seen you. And I'm sorry we might have to lose this weekend too."

"We both have responsibilities."

"I know, but all that time with the new job…you and Spike had to do that mirror universe thing all alone!"

"I had to anyway! It was _my_ Element, Peter!" She glanced at her wings. "And it…helped. In its own way. I know Spider-Pony will always be just as big a part of your life. I've accepted it."

"And that's why I don't deserve you." It was so much easier to smile this time.

Before they could smooch and wipe the whole thing away there was a scraping sound. Twilight blinked to suddenly find the space behind her filled with another table, ponies and Griffins practically clambering over the thing to stare at her.

"Load Bearer?" Peter blinked. "I mean, uh, Load Bearer! Guys. This is Twilight and Spike."

"Oh, your work friends?!" Twilight face lit up with delight as she turned around to shake Load Bearer's hoof. "So nice to meet you! I've wanted to do a study on friendship in the work place for forever!"

"Nice to meet you too, your, uh…" Load Barer glanced between her, Peter and Spike.

"Oh, just Twilight! We're all off duty, right? Where are those legendary Canterlot manners? Sit down, sit down!"

She used magic to better organise the tables, Peter sharing a smirk with her as he noted the telekinetic dance allowed them to sit closer together while safely depositing everyone else in positions that would let them see Twilight but have to go one at a time to ask questions.

"So!" Twilight beamed. "Damage Control! Can I just say what you do is inspiring? So many species working together!"

"We like to keep it tight," Load Bearer smiled, buoyed by the enthusiasm, which Peter half suspected was Twilight's method of getting around the still fresh title ", right Pete?"

"We'll always have our mutual fear and loathing of Anne at least!"

Twilight and Spike blinked as the entire company, Peter included, shuddered in nigh-Wendigo dread. "Anne?" they asked in unison.

"Aniseed." Pathfinder, the crew's Griffon excavator explained, trying not to claw her menu in half from trepidation. "She works on the 21st floor. They're all nuts up there! We think it's the high altitude. But Anne!"

"Wait," Spike frowned ", Ms. Grace's assistant? Yeah, she's pure evil!"

"Spike!" Twilight scolded.

"What? We've been face to face with nightmares and ghost kings!"

"No, that filly is absolutely evil, it's just the word choice. Implications of the word pure aside evil, by definition, cannot be pure."

"Love it when she does this." Peter leaned over to whisper to Load Bearer.

"I heard that, buster." Twilight smiled at Load Bearer. "I hope it's okay we sort of attached ourselves to your work today…Bleecker street, right?"

"Yeah, Ms. Grace said. It's fine! If this water idea works, think you could help clear out a few other places? Hate to ask, but we've been hauling these things out for weeks. It'll be good to finally start fixing the city!"

"No problem, as long as it takes!" Twilight nodded. "If I pace myself, I could probably help you guys clean out the whole Village. Between you and me, I'm just trying to nab a free invitation to the Sanctum Santorum!"

The tables laughed and Peter felt the easing of a weight he hadn't realised he'd been sort of gathering. This wasn't going to be so bad. He liked the new job, he really did. Helping without the mask, and with Twilight along if just for today? That was fair compensation for a lost weekend.

The conversation flowed from what Controlling Damage actually entailed to the Mets chances to Spike's own adventures to what Sapphire Shores was wearing this month to poor Honey Tea and Ice Crystals. It was like sinking into warm water, like when he and the gang had carved out their own little niche in the _Coffee Bean_ back in the day.

Which was why it took him a while to notice the reflection of the camera flash in Spike's fork.

"Dude!" Spike yelped as Peter sprang from his chair and bounded to the door, part rottweiler, part enraged komdodragon.

"Pete?!" he heard Load Barer, pretty sure it was only audible over the pounding in his ears because she'd spent years yelling over construction equipment.

The air of the city slowed him down a little, making him take stock. Manehattan was that kinda town so pedestrians only gave him a once over before going about their business. Crowded. Alleyway a few blocks up. But a subway kiosk right across the street. Nuts.

He blinked, turning to see Twilight's startled face, frozen in half turning to follow him and gave her a weak grin. "Uh," he called, only drawing even more attention, not even sure she could hear him ", thought I saw somepony I know!"

 _And if it's who I think it is_ , his inner spider hissed, _I'm gonna go WAY further than just webbing the old hack to his office chair!_

 _7_

Night oozed its way over Equestria.

A grateful Partyerodactyl family slept in their refortified hollow, dreaming of music and their new friends.

Twilight managed to clear out the Village. No invite to the Sanctum Sanctorum but lots of coupons in the mail from local businesses and an invite to Damage Control's next summer barbecue. She dreamed of crystal trees and abandoned subway tunnels and cities made of the words of books. And barbecue.

Rainbow Dash was too excited to drift off (Grim Skies!) but wore herself out trying to pack as much as she could into her saddlebags. She dreamed of bomber jackets and ropes and old timey wooden crates and limitless skies, slumped over clutter she'd abandon in the morning.

Rarity made one or two enquiries about what had happened while she'd been with Applejack in Canterlot and scared Fluttershy a little with her _'oh did he now'_ smile. She dreamed of an old house, furniture and doorways covered by beautiful drapes and curtains that wouldn't part and of the excitement of going to see her father play at Canterlot colosseum and of candlelight in the daytime.

Now that most of the Plunder Seed sites were free Spider-Pony spent most of the night stopping that new Inner Demons gang from trying to raid Damage Control's storage vaults and fuming. And worrying. When he finally collapsed into bed he dreamed of his uncle. And running.

Johnnycake helped weld a damaged bridge back together and solve an elaborate mystery where three seemingly identical ponies appeared to be murdered on three different airships. He slept like a log, custom hairnet secured perfectly, and had an interesting dream about the centennial episode of _Flames and Feathers_ , unaware that his sleeping mind was inadvertently intercepting events from the Equestria of Universe Theta 629 ½.

"Hmm." said Princess Luna, because she'd used _What Fools These Mortals Be_ to death and 'Hmm' was timeless.

What an interesting little tangle. No wonder the night had drawn her in this direction. She would be mildly interested to see how it all wound out, but it wasn't the sort of thing that usually required her intervention. Well, three Elements were involved but still.

Then again, the young colt. There'd been love there. And guilt. She knew quite a bit about that, mostly that you couldn't erase it just like that.

Love, on the other hoof…yes, that ought to do.

In her private study untold miles from where she hovered now, a quill pen, one of those useful modern ones that used cartridges and didn't have to be dipped every few minutes, was surrounded by a sapphire glow and began to scribble.

Dawn began to slither across Equestria.

 _8_

"He what." the Phantasmal Pony said coldly.

"He said I'm awesome enough to downgrade to fantastic!" Rainbow Dash bobbed back and forth in the air, her smile the only part of her that wasn't shaking with excitement. "No offence!"

"I didn't know there was any to take." Sue sighed. "It's nice to see you again too, Rainbow."

"If it helps Ms. Storm, the paperwork does check out?" Twilight tried, looking up from the documents she was levitating. "And I can assure you that once Rainbow Dash has a mission she never-"

"We've teamed up before!" Dash cut in impatiently.

"I helped you sort out your student loans, hon." Sue corrected gently. "Listen, you were together long enough to realise Johnny just set this up as part of some sort of scheme."

"Totally, but it's a scheme where I get to go on an adventure with Grim Skies!"

"Did you know anything about this?" Sue asked, rounding on Spider-Pony.

"Sue, c'mon!" The web-slinger waved desperate hooves, leaning back in his crouch on the ledge as if hoping the 35-story fall would save him. "The only ponies I'm more terrified of than you are my aunt, Twilight and my boss's secretary!"

"Aww sweetie!" Twilight beamed.

"Wh-tssh!" Dash hissed out the corner of her mouth with a chopping wing gesture, making Sue smile.

"Yeah, and?"

"At least you own it, man!" Dash winked, then fluttered in front of the Phantasmal Pony, hooves clasped. "Pleeease, Sue? I'm a Wonderbolt reserve now! Soarin' was only a cadet when you took him along and he didn't even have awesome laser necklaces!"

"He _did_ have Adventurer's Insurance, Dash." Sue chuckled half turning to avoid the excitedly flapping wings. "Though if Johnny went anywhere near paperwork for this, he must've known exactly what to fill out, and you girls are covered by the Sisters Sanction…"

"Adventurer's Insurance?" Spidey's ears perked up.

"Adventurer's, not vigilante's, dear. The crown can't give it out to just anypony. Oh, Twilight Sparkle, I'm sorry! Congratulations!"

"Thank you?" Twilight said automatically, then her wings fluttered as it registered. "Oh, I mean…thank you! I just came along to make sure Rainbow had the right authorisations, please don't think this is some sort of royal decree to take her along!"

"Wait, you can do that?" Those rose-coloured eyes, alight with the possibilities.

"You're too cool to need it?" Twilight tried hurriedly for the fate of the Pony Nation.

"You're getting faster!" That feral grin.

"You must both be thrilled." Sue smiled at Spidey and Twilight, managing to convey the warmth even though she had to crane around Rainbow Dash to do it.

"Uh, Mr. Spider-Pony has been as supportive as any citizen of Equestria!" Twilight reared on her hind legs slightly to prevent her briefly panicked telekinesis from scattering Dash's levitated papers or setting them on fire. "For which I am deeply grateful! So grateful I asked him along as a fellow defender of their majesties' peace, which _totally_ explains why an anonymous vigilante arrived with-"

"She knows, sweetie." Spidey chuckled, crawling a little closer.

"He follows me around like a little radioactive puppy dog!" Twilight blushed but still nuzzled him shamelessly. "It's adorable!"

"That airship come with barf bags?" Dash rolled her eyes.

"You're assuming we're going to let you on." said Sue Storm, romantic and responsible adult. "Johnny used _paperwork_ , Rainbow! He's planning something."

"Oh, he's totally making sure I'm off the board so he can put the moves on our friend Rarity."

"…the party one?"

"The fancy one." Twilight and Rainbow said in unison.

"And you're okay with this?"

"She'll eat him alive, Sue." Spidey assured. "Hay, the only reason I'm not going along is I have work and also Rarity's about, like, number seven on my scare-mare-o-meter!"

"And I'm sure that's _very_ flattering on some planet Peter, but-"

"The filly who almost fed Prince Blueblood his bowtie?" Dash gambled. "That was her!"

"Oh, that's different." Sue used her own powers to accept Twilight's reorganized Rainbow papers, raising her voice vaguely in the direction of one of the futuristic structures ringing the roof garden. "Riiiver! We're having a team up!"

The pneumatic doors glowed with Kirby Krackle, sliding open a crack. "That's nice, dear! Who with?"

"What's your name, girls?" Sue asked. They blinked at her. "You know, your team name!"

"We don't…really have one?" Twilight squinted.

"Hey, I showed ya my list!" Dash shrugged. "Could just steal from your beau and tack on a buncha adjectives!"

"Yeah," Spidey said frostily ", that's an option."

"So's borrowin' a common phrase from the public domain!" Dash winked at him again as he blinked. Twilight bit her lip, trying not to laugh or take a side.

"Ah, Ms. Sparkle!" Reed's torso stretched towards them, levitated stationary trailing behind it as he gave Sue a hug. "Sorry, Princess Sparkle! You and your friends continue to astound! Only the two of you today, is it?"

"Just my friend Rainbow Dash, Dr. Rivers!" Twilight blushed, still unable to handle the near meteoric impact of being complimented by one of Equestria's foremost explorative researchers. And those dashing grey temples!

"Rainbow…?" Reed's neck squeaked a little as he turned to blink at Sue's resigned smile. "You know, Johnnycake mentioned a-"

"Hiya, doc!" Dash seized one of his hooves in a vigorous shake that turned his torso into a renegade garden hose. "Nice to finally meet you! I might not be Soarin' but once ya see me in action you'll wonder what ya ever did without me! _And_ I'll do a way better job meeting your teams' Awesome Hair quota than Johnnyflake ever did!"

"Oh." said Mr. Fantastic, genius extraordinaire.

"Soooo, since we're Earth's Actual Mightiest now 'n all where'd you say the hanger was again?"

"There's several ways down there as a matter of fact! Our silo serves as the major exit but is only accessible to authorized personnel." Reed chuckled. "Unless somepony was determined enough to squeeze through the vents over there!"

"Mistake." Spider-Pony managed to get out before a rainbow contrail burst into existence, the slipstream so powerful he had to cling to his perch to keep from being dragged into the air. Twilight flapped her wings to steady herself, Reed's python body swaying like a hammock as Sue stumbled back into it.

Rainbow's frantic squealing was muffled by the clattering of the vents as her tail finally pulled itself all the way through.

"…sure you won't be coming, Twilight? Peter?" Reed summoned as much cosmic ray power as possible to keep his smile steady and his face panic free.

"Work." Peter said quickly.

"Magic lessons." Twilight said just as quickly.

"Wait, really?" Spidey turned to her. "But you're a Princess now!"

"That doesn't mean I know everything, honey."

"D'fhoghlaim tú an Gaeilge go tapa!"

"You always know just what to say!" She nuzzled his nose, enjoying how instinctual it was even with the mask on. "But I shouldn't keep Zecora waiting and Dash is going to-"

"STRETCH." They all flinched at the Thing's voice over the roof's magi-P.A. "There's some kinda ice cream coloured gremlin tryin' to breach the hatch, Stretch. It knows my name, Stretch."

"Enjoy. Herself." Twilight sighed in resignation. "Um, I understand these excursions rip any kind of scheduling to shreds but if you can have her back by evening, I can pick Rarity and Dash up?"

"You're sure?" Sue asked as she accepted and secured the saddlebags Reed had retrieved for her, the rest of his body sauntering up to fold his torso back to normal. "The batteries in our ships and skimmers are designed for cross-country flights. Almost halfway to Canterlot and back would be no problem!"

"Oh no, don't go to the trouble! I set up a personal teleportal spell in Yancy Street powered by the love Peter and I have for each other."

"Ah, to be young again!" River Reed sighed nostalgically as he and Sue headed for the elevator. "Oh, Peter! I almost forgot; do you still collect the _Bugle_? You might both be interested in this morning's edition!"

"Huh?" Peter blinked but reached up to take the levitated copy anyway, realised the mask was in the way of his mouth, and took it by hoof. And felt like he was about to Flame On.

"Is that…us?" Twilight squeaked uncertainly, craning for a better look.

So it was! Not a headline, but an 8x10 of their lunch with the Damage Control crew, Twilight in mid-chat but exchanging a look with Peter, Spike's cheeks bulging from half a double baconator.

" _Princess of the People_." Twilight read. "Oh. Wow. That's…actually kind of flattering!"

"For a total invasion of privacy!"

"Now honey…"

"Stretch, it's in the co-pilot's seat. It's lookin' right at me, Stretch."

"OmigoshomigoshomigoshcanItouchyourbricks?!"

The P.A howled from the pitch of her voice and died. Sue gave Twilight a ' _teammates_ ' look before the elevator pad descended into the roof. Reed was trying to secure what looked like a crash helmet over his mane. "See you kids later!"

"We hope." They heard one of the greatest minds of their generation wince over the purr of advanced hydraulics and the thump of his special somepony elbowing him extra hard to make sure he didn't just absorb it.

"Rainbow Dash on a Fantastic Family mission." Spidey tossed the _Bugle_ into the air. "Feels oddly heart-warming! Like watching your daughter head off to bomb disposal college!"

"I'm sure there's a Wonderbolt class for that." Twilight caught it in her telekinesis. "Can I keep this? For. Spike. Obviously."

"Maybe you should ask him." Peter snorted angrily, managing to send the jets through the mask. "More than that jerk with the camera did!"

"Is everything okay?" He turned at the concern in her voice. "Shining told me about Mr. Flattop. I know you two have a history."

"He pumped a sociopathic swordpony for hire full of an untested scorpion serum to try and arrest me because, and this is the funny part, he objects to me taking the law into my own hooves."

"But you've always said you try to understand what it's like for somepony _outside_ the mask. Even him."

"It was a private moment, Twilight. You and Spike are right there. Whoever took those photos, he signed off on using them!"

"Well, yeah, it's weird that she didn't come up and ask us if she could take our picture but, I don't know, maybe she didn't want to disturb us. We don't have the relationship with the press ponies in your circle do!" Twilight coloured a little. "In fact, um, Cadence thinks the buzz around my…ascension died down as quickly as it did because we'd already saved the world. Five times."

She'd sounded like using the word was a hair she'd been trying to pull out for a while now and it made him angrier. Not at the _Bugle_. Deep down he knew this probably didn't have anything to do with the old rag. Angrier with himself. Because she was the best thing to ever happen to him and he was still holding back so much.

But how could he even begin?

"Peter?"

"Sorry." He'd been too quiet, the mask too impassive. Sometimes it spooked people, even those who liked him in-costume. "I just…I don't want people doing that to you. You girls are the reason we're not all trying to grow crops in darkness or shackled in mines. You should get to just…go to lunch!"

"We do! We spent like 20 minutes arguing about where to eat only yesterday!" She put a hoof to the side of his face gently. It tore through every defence. "Look, you don't have to tell me what this is really about. Not yet. You deserve your privacy too! Just promise me you won't do anything rash."

"Hey on that note, if you want to do something for Spike could you help me pick out a thank you card? That brand of baby powder he recommended works wonders on the outfit!"

"There's my funny, evasive colt!" A purple glow lifted the mask as she leant in for a kiss. "Since I'll be here to sift through the wreckage of whatever those two are planning anyway…want to come back to Ponyville this evening? Just for a bit? You were worrying about missing this weekend, is all."

 _Or was I feeling guilty because part of me doesn't want to be close to you? Because the most responsible thing I can do is tell you WHY._ He forced a smile because she could see his mouth now. _Sun and Moon, speaking of Escorpión my life's basically a Spanish soap opera!_

"Would that be okay?"

"Of course! I need a fallback since that Sanctum Santorum ploy didn't pan out."

"Ray's?" Peter smirked.

"Don't insult me. That place next to MJ's. Uh, her club not her apartment!"

"Jalapeño 'n magnolia toppings on a bed of greasy cheese and Manehattan tap water dough. Meat Lovers for Spike. Got it." One last cuddle and smooch before she headed for the elevator. (She'd grown more and more use to her wings over the weeks, but the Baxter Barn was on the 35th floor. What was she, _Rainbow Dash?_ ) "Wait, her?"

"Merry Jane?" Twilight squinted. "I guess she could come too, Pinkie liked her!"

"No, her. Uh, she! You said she? The pony who took that photo."

"Oh right!" She levitated the paper over to him, the creases just _happening_ to magically smooth themselves and the image becoming a tad sharper. "The byline, that's what you guys call it right?"

"Status Quo?" Peter scanned the name. "Huh, she's still working for Ferocious. Figured they'd have disappeared in the same mysterious boat explosion by now. She's great at her society stuff, but she doesn't do photos!"

"Ooh, Fluttershy and I used to read her hit pieces on the nobility in _Hoofbeats_!" Twilight shook her head, the paper rustling with it. "Anyway, that's not it! The little…thing under the photo! I look at those all the time now even though you're not in that line anymore."

"Aww, sweetie!" Spidey scrutinized it through narrowing lenses as the tiny name glowed a little more magenta for emphasis. "…Snappy Scoop?"

"Haven't you mentioned her?" Twilight levitated the paper to her side to, realised she wasn't wearing a saddlebag, prepared to teleport the paper to a temporary holding dimension (another benefit of her…ascension, she could do that now without anything catching fire or coming back…different.) and then remembered she had wings now and just slipped it into a slight pocket between her feathers her Pegasus friends had shown her how to make. "She sounds familiar. Are you friends?"

"Yeah, I've mentioned her." Peter said carefully, trying to throw her off the scent.

"Peter." No dice.

"Nothing! Just curious!"

"Mmmhmm, and if _I_ get curious and turn on the radio?"

"There'll be no trace of _Spider-Pony Savages Bugle Buttinski_!" The Spectacular Spider-Pony, icon of Manehattan, sat back on his haunches and solemnly dragged a hoof over the spider on his chest. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-"

"Your eyes are covered, but that'll do." Twilight smiled ruefully as the mounting glow of her teleportation sheeted off her mane and coat. "And don't skimp on the gruyere! Just because Spike'll eat practically anything doesn't mean I can't have standards!"

"Yes dear!" He waved, waiting until the last sparkles had faded away and the traffic noises had come back. "…as in yes dear, not only are my eyes covered but you won't hear anything about Spider-Pony feeding Snappy that pretentious hat of hers."

He backflipped back to the ledge, using it to springboard into web-swinging, lenses narrowing as he curved towards the East Side. "Peter Trotter, on the other hoof!"

 _To be Continued_


	12. Match Making (3)

_9_

"Bwahahaha." the Horseshoe Torch said quietly to himself from his perch on a Diamond District roof, watching his roommate fling himself past Rockhoof Plaza through a pair of binoculars.

Pity they couldn't be a flame construct, but a) he'd tried that, and it had never worked b) he had to stay unlit to avoid detection anyway. He wouldn't even have checked on the old place if that thing with Volcana and Titania hadn't gone down during his morning jog and he'd wound up in the neighbourhood.

Good to know how the day was shaping up though! Sue and Dash out of his hair, Peter on some self-righteous crusade, Twilight Sparkle off the roof…presumably headed back to the apartment to 'port back to her admittedly cool treehouse.

That was the only real wrinkle in Johnny's plan so far (the only one he'd acknowledge anyway): he wasn't certain _he_ could use that portal the lovebirds had set up and even if he could, he'd be leaping into her living room. Hard to surprise Rarity if he surprised Twilight first. Also, she was dating _Peter_ , stars only knew what she got up to in her downtime!

One of the cruisers, a mini, stream-lined version of the _Excelsior_ Reed had developed for the more far out expeditions, was drifting over the city. Tentatively Johnny adjusted the signal-sorcery settings in his utility collar, trying to tune into the cruiser's private channels without hailing them.

"-as that time Princess Celestia stuck us foalsittin' her niece!" Grim was rumbling. "No offence, kid!"

"It's totally cool, Mr. Grim!" Man, he could _see_ the grin on Dash's face through the radio waves. "You're a veteran of the Corentine Crisis! Everypony's a newbie compared to you!"

"They still talk about that?" The old man actually sounded non-plussed.

"It's been part of the history curriculum in most of Equestria for a while now, old friend!" Reed's voice. "Seems like only yesterday we were shipping out, eh?"

"You were there too, doc? Cool!"

"First time I'd ever set hoof on an explorer-class airship! Would have been the last too if not for our pilot here!"

"Rainbow," Sue said in that firm tone that made Johnny want to rebel and apologise all at once ", seatbelt. In fact, Reed, should she be up front?"

"Ah, I'll keep an eye on her Susie, no problem!" Why did Grim sound tolerant? Happy? "Right, squirt?"

…he'd given her a nickname? Already? A plucky but cutesie wootsie one? And did that clicking sound mean Rainbow Dash was strapping in? _Rainbow Dash_?

"No promise Mr. Skies, I'm too in awe of you to lie! Can I put on the radio?"

Johnny flinched so hard from the burst of _NO! SLEEP! TIL BROOKLYN!_ he Flamed On. And that sound. Like one of those Father Hearth's Warming toys with the annoying 'Ho-Ho-Ho!' recording falling through every floor of a condemned building and sped up.

That was the Thing's _Ponyacci Live at the Applewood Bowl_ laugh.

"He let her touch the radio." Johnny said hollowly, watching the cruiser arc towards the city limits where it would really open up for its journey into the Beyond. "What have I done?"

Oh, right. Removed every potential obstacle and obligation that would get in the way of a fun day with the most beguiling pony he'd met in a while!

And if Peter 'n the Princess's portal (good title, not _Flames and Feathers_ good, but put that on the back burner, maybe a kid's book) didn't work for him then what the hay, the flight over would given him plenty of time to work on conversation. The last thing he wanted to look like was some condescending big city pony.

He glanced over his blazing shoulder as the rooftops of the Lower East Side grew closer, trying to make out the glint of the cruiser's thrusters igniting. Dash would love that, he was surprised her whooping didn't carry over the traffic.

Halfway through preparing a series of questions about her music preferences, since he could absolutely engage about fashion but that felt more like something she should bring up, he realised he was halfway over Yancy Street and whipped around back towards the apartment.

Not the most discreet way to begin and end the day, admittedly, leaving a blazing contrail from your roof, but it was honestly weirder to Johnny that the neighbourhood had immediately accepted this.

Peter had, typically, nagged him about it, honest to Celestia taping up a map of the area to try and find "alternate approach avenues". As if a) the old _Bugle_ gig wouldn't have explained anything even if he hadn't landed the Damage Control one, or b) anypony was going to notice _him_ with _Johnny_ around.

Pete's paranoia also hadn't stopped him enjoying a little moonlit perch time on the roof's Pegasus statues and the few Spider-sightings this must've generated had yet to bring the Sinister Six or Frightful Four knocking.

…so far. The balcony doors were wide open. Both sets.

Johnny never locked them but always made sure to shut them if he was using that way for take-off. Kept the street smells and pigeons out. He'd done it this morning. Peter was headed for Flatiron and Princess Girlfriend and her Dragon ('nother great title) would have no reason to touch them at all.

The next few minutes were spent trying to conjure a cool flame weapon for the occasion, but he kept defaulting to the cliched baseball bat and decided being on fire was enough.

He drifted inside, chastising himself for not checking the place out with his thermal vision first even if it wasn't quite as effective during daylight and looked around. The intruder had done…something to the living room, he just wasn't sure.

"Cleaned it." said a lyrical, dignified voice from the kitchen.

Johnny whirled, one blazing hoof raised to conjure a fireball, the other embarrassingly flung up in a pointless attempt to defend himself! There was a startled squeal to compliment his startled yelp. He was under attack by…a coffee cup?

"What?!" he demanded of the universe in general.

"I _cleaned_ it!" The same cyan glow around the floating cup surrounded a box of kitchen wipes he didn't remember buying and levitate one into the air as a white flag. "And helped myself to some of your Neighponese blend, which is the bigger liberty if you ask me!"

"Rarity?"

"You were expecting maybe the Grundle King?" She smoothed her mane back into shape, not that it needed it, rising from behind the counter like a kaiju who thought it had missed its cue. "No wonder there's so many _Starbits_ in this city if this is what homebrewing gets you!"

"Uh…" Johnny looked at the pulsing fireball in his hoof and hid it behind his back like he used to do with Sue in childhood winters. "Mind if we start over?"

"Should I?" But she was smiling.

"Ms. Belle!" Johnny spread his blazing hooves in greeting, still glowing and hovering inches off the floor. "Welcome to my humble (co-rented) abode! This is the best kind of surprise, the unexpected! I was just about-"

"To give me the third degree and take my eyebrows off in the process?" She raised one as she sat on the couch. Still smiling! Like an aligator playing with its food.

"I was gonna say offer you some coffee, but somepony seems to have helped themselves to the pantry." He smiled back, forelegs folded. "For real though, I'm sorry. For what it's worth I was startled, couldn't get much temperature together. That thing would've felt like a ball of lukewarm bathwater."

"Assuming it even landed."

"I have impeccable aim and indubitable modesty." The Horseshoe Torch morphed back to Johnny Storm, dropping to the floor. Even though Rarity _had_ dealt with talking to a burning pony with considerable cool there was a point where it just wasn't polite to be on fire in front of a guest.

"Impressive taste in tea, too." She took a sip. "Mmm, thought so, this is the brand Princess Celestia uses! Makes those after-crisis stayovers in Canterlot just melt away."

"I know, right?" Johnny beamed. "And those en-suites! Just the thing when you're trying to wash battle dust out. Been saving up to re-do our bathroom just like them."

"Oh, so that's why your living room was such a shambles!" She could tease for Equestria, they should make it a Games category just for ponies like her. "I mean what you two have done to that poor wall alone!"

"You touched the trophy wall?" He stared at it, ice suddenly in his veins.

"No, I just cleaned these hooves." She raised her other eyebrow. "Trophy wall?"

"Peter calls it the knick knack wall."

"Trophy wall it is." She took another sip. "I'm only playing Johnny! I had to do something to pass the time while you were 'Burning Out' or whatever."

"About that, how…?"

"Twilight said it wouldn't be a good idea to use her personal portal spell without her." Rarity's smile became a little more of a smirk. "But she was using her 'Don't do that, you'll crease the spine!' voice and not her 'Don't do that, you'll rupture the space time continuum!' one, so it didn't take too much convincing to let me come along while she tried to soften the impact of Rainbow foisting herself on your family."

"Rainbow?" Johnny went for casual more than confusion before letting his eyes bug, it was always more convincing. "Rainbow Dash? Here? In Manehattan?"

"Yes, just like you planned." She put the cup down on the table. It was empty and Johnny couldn't help but wonder if that was the universe's timing or all hers.

A beat of nothing but traffic noise.

"So, after this you were going to…?" Rarity prompted. She was still smiling but there was a target locking quality to it. What the hay, Johnny decided.

"Drop by and see if you'd like to come up today. You namedropped the street a few weeks back, so." He shrugged. "Was hoping it'd be a surprise. If it's any conciliation, not a Unicorn and complex magic can get weird around us cosmically irradiated types, so the surprise probably would've been me arriving with my mane and tail back to front or something."

"I'm sure you could've made it work." Rarity said, sitting up and walking over to him like an expertly coiffured gunslinger. "It's not that I don't want to play Johnny, it's just that this little game of ours clearly needs to have some rules. And boundaries."

"Got it." Johnny nodded. "I'll make sure to drop you a line before just blazing into Ponyville airspace. If you still want me to set hoof there."

"You costumed types do have an odd habit of passing through and overstaying your welcome at the same time. At least the parasprites couldn't make bad jokes."

"…parasprites are real?"

"Oh, don't tell me the Element of Generosity has more experience than the renowned Horsepower Torch!" She pantomimed a shocked hoof to her chest. A whole array of smiles and excellent teeth into the bargain.

"Can one of the rules be you 'confuse' us only once?" He was using the standard smirk he saved for fellow Attitudes like Peter and Bobby, but it fit.

"Per day." Rarity said with knife thrower speed and precision.

"As in you think there'll be more than one?" Johnny said as he felt the smile on his face become a little more genuine.

"Darling, you almost let my home and at least half the capital become a smoking crater just to trick your ex…classmate into a playdate with your family, all so you could make sure there'd be nopony around to tell me this would be a bad idea." Rarity smiled, conjuring a wide brim hat and sunglasses for herself. "I'm dying to see where this goes, aren't you?"

"Little bit." He took her hoof. "Ms. Belle."

"Mr. Storm."

"Will you let a foolish, overbearing-"

"Overconfident. Overly glossy. Over his head."

"-stallion take you out for a day in this, the greatest city in Celestia's kingdom?"

"Hmm," she pantomimed, cocking her head and her eyes flitting to the side under the dark lenses ", say something nice about Princess Luna and I'll think about it."

"Her mane's almost as fabulous as yours?"

"That might have done it!" Her telekinesis gently but firmly removed his hoof as she headed for the door, swinging that open with her mind too. "In another life. Some of us have work to do."

"Oh come on!" Johnny laughed, injecting just enough mock-whine. "You come all this way just to mess with me?"

"Nooo," Rarity smirked, half turning and letting her shades lower just right ", I came all this way to tell _you_ that _I_ will let _you_ come along with _me_ today to look at potential sites for my new store."

"Oh, you're good."

" _Provided_." She held up a hood in perfect time with her rising pitch. "You tell me what it is you did to poor Rainbow Dash to make her attack you on sight. Total honesty!"

"You mean the scandalous stuff so you can gasp a lot, then go home to hint at the juicy details and hold them over everypony's head."

"Oh, absolutely, what am I, a monk?"

"You're certainly divine."

"Bit too hard there, darling." She'd clearly loved it.

"Then this is just gonna be obnoxious." Johnny smirked, Flaming On and hold out a hoof. Rarity took her shades off to quirk a brow at him. "C'mon, a pony like you? Stairs and sidewalks?"

"You're serious."

"Rainbow's taken you flying, right?"

"A few times." A fond smile. "Sometimes I've even been able to make out the scenery. Did you know once there was even no falling wreckage?"

"If it's about the flames I've got total control." It was strange to see a genuine, reassuring expression through the Torch's brick like skin and sheeting flames. Rarity understood why he action-smirked so much, it suited the effect, made it more of a cartoon. "It'll be like being carried by a seat warmer."

"Tempting, buuut…" She was trailing off because there were no real reasons to say no. Even this close she could feel his flames as more the reassuring warmth of a radiator than the searing her instincts expected.

"Okay, picture this. In a few months when business is booming, you've made your mark and everypony knows it's you in the photos I guarantee you are gonna be taken, what do you think _Under the Sun's_ gonna say? That Johnnycake was carrying just another girl or that Rarity can make a super pony do whatever she wants?"

"And it'll save on cab fare." She slid the shades back into place.

She held out a foreleg as if asking him to dance. He took it, gently cradling her in both his own Lois 'n Clark style and put on just enough speed to make her spontaneously laugh as they shot out the still open balcony doors.

What the hay. Let Pete clean up after the pigeons.

"East Bridleway and don't spare the horses, Jeeves!" Rarity called loudly enough to make the pedestrians and civilian fliers notice them and pay attention to _her._

"They warned me about you Canterlot fillies."

"I'm from Ponyville, darling."

"Coulda fooled me."

"Keep it up, Storm." He could see his own smile reflected in her sunglasses. "See what happens."

 _10_

It had gone something like this: he'd crisscrossed over the _Bugle_ building a few times, it must have been more than once because he'd noticed he was going to be late on a nearby clock tower, and _had_ wound up being late because he'd been so worked up he almost walked into Damage Control in full costume.

Did you know Damage Control let you take paperwork home? The domestic kind anyway. He did! Because what he'd been working on was unusable! A cell wall carving of ink blots from where he'd pressed the pen too hard, crossed out sections because he'd started writing Snappy Scoop's name and actual tares in the paper.

Also, and he didn't remember doing this, he'd drawn the buzz saw again for some reason.

So yeah, Employee Resources had taken one look at the three do-overs they'd had to give him, another at his face which must've been twitchy, it felt like it was being twitchy, _super twitchy_ , and decided yeah, sure man, next week, whatever's good for you, please don't stand so close to the fire axe.

He'd tried to calm down after that but not very hard. Suiting up and trawling Little Mogadishu was the definition of counterproductive, he'd be the first to admit.

A waste of a suddenly free weekend too. Why bust up cart jackings and general store robberies when he could just take a breath, go home, run a hot bath?

"SNAPPY SCOOP." Peter bellowed.

It was a trick he'd learned from years of watching Flattop in action. The genius was that the _Bugle's_ entire bullpen would instinctively freeze _except_ the unfortunate pony you were looking for. Her hat helped, and there it was, trying to float unobtrusively above her desk.

"Hey-hey-hey!" Snappy grinned in that kinda sorta New Wingland drawl of hers. "It's our Pete, back on beat!"

Peter leant low to the floor like a round locking into a chamber, one pawing hoof practically splintering the floor underneath the savaged carpet. It was this instinctive windup that probably saved Scoop's life. Also, the look on his face.

"Ruh roh."

She sprang with Hogan's Alley cat grace a little ahead of Peter's own launch, clamping her hat down with one hoof and pedalling her hindlegs to build up momentum, inadvertently pausing his rampage as they juddered into his face with punching bag sounds.

Snappy shot off over and under every obstacle between the bullpen and the stairwell, a snarling Peter almost taking the still swinging doors off as he burst through after her!

"Listen!" Snappy panted as she tried to lose him in the insurance agency that rented the 43rd and 42nd floors "If it's about the other day, surely we can resolve this with the minimum of hay! Whaddaya say?!"

"I say no way!" Peter grunted as he slammed into the railing, forced to use wall-crawling to adhere to the floor and not tip over into the stairwell. "Gyagh, now ya got me doing it!"

"Whatever keeps you at bay, mi compadre!" Snappy tipped her hat as she surfed down the railings, springing off at whatever random floor as he started the gallop after her. "'scuse me folks! Just another day in the big city!"

No elevator, if she could find a bank she could ride all the way down to the loading dock, hide out in one of the disused trucks until the coast was clear, but this was hardly the first time she'd had to evade pursuit, and the odds were in her favour now!

This was the accounting firm on 33rd, so duck into that supply closet over there, wait for the angry grey blur to shoot past and double back, hop the steps down into the gym on 32nd, cut through the sauna to the other stairwell and she'd have a straight down shot to the mailroom on 24th with the express elevator, _how did he get in front of the stairs to 25_ _th_ _so fast?_

"Dang!" Snappy skidded to a halt halfway between the 27th and 26th. "Wish my dating life had ponies this determined!"

A silent jaguar roar in Trotter's bugging eyes.

"…oh, right."

Peter made the mistake of freezing up at the sight of her hat rapidly spinning in mid-air. A grey foreleg, not his, telescoped from out of the corner of his eye to snag it, vanishing through the swaying double doors.

The Yak teaching the yoga class glared at him as he barged in but continued to seamlessly transition from Virabhadrasana pose to Hanumanasana, her class doing their best to keep up.

Snappy _could_ worm her way into almost any position, he almost admired the talent, but would she seriously go for this? There was her colour scheme for starters, even if the class did feature the standard carnival riot of coats.

The floor was ringed by exercise equipment pushed to the side for now, maybe behind one of those pommel horses? He started poking/stalking.

Maybe it was the soothing music on the stereo or just the general vibe of the class, but he felt an involuntary calming sigh spread through his body. How blatantly had he just shown off his powers? And for what, a flattering article on Twilight he hadn't even read yet?

Was it really the intrusion or the fact Snappy _was_ a better shutterbug than he was? Okay, that had felt like the time Timber had gotten frisky during a "friendly" sparing match, but even as he tried to hold onto the righteous anger it began to slowly dissolve to Twilight's mildly puzzled face. _You don't have to tell me what this is really about. Not Yet._

Ah, there it was! The reason. His choices now were either telling her and destroying everything they'd built together or putting it off long enough she'd forget, and he could go back to that classic Spider-Dating move: lying by omission while she told him everything.

As reasons to stave off a decision by drowning himself in apoplectic denial went that wasn't half bad, even if the anger pounding in his ears felt like a ticking clock counting down. And did good old unctuous, self-satisfied, probably-sold-somepony's-kidney-at-least-once Snappy Scoop deserve to be the watermelon to his descending F-16?

The stereo switched to _Walk Like a Neighgyptain_ , making Peter jump almost in sync with the class as they assumed the appropriate poses. The instructor sank back on her haunches to clasp her hooves over her head, swaying her hips left to right for a few seconds before spinning around, revealing a blinking Snappy stuck to her back in the same pose.

Was that a question?

Snappy gave Peter an abashed grin before disappearing in a cloud of dust. He rebounded off the nearby wall to boost after her so fast his bounce sound effect drowned out her gun shot.

Their chase whipped through the building like a single camera shot flying around an exterior to save money. At least there were many amusing sound effects.

"Okay, there's only so much attention a mare can take before this gets creepy!"

"You wanna talk about creepy? You snuck up on us at lunch!"

"C'mon Pete, you were in the game! The best shots are the ones you regret not taking, or something like that!"

"Oh, don't worry, I'll make sure you regret taking that shot!"

"You're being a real Princess Luna right now!"

"Nah, you managed to outrun _her_!"

"Doesn't say much for your chances of catchin' me then, huh?"

"Believe me, when I do…!"

"Wait, is this a princess thing? Is that what this is? You're mad at me 'cause I caught you hobnobbin'?"

"It was a private moment!"

" _Really?_ Well, well, well! Guess you had to find somethin' to occupy your time once you were out of the Spider-racket!"

"Her bro…assis…her friend is in there too!"

"The Dragon? Neat! Only had to run from one of those once! Maybe take a second to ask yourself why this isn't fire drill number two?"

"I'm the only thing you've got to worry about right now!"

"Don't suppose I could convince ya to carry this all the way back up to the bullpen, maybe call Status Quo, talk things out? Into a dictaphone, say! Equine Interest!"

"Keep talking Scoop, it just makes me wanna run you down even more!"

"Y'know if you'd shown this much dogged perseverance for a story back in the day ya might've been up for a Pulitzer!"

"We all know what happened to your nomination!"

"Hey, what can I say! It _looked_ like Iron Will at the time! Aren't you outta breath yet?"

"Could do this all day!"

"Yeah, well, y'know what they say about ventin'! And on _that_ note!"

Snappy jumped off a desk, grabbing a light fixture as he made another lunge for her. The wall of whatever office they'd just careened through shook as Peter crashed through a panel and halfway into the duct, hindlegs and tail thrashing furiously.

"Welp!" Snappy saluted. "It's been a merry dance, but by chance I must away to the south of Prance!"

She doubled back a few floors before continuing her journey down to the loading bays. Prance wasn't really in her budget but anypony who could keep up with her this long would probably be crazy enough to go through the parked trucks, so snag an outgoing one, maybe see if they swung by that place on 2nd street, running for her life kept her in shape but a burned a lot of calories-

Her jaunty whistling ground to halt as the vent just in front of the corner to salvation slammed open, Trotter stalking out of it towards her through a swarm of dust.

"Man, you're limber!" Snappy backed up as he shook himself like a dog, scattering cobwebs. And grinned even more as she felt she nothing but wall behind her. "A-heh, ever, uh, ever think of tryin' out for the Equestria games?"

"No, but I'm just flexible enough for a nice, high stakes game of Operation, _you smarmy little_ -"

"Game's over!"

Editor in chief Rocky Roads, big as life and almost as wizened, loomed out the stairwell. Both ponies were suddenly dangling off the floor, their back fur clamped scruff-like in the Diamond Dog's cinder block sized paws.

"Rocky!" Snappy wheezed in relief "Oh, thank Celestia!"

They she saw his face and clammed up. Peter's rage sputtered as it whipped to him. Rocky might not be anywhere as dangerous as his childhood friend turned psycho Bonestone, but that look. More powerful than any of Bonestone's punches. And aimed directly at him.

 _Ruh roh._ Peter thought as Robby hauled them back through the first office on what he now realised was going to be a shame-walk.

…shame-dangle? Whatever.

 _11_

"And that was it, really." Rarity glanced at her map. "Flash of light and there she was! Sorry, just trying to make sure we're on the right street."

"It's fine." Johnny smiled.

Rarity raised a brow as she telekinetically tucked the map away. "What?"

"No, you're just…it's cute that you can talk about saving us all from freezing to death and giving a Princess her soul back like you sorted out getting the wrong package in the mail."

"Cute." A slight challenge.

"Yeah!" He nodded. Anything else would tip over into the condescension she was trying to make sure wasn't there.

"One tries one's best." Rarity's eyes settled into a slightly half lidded position; relaxing Johnny assumed. Not that she'd been tense before, he was just enjoying trying to figure out her body language. "And the post analogy is a little apt, given what poor Princess Luna went through! Imagine, hundreds of years as the wrong person. Sorry if I seemed a little blasé, I'm just in professional mode right now, not pizzazz mode!"

"It's your story! Tell it however you like. And think of it this way!" He gestured to the nearby park, overflowing with street performers, tourists and foals at play. Thank you, universe. "Everypony gets to enjoy the happy ending."

"Ooh, I'll have to tell Twilight and Fluttershy that one, they'll love it!" Rarity paused to telekinetically stop a filly's balloon drifting away, trying it back around her hoof with stylish (but reliable) knots. "Of course, I suppose your lot would've been champing at the bit if we hadn't gotten there first! A chance to clobber the legendary Nightmare Moon, hmm?"

There was something about _that word_ in her accent that…warmed Johnny. Maybe the crossing wires fusing in his brain.

"What, bring the sun back?" he chuckled. "Man, I dunno. If anypony could do it Reed absolutely could, but the amount of magic and math…the stuff in the atmosphere is one of his biggest obsessions."

"Star gazing type, is he?" Rarity smiled. "Twilight's the same way. Stars aren't really my forte but they're such a part of thaumaturgic heritage! When you're a kid everypony tells you about this huge _thing_ in the sky, and then you get a real job and it sneaks up on you around the holidays. Bit like going to church, really."

"I'll take your word for it." Johnny said far more politely than he ever had to any of the geniuses and spell-casters who'd given him similar (and longer) insights. "Diamonds must have a lot of applications as well though!"

"Beg pardon?"

"Diamonds. Your Cutie Mark?" Maintain eye contact, that's what a proper stallion does, don't nod at her flank, that's what a cattle rancher does. "Magic. Crystals. Diamonds!"

"Sometimes!" Rarity beamed. "Crystals are a more sure-fire thing, but diamonds take a certain amount of finesse. Of course, we're talking about dipping a hoof into the great mystic waters or whatever, not sailing into a hundred year…thing. Mind you, magic is _art_ , not just a big light! What's magic if not reaching inside yourself, and what's fashion if not finding the best way to _be_ yourself?"

"I hear what you're saying, but you've seen how people in my line of work dress, right?"

"Yes, but I was trying to be generous and not bring it up."

They shared a laugh as they crossed the street, Johnny enjoying how unforced it was. "Not to make this all about work, but I'd be up to hear any insights a pro like you would have."

"You want me to knock anypony you don't like."

"Oh yeah, but I figure that's, what, date four, five?"

"Say what you will about that Horseshoe Torch, he's ambitious." Rarity dissipated her hat but left her shades as they trotted into a small plaza. "I wasn't aware this was a _first_ date! Why, just because we talked about our Cutie Marks? Already?"

"First, didn't say it was a date." Had they stopped smiling at each other the whole time they'd been doing this? Not that Johnny wanted to stop. "Second, I _complimented_ your Mark. Without asking for one back, you'll note."

He was enjoying this. A lot of the fun came from getting to know someone, but she was that kind of girl who turned into more like…fencing? Yeah. She seemed like she'd be into fencing.

"Noted and shoved behind my ear for the moment…" Rarity timed removing her shades with stepping through the double doors. "Hello? Rarity Belle! Delighted. Oh, ignore him, picked him up in the street."

Johnny found an appropriate corner to lounge in (lots of light, caught his mane just right) while she and the estate pony trotted around the space. It was interesting. Nothing about Rarity changed but she was asking practical, very up-front questions, scrutinizing things. Business mode, he assumed.

"So, what do we think?" the agent asked.

"Plenty of space and the ceilings are excellent!" Rarity looked around the display floor. "Can I ask, what's that over there? The other counter. It looks a bit like a café."

"The previous owners had a thing for in-door dining, yes," the other mare nodded ", but don't worry, we can have it out no problem!"

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that, seems a bit of a waste! But, well, that's the thing. That's more of a department store idea? And I'm just starting out. This place is lovely, but it's a bit…cornery, isn't it? The big chains can afford to be just off to the side like that because everypony looks for them automatically, but I don't even have a logo or anything."

"No problem." Professional smile. Johnny sat up, preparing to get the door for her.

"I'll tell you what though," Rarity said, surprising them both as she conjured her hat and levitated a pen out of the brim ", this place shouldn't go to waste and I've just the thing! The Cakes have been looking to expand, do you know the Cakes? Oh, you must meet them! Anyway, here's what we'll do, do you have an envelope or something? Thank you! What I'm going to do is give you their address, they've got some cousins around here, family business you know, bring a bit of charm into the area, here you go!"

"That was generous of you." Johnny held the door open for her.

"Thank you," Rarity said absently, checking her map again ", really? It _is_ Manehattan! Favours and all that. They can't be that rare, even in these jaded modern times!"

"Yeah, but it's…" She glanced at him as he swirled a hoof, like a cooling fan or a struggling cement mixer. "Usually it's little stuff, y'know? Cabs and umbrellas, all that musical junk. That was an entire building!"

"You're exaggerating!" Traces of a giggle.

"I'm trying to give you your due! A building as a favour! Now _that's_ a Manehattan rarity!"

"Manehattan Rarity…" Rarity said distantly, lowering her shades for better staring into nothing. "Hmm. Seaddle Rarity. Cloudsdale Rarity. San Foalsisco Rarity. No. Rarity's! Rarity's _of_ Manehattan?"

"Sounds like an antiques chain, but you're thinking big and that's the important thing."

"Appreciated. Giddy up!" She pointed to the sky like a bored polymathic armature sleuth identifying a murder at a debutant ball.

"This relationship has hit a real exploitive patch." Johnny Flamed On, partly because he needed to build up thrust in his hindlegs for actual take off and lower his temperature enough to carry her at the same time, partly to make sure everypony on the street saw them doing this.

"Well, it is more of a patch than a relationship right now." Rarity was prepared for the launch and city wind this time, or at least better at feigning nonchalance, unfolding her map and indicating their next stop. Johnny titled his head back a little to avoid setting it on fire with his chin. "But since you've been a lamb: it's very distinct!"

"Huh?"

"Your Cutie Mark." she smiled, turning to properly face him, trying to keep her mane from being whipped into his shoulder flames. "There's something nicely energetic about a wheel Cutie Mark! Comes in handy for explorative research, I'm sure! All that rushing about. And on fire too, lucky you!"

"Yeah…" Johnny agreed tentatively. "Just not quite that way?"

"Oh?" She blinked at him. "Oh. Was it…not…before?"

Before.

 _Tac. Tac Tac. Tac Tac Tac Tac TacTacTacTACTACTAC_

" _I warned ya about 'em egghead! I warned ya!"_

 _Light. Air thickening in his throat. Glass breaking somewhere. An odd euphoria. Even as the lurch creeps over all of them, as the old man hauls helplessly at the controls, as the Excelsior now so much sparking, shuddering junk, begins to tumble helplessly down, down, down-_

"…Johnny?" She sounded like she was worried if she touched him, he'd crumble to shards.

"It wasn't like that before." He couldn't stop himself. "After the crash we just woke up with these cool rings around our Marks. Reed thinks it's our bodies way of coping with the change. Making it more…ours. You have to squint to see Sue's. Her ring I mean, not her Mark. That's fine. Grimm's is on one of his plates. What's left of it anyway."

Nothing but lower rooftops and something-teen story windows sluicing past them. The city sounds helped but their flight meant they happened in pockets, never entirely drowning out the silence between them.

"There's a box."

"What?" He blinked at her. She must have been looking right into his face the whole time.

"There's a box in the woods." Big blue eyes. Looking right at him. "In a cave under the castle where we saved Princess Luna. It's made of whatever our Elements are made of. We don't know what's in it and we can't open it. We don't even really know if it's for us. It's just there."

Oh. Yeah. He'd known that. Just hadn't thought about it. What it'd be like for someone else to have this stuff just _happen_ to them. And that made him feel deeply grateful to her for knowing how to reach out.

"Could ask the Thing to open it for you." He held her gaze until her could work up enough insouciance for a smile. "No, really, he's pretty dainty once you get to know him."

"You like that pony a lot!" Rarity managed through the chuckles.

"Don't tell him!" He bugged his golden eyes at her. "Seriously, I'll give you anything. En. Eeeth. Ing."

"Then stop brining him up!" She swatted at him playfully, either ignoring the potential of burning or being dropped or, hopefully, trusting him. "And you really shouldn't give me advantages like that! Not before the first date!"

"Y'know, that's another thing. You have no way of knowing anything I tell you about flight school is true."

"Ah, but Rainbow will have told Applejack or Fluttershy if she's told anypony and neither of them are comfortable with lying! Unlike you, apparently!"

"So when _you_ hold something over a date's head it's cute?"

"Didn't say you were a date." A twinkle in her eye. Maybe just sunlight bouncing off her lashes, but still.

"Bet you'll still want me to chauffeur you around when it's official too then!"

"As if you'll have anything better to do!" Rarity's grin faltered as she glanced from him to the park below them. "Chauffeur? Oh bollocks! The appointment! Where's my map?"

The Torch put the breaks on as she conjured and fumbled, craning over his shoulder to make sure they were high enough out of the civilian airspace.

"Um…" Rarity mumbled, eyes darting from red crosses and timestamps. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Gimme a minute, just gotta…" Johnny tried to keep her supported and tap into his utility collar's comms with his shoulder. "Hang on. H.E.R.B.I.E! Yeah, beep boop to you too, listen, what's the time? Half noon? Thanks." He nodded his flaming head at the 1:10 cross. "Half noon."

"Herbie." Rarity said, trying to keep the question out of her voice.

"He's sort of like your dragon?" Johnny explained reluctantly, turning towards the correct neighbourhood.

"Spike? He's his own dragon!"

"His name's seriously Spike?" Johnny blinked. "Cool!"

"It suits him!" Rarity said, defensiveness and affection vying for space in her voice. "Down there, down there!"

They were honestly too early, but it took a while to calm the startled seller down. Once more the space wasn't quite what Rarity was looking for, even though she'd been interested in the built-in entertainment system for floorshows.

"But we'd need a serious overhaul for fitting and tailoring, which would cut into the storage space! More of a club set up, isn't it? Listen, I feel terrible for wasting your time like this, no, I simply must make it up to you, especially after my driver scared you half to death like that, do you know Vinyl Scratch? Haha, yes, that one! Got her card here somewhere, let me see…"

"You're good with people." Johnny smiled as they left.

"It's not that hard, really." She shrugged, conjuring a different hat. "You know what you want, so why not think of what they might want?"

"Very zen."

"Mmm, sort of. Tapping into the flow of the universe and all that. Or our Elements do. Something like that, at least. It really is just a bigger, louder way of being…nice."

"You girls ever been to K'un-Lun? Because that sounded like it."

"Don't think so, how are their facials?"

"Where to next?" Johnny said brightly but quickly, his inner gentlecolt burying his inner frat bro's head deep into subconscious water to drown out the laughter that was trying to creep up his throat.

"Uuuh, somewhere in the Village." Rarity glanced up and down the street while she tucked the map away, as if trying to catch a scent. In Manehattan? Good luck. "Back end of two though. I didn't count on having a living sedan chair carrying me around the city."

"Hope I wasn't going too fast or anything. It's a lot asking you to be this close to flames to begin with."

"Oh no, it's been fine!" She hadn't put her shades back on, so he got the full benefit of that sincere, smiling face. "What's the point of a mane regime that falls apart under a little wind anyway?"

"Right? Good holding should be foal's stuff!" Johnny felt genuine enthusiasm he normally didn't associate with, well, normal stuff like walking. All it ever took was the right pony. "And probably mandatory for anypony in this business."

"This country you mean, given the last few years!" Rarity chuckled. "I almost miss the days when all we had to worry about was something erupting from the Everfree Forest!"

"Oh man!" Johnny almost bristled. "Sue and I got up to a lot before we met Reed 'n Grim but I can't imagine what that must've been like."

"Not quite as storybook as you probably think." Rueful smile that made him wonder what kind of storybook. "We did a bit of traveling when I was a little filly though! Papa's work, you see. Exciting but with all sorts of warnings about the big cities, so I might have an inkling as to what you and your sister got up to."

"Doubt it." Johnny smirked. "Since we're not from Manehattan."

Rarity blinked but managed to keep her stride from faltering. "Oh? Well, there goes my _'Are you from X originally'_ quip. Though wherever you're from I must admit your accent's charming!"

"Charming." Johnny deadpanned in mock-challenge.

"Yes. The accent, at least." Perfectly timed eyelash flutter. "So, did you move here for school or, um…after your…airship?"

She looked embarrassed at the phrasing, how obvious it was she didn't know how to put the question or if she'd had the right to ask. He instinctively hated the idea that something could make her regret that expert flippancy. It wasn't like he was going to go fetal. They aired Sci-Fi Channel Original tier restages of the crash in every company presentation for pity's sake!

"Lil' of both!" He tried not to sound too Please-Don't-Cry boisterous. "Reed needed somewhere with lots of space and connections and the quaint town of Glenville, Long Island wasn't going to cut it. Our folks were doctors, so we got away a lot in the Summers. Part of what got me into machines, actually! All those zeppelins and liners that could carry you away!"

"I know what you mean!" Rarity smiled enthusiastically. "I love Ponyville with all my heart, but flipping through all those magazines, seeing all the places fashion could go, knowing it could carry you there if you just tried! Though if I ever did go through with moving to Canterlot or, well, here, I know I'd just wind up living in the suburbs if I couldn't get somewhere in the country!"

"Hey, look at that." Johnny kept the relief out of his smile with practised ease. "One more thing we have in common."

"If you're about to say 'Adven- _ture_!' but husky and a bit too fast like in those stupid Smash Fortune pictures I shan't be held responsible for my actions." Rarity's smile was wryly intrigued, but her eyebrow was raised like a readying javelin.

"He hasn't made a good one since Princess Cadence had a ponytail."

"Proceed."

"I was gonna go with small towns and big dreams, but honestly it's nice to meet somepony who has what you do with fashion. I have fun with it when I can, but somehow I almost always wind up talking about it with mares who have to write about it or something. It's cool hearing stuff from somepony who actually makes things!"

"Bit like machines I suppose." She nodded at his flank like a cattle rancher.

"Generous of you." A fountain they were passing caught his eye and he suddenly realised: "Uh, sorry, where are we going?"

" _I'm_ going to get something to eat!" Rarity pointed at a nearby hay dog stand under a park tree. "We've got a bit of time to kill, might do some window shopping. I assume your forelegs aren't tired, you pat yourself on the back more than Rainbow, but you should probably take the chance to cool all four heels!"

"Something to eat?" Johnny raised a brow.

"Yes." Rarity said, patience creeping into her accent. "Fuel for my own fire, you might say."

"I'm sorry, no." Johnny folded his forelegs sternly. "A pony of your calibur, in my city, right in front of me, settling for hay dogs. Not happening."

"This isn't a date!" she reminded singsong sweetly.

"No, this is an intervention." He pointed at a row of trees like he was psyching her up for a brisk jog through Skull Island. "Somewhere on the other side of these is this place I saved a few months back. Always a table waiting if I want it, and I want you to have it."

"Well…" Rarity fidgeted her hooves a little as he ignited, offering his own. The stand was right there, and she'd had some of that stew the Apple family always had around, designed to keep you going during, say, a trek all over Manehattan and every inch of empty storefronts.

"Pranceisian/Istallian fusion!" the Torch wheedled.

"Oh my."

"And." That flaming face, leaning in conspiratorially. "This means when it's official you get to pick the venue."

Rarity's hat almost fell off as she clambered into his grip. Johnny arced them over the trees and streets, ignoring the fact his forelegs were starting to cramp a little.

"They even do hay dogs if you like."

Rarity swatted at the _4_ logo on his chest.

 _To be Continued_


	13. Match Making (4)

_12_

"…and then the archbishops says to Princess Celestia, that's alright, in fact I thought it was the chimp!" Snappy Scoop said and reared back on her haunches with laughter.

Peter and Rocky didn't move. Snappy wiped her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"First time I've heard that version." Rocky said eventually, carefully.

"What," Peter tried not growl as he gripped the seat to keep from launching himself at her ", did that have to do with _anything?_ "

"Maybe Flash Powder tells it better." Snappy shrugged. "Oh, whoops, shouldn't've said her name, huh? There's this _guy_ chasin' real photojournalists around."

"Snappy Scoop, journalist." Peter sneered. "Congrats, you just told a joke that's actually funny."

"Knock it off." Rocky scowled. It might've been better if he'd shouted. Like it'd make Peter feel like he was worth getting angry at instead of whatever this was.

 _This_ was him and good old Snappy sat in front of Rocky's desk going through what happened, a scene that'd played out with different variations across their careers. Rocky had always been patient, but mostly because he didn't care what either of them did as long as it didn't come back to the office. Peter suspected the technique was mostly to get the defendant to embarrass themselves to death, which depended on ponies like Snappy having shame.

She was looking between them awkwardly, though. This felt different to her too.

"Flash Powder." Rocky prompted.

"Sold me some stuff for Quo's new series." Snappy shrugged.

"What kind of stuff?" Rocky almost sounded bored.

"Magic, long range stuff." Snappy was pretending to play with her hat brim now.

"Oh for-!" Peter sprang to all fours, almost toppling his own chair over. "You see what this is, right? She's flat out spying!"

"That's one interpretation." Impassive canine face.

"You're taking her side?!"

"Didn't say that." Rocky said, his calm blasting the satisfaction off Snappy's face like chalk dust.

"Rocky, c'mon! The toffs Stats wants to go after? They might pack a bunch'a funny chins, but they've also got serious poker faces! The _Bugle_ wants to know what Prince Blueblood's up to, it's gonna have to dig through Celestia, probably literally, knows how much security! Through walls, Rocky!"

"Wait," Peter squinted, thrown by the rare and elusive passionate Snappy ", what's Blueblood up to?"

"You don't work here anymore." It was a perfectly reasonable position. Like a textbook golf stroke. And Rocky saying it may as well have been a 9-wood upside his head. Peter tried not to squirm in his seat.

"Yeah, well, some of us've still gotta make a living." Snappy folded her forelegs sullenly.

"Butting into other ponies' private lives?"

"That's not what the _Bugle_ does." Rocky rumbled.

 _C'mon man!_ Peter was convinced the windows should have blown out from the sound in his head. _Yell at me! Bark! Growl! Chew me out! This Mount Lavan routine has to be some kinda Genieghva convention violation!_

"Snappy on the other paw." He swivelled to her, making her flinch so hard her hat almost fell off. "So, Flash Powder sets you up with some equipment and one of the filthiest jokes I've heard in almost four decades on this job. Then what?"

"I kinda. Sorta. Just." Rocky exhaled through his nose to make his granite features soften into something almost like their usual imperturbable lines. Snappy swallowed as the pressure of his gaze lightened just enough for her to pick up the pace. "Well. Like. Saw Princess Twilight?"

"Having lunch." A paw almost the size of Peter's head went up, a sudden wall in the path of the accelerating soap box derby cart of his anger. It was weird, knowing he was in one piece and yet like fragments of him were scattered all over El Camino Real.

"Yep." Snappy couldn't break eye contact if she'd tried.

"Did you notice Trotter was there?"

"Nope." Snappy shook her head to try and get those brown blackholes out of her head. Didn't work. "Not until I developed the shots."

Peter tried to read what was in the Diamond Dog's eyes, but it was like he was a dust particle trying to attract the attention of a planet. Trotter? Rocky only ever used his surname when he was putting professional distance between them to protect him from the Crime King's goons or something.

"Let me put it another way. Would you still have taken the shots if you'd known?"

"This is stupid!"

"Would you?"

"Yeah, alright?!" Snappy rocked forward, almost sending her seat through the floor. Peter was too stunned to flinch. "A Princess! Right there! In a diner! Pure Manehattan!"

She rounded on him, almost decapitating him with her hat brim. He flinched. "And y'know what? Even if it ain't news I'd still've done it, 'cause I don't care what you think! One of us is a photographer and it ain't you!"

It wasn't the first time she'd used that kind of line but usually it was an insinuation, one more wisecrack in a nonstop stream that made Spider-banter look like amateur hour. Ponies with marks in specific stuff could be kinda primal about it. As much as he'd like to believe this was just one more way Snappy was trying to shed responsibility like dead skin…

"A photographer who could have potentially opened us up to a suit by the crown."

"Oh, come on! Luna threatened to launch us into orbit 'til she saw the copy, you seriously think we wouldn't know if Twilight was mad?! She's got _a Dragon_ , Rocky!"

"Did you ask if you could take those photos?" It wasn't really a question.

"No!" Snappy folded her forelegs petulantly. "Didn't ask to get hunted down for 'em either."

"You-!" Peter began to reach for her.

"Sit." Rocky said so sharply he could practically taste metal in the air as he obeyed. "The _Bugle_ doesn't invade people's private lives. But it's employees have rules to follow."

"razafraza y'gh w'll," Snappy muttered, hat brim conspicuously covering her eyes ", frikafraka rules."

"Did you identify yourself to the party in the photos?"

"No!" Snappy scowled, though it was wobbling. "And I've done this enough to know I don't gotta!" She pulled her brim back down. "Technically."

"Technically if the lady wants to press charges she can." Rocky pointedly pushed a Canterlot cake tier sized manual towards her. But was now looking at Peter. "It'd be as flimsy as someone's case to chase you through the building, but she'd be within her rights."

 _Maybe I'll get lucky and Poison Pony'll break out of the Stockade today._ Peter thought. _Karma, but with enough head trauma I'll forget this nightmare._

"Man," Snappy tried to rally ", when was the last time Princess Celestia-!"

"1952." Rocky said as promptly as a bullet to the head. "So, you just saw her, grabbed some shots and trotted off. Without saying anything."

"What's to say?!" Snappy almost whined.

Peter tried not to suck his lips all the way into his face as Rocky's glance snapped to him, confirming this was _not_ going to be the universe where he pounced on that opening.

"Hi folks, I work for the _Derby Bugle_!" Both ponies almost leapt into each other's arms at the sudden faux brightness in the editor's voice. "Mind if I take your picture? It's for Status Quo, haha, yeah, that Status Quo! Sun upon you all!"

He sat back, paws spread. "How hard would it really have been, Snappy?"

The paparazzo mumbled something Peter couldn't quite make out, not that he could blame her. That canine smile was still burned into his brain, welding his own jaw Canterlot vault grade shut.

"Would it be easier if you had to say it to the whole bullpen?" Oh, sun and moon, he'd do it. He totally would.

"They were…y'know." Snappy was trying to get the brim _and_ a lock of her hair in the way now. "At lunch. Relaxing 'n stuff. Woulda thrown off the composition."

All Peter could do was blink. Snappy Scoop wasn't contrite. Snappy Scoop didn't try and burry sentimentality in mercenary logic. Stones did not bleed. The moon was not made of cheese. The C train did not run on time. What _was_ this?

"But you took it anyway."

"Yeah." Snappy sighed. "But you ran it."

"Of course we did, it's a good picture." Rocky sat up. "You're a good photog Snappy, that's why we ran it. But a good photojournalist would've _asked_. Okay?"

"Okay." Snappy managed a smile even though she looked like she was half on the verge of tears.

"Back to work." Rocky nodded. Snappy glanced at Peter uncertainly, the unspoken apology wavering in the air between before she realised there was no real point, hopping off the chair and trying not to gallop full tilt out of the office. He got it, he didn't want to be around for this either.

"We-?" he started and coughed because his voice was raspy from disuse. "Well?"

"Well what?" Rocky asked, gathering up some of the papers he was always carrying around.

"It's my turn, right?" Peter blinked, since moistening his eyeballs felt like the only real preparation he could do. "I mean, I chased her through the whole building. Made a lot of threats. I crawled through _the vents_ to get to her, Rocky."

"Yeah, there might be a bill at some point." Rocky stood up, strolling to the door as he flipped through his latest papers. He paused at the door, half turned politely to Peter, waiting.

"That's it?" Peter snapped incredulously. "You're not gonna…? Flattop would've been lecturing me about back in his day by now!"

"Ferocious knows you're in the building." Rocky said, unsmiling. "The entire building knows you're in the building. And I don't doubt he'll have the usual lectures cued up for Snappy and Status Quo for neglecting to mention Ms. Sparkle didn't know she'd be on page 10 today."

"But I almost bring the building down on everypony and he lets me just trot off into the sunset?! Are we talking about the same guy?"

"Yes." Rocky sighed. "It's just that you don't work here anymore."

 _He doesn't think your pettiness is WORTH getting angry about._

 _And Rocky guilts Snappy Scoop, SNAPPY SCOOP, into admitting she knows better but doesn't have to care if you do or not. Not anymore._

Without a word, shame weighing each step, Peter clambered off his seat and made for the door. Maybe he'd get lucky and it'd be so heavy he snapped the elevator cable when he got on.

"Peter." Rocky said reluctantly, startling him. "Look, whatever this is…I don't want to hear it, but have you tried talking to Twilight about it? She's good people. She'll understand."

"Yeah." Peter managed, sounding as jaunty as someone in the middle of being stabbed. "Maybe. Um. Bye."

"Take care." The worst part was even after everything he'd just done the old dog meant it.

Talk to her. Right. He liked talking to Twilight. Loved talking to Twilight. So just talk to her. Talk to her about how he loved what they had so much he'd hunted down Snappy Scoop for mildly intruding on it. Talk about how this was really just because the intrusion had reminded him how fragile he was making it. Talk about how this was because the more their relationship went on, the more he had to tell her.

Tell her. _Tell_ her.

Just talk to her. She'd understand, right?

He'd left the costume on that recording studio's air conditioner, right? Right.

 _13_

"…and then Princess Celestia s-says…sorry!" Rarity wheezed, lifting the glass to her lips because she was too shaky to trust her telekinesis. "She, oooh, she says oh, that's quite alright your grace! In fact, _I thought it was the orangutan_!"

Her laughter spiked from the shock of Johnnycake's head briefly bursting into flame. He waved apologetically at the other diners, breath hitching through the hoof clamped over his mouth.

"Awwww man! I'm starting to understand why you and Rainbow are friends!"

"Mmm, doubt it!" Rarity sat back in her seat, frowning slightly. It had felt a little stiff for a moment and the way her chest was still pulsing she could use a little flexibility. "Can't say Peter's particular brand of repartee is for me-"

"It's not for anypony." Johnny nodded sombrely.

"Oh behave! But you two have even more history than we do by the sound of it! Surely you must have more in common then just…ah, what was the term he keeps using?"

"The business!"

"That was it!"

"Because after a while it's more like a job, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't but I can relate." Rarity smiled ruefully. "It's honestly like those nature retreats they used to force us on back in sixth grade. Not that I mind, nothing gets the creativity flowing like a good adventure! It's just that it was nice to get invited to a national holiday and _not_ wonder if it's going to bring the sky down on our heads!"

"We tend to have guys in power armour come through the wall. Breaks up symposiums, though." He gestured to her plate. "Everything okay?"

"Mmm?" She looked down at her half-eaten meal. "Oh, no, this place is divine, just got side-tracked!"

"Could reheat that if you like!"

A flash in her eye he instantly wanted to see more of. "…go on then!"

Suffusing low level thermal energy into the ceramics of the plate didn't really have much of a visual effect beyond maybe a slight haze, but what was the point of a life without sometime literal flare? Johnny's hoof glowed golden as he reached over, gently touching the tip of her plate. Rarity smiled at the smells wafting up into her face.

"Sorry, where were we?" Johnny returned to his own meal, the smugness shimmering off him in time with the slight steam from her plate.

"You and Peter." Rarity enjoyed a nicely warm zucchini. "You must be more than work friends if you're living together now!"

"Well, guy _did_ lose his apartment to a giant robot attack."

" That's not an answer! " One of his kabobs levitated off his plate to hover in front of his face like a wagging finger before Rarity took a bite.

"Yeah, but is it date talk?" He raised a brow even though he was kinda asking for real.

"You brought up _my_ friends first."

"Fair!" He contemplated the ceiling for a bit, pushing through the mental paperwork for why the sky was blue. "Pete's been round almost since the beginning, I guess. Like, we totally broke and set the mould on day one, but you can't think Manehattan without your friendly neighbourhood you know who!"

"So it's a territorial thing?" she raised a brow.

"It used to be! Y'know we only met because he tried to get a job?"

"With your…organisation?" Rarity looked a little nonplussed.

"Family." Johnny said automatically but not defensively. "And by try, I mean he broke into our penthouse and tried to prove we should hire him by beating us up."

"No!" Rarity's levitated fork jolted in mid-air, accidentally flinging its morsel across the room and out an open window, sending up the screeching of tires and breaking metal. "Are we talking about the same pony?"

"Yeah, but this is way back when!" Johnny grinned. "You've gotta understand, this was all new! Absolutely no rules! Well, apart from don't break into my house and demand I pay you for it!"

"Well, you've met Rainbow Dash but perhaps I should introduce you to Pinkie Pie sometime." A bit of snake in her smile there. He liked that. "So, then you butted heads in a pointless game of one-upmanship until you realised you actually liked each other, yes?"

"See, I would've told you but since you're all presumptuous right now I think I'll drag it out until date one hundred."

"Well you'll have to keep things lively somehow!" Rarity winked. "I do enjoy a good puzzle though. I'm sure Twilight's worn a groove in the library floor wondering how to ask you two for a friendship study!"

"A what study." Johnny said like a cartographer who's just been told they've been drawing the mountains back to front for years.

"It's her speciality!" Rarity beamed. "Oh, don't look like that, it's how she earned her wings! She just looks at how ponies work together and jots it all down! I admit I've skimmed but it's fascinating stuff!"

"Looks at them doing what?"

"The clue is in the name, darling."

"Oh yeah?" Johnny smirked back. "Wonder what River Reeds thinks of your friend's speciality."

"Does it really matter?" Rarity cocked her head sweetly. " _He_ doesn't have wings."

"Eh, he could probably grow 'em."

"Oh right, he's the rubber one isn't he! Sorry, I don't really keep up with your, uh, business!"

"No that's healthy, trust me, you should see the kind of people who do!"

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Not a fan of your own fanbase then?"

"You're telling me there aren't ponies who're way too into your whole Elements…thing?"

"Um…" Rarity also contemplated the ceiling for a beat. There had been that delicious autograph phase after Discord, and she could still summon the thrill of declining offers of free food and products after the defeat of Nightmare Moon if she really tried. Maybe it was how often their adventures were followed by parties, blurring everything together. "Not that I know of, really."

"Seriously? They're sleeping on you girls?" Johnny shook his head. "Man, gratitude in this kingdom, I'm tellin' ya!"

"Stop!" Rarity chuckled, waving a dismissive hoof as a reverse Keep Going signal. "You were just telling me disinterest is healthy!"

"Well yeah, but once you get past me, the rest of the family, who've you really got? Arrowhead? Iron Hoof? Pete?"

No mention of the Elements Rarity noted, despite the previous flattery.

"Captain Adventure." she said with the power and precision of a blow dart. She tried not to grin like Chrysalis at the Without a Parachute expression on Johnny's face, then remembered who they both were and stopped trying.

"Well that's…Cap, she's…the thing about Cap is…that is to say…" He snatched up his glass for a delaying sip, which was as good a surrender as anything else. She could afford to take a little pity.

"We've both got a lot to be grateful for." Rarity let more warmth into her softening expression, taking his hoof.

"We do?" Johnny blinked. He was touching back but she could see it in those rather spiffy blue eyes, an almost Twilightesque blankness.

"I'd like to think so! Destiny might spring out of the bushes at us a lot, but we've both gotten to see generous slices of the world, we know what we're good at and we have so much more than just the, uh, business!"

Johnny blinked again. It was like that one time during Twilight's first few weeks, when they'd turned up at the library to invite her along shopping and she'd just stood there for almost five minutes, until a Spike nudge prompted her to ask "…so you…don't want any…books, then?" Like she'd been skipping along until the question created a spontaneous canyon across her personal yellow brick road.

"Our friends and families?" Rarity prompted, feeling her face redden on his behalf.

"Right. Right!" Johnny sounded so relived at the sight of this life raft she felt a bit like he ought to be physically throwing himself across the table towards her. She felt a pulse of warmth in his hoof like a spike in heartbeat. "Family."

"And friends." Rarity tried before she could stop herself.

"Absolutely!" Johnny said, reminding her of Spike assuring her he was 100% certain he hadn't mixed Opalescence's deworming medication into Photo Finnish's tea instead of those marvellous herbal tablets Zecora made.

"Although I suppose that's more of a first, second date kind of topic?" She gave his hoof a little squeeze to stop it feeling strange they were still holding each other's. "That's way it usually goes, isn't it? Who're your friends, how'd you get your Cutie Mark, where were you the night that one old mares tail turned out to be real?"

"Wakanda, actually." Johnny smiled, the self-assurance in it making her feel alright letting go of his hoof. "Long story."

"For another, perhaps more official time then!" Rarity took a sip of her own drink, grateful that she could now frown because of the distracting niggle in her brain. "Wakanda? The cat place?"

"Panthers." Johnny corrected distractedly through a mouthful of panzanella and pistou fusion. "We're friends with their royal family!"

"The Panther Prince?!" Rarity felt the volume of her voice almost lift her out of her seat, only held in place by that infernal stiffness. She blushed at the diners turning to stare but focused on Johnny's bemusement. "Sorry! Well, no, you want to talk about a costume? All that black! Elegance _and_ simplicity! Like a tuxedo made flesh!"

"Flesh. Right." Johnny smirked. "Could introduce you if you like!"

"Mmm, Applejack was talking about starting a royalty bucket list." She'd already taken his hoof hadn't she, drat it all. "But I think one super pony at a time is a better idea."

"Technically he's not a super pony." Johnny was smiling but there was a bit of Rainbow Dash when she talked about the Wonderbolts. Now that she (sometimes) went out for drink with them, not the early race play-by-play stuff when she'd been the new girl. Genuine respect. "It's more a habit than a costume."

"Darling trust me, if I could pull off that look as well as he does I'd make it a habit too."

"Nice!" Johnny laughed.

"Thank you! So! How did you meet the royal family of one of the most mysterious nations on the planet?" To Tartarus with the game. Enjoy a story, enjoy each other.

"Kind of a…reverse Spidey." Johnny frowned, the way they all did when having to explain a Pinkie party. Both having to be there and also just now realising how this sounded out loud to normal people.

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean, he invited us over to his house so he could beat us up."

Rarity didn't blink because it would have been rude but also because her entire body was too nonplussed to move for a few beats. "I see." she lied.

"It was sort of a vengeance thing!" Johnny shrugged. Not like he didn't get this was weird, just like when they gave up trying to explain Harmony to everypony else. Better to just says what you were going to and let the other party walk it off.

"Before you'd met?!"

"Oh, not against us!" Johnny took another bite because why not. "He'd gotten his crown, powers, whatever his deal is, like…a couple of months ago? And wanted to see if he really had what it took to keep the homeland safe! The jerk who took down his dad was back and look, I get how this sounds but when you think about it from the point of view of a guy who can enter a coma to talk to the ghosts of his forefathers…"

"No, but it helps that I met most of my friends in some kind of rubble or another." Rarity smiled fondly. "And at least one near apocalypse!"

"And we both know you get used to _those._ " Johnny smiled, but it was a little distant. "Sorry."

"For?" Rarity blinked.

"This is turning into kind of a work thing. It's sort of my policy to wait a lot longer than this before, y'know, talking about how I had to look up Galactaurus' nose before I went to college."

"No, no, it's quite alright!" Rarity said a little too quickly, feeling like she was sliding off a rolling log even though the infernal chair was still _so stiff!_ "It's a big part of your life! I…that is…well, I'm sort of in the same line myself! I know what it's like to have to, you know, adapt!"

"Adapt?" Johnny repeated. Not angrily, which she was grateful for, patronizing him was the last thing she'd want to do. But he genuinely didn't know what she meant. Which was a problem. "Uh, you need me to…?"

He was gesturing at her plate again. Rarity look down at her still unfinished (though scrummy!) ratatouille and risotto. Decimated food. How this was going. Shame this wasn't a book and that Twilight had gone home, they could've kvetched over the cliché together.

"Once was fine, thank you. It's fine."

"So." Johnny searched her eyes, trying to buy time. She knew that trick a little too well. "How about them Wonderbolts, huh?"

Okay, that wasn't bad. "Oh who knows, it's like are you a rescue force or a sports team?" Rarity made a show of rolling her eyes, both to break eye contact and to show them off. "Although that's unfair, Rainbow _has_ explained how that works quite succinctly."

"She'll probably skin me for this but what the hay, there's a long line." Johnny leant in, grinning again. Rarity enjoyed the little thrill of the closeness and the still warmth of the bite she'd taken. "History was her best subject."

"In flight school?" Rarity swallowed perfectly but felt oddly like she'd been punched in the ear. "Hmm. That, I will admit, that does make a certain amount of sense, yes. She knows a fair bit about military history, actually."

"I mean, her papers were never great but if you need to know which 'bolt had to go to the Hauge for Totally Awesome weather war crimes…" Johnny shrugged fondly. "She just soaks that stuff up but if you put a textbook in front of her, she'd start to get this look on her face. Like somepony told her Breezies caused the Hindenburg."

Rarity clamped her pony-pedi over her lips to stop spraying the table with half chewed salad. "Ahem! Are you interested in flying at all? I know that sounds silly but your, uh, gifts…?"

"I believe the expression is It's the Coolest." Genuine grin and a warmth to it she felt more than his actual flames. "Maybe it was just being that young but that first lift off…didn't even matter when I crash landed! Still never gets old. Even having to renew my licence every couple of years is great! You know that feeling you get, when you know you shouldn't be doing something?"

"Maybe." Rarity smiled.

"Imagine being able to carry that in your pocket." Flashing in those blue eyes. Not aimed at her but also fully addressing her. "All the time."

"I know there's other people in your pretentious quote business pretentious unquote who can do it without wings…actually, you know, Twilight was talking about amplifying levitation magic just before…anyway, do you talk to anypony about it? Flying." She let a bit of mother into her smirk. "Because it's _adorable_ how into it you are!"

"Sometimes!" Johnny nodded, smiling but looking contemplatively at his own meal. "Man, lemmee think. There's the old gang at flight school, obviously. Does, ah, does Dash ever talk about them?"

"She doesn't tend to." Rarity waved her fork in a demonstrative circle. "About flight school in general, I mean. You know, dropping out halfway and all."

"She did?" Johnny blinked. He looked like the floor under him and the rest all the way to the subway had vanished and left a polite note to just hang there until they got back. "That year? Like, I heard she'd left but I thought…really? She never said anything!"

"Why would she?" Rarity shrugged and took a sip of cucumber water. "But you were saying?"

"Huh? Oh!" Johnny shook his head as if trying to shake off a slap. Rarity could swear sparks came out his ears. "Ah, yeah, it's neat to talk about flying with them, other folks in the business! The Flacon's got some amazing tips! Always been really together, for a stallion sharing his brain with a bird."

"I won't ask." Rarity smiled. "I refuse to."

"Spoilsport. Oh! And then there's my old college roomie." He held her gaze for just the right amount of time to make her wonder if it had been a causal thing before playing his card. "Soarin'."

"No!" Rarity's fork missed her plate and almost slashed open the tablecloth. "You're not going to tell me he tried to beat you up first too, are you?"

"Nah, we had to get to know each other." Johnny leant back casually but fondly. Rarity envied how much more co-operative his chair seemed. "Lotta good times! Dash and I had some adventures, but even back then Soarin' was good enough to tag along with us on stuff."

"Oh?"

"He needed the money for school, you see."

"Ah."

"And the on the job danger probably didn't hurt his resume for the 'bolts either. It's weird, we don't run into each other as often as we should. His boss doesn't like us, guys like Pete even less, but the last time I saw him was a few weeks ago, when we were talking about how to take down a fake Asgardian death robot, and he spent most of the time unconscious."

He took a bite of a panzanella stuffed bread roll as if he considered his oldest friend's possible concussion the same thing as an irritating whistling habit. Rarity got the feeling he probably did.

"So outside of other people in the business…"

"Pretentious unquote." Johnny dabbed at his mouth with a napkin, throwing her off her game a little with the grace.

"Ah-ha, yes, quite, outside of the business is there…anypony…?" Rarity hesitated, unsure if she should even ask. Partly because she had an unsettling feeling she knew what the answer was.

"Anypony who…?" Johnny prompted with a politeness that was worse. It was like _'Adapt?'_ but strapped to a precarious bolder.

Suddenly his _4_ crest flashed staccato blue and almost visible radio signals, like an action figure toppling off a bedside table and onto that one button. They both flinched, Rarity turning to glare at her chair as she felt the start of a stabbing crick in her neck.

"Sorry!" Johnny called, slapping a hoof over the thing to muffle the light and sound, his voice addressing her but raised for the whole room. "That'll be my sister. She has this weird thing about taking time out of active war zones to see if I'm looking both ways before I cross the street."

"Can you blame her?" Rarity flashed a smile to let him know it was alright. "No, go on, maybe fetch me a refill while you're up?"

"No problem." Johnny nodded, sliding out of his chair. She tried leaning back a little to get a look at his…tail.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" she practically spat. Who'd carved this torture device, Tirek?! She gave it a slap just for something to do. Johnny froze at the click and spun to lock eyes with her. She could feel momentum creeping up through the chair legs and burying itself in the hairs at the back of her neck.

"Oh dear." Rarity said simply as a seatbelt snapped into existence around her waist. And then her chair was suddenly so flexible it flipped halfway upside down as it sprang autonomously across the room, crashing through a kitchen door and-!

Down, air, darkness, flashing lights of a shining surface, a metal tunnel? So fast the air forced the scream back down her throat. The judder of the legs against the sides, the needle of horror of what the wind would be doing to her mane stabbing her brain over and over until the sudden stop half flung her out into the open air!

The seat belt unclicked itself, allowing her to finally squeal, hooves pedalling at nothing as she toppled onto an actually quite effective padded surface. A mite sticky for her taste but at least she only felt a sort of all over ripple as opposed to the bone jarring she realised she should have expected.

Underground. Again. Joy.

Rarity glanced around, trying to get her vision back so she could assess more than just that distinct tunnel quality to the air. The important thing she'd learned was not to try not to panic, that was like trying not to think about a pink elephant. No, what you did was you sort of panicked in showers, little tweaks of your internal faucet to let it disperse itself instead of building up and bursting.

"Hello?" she tried, mostly to see if her vocal cords still worked. "Excuuuse me?"

She remembered she was a Unicorn and illuminated her horn. Some kind of space a bit like a sewer chamber, although magnificently clean! Very neat in an industrial sort of way.

A hoof on chalkboard noise that made her jump! _"Y're n't tugh H'r'soo T'ch!"_

"I beg your pardon?" Rarity asked, too stunned to be scared.

" _Y're n't…!"_ Some kind of sound system of course, but the voice had a metallic, warped quality like those action movies Applejack and Rainbow insisted on dragging everypony to when it was their turn, those ones with the mystery callers. This effect muffled more than intimidated.

"No, sorry, didn't catch a word of that!"

"… _ph'rry!"_

A pause.

A series of submarine hatch squeaking noises.

" _I'ph th'ph b'tt'ugh?"_

"Sorry?"

More hatch squeaks then a metallic BWUNG that made her shut one eye, wincing.

" _The hay with it, is that better?"_

"Oh much, thank you! Now if you would be so kind;" Rarity tilted her head back. " _What the hay is going on?!_ "

" _You're not the Horseshoe Torch is what's going on!"_ The voice had the affrontery to sound…affronted.

"No, I should think not." Rarity sighed. "This is a business thing, is it?"

" _Yes!"_ An incongruous note of cheerful inquisition. _"You're in the business, are you? I mean, I sort of saw you were together on the periscope…?"_

"Oh no!" Rarity blinked, horn light flickering. "Ah, that is, no I'm not in the business, a bit adjacent you might say? And it's more of a work lunch than a date?"

" _Oh."_ Another pause. She listened and…yes, dripping pipe water somewhere. But did that mean a utility tunnel back to safety or deeper into whatever this was? Also, ugh, rats! _"But Storm'll come for you, right?"_

"Johnnycake? I'd dashed well hope so! He promised to split the check, and I'll wear socks with sandals before I let him use this to slide his way out of paying next time!"

" _He would too!"_ the kidnapper said bitterly. _"But when the Torch comes for you, he shall find you in…"_

Rarity's eyes froze mid roll as the tunnels before her began to rumble.

" _THE TRAPSTER'S TUNNELS!"_

A minicanal laugh that was a little too weedy to work and lost over the sounds of an industrial strength buzzsaw anyway.

"Oh dear." Rarity said again as ominous light began to creep up her legs to fall over her face.

 _14_

And then:

"Just talk to her." Spider-Pony growled to himself. "That's what everypony'll say, right?"

"You talkin' to me?!" Thunderhead demanded, rearing his forehooves back to bring them slamming down on…nothing.

"No."

The Centaur gangster looked up, snarling at the sight of the web-slinger suspended in the air for a beat before he fired two web-lines, reeling both his hindlegs into his opponent's gut with the speed of a bean bag round. The guards and goons, tied up with cords and webbed to the walls respectively, winced.

"You lil'-!" Thunderhead wheezed, swiping for the blur so savagely he almost ripped the sleeves of his blue suit jacket. His ball bearing eyes flashed like a spontaneous grease fire at the feeling of weight shooting up his spine. The bug had had the nerve to use his back as a pommel horse!

"Because that's so easy." Spider-Pony was muttering as the furious crimeboss spun round, just standing there in front of the open vault. "Biggest conversation of my life!"

"I got the biggest thing in what's left 'a _your_ life right here!" Thunderhead bellowed, not even bothering to paw the ground for a windup. He was too steamed, that mild lightning effect sparking around his horns. Bellowing, he lowered his oversized, slab like forehead and charged!

Again, at nothing. His eyes bulged as, his face angled at the floor the way it was, he managed to see Spidey sliding front first under him. The twin surprises of this and the slap of that freakin' webbing against his fetlocks made him lose control of his momentum, meaning instead of ramming the wall, which wouldn't have even tickled, he tripped and slammed it into the vault floor, which did.

To add insult to injury he realised the booming he'd heard hadn't just been the fall but that the Spider had webbed his legs to the vault door, making him drag it shut on himself!

"Biggest conversation of my life," Spidey muttered, galloping out the door and vaulting over the startled M.E.U.P officers. ", for the best thing in my life! That fits, right?"

And then:

"Hey!" Spellectro's face bellowed from multiple neon signs. "Are you paying attention?!"

"Only then she won't want to be part of my life anymore." Spider-Pony muttered under his breath, dodging yellow and green lightning as he hopped from perch point to perch point across Times Square. " _That_ fits! Who'd blame her?"

"Awright, that's it!" The signs that weren't webbed over spat green and gold sparks, coalescing into a Hulk sized electric abstract of the villain hovering over the statue of the two sisters in the centre of the square. "I don't even care if ya figured out my plan…and apparently neither do you! Prepare to feel the power of advertisin'!"

"What's to figure out?" Spidey spat, ricocheting off a marquee. The king-sized tunnel of green and yellow thunderbolts didn't even singe his tail.

The rapidly shrinking Spellectro abstract's expression flickered into panic as he realised he'd just discharged most of the power he'd spent the last few hours building up into empty air, and the not even winded Web-Slinger wasn't about to crash down on him, but…

"Oh right!" Peter snarled as if he'd barely noticed his shoulder's collision with the maintenance hatch, furiously bouncing off the floor of the jumbotron's underground junction tunnel. "How to talk to her!"

"Um…" Spellectro grinned feebly, trying to untangle himself from the cables suctioned all over his body. "W-wouldja like a moment to think it over? Because I could _no, don't touch those!_ "

"The sad thing?" Spidey sighed as he whipped two important but oppositely charged cables into each other's ports. "This'd be so much easier if it was just a case of crossed wires."

He didn't even look at his handiwork, turning away obliviously from the blinding eruption of Spellectro's spasming body. The villain let out a juddering whoop, the greens and yellows of his mutated coat rapidly switching places until his star mask burst into sparks, leaving his grinning, smoking remans to slump almost serenely, half suspended off the floor by the cables.

"But this isn't a bug." Spidey walked down the tunnel, green and gold smoke washing over him. "It _should_ be a feature."

And then:

"What are you babbling about?!" the Wingless Warlock roared. Or tried to. As much of a gifted orator as the once renowned (within city limits) inventor was he'd just never really had the voice for the furious arch villain. Certainly braying, but too Drones Club.

"Trying to work something out." Spidey sighed despondently, weaving a web cushion just in time to save an Elephant customer from slamming into the restaurant wall.

"How to defeat me?!" the Warlock sneered, using his gravity gauntlets to launch one of the façade's trees at his target roots first like a snatching claw! "Me, the stallion who mastered gravity itself?!"

"Nope." Spidey twisted almost bonlessly in mid-air, surfing down the trunk and giving it a powerful kick in the middle so it spun, stopping more helpless customers from being sent into orbit with its foliage.

"Yes…" the Warlock blinked, hovering over the seething pockets of anti-gravity he'd scattered across the floor. "Well. Not that you could hope to! I am glad we see eye to on that!"

"That's kinda the problem." Why did the blasted B-rater sound so…so…not here?! "I can see how it's gonna go."

"As can I!" The Warlock twisted his glowing gauntlets in a spiral pattern, distorting the web-lines racing towards him so they looped back on the arachnid. "In fact, perhaps it's fitting you intruded upon my valuable time like this! Your juvenile concoction makes you a fitting substitute for that benighted Trapster!"

"Nice try Wings," Spidey chuckled dryly, using a floating chair to block the webs ", but even being considered for one of your Frightful Bores couldn't make me feel any worse!"

"Don't flatter yourself, you pusillanimous parvenu! The Wingless Warlock only works with the very best!"

"Like the Trapster?" Spidey asked snidely, hoping onto a floating table. And off again as levitated cutlery embedded itself where he'd been standing.

"I was referring to my intention to practice his punishment upon you!" the Warlock snarled, magnifying the weight of individual crystals in the chandelier so they launched themselves after the bounding Web-Slinger like bullets with the density of canon balls. "Give me directions to the wrong restaurant indeed!"

"Yeah, we've all got problems." Spidey ducked the last crystal, bounding onto the web-net he'd been weaving above the physicless floor the entire fight. "Yours's is vanity. Smile!"

Maybe it was how busy Damage Control had kept him, maybe it was just nostalgia, maybe he'd forgotten about it until now, but he still hadn't gotten around to removing the customised camera kept in the suit belt.

The press of a button, and then:

The Warlock let out a still way too posh howl at the sudden light, throwing up his gauntlets to protect his eyes! And accidentally pulling every object he'd been levitating towards himself. His armour, designed to stand up to punches from the Thing, protected him from the worst of it but a stray chair took his helmet off, setting him up to take a serving tray right to the face.

Patrons, furniture and concussed villain toppled into Spidey's pre-prepared net as gravity flicked itself back on. The Warlock's admittedly pretty clever shitchk was using customised tech disks to channel his other big claim to fame, a spell to alter localized gravity beyond mere Unicorn levitation. Without his consciousness to keep it flowing the disks scattered all over the walls and floor were now so much lose change.

"Is..is it over?" a waiter gasped.

"Probably." Spider-Pony looked up from weaving a cocoon around the groaning Warlock to check everyone was okay, then bounded across a few strands, using the last one to launch himself straight through the kitchen and ricochet out into the alley.

And then:

"I mean, who's gonna blame her?" he asked the city as he webbed himself higher, faster. "Because I have to tell her, right? I have to ruin everything!"

His eyes felt hot under the lenses, but then his whole face was suddenly furiously hot. The ledge of one building cracked slightly as he launched off it.

"But everything's fine, right?" Spidey snapped as he swung towards the Chrysler building. "That's what she said!"

Office workers blinked as he swung and scampered higher and higher up the tower. "Yeah, everything's going so fine I have to ruin it forever!"

He looped angrily around one of the gargoyles, letting go of the line to swing all the way up to the tip of the tower, hooves shrieking metallically as he gripped it.

"Everything's! Just! _FINE!_ "

 _Fine!_ the city bellowed back. _Fine! Fine! Fine!_

That shocked him into silence, flash cooling the rage and leaving only the bubbling dread that had been there since…since he'd realised he had to tell Twilight. _Had to._ How could he love her and not?

And after he did how could she possibly love him? How would the sight of him not make her sick?

Ears dropping Peter slid down the spire, seemingly oblivious to his hooves juddering over the rest of the architecture until he came lose. A web-line lashed out from his tail to snag the gargoyle he'd used for the launch, curling him around it until he finally slowed to a stop. He crawled over the beak and onto the top like a shipwreck survivor making it to shore and flopped onto his back.

"She's gonna hate me." he whispered. The sky was incongruously beautiful for the worst day of his life. He could hardly hear himself over the wind and traffic.

"What am I gonna do?" he asked nobody.

"Wow," the sky said perkily ", that's a loaded question, but-"

Spider-Pony yelped, bolting upright and sliding halfway off the polished surface! A second of open air and waiting sidewalks beneath him and then:

Pale pink forelegs snatching his tail between a pinch that just had to be Canterlot horseshoes.

"Whoa, colt! I mean, I get this is a conversation you don't want to have but it can happen at ground level if you want! Just, y'know, maybe pace ourselves!"

"Cadence?!" Spidey tried to curl himself around for a better upside down look at her, wings flapping steadily to keep them both aloft as he dangled from his tail in her grip. "I mean, Princess?! I mean…"

"Oh, I think I can guess what you mean." She smiled at him like he was the adult embodiment of an Ursa Minor guiltily standing next to something that only looked like a meteorite. She'd used that smile on him and Twilight a lot before they'd made things official. "It's probably for the best if I hold onto you like this, really. I've been trying to catch up to you all day! You're a quick little bouncing bundle of nerves!"

"You've been looking for me?" Spidey blinked as the rooftops gradually past the upper rooftops.

"Yep! Though I might have come anyway, the state you're in!" Cadence's smile became slightly slyer, made worse by still being upside down. "I mean, I'm no Princess Celestia but each troubled heart has its own distinctive beat. Sometimes you just can't help hearing it!"

Spidey was too busy trying to get over the shock and hoping she didn't recognise his voice through the mask to say anything for a bit.

"Just looking for a place to land." Cadence said distractedly as she looked down at him again. "Sorry, was that too mystic? Princess lines like that, sometimes they just sort of slip out and they make you look all mysterious and obtuse. I really am here for both of you, promise!"

"Both of who?" Spidey asked, trying to twist right side up.

"You and your special somepony, obviously!" She dangled him over a streetlight it took him a few seconds to realise she meant as a perch. "Which brings me back to what I was saying before! It's not all about you!"

"I…what?" Peter got a steady grip to stare up at her still flapping in mid-air, feeling a little like he should be backing away.

"The answer to your question! Well, most questions of the heart. It's not all about you!" Cadence readjusted her tiara as pedestrians either stared at them or trotted on 'cause what were they, tourists? "Sorry, you'd think I'd be better at saving ponies from sudden falls and talking about love at the same time, it happens often enough. Anyway, the other answer to this question is pizza, I'll explain how as we go. You feel like pizza? I feel like pizza!"

All enveloping pink glow from her horn. A feeling in his chest like a big sister he'd never had putting an affectionate but restraining arm around his shoulders.

And then:

 _To be Continued_


	14. Match Making (5)

_15_

" _What do you mean she's not moving?"_ the Trapster's companion asked in the background.

" _I mean she's…not moving!"_ the villain whined, amplifying the speaker's own slightly. _"Obviously!"_

" _Huh."_ There was a note of admiration in the mare's (well, she was some type of lady at least) voice that made Rarity smile a little. She adjusted herself on the chaise longue she'd sculpted out of the Trapster's landing pad and made a show of admiring her pedicure. She had to admit the throbbing light of the Trapster Tunnels was good for the job.

There was bumping and protesting coming from the shadows she figured the speaker and/or scrying camera set up was mounted to. _"Hello."_ the lady said after a definite thump and distinct lack of Trapster.

"Hello?" Rarity tried, hoping the casualness in her voice kept up. It might not be the best thing for the immediate situation if whoever this was started taking an interest in her.

" _How are you doing down there?_ "

"In a sewer?" Rarity raised a brow. "Full of deathtraps?"

" _Considering._ " She could practically see the shrug. Almost one professional to another.

"Bored to tears but given the alternative…" She gestured to the one tunnel entrance she was fairly sure was full of some kind of electrodes. The kind Twilight had in her basement and kept assuring everypony were 'purely recreational!'

" _Yes, I'd apologize but y'know. Maniacal laughter, moustache twirling, all that._ "

"Oh, I'm sure your moustache is lovely, whoever you are!"

" _Careful!_ " She could hear fangs in the smile now. " _Wouldn't want to wind up friends, now would we?_ "

"You'd be surprised." Rarity kneaded her headrest.

" _Mmm. Are you going to stick it out all day? Because my would-be colleague here considered a lot of possibilities when we set these things up but not a hostage situation._ "

"Ah." Rarity said carefully. "Well, I'm rather hoping Johnnycake, uh, Tropical Storm…"

" _I know who Johnny is. Obviously._ "

"Obviously!" Rarity smiled, loading her tone slightly to let them know she'd noticed the careful neutrality in theirs. "Anyway yes, my plan is to wait here until he comes and finds me. It's hardly _my_ fault Mr. Trapster went to all this effort and then rigged the wrong chair! And frankly why, exactly, should a kidnap victim go along with the intentions of somepony nefarious enough to steal the money to build all this but not to invest any of it? Somepony's got to be sensible here, assuming Mr. Trapster is a pony that is, and it may as well be me."

A not so maniacal laugh drowning out the Trapster's protests. " _Ah sit down Traps, she's got you there! You're a canny one Ms. Rarity!_ "

"You know who I am." Unicorns had rules about names because magic, the stuff beyond the kind you used every day in your tame, centrally heated life, sometimes had rules of its own. Don't give your real name unless you're absolutely certain. Or it might remember. Like a scent.

Not that this felt like one of those, and she'd been born within a couple of minutes' walk of the Everfree forest so she knew a thing or two, but there was something about that voice knowing who she was. Potentially where she lived. About Sweetie Belle.

" _What, the pony everypony should know? Only what I need to. Didn't know you were this good though, this's far above what most super ponies would've done!_ "

"I'll take that as a compliment." Rarity looked around absently, casting the light of her horn over pipes and bricks.

" _You should! It's just that if the Torch hasn't blundered down here by now it's because he's caught in the backup Traps threw together just in case. He might be a while."_

"So your colleague had the foresight to prepare for what might happen if his plan failed…but not if the wrong pony sat in it?"

" _Margin of error!_ " the speaker sputtered, practically rattling from indignation. " _Every plan in the history of Equestria has come with a margin of-_ "

He was cut off by a slicing, reverberating sound a bit like a magic discharge but not quite, which almost unsettled Rarity more than the sudden violence of it. She wasn't sure if that was the speaker hissing or a body.

" _In which case,_ " the voice resumed as if discussing a hilarious typo in a will _", what would you like us to do if this drags on? Food, water, maybe something to read?_ "

"Uh…" The civility caught her off guard more than the blast. "No thank you? That is, I ate before I…arrived. Should last me."

" _If you're sure. It's just that your horn keeps flickering._ "

"Just because I'm down here doesn't mean I have to sit in the dark!"

" _Suit yourself._ " A slight hum like the equipment winding down.

"Uh, excuse me!" Why the hay not? What were they going to do, kidnap her more? A pause, the sounds of the idling machines in the tunnels rushing in. Then the speaker starting up washing over them.

"… _yeah?"_

"Who am I talking to, please?" Rarity sat up on her padding throne, making a show of looking around the speaker, throwing the light of her magic around the space. Just as planned.

" _Don't Unicorns have rules about names?"_

"Oh please, what is this, the middle ages?" She smiled despite herself. The whole situation was basically a priceless vase balanced on a plinth in Pinkie Pie's trajectory, but she was still keeping some kind of control. "Besides, you know mine."

" _Well yeah, but I'm not number 10 on Sweet and Elite's independents to watch list."_

"Oh my goodness!" Rarity put an abashed hoof to her mouth. "The fall thing?"

" _Yeah!"_ The speaker almost rattled from sudden enthusiasm. _"Don't get me wrong, they quoted your prices and that seriously helps-"_

"Well, you know, it's the fall! Ponies need to wrap up, even if they don't get a complete set you'll still make a fair bit back, so…" Rarity shrugged. "I mean, maybe it's just small town naiveite, but-"

" _No, no, trust me, that's just charming! Where I come from, we're all about taking suckers for everything they've got so we appreciate when someone actually plays fair like that!"_

"Um." Rarity said, Fluttershyesque. "Thank you."

A pause, like the speaker had realised it was awkward too.

"…so." Rarity looked between different menacing shadows in the tunnels before grinning up at the patch the voice had come from. "Can I ask which was your favourite?!"

" _Oh, that one, you know, in the blue and the purple? The different shades? We're big into purple back home, a lot of the ponies I have to work with are, dunno why, but it's like purple, purple, purple, I get it, either tape over one eye and start eating people or-_ "

"Ah! You know, everypony back home teases I must've based it on my own hair but I had it in my head for years, ever since I first saw Twilight, that'd be Princess Twilight but she wasn't at the time, but it was her first Winter Wrap Up you see, and-"

" _Have you ever thought about it?"_

The sincerity was the mental equivalent of those cartoons she and Sweetie used to watch, where the adorable fuzzy thing opens a door and a freight train runs them over. "About what, sorry?"

" _Your hair!"_

"My hair?!"

" _What are you turning this operation into?!"_ the Trapseter's voice demanded. There was another discharge noise.

" _Less of a disaster. Anyway, yeah! You've got great hair!"_

"One tries one's best!" Rarity preened with practised ease. "I'm sorry about that moustache dig earlier by the way! Like I was telling Mr. Traspter I'm more business adjacent and I can't say I follow the rules of this banter at all, so if I was rude-"

" _Most of it IS just being rude."_ She imagined the speaker shrugging. _"Like, they try and talk it up but it's just making fun of who has the least powerful death ray or the weirdest facial hair. You get used to it, is the sad thing. But anyway! No offence taken, you're in a weird situation and allowed to let off steam, and yes, have you ever considered making a line based on that expert coiffure of yours?"_

"Not mine, exactly!" Rarity admitted. "But I've often considered basing thing's around my friends'! They're all so distinct you know, even if it would be totally obvious who's who! I mean, you don't exactly need a degree from Politecnico de Muleano to figure out when something's been made with Rainbow Dash in mind!"

" _Oh her."_ the Trapster said sourly. _"The one from college. I hate her!"_

" _Feelings probably mutual."_

" _She bit me!"_

" _And just like that I have even more begrudging respect for the forces of Harmony."_

" _Watch it Skrull! The Warlock-"_

" _Isn't here."_

Oh, there was a warlock now. How very old school. With her luck right now they'd either be some terrible legend made real or wouldn't even have the decency to be in any of the orders, just somepony calling themselves that and dressed in a racially insensitive costume.

" _It's not my fault!"_ the Trapster howled with expert self-pity that grated up Rarity's spine, into her skull and instantly made her want to find out what his face looked like. So she'd know what she'd be ramming both hindlegs into. " _Do you know how many fusion restaurants there are in this town?! There's four on this block alone!"_

"Skrull?" Rarity called up, horn light flaring. "Is that your name?"

" _Species."_ Casual but matter of fact. Because of course, what exactly could she do with that information? It didn't even particularly mean anything to her beyond the fact it probably ought to.

"Can't say I'm, ah, familiar."

" _You wouldn't be!"_ the Skrull said cheerfully. " _Anyway, hope you've enjoyed stalling for whatever you're planning as much as I have but I've got a silent alarm to see to!"_

The solidity and temperature of the bricks melted, flowing into a freezing, yawning chasm under her hooves. Then again, she'd been falling for it the whole time. How much of that conversation had been to get her off guard? How much had been real? And how much had she given away without meaning to?

" _Oh, before I go?"_

"Yes?" Rarity sighed.

" _Not that I'll see you again, or, heh, not that you'll see me but do me a favour."_

"No promises, Ms. Skrull."

" _So polite! Love it! But it's more doing yourself a favour, really."_

"You know, people in your business should appreciate that it's honestly pretty rude to drag gloating out this mu-"

" _Johnnycake is fun and all."_ It was delivered with perfect calm and may as well have been an open palm strike to her nose. _"But a pony like you? C'mon. You can do way better than the Horseshoe Torch."_

The speaker lapsed into a silence that filled Rarity's brain like flood water. It took her a few minutes to realise she'd let the light of her horn die out, but it wasn't like she needed it anymore. Besides, being on the same wavelength as a Skrull, whoever that was…perhaps that was a Sit-In-the-Dark kind of thing.

A burst of light and noise from one of the tunnels that made her gag on the startled shriek! "Ow! Sun and moon!"

"Johnny?!"

"Rarity?" His voice was almost drowned out by the echoes of crashing metal and a series of clicks. Like back in the restaurant. "Uh oh…"

"Are, ah…" Her horn's light illuminated the walls until she managed to get herself un-turned around and face the tunnels, trying to home in on his voice. "Are you in one of these?"

"One of what? Hang on." A series of _fwoomf_ s like when her stove wouldn't quite ignite, and the light of a fireball crept towards her. From the tunnel full of electrodes. "Can you see that?"

"If that's you, yes!"

"Yeah!" He sounded cheerful, like a tennis ball that landed winning serves without ever having to be hit by the racket. "Sorry that took so long, an Awesome Android was waiting for me!"

"A what?" Rarity chuckled, creeping towards the tunnel.

"It's a whole thing. Big thing. Anyway, danced around with that for a while until I noticed this periscope! Figured it was related and melted my way under the street! Damage Control's probably gonna take me off their Hearth's Warming card list, but…"

"Can you move? That sounded like a nasty fall!"

"Yeah?"

"Well don't!"

"What?" The light of his flames had been steadily creeping closer along the tunnel wall but was drowned out by a sudden thrum and flash! Rarity flinched as Johnny cried out in pain.

"Don't move!" she cried. A beat, the sounds of hissing and burning, but that could mean anything. "Johnny?"

"Yeah." Gritted teeth she was sure of it. "Not moving." A beat she suspected was more to get his breath back. "Did I just walk into a death trap _the wrong way around?"_

"You think that's bad, I'm only here because I sat in the wrong chair."

Pinging metal and dripping water in the shocked silence, then they both burst out laughing.

" _I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves!"_ the Trapster's voice snapped sullenly.

"Oh for…" Johnny snarled then winced at another electrical burst. "Trapster, Rarity. Rarity, the appendix of my rouges gallery."

" _HEY!"_

"We've met." Rarity smiled, gingerly craning her neck into the tunnel. The Torch hovered a few inches off the floor, trapped between a series of Tessler coil like rings. If she had to guess he'd probably been supposed to fly through them from the entrance, not the opposite way. The ones in front and behind him sparked in time with his bobbing, meaning he couldn't go forward or back.

"I'm _so_ sorry." Johnny said gravely.

"Meh. Remind me to tell you about the Great and Powerful Trixie sometime."

"The what?" Johnny chuckled.

" _Take me seriously!"_ the Trapster screeched. _"I mean, take his seriously! Yes, this, the deadliest trap of all, these, the TRAPSTER TUNNE-"_

"Seriously, he's like this all the time." Johnny jerked his head at the ceiling, wincing as it inadvertently brushed his flaming tail against the rear coil ring. "Ngh! Dunno where he gets the money."

" _Oh, why should I expect anything from you, Storm? You didn't even have the decency to fall into my trap the right way 'round!"_

"Kind of a moot point." Rarity beamed. "We'll be leaving now, if you'll just melt that panel on the right, Mr. Storm."

"If you say so, Ms. Belle." The Torch raised an eyebrow but got to work.

" _What?!"_ the Trapster spluttered. _"No, you won't! Even if you somehow survive all the traps in one tunnel, and the next and the next, the sheer number shall drive you-"_

"Or you could just keep talkin', that'd do it." Johnny called as a neatly carved hole spread its glowing edges across the tunnel wall, filling the air with the scent of burning crystal mechanisms. "Rarity, you've got a plan here, right?"

"Oh yes. Um, would you mind…?" Rarity almost crawled onto her belly, accepting his unignited hoof as he helped her slip under the ring, wincing as her horn passed through the static. "Thank you! Anyway, had some time to kill while you were chasing periscopes so I mapped out the space."

" _You WHAT?!"_ the Trapster squawked. _"When?!"_

"Pretty much since you started talking!" Rarity briskly stepped through the hole into the next tunnel, the walls lined with odd plant like machines. "It's a little known but essential spell for any Unicorn working underground! Give it enough time and you can have an entire sonographic picture of, oh, say, a few miles of utility tunnel sitting nice and comfortably in your head. It's very through!"

"So you knew how to get out of here the entire time." Johnny's smirk was buoyed up by honest admiration.

"Oh yes." Rarity hooded her eyes at him as he carefully melted another panel open for her like a department store door. "Wait for my chauffeur to turn up."

" _This is cheating!"_ the Trapster whined. _"You two, you deserve each other! She's worse than the rainbow one, I'll bet that forked tongue comes with even bigger teeth! When I get you two in my sights I'm gonna-!"_

"I'm assuming you pinged his control room too?" the Torch asked, carefully drifting under some buzzsaws as the Trapster's ranting reverberated off the pipes. "Not that I wanna, but it'd be irresponsible not to at least _try_ to find the greasy jerk."

"Oh absolutely, take a right here." Rarity nodded at another wall, then shuffled her hooves a little. "Um, there's, ah, there's somepony else with him. She spoke to me. Oh, uh, she mentioned something about a Warlock?"

"Tch," Johnny muttered, sending out irritated sparks ", probably means this is a Frightful Four audition. Guess we owe you one for throwing a wrench into it! Sure you won't let me pick up the check when we hit topside?"

"Don't tempt me." Rarity managed a smile, eyes un-focusing to better follow the pulsing lines of the map in her head. "And about that, once we've handed Mr. Not That Good at Traps Actually to the police…"

"He actually is, that's the sad part." Johnny looked over his shoulder as he melted some crushing walls into place. "Wait, you said there was another one?"

"Mmm, she strikes me as the type who'll be long gone by now."

"Gotcha."

"Anyway." Rarity sighed in time with the sounds of the sheeting smoke from the next panel. "When we get back to civilization, we need to talk."

"Ah." Johnny said. His back was to her as he worked a grating loose.

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

"There's a reason and I really want you to hear it." Rarity hesitated as she reached out a hoof, but the light around his shoulders still felt like a radiator so she chanced it. Touching the Torch was still like touching a ceramic hot water bottle as he turned to blink at her.

" _Hey!"_ the Trapster's voice blustered suddenly. _"Who's…aww no, not you, no, get away from me, I know how to use this thing, ow, OW, OW!"_

The two stared up the trapdoor above them as the speaker's rocked to the villain's yelps and what sounded like a rabid timberwolf. Johnny burst through it in an eruption of instantly liquified steel, levelling a fireball at…

"Rainbow?" Rarity blinked, clambering up behind him.

…standing over the Trapster, pinned to the floor by his own glue-gun, cocked over the smirking Pegasus' shoulder as she half turned towards them.

"Hey guys." Johnny's flames danced in those rose-coloured eyes. "Miss me?"

 _16_

"We shall begin once more, when you're ready. Deep breath and hold her steady."

"Steady." Twilight said, eyes fixes dead ahead and fading to purple like ink in water. "Right."

"Deep breath." Zecora repeated. "Hold her steady."

"Steady." Twilight repeated, nodding slightly as the magic began to wind it's way through her.

"Deep breath." Zecora said gently.

Twilight smiled a little and took one in through her nose. There was a nice familiarity to the instance that brought back Canterlot classrooms. Remember to breath, remember to eat, remember to sleep, remember to wash your hooves. Just because magic is energy doesn't mean you are. Even magic is alive.

Magic doesn't have to go to the bathroom though. Although…no, focus! Ack, no! Don't! Or rather…oh forget it.

The purple corona building around her horn flickered with her irritation and perhaps fittingly it was that which kept everything together. She'd messed this up so much by overthinking it, the failures and near successes piling up so much that she just couldn't care anymore. And that absence was important, something she needed to pave over the constant froth of her own curiosity to dive into…well, herself.

She really was better off just not thinking about this.

About trying to send her consciousness back through millennia of evolution and into her body's own magical field. Or it's new one. Or, it was still hers? But if she'd always been able to access all three types of magic at once and…eh, too hard. She was starting to understand why Celestia had kept this a secret for so long. Students driven to cross-dimensional power madness was one thing, explaining all this was another.

And even that frustration had its place! It was the grey, almost thermal winds of _UUUGH, whatever_ that was floating her where she needed to be. Into and out through her body's magic field, finding paths that had been inherited but never there, not until now.

Almost like when they were all together, bearing the Elements, like when they'd faced Nightmare Moon…

The sense memory finished the job and Twilight's…impression found itself sliding into the place it had wasted so much time trying to force itself into. _Thanks girls_ , she smiled.

"Are you where you need to be?" Zecora asked gently. "The place between pony, root and tree?"

"Yes." Twilight took another breath, in, out, still smiling. "I'm where I need to be. When I pull back I'll probably remember it as light, if I remember it at all, but I know it's just where Applejack lives all the time. And that it's just like where every Unicorn and I live all the time. Every Pegasus. Everything in Equestria. Sorry, don't mean to ramble but saying what's passing through my head keeps it out of my head if that makes sense."

"Do whatever works for you." Zecora smiled, watching the rocks around her drifting into the air like soap bubbles. "And then do what you came here to do."

"And what I came here to do…is tap into Earth Pony magic…like…this!" Twilight grinned, eyes and horn flaring.

Zecora took an instinctive step back from the sudden light, then craned her neck to take in the sudden beauty in the air, pink and purple wafting down to reform the circle her friend had been standing in.

Twilight's pupils faded back into sight through the violet haze of her magic, locking with the shaman's raised eyebrow. "Magnolias, huh?"

"I'm hungry!" Twilight shrugged, leaving her wings flared out because this was go with the flow time and fighting them back into place would bring everything splashing down on her. Besides, she felt way too good to care. It was working!

"We can grab something after the job's done," Zecora grinned, that challenge Celestia had never shown her and she sort of liked ", and that's not gonna happen until you've finished what you've begun!"

"Oh, you mean like this?"

The spell had been held in her mind like a ball. Going against her nature, it didn't really matter where it landed. That was something she was starting to suspect about this Alicorn stuff. What mattered was that she threw. Not that she would ever actually throw magic around without caring what it did or throw balls around willy nilly, it might hit a window, what would the neighbours say, _anyway!_ She'd known what she wanted the spell to do and she just let it happen.

The circle sprang from beautiful flowers to just plain rocks. Like, actually sprang. Twilight's telekinesis pulled it back into order, less to look cool and more because it was just her personality to instinctively tidy things up like that. And even then, less your fussy aunt and more guilt at being the one to make the mess in the first place. Accepting these self-realities had been vital to her new life since even before her accession.

Besides she still felt just too good. It had worked!

"It worked!" Twilight skipped out of the circle, letting her wings dance for joy as she bounced around Zecora. "It worked, it worked, it worked!"

"Eyup." Zecora smiled because they knew each other well enough by now to mess with each other a little.

Twilight let out another spontaneous laugh and flung her forelegs around the shaman. Zecora was so surprised she hugged back slightly.

"I dispersed it!" Twilight grinned, pumping a hoof while still hanging off the older equine's neck with the other. "I tapped into one of the most fundamental magics there is, I transmogrified an entire circle of solid rocks and then _I changed them back!_ "

"This is why I agreed to help you train, Twilight, not for what you could gain but because of how you wished it to be applied," Zecora chuckled, nudging one of the stones with her hoof ", and now I take it you're satisfied?"

"Very!" Twilight flapped her wings a few times to tuck them back in. Maybe it was the buzz, but it didn't feel like as much of an effort this time. "Thank you so much, Zecora! I felt bad asking because I owe you so much already, but…"

"No, it's a compliment." the zebra smirked as they started to walk down the path from Twilight's training fields (or the fields she'd just sort of wound up training in, rather) to Ponyville. "I am the best there is at what I do, it's true. Besides, who could say no to the chance to teach a Princess a thing or two?"

"Way more than two." Twilight smiled. "You're the one who saved us from Poison Joke and Trixie…well, that amulet but you know what I mean. You know so much!"

"And the world and I owe you and your friends much more when all's said and done." Zecora smiled maternally as the Princess blushed. "Honestly, sharing these teachings is much like today: too much fun!"

"Wares on a mare, though." Twilight sighed. "Will you at least let me pay for lunch? You helped me take my dispersal magic to a whole new level!"

"A kind offer I must sadly decline." Zecora indicated something with her head. "Look like we've both found an interesting way to spend our lunch time!"

Twilight followed her gaze and blinked. Her startled wings flapped so hard she almost knocked an ornamental fountain over.

Her balloon was hovering a little behind the library, ready for take-off. She saw Spike jogging around from the side, presumably from getting it ready. He slowed to a trot as he met her gaze, weighing the odds of explaining or fleeing. Twilight had a very Velvet look in her eye. Because of what was standing in the doorway. Or who and swaying.

"I can explain?" Spike tried.

"Is that…?" Twilight began.

"Cadence?!" They blinked at Zecora, registering her just before she bolted for the Princess of Love.

"Cora?!" Cadence's own wings flared in shock, almost toppling the stack of pizza boxes swaying next to her before she flung herself halfway across the square to collide with the Zebra in a hug. "Oh gosh, what are you doing here?!"

"Studying the Everfree, like you do! But enough about me, how about you?!"

"The Everfree? The Everfree forest?! Oh gosh, you took my advice?"

"In a trice!"

"I was _joking!_ "

"Yeah? Jokes on you, it's the perfect zone! So full of killer plants and monsters and bugs…"

"You must be right at home!"

The two pointed at each other, laughing so hard a passing Pinkie Pie slooowly backed up and turned around.

"You two know each other?" Twilight waved a hoof to get their attention.

"The Princess of Love and I? We go back a-ways!" Zecora roped a foreleg around the laughing Cadence. "Though I take it you're not here to tell Twilight about our younger days?"

"Oh, I don't think talking about my gap year would interest anypony!" Cadence wrapped a sisterly wing around her shoulders. "Now, meeting the apprentice shaman who helped me bring peace to two warring manticore tribes on the other hoof!"

"I'd settle," Twilight said with the slow weight of her dispersal rocks preparing to land on someone ", for knowing what you've done to Peter."

"Ah." Cadence glanced guiltily at the swaying, smiling figure in the doorway.

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…" Peter said happily, eyes full of pink spirals. The tower of pizza boxes on his back made him look like some strange species of concussed turtle. Zecora took one look and burst out laughing, Cadence swatting at her chest to get her to shut up.

"It's not funny!" Twilight stomped a hoof.

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…"

"Oh, my sides!" Zecora wheezed. "Geez totem, I beg of you, no more, please!"

"Aaghshhhh!" Twilight screech-hissed, waving her hooves frantically at Cadence before getting a good look at her face. "Wait…you know?"

"Why he keeps saying that? I wish."

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…"

"We _get it!_ " Cadence snapped brightly with a smile that showed too much teeth.

"See, that's why I filled 'er up." Spike said quickly, thumbing at the purple dome bobbing over the foliage. "'cause he just keeps saying that and Cadence did this to him, so I was just following orders if you think about it."

"I wanna go for a balloon ride..."

"You used your visual aids again, didn't you?" Twilight waved a hoof in front of Peter's swirling eyes. No dice.

"Maybe." Cadence was trying not to look as if she was trying to hide behind her tiara.

"You gave him the spiralling talk." Twilight sighed as she gently levitated Peter and the pizzas indoors. "And then you drew one with your horn."

"The heart wants what it wants!" Cadence insisted as they followed her. "It's not my fault ponies can be…susceptible!"

"With your _horn_ , Cadence!"

"I can be all mysterious and obtuse too if I want!" Cadence stamped one of her shoes defensively.

"She's done this before?!" Zecora laughed, now leaning on Spike. "Oh wow, I gotta hear more!"

"Coraaaaaaa!" Cadence pouted.

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…"

"Yes dear." Twilight sniffed the pile on Peter's back. "Hmmm. What's in these?"

"Good stuff!" Cadence beamed.

"Health stuff." Twilight frowned, levitating one box open.

"Yes, hence good. I'm looking out for you, Twilight!"

"By accidentally hypnotising my boyfriend into wanting to go for a balloon ride?!"

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…" Peter said with slightly more emphasis as Twilight gestured at him.

"We were just sitting in the pizzeria and he was being all blegh, no, this mask is to hide my inner pain, that's why I'm being all huffy about every creature staring at us even though I insisted you let me keep it on-"

"So you _do_ know?" Twilight blinked, steadying Peter.

"Princess Celestia told me." Cadence shrugged. "I was trying to figure out why he kept vanishing all the time, I wondered if maybe taking photos had something to do with it and she just looked at my paper and went 'Oh, they're seeing each other?! Good for them!' and I was like uh, yeah, the guy who took the photo, and she just did that nod, you know the one, and I was like ooooh!"

"So you gave him one of your talks, he wasn't responding and you tried getting visual." Twilight nodded, sorting the boxes into a neat floating stack. "And then you forgot you were the Princess of Love and drew a spiral _with your magical horn._ "

"Spiralling is a serious problem, Twilight!" Cadence put a hoof on her shoulder to get her attention. "I use whatever I can to stress that! And I'm sorry, but I didn't always have a horn! I was just trying to get through to Peter!"

"About what?" Twilight blinked.

Cadence shook her head solemnly. "Spiralling. It's not my place to say about what, and if he can't talk to you about it then neither of you can do anything. Hay, I only know because Princess Luna sensed something. I had another appointment today, but it looks like that's going to take care of itself."

"Spiralling…" Twilight repeated, considering the floor.

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…"

"That's all him." Cadence muttered, waving a frustrated hoof as she collapsed into an armchair. "His eyes went all wooo-oooo-oooh and he started repeating. It's something close to his heart the magic's bringing out. I have no idea where all that pizza fits in, it was enough getting him out of the outfit and transmogrify all that gluten away! Should count ourselves lucky he didn't look at the star…"

"I wanna go for a balloon ride…"

"Me too." Twilight smiled slightly, levitating the boxes.

"Uh, not gonna be much of a ride if he's still talking about it every ten seconds." Spike pointed out.

"We need some kind of stimulus to bring him out of-" Cadence began.

Twilight did something with her hoof that made Peter yelp, spirals shooting out of his eyes like dissolving fireworks trails as Spike and Cadence blushed. Zecora toppled into the seat next to her, clutching herself from the laughter that threatened to punch her ribs to splinters.

"Hello dear." Twilight beamed, waving the pizza boxes. "We're going for a balloon ride."

"Can I kill your sister in law first?" Peter asked sourly.

"She was only trying to help." Twilight said gently, nudging the back door open.

"Yeah, and you owe me twenty gems for all those pizzas!" Cadence called after them.

"Besides she's family, I have first dibs."

"Can I watch?" Peter muttered, shooting Cadence a look as they clambered into the gondola.

"You'll thank me for this someday!" Cadence called then realised she was shaking her hoof at them like an old mare and hid it behind her back. "And I'm serious about that pizza, you shouldn't eat so much anyway!"

" Can't hear you! " Twilight sang, suffusing the balloon with some magic to send it higher faster. " We're going for a balloon ride! "

"Remember back in our day?" Cadence muttered ruefully as she and Zecora followed Spike to the kitchen. "When heroes had _manners_?"

"No." Zecora smiled. "But you know what they used to say back in the day, specifically about us two: eh, kids. Whatcha gonna do?"

 _To be Continued_


	15. Match Making (6)

_17_

"So I talked to the M.E.U.P," Johnnycake was explaining ", just signing some stuff. They're escorting the Warlock to the Stockade…"

Rarity blinked uncomprehendingly, but politely. They'd surfaced from the hole the Torch had burnt into the plaza, almost in front of the fusion place. She was going to have to remember the name, it had been delicious!

Anyway, there'd been a lot of wreckage from the robot or whatever Johnny had bumped into before spotting the now embarrassingly obvious periscope poking out of the bushes, being swept into neat piles by the police and Damage Control.

"Raiders Island's fancy schmancy super jail." Rainbow Dash cut in, casually brushing tunnel dust out of her folded wings. "It's where they dump all the bad guys until the 'good guys' get bored and need something to beat up."

"Ah." Rarity nodded, understanding. A little. After Johnny's hurried conversation with the M.E.U.P they'd shuffled over to the gates and a heavy-duty metal wagon, one of those automobiles, had trundled up to them. She'd been worried it had been for them. They still hadn't paid for their meal!

"Projecting a little there, Dash?" Johnny smirked ruefully. "But yeah, it's a big box we can toss these pests into. Until the Crown can find a way to get rid of their powers at least. Guys like the Wingless Dingus-"

"This is the Warlock, I take it." She wondered if she should be worried by how well she was keeping up now.

"Yeah, sorry. Anyway, he only calls himself that because he's supposed to be all controversial and new wave of sorcery and science and blah blah blah, but he's just a really smart Unicorn. We only dump him in the Stock because he could trick his way out of regular Raiders the second the cell door closed. Trapster's nowhere near as much of a threat but the Warlock's ride was scheduled to pass through here anyway so once he's picked up he'll be gen pop…that's-"

"General population, yes. Rainbow has explained this kind of thing when we watch her movies."

"Right." Dash nodded, glancing at the wagon idling up the street. Guards were carrying a wriggling Trapster towards the shadows inside the open steel doors. She turned back to meet Rarity's gaze and quirked a brow under her bangs. "Everything okay Rarity?"

"I was going to ask you, dear." Rarity looked her up and down again. "There's something different…did Johnny's family convince you to visit a salon while you were in the Big Apple?"

"Does that sound like me?" Dash cocked her head to one side. Her smile lengthened slightly as Johnny struggled not to laugh. "Anyway, I _was_ just on a mission with the Fantastic Family. Maybe I picked something up." Her eyes widened with mock-horror. "You don't think it's what Johnny's got, do ya?"

That was certainly a Rainbow Dash line, so Rarity relaxed, joining in Johnny's laughter. "Sounds like we've both had quite the adventure!"

"I'll tell you all about it back home." Dash rolled her neck.

"You _must_ be tired!" Rarity reached out, smoothing down that magnificent mane. She appreciated and respected the younger pony's proclivities, but it seemed scruffier somehow, lacking that aerodynamic Pegasus look. "You're standing!"

"Surprised?" Dash glanced between them, smirking. "I came straight from an adventure with a buncha superheroes and then I had to go looking for you two in who knows how many Manehattan tunnels!"

"How'd you find us anyway?" Johnny asked, leaning against a streetlight.

"Glue-boy left a message with your floating trash can." Dash rolled her eyes. "Had the whole spiel. Even an address! The Fam didn't think it was a three-alarm fire, but I couldn't leave my friend hangin' now could I?"

"They blew him off?" Johnny squinted as a touched Rarity looped a foreleg around Dash's shoulders, seeming to surprise her. "Sue and Reed blew off saving somepony? Grim Skies I get, Trapsy couldn't take a paper ball to the head let alone a fossilised fist, but…"

"I told 'em I was going no matter what." Dash looped her own foreleg around Rarity. "And anyway, they knew _you_ were there."

"Fair." Johnny smirked again.

"So obviously I had to race over to save her as soon as possible."

"One day I really am going to have to hear why you two didn't work out." Rarity beamed. "You'd either have been the greatest comedy duo in Manehattan or burnt it to the ground."

"Eh, Johnny's got more self control than folks give him credit for." The pony in question blinked. A compliment? Dash was still smirking, messing with him, but the way her eyes were half lidded. Something didn't belong there. "It's cute really."

"Tell me about it." A similar expression on Rarity's face, but a little sadder.

"Maybe someday. Right now, I'm gonna go talk to those guys too. Make sure those two in the truck don't try anything. I mean, if this guy can do it…"

"I suppose that's the responsible Element thing to do." Rarity nodded. "Make sure the Princess hears about all this. She'll probably get a good laugh out of it if nothing else! I'll come with you."

"'kay." Dash said noncommittally. The cat like quality had gone out of her eyes and she'd stopped smiling. Johnny was trying to decide which would get him punched harder, asking what was with her right now or if she'd done something with her hair, because that was starting to bug him too, when his collar mic flashed again.

Rarity jumped slightly, Dash sinking into almost a combat crouch beside her. Johnny fumbled with the _4_ logo as it flashed and squawked like a bird getting dragged backwards through an airship's turbines. "Sorry ladies," he grinned, covering the mic stalk as it slid up to his mouth ", gotta take this."

"The other woman already, hmm?" Rarity smiled.

"Uh." said Johnny Storm, black belt in the ancient art of witty repartee.

"Your sister." she grinned; the way arrows do when they nail important people in the eye just right.

"C'mon." Dash jerked her head at the truck with sudden impatience. Then again Johnny didn't want to be caught between the mare who was about to dump him and his like 6th most savage ex either.

He trotted around to an alley off the plaza, because the last thing this day needed was crowds of pedestrians staring at him as he was mothered/chewed out/same difference by his big sister and released the mic.

"Go ahead."

" _Johnny?_ " Sue. It sounded like that Keep Calm tone she used whenever the water was rising or the breaks were out. " _HERBIE found a package…Johnny, it's the Trapster! Is Rarity with you?"_

"It's fine!" Johnny sighed. "She's a little punch drunk maybe but she whooped him good."

" _She hit him?_ " Sue said, incredulity adding distance to the speaker's tone.

"No, that's the great thing! Dannii actually took care of-"

" _Rainbow Dash?"_ Something in her voice made him stop dead. " _She's there already?"_

"Already?" Johnny repeated. He could feel something rushing to the surface.

" _She just took off a few minutes ago! She was frantic, worried about her friend. I know she's fast but-"_

"Irving Place." Johnny said sharply. "16th street, that Pranceisian/Istallion fusion place."

Standing. Dash had been standing. He'd teased her about it, she'd eaten it up. Rainbow Dash hovered at absolute best. She didn't stand unless she had to. Tired out from a mission, that was smart. A smart ab lib because they couldn't hover. They could grow wings but reptilian ones, out of their forelegs like Reed. Because they couldn't imitate Pegasus musculature for the real deal.

And her hair! He'd admired it yesterday in Ponyville. The way she'd actually managed to streamline it, all the little ways it was different from before but still so her. That was what was getting at Rarity. Her bangs had been longer, more spaced out, the back almost as long as her tail. And that was the reason he hadn't noticed, because even though he'd seen her yesterday with his own fool eyes that was the way he still thought of her. Dannii, not Dash.

Rainbow Dash, whatever else you could say about her, was a full-grown woman now. The girl they'd just been talking to looked like she had _in flight school._

And Rarity had said there'd been a woman with Trapster. In the booth with him. Where they'd found Dash.

All this passed through Johnny's head in the second it took him to reach down inside himself and ignite, launching into the air and around the corner.

"What on Earth?!" Rarity asked, spinning towards him. And freezing at the violet light suddenly leaking behind her.

"Tarnax, actually." Rainbow Dash's eyebrows waggled playfully as her eyes filled with the same energy pulsing in her outstretched hoof, a snarling hound kept at bay from the nape of Rarity's neck only by her will.

The Torch froze so suddenly furious flames shot off his shoulders before twisting back towards him.

"Now don't you wish _you_ had him that well trained?"

Rarity gulped as the Not-Dash's wings curled around her. They were still that delightful cyan but now scalloped, bat-like. And strong, holding her in place. Hooking together with little claw thingies on the tips that sent an uncomfortable tingling down her throat and into her spine.

"What are you doing?" she asked, instinctively trying to push her head as far forward as it could go as she felt this thing start to gently pull her backwards, step by step.

She was trying to keep her head away from the billowing force behind her, stuck staring at the blazing Torch as the violet energy, so much…colder than Twilight's, edged her vision. It was vertiginous and almost blinding.

"We're all backing _up!_ " A sharp step to drag her backwards and an obvious order to Johnny. The creature was smiling, she knew it. Fangs in her voice. Her friend's voice, stolen like dropped change.

"Let her go and I'll give you a free shot." The Torch hovered lower, almost touching the asphalt.

"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny." The pressure eased suddenly as the hoof behind her seemed to lower. "Take for free what I can have for fun? You should know me so much better than that by now."

The Torch crouched as if to spring then froze the exact same second Rarity felt an intense almost-not heat burrowing into her neck. "Including the fact I can send it out through my eyes! If you really cared for Rarity here, you'd have Flamed Off by now."

"Johnny, wait-" Rarity began but he'd already snuffed his flames out like a conjuring trick. The determined Horseshoe Torch one minute, a handsome, quietly seething little pony the next.

"Hey!" a voice barked. Rarity had just enough time to remember the guards were there before that cold light exploded behind her and she knew that wasn't a factor anymore. The thing with Dash's face hadn't even turned to look at them, she knew it.

"The Warlock and Trapster for Ra-…for my friend." Johnny said coldly. "That's what this is, yeah?"

"You have no idea what this is." the Skrull said then let out an elegant laugh that was nothing like Rainbow and made Rarity feel so much worse for using her voice to do it. "Don't you just love this business?! Where else are you going to get to use lines like that with a straight face? Whooo…"

"I meant it." Her voice trembled but she was letting the anger wash over it. If this was all she could do, then she'd do it.

"Sorry?"

"In the tunnels." Rarity smiled grimly. "You really shouldn't drag gloating out so much."

She stomped down. The creature yelped, wings shrivelling into her sides as she clutched her hoof! Rarity kicked backwards as Johnny sprang forward, igniting! Rarity spun just in time to see the thing with Dash's shape rolling with the blow, eyes wide, violet, furious-

Cold light. Impact!

The stinging almost drowned out the screaming, until she realised it was real. The streets were rapidly clearing now that laser beams had sent her and Johnny skidding down one. Dazed, she registered Johnny's body sprawled a few feet from her, strange brick red splotches creeping back into his skin.

She struggled up to face the creature, even less like Dash without wings and its hair shimmering green, her horn frantically trying to glow. Those glowing eyes blinked at her, then the creature smirked, her hair somehow rearranging itself into a ponytail, bangs receding like claws.

"Relax, you're not my priority. In fact, you girls aren't even really on the Empire's map. Yet!"

She shoved the prone guard in her way aside, swinging the door of the wagon open. She glanced back at Rarity, making her blink at the serious expression on its face.

"I meant it too. You can do better."

"Lyja…" Johnny was trying to force himself to his hooves. "Get…get away…"

"If you insist!" the creature beamed with Dash's face. "Hope you don't mind if I take the Gruesome Twosome with me. Need all the help I can get, you see. I'd have the Sandpony too if you and the Spider-Pony hadn't mucked up everything I had going with the Watermane."

"That was you?!" The Horseshoe Torch burst back into existence from the sheer, startled anger in his voice.

"And don't worry about your little tailor friend! It's like the old sage said!" Lyja said cheerfully with Rainbow Dash's voice. Johnny's teeth clenched as she seamlessly switched to her own. "⌇⊑⟒ ⏃⋏'⏁ ⌿⌰⏃⊬ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏃⋔⟒ ⌰⟟ ⟒ ⍙⟒ ⏃⋏."

Rarity blinked at the utterly alien language as Lyja closed the door, Rainbow's face sprouting back into her own as she winked at her through the window. She could swear a purple jumpsuit was spreading over the beastly mare-lizard-thing's arms as she did something to the panel and took the wheel, backing over some news vendors as the wagon thundered to life.

"Are you alright?" The Torch was hovering over her as the behemoth lurched into out into traffic. Backwards. "Dash, the real Dash and the others, they'll be here any second. I promise."

"What was she?" Rarity asked, not really addressing him. It wasn't the asphalt that was making her feel bruised. The way that thing had stolen her friend's face and _talked_ to her. The arrogance. The unforgivable composure.

"A Skrull. Shapeshifters. We were…" He cut himself off. "Are you alright?"

"I will be when you get her."

"We need to get you to a hospital! I can't just leave you in the street!"

"Johnny." The firmness in her eyes almost blew his flames out. "Get. Her."

The Torch nodded, blazing into the air over Lexington Avenue and gunning it after the trail of swerving cabs. Even though he knew that if he found the wagon, he probably wouldn't find Lyja. Or knew what he'd do if he even did. How much he'd burn.

Because even though his Skrullian was a little rusty, he'd got the gist.

⌇⊑⟒ ⏃⋏'⏁ ⌿⌰⏃⊬ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏃⋔⟒ ⌰⟟ ⟒ ⍙⟒ ⏃⋏

 _She can't play the game like we can._

 _18_

"Sun, that smells good." Peter sighed with sauna bliss as they drifted over the fields.

"Want some?" Twilight smiled, looking up from the box in her hooves as the last of the purple light turned kale and salad back into delicious bread and grease. "Hope so, it looks like we could feed the entire Yakistanian Legion in here."

They were huddled against each other out of affection, sure, but also just the sheer number of pizza boxes. Twilight levitated some as she spread her dispersal spell over them. Normally she got antsy about this much magic on food but technically she was using it to undo the magic that'd changed it, so they'd take the risk because who in the hay ate Manehattan pizza for their health _Cadence?_

"Being turned into a sock puppet by the Princess of Love gives a fella an appetite, I won't lie." Peter smiled back, accepting his own glowing box. He grinned as Twilight folded hers her slice with telekinesis.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just look very Manehattan right now."

"Yeah?" She took a mock-defiant bite. "Ya wants I should tell youse where t' getcha own furshlugginer balloon ride?"

"How do you feel about baseball caps and hockey jerseys?"

"You mean how do _you_ feel about baseball caps and hockey jerseys right now?" She did that slowly pull off a string of cheese and half lid the eyes bit, until she winced and let it flop down her front. "Agh! Tongue! Hot!"

She pulled open one of the Velcro pockets in the side of the gondola, scrabbling for a magically chilled soda.

She managed to stare him down with a decent amount of dignity as she chugged it so hard the bottle flexed as if having a cardiac arrest. "You try flying this thing with a snacky Dragon in the high summer. Also at least we've got something to wash this all down!"

"Actually, always did kinda wonder what you kept in there!" Peter said through his own mouthful. He also had to admit it made his accent sound a lot like Twilight's impression.

"Uh, this other one's for snacks, that one's for notes and books and _that_ one is a mini fire extinguisher disguised as a seltzer bottle so it doesn't hurt Spike's feelings." Twilight pointed then went back to her pizza, using the pile to support her shoulders. She briefly thought about how this would make her wings smell but then saw no downside. Rainbow would follow her contrail for the scent, maybe? "I haven't had you up here much! You know, for non-business reasons."

"It's fun!" Peter wiped his mouth with a hoof. Cadence had included napkins. That was hilarious. "Anyway, I said I wanted to go, so."

"I like having you up here." Twilight smiled, rubbing her hooves with one of the napkins because what was she, a barbarian? "It's not web-swinging but the old girl's got her charms."

"She takes after her mother." Peter saluted with his lemonade before taking a pull. "Aaah! So. Should probably explain."

"About what?" Twilight said carefully. She was starting to relax. To try and ease any tension she made her eyes swirl. "Wanting to go for a balloon ride?"

She felt relief as he laughed and started on another slice. "Actually, I can guess."

"Mphm?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"I'mma Ma'ngh'hat'nghite!" Peter protested through bulging cheeks and waving a greasy hoof.

"You're getting crumbs all over my gondola! Here!" She stuffed a napkin into his lap. He boggled at it like some undiscovered species was trying to use him as a nest. "Anyway, remember…gosh, it must have been two years ago by now? I think of it as our first meeting. You know, socially."

"Yeah?" Peter blinked. "You're talking about when you drifted into the city?"

"Yep!" Twilight beamed. "It was after the whole Smarty Pants mess."

"Your doll?" Peter blinked again then put a hoof on her shoulder as comprehension dawned. "Aww honey…"

"No, no, it's fi-…I've made peace with it." Twilight took it in her own, one of her wings sliding into place around his shoulders. She resisted the urge to fist pump at pulling it off. "And you're a big part of why. I was just drifting along, wallowing in my own guilt…"

"All the way to Manehattan." Peter pointed out, unable to keep the chuckle out of his voice.

"It gets old after a while." Twilight shrugged. "So I started teleporting the whole thing for something to do. Maybe I was just trying to put as much distance between me and Ponyville for everypony's sake. I don't know. But there I was, so into myself I didn't even notice my last jump had brought me into the second greatest city in Equestria."

"You Canterlot fillies." Peter smirked, happily taking the bait.

"And then this medium sized, primary coloured but handsome stranger in a mask was waving at me from a chimney."

"If he was wearing a mask how'd you know he was handsome?"

"Harmony had to give him _something_ to make up for that sense of humour." Twilight tickled his chin. "And I thought, oh good, a crime! Perhaps an elaborate conspiracy I can burry myself in, you know, to put off dealing with driving everypony who's shared the greatest magic of all with me insane!"

"Twilight…" Peter began gently.

"But no." She switched her hoof to his cheek. "He just wanted to say hello. And when he got closer, he wanted to know what was wrong. If he could help. And it would be a few years before I could tell him how much, but he did. Because he talked to me."

She was thankful he had the sense to stay quit because this was looking into each other's eyes time.

"And he just perched on the edge of my gondola and let me babble. And it felt better. It really did. And it made me realise I should turn around and tell my friends how I felt even if I knew they'd forgive me. Because the fairest thing was to let them know. Because you talked to me. Listened to me."

"Yeah. Well." Peter took her hoof gently. "You returned the favour a million times over."

"Sweetie, please, you know how I feel about exaggerated percentages." Twilight nuzzled him as he laughed. "But I get it. This balloon's important to me too. I'm glad we can share that moment."

"It was nice." His tone made it sound like he felt he had to explain.

"Yeah?"

"Actually _helping_ somepony."

"You help ponies all the time!"

"I hit people, Twilight." Peter smiled, nuzzling her this time. "That's not why I got into the business. I…"

He trailed off, stopping the nuzzling too. Twilight wondered if she should stroke his head or something but was worried any kind of touch might throw him off.

"It was just nice to feel like I actually helped somepony. The way you guys do. That's why I went on about it, I think. The association."

"At least it's a good one." Twilight tried a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, and this time there's pizza." He winked and took a cheeky bite to let her know he was doing better.

They lapsed into silence for a bit after that, watching the clouds and trees glacially sliding around them, enjoying the closeness of each other and the food, spiced with the slight glee of two teacher's pets defying Big Sister.

"This _is_ from that place next to MJ's." Twilight murmured, impressed as she finally examined the lid of her second pie.

"You're that in my head." Peter shrugged.

"Good." Twilight said with enough bluntness that he almost choked on his bite from laughter. She casually floated over another lemonade. "Sorry there's not a bigger selection, this is more for when Spike's body temperature, ah, spikes like it does in the summer sometimes and I need a relief, not romantic cruising."

"No, it's great." Peter took a swing, testing his mouth a little. "Think your magic adds something, even. It's kinda…"

"Lighter?" Twilight agreed. "That can happen! Energy."

"Zesty, yeah. Goes great with the lemonade."

"I'm thinking of making it my focus." Twilight said, halfway through another slice.

"Lemonade?"

"Dispersal magic." She dabbed at her lips with a napkin and swatted at his chest with her free hoof.

"Yeah?" Peter chuckled. "Any reason? I thought magic itself was your focus!"

"Still is!" Twilight beamed. "Can't let you Everfree thinkers undermine the entire foundation of Equestrian society."

"Do we really need to try that hard given how quickly it's outpacing magic's antiquated monopoly on academia?" She gave him another swat knowing full well he enjoyed it. "But is it just to keep Cadence out of your diet, or did something happen?"

"Nothing bad. Well, more nothing straight forward." Twilight put her half-finished box aside but didn't look at him. "It's a lot of things. Becoming a Princess partly but Smarty Pants is in there too."

"Twilight, if you don't wanna talk about it…"

"No, I do." she smiled. "It's really not a bad thing. It was the way Princess Celestia restored Ponyville after my Want It Need It spell."

"Huh." Peter said after a while. He nodded. "That sounds…very you."

"Thank you." Twilight rested against his body. "It's like how you feel about that first ride. There's a lot of what I want to be in that moment. As a Princess. As a person."

"You want to fix things." Peter said carefully. "You know you already do, right?"

Twilight peered up at him under the rim of her bangs.

"Nightm-ah, Princess Luna."

"Smooth." Twilight chuckled, making herself comfortable again. "And, yes, I suppose we do. And it's certainly a practical decision. There's other…powers out there. Part of our destiny is to face them. To undo what they do. I hope we get to help them, too. That sounds so much better than just fighting all the time."

"I hear you."

"You fight to help people too." She gave her lamest swat of the afternoon to let him know she wasn't going to brook any argument. "And we can hold our own. We have Rainbow Dash and Applejack for Celestia's sake, and have you _seen_ Rarity when somepony doesn't use a coaster?"

"I've seen what happens when you make Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie mad too." Peter nodded gravely. "Some dynamite you just don't play with."

"See, this is why we work, you know your place." Twilight nodded. "But I meant it. There has to be something else. Not to brag but I was three-time runner up and two time winner of Gifted Unicorns' magical duelling club."

"I believe it." She shared the smile with him, knowing they were both remembering that business with Mysterio and Calypso.

"I know you do. But what that taught me was that fighting with magic comes down to two things. Not even necessarily who's more powerful! It comes down to emotion and, and you'll like this Peter, imagination."

"I love it when you talk dirty."

"Down boy, this gondola isn't structured for that kind of thing. But the reason so many fights turn into just throwing lasers at each other is, well, you're panicking, the other pony's panicking, you both have to think quickly and complexly at the same time…" Twilight sighed. "Even becoming an…an Alicorn doesn't change the fact an experienced, determined or just plain terrified practitioner of sufficient ability could take down Princess Celestia. Or me."

She felt him holding her a little closer and stroked his foreleg reassuringly.

"So, yes. All these experiences, my ascension, it seems like the best I could do as a bearer, a sorceress is to try and at least…mitigate the damage magic can do. Even to its caster. Because yes, that's an enormous part of what we do. Fixing. Helping."

"Great responsibility." Peter said quietly.

"Yes." Twilight sighed, closing her eyes briefly. "People think I can do so much now Peter, but ascending, whatever you want to call it, all it did was _expand_ my abilities. Alright, I can draw on more power more quickly, can maintain effects longer, hay when I get out of my own head I even get to fly! But much as I want to, I can't just strut into the middle of the Saddle Arabian desert and turn it into an oasis! Even if I could pull it off at most it would be dead within weeks, if it didn't explode first!"

She sat up furiously, glaring into nothing. "If Trixie hadn't been using that stupid amulet, if she hadn't been obsessed with how everything _looked_ , if it hadn't been constantly powering everything, her remodelling of Ponyville could have triggered a meltdown at the molecular level! You can't use energy to change something and not expect it to hang around! That's one of the first rules! Without that amulet keeping it together that dome could have shattered! Magic debris, hundreds of shards with thousands of unpredictable effects raining down on my home! _My home!_ "

She felt a reassuring touch stroking her shoulders down to her wings, calming the terrified breath heaving in her throat. She swallowed, breathed out and sunk back into Peter's gentle embrace. "Sorry. This is…this is a lot. I'm going all over the place."

"Do whatever works for you." Peter said gently, kissing her horn. Twilight smiled a little at the serendipity.

"What I'm trying to say is this…upgrade, that's what people think it is. And it's not that they're wrong, it's that I'm on the bottom rung of a whole new ladder here. I'm not invincible. Not immortal. I can't do whatever I want. But I _can_ filter through three different types of pony magic! I've levelled off!"

"Levelled off?" Peter blinked.

"I haven't had a magic burst in almost a month." Twilight turned slightly in his grip to smile up at him. "Like when I was a filly. When I'd get startled or angry. I can feel it inside. My magic hasn't peaked, it's just…it's where it needs to be. And I think I know why."

"Your friends." Peter said after a pause, and she could tell even though he'd been struggling to keep up something was finally clicking.

"Yes." Twilight sat up some more, on the verge of joyful tears. "They healed me, Peter. Steadied me. You all do. And I'm so lucky."

He held her close, letting her slump over his shoulders. She needed a few minutes because this was the hard part and she already felt completely spent.

"Because part of me thinks I don't deserve any of you."

"…what?" Peter lurched back as if she'd slapped him, staring at her. It made her feel ashamed. Now he was looking at her like she'd been hit by a bus right in front of him. "Twilight, no. You're one of the best ponies I've ever met! Deserve? You deserve more than I could ever…"

"I'm soliloquizing now, thank you dear." Twilight smiled, placing a hoof on his lips. "Because see…this is the other part. Why I want fix things. People! Because all those things we're going to have to…to fight. I could have been any of them."

"No." Peter said vehemently, taking her hoof.

"King Sombra."

"Was insane!" Peter protested. "I've seen your research, Twilight! The things he did to himself, you'd never-"

"Sunset Shimmer. Princess Luna."

"They didn't have…!"

"Friends?" Twilight's smile was sardonic now. "Neither did I, once upon a time. Oh, I had ponies who loved me, sure. So did they. And just like all of them, I had talent. I had power."

That word made him go quiet. Twilight swallowed, her eyes burning. Why was the sky still so gorgeous? Why were birds still singing somewhere?

"Can you believe that? I had the luck to be born into one of the most peaceful kingdoms on Earth, to be taken under the wing of one of its kindest ponies and to be surrounded almost every day by ponies who loved me. Who forgave me for never spreading it outside myself. I devoted my life to the magic that makes this country so blessed and I never noticed that I was closing myself off to it. Because I didn't think I needed _anyone._ "

She swallowed again.

"And I was rewarded for it."

"No." Peter shook his head furiously. "Look, I don't have a clue what happened that night but that's not it. You _earned_ this, Twilight. You love your friends, you love your family, you love your home…"

"I know that too!" She winced. That had been louder than it should have been. "I know. But there's always going to be this…this little bit of me that feels that way. That remembers who I used to be. I think…I think it's just part of what's propping up who I am now."

Peter was quiet for a while. Then he reached out slowly. Twilight half flung herself into his embrace, knowing she was supporting him as much as he was cradling her.

"Anyway." She sniffed, rubbing fiercely at her nose and blinking quickly. "That, ah, that's why I'm so good at making pizza taste like it's supposed to! Because, y'know. Wanting to fix things. Self-awareness."

They held each other for a few more minutes.

"Thank you for telling me this." Peter croaked eventually.

"It, ah, it ran away from me a bit there." Twilight giggled drunkenly. Emotional exhaustion on top of _the sheer relief at his acceptance._ Peter joined in but she could see the question in his eyes.

"It's just…Cadence said spiralling and I thought about it. That's the thing, I always have to take so long to notice when everything's…! Anyway, even though it feels _so good_ to get all this out it's because I'm worried you feel left out. And I _want_ you to know. I'm so lucky to have Spike and everypony around me, but that doesn't mean I don't need you. Of course I do! I love you!"

The air froze. Civilization crumbed and rebuilt itself a thousand times between their stunned heartbeats.

"Oh." Peter said because the silence was going to push him straight through the wicker if he didn't liquify first.

"I love you." Twilight repeated as if trying to dislodge something. "Have I said that before? I love you? I love you!"

The grin on her face guttered as quickly as it ignited from the way he was looking at her. "Oh. Oh no. I've, I've ruined everything haven't I? Have I? Peter?"

"No." Peter said quietly and the sad smile on his face almost broke her heart. "It's just. I…"

"You don't have to…" Twilight began, trying not to skid on a discarded pizza box as she stepped towards him.

"Yeah, I do." Peter shook his head. "You can't tell me all…all that, and then I keep it from you. It's not fair."

"Keep what?" Twilight's voice was very small now.

"The truth. Why I do what I do."

"Your responsibility?" She blinked incredulously. "Your uncle?"

"No." Peter sank to his haunches, slumping slowly against the side of the gondola and burring his head in his hooves. "Aww Twilight…"

So she sat down next to him. And held him.

And he told her everything.

Everything.

"Oh Peter." Twilight whispered.

All he could do was look at her. The tears rolled down his face, unashamed. That broke her, starting her own.

"This…oh sun and moon, that's why you're sometimes…why you…" She wrapped her foreleg and wings around him, cradling his entire head. "I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have started digging!"

"It's okay." Peter croaked. They were both slumped against the side now, utterly spent, the pile of still uneaten pizzas incongruously in the corner. Eventually, without moving her head, Twilight telekinetically removed some drinks from the pocket. Peter took his but didn't move.

"Hydration." Twilight said limply, undoing both caps with her telekinesis.

"Yeah." Peter still didn't move.

Twilight watched him carefully through blurry vision as she took a long pull, sniffing and rubbing her nose. "Are you al-?"

"Yeah. Actually…" He seemed mildly surprised. "Yeah."

"Why did you…" Twilight bit her lip. Everything she'd just learned about Glen Trotter's death was swelling at the front of her brain, blotting everything else out. She was surprised her horn was still in the same place. "I mean, I-I know I unloaded first but if it's okay, why did you tell me?"

"Because I love you too!" Peter took her hoof suddenly. "It…I couldn't keep it from you Twilight. It would have been wrong. But I didn't know how to…to start…"

"Of course you didn't!" Twilight gripped his shoulders. "Peter. It's okay. I love you. You don't even have to tell me why-"

"Because I was afraid."

"Of me?" Twilight blinked incredulously.

"That you'd hate me." He said it far too calmly for someone who looked like they were about to collapse.

"No." Twilight cupped his head between both hooves, locking eyes with him even though she felt like she was about to burst into fresh, angrier tears. "No. The man you described. Your aunt. They could never hate you, so how could I?"

She kissed him, catching him completely off guard. He stared at her, eyes almost wide and face almost as blank as Spider-Pony's mask.

"I love you." Twilight said simply.

"I love you too." Peter's shoulders were trembling as he embraced her. "Oh stars above, I love you so much."

A beat of utter exhaustion.

Then Twilight cleared her throat. "Um. Did that kiss taste weird to you too?"

"Maybe, uh…" Peter rubbed his eyes. "Maybe eating all that pizza was a little…"

"Yeah." Twilight smacked her lips. "Not as, ah, zesty as before."

They held it for as long as they could before bursting into paralyzing laughter, the gondola shuddering slightly under them as they slumped together. Twilight wrapped her wings around Peter's shoulders as he placed his head on her chest, both of them waiting until their breathing slowed. She burped on her still digesting and disturbed pizza at one point, which made them laugh more and the process take longer.

"Y'know." she said eventually when her throat stopped feeling like it had been sandblasted and filled with wet cement at the same time. "Still a lot of those. The pizzas, I mean."

"If Cadence thinks she's getting twenty gems out of me after tampering with them…"

"No, I mean." Twilight's wings flicked slightly but she was an adult now. Well. She was too old to be scared of this prospect anymore. "Gonna have to swing by to pick up Rainbow and Rarity anyway."

"And it's not Manehattan style if you don't microwave it and spend the rest of the night wondering if you're chewing the same thing…" Peter nodded comprehendingly.

"We _were_ talking about sleeping over."

"There's paperwork in my saddlebag." Peter said slowly.

Twilight's pupils shrank.

"Insurance stuff."

"Oh my."

"Could take all weekend." Peter smiled slyly.

"We're going to Manehattan!" Twilight yelled to the mountains, sitting bolt upright, Peter's laughter mixing with her echo as purple light consumed the balloon.

It rematerialized almost 200 miles away, over the railway tracks, so Twilight could lean over the side and throw up because turning yourself into light while still digesting, yeah, that was a bad idea.

 _To be Continued_


	16. Match Making (7)

_19_

"Knew I shoulda stuck with you two!" Rainbow Dash muttered, trotting back and forth.

"You had adventures to go on." Rarity rolled her eyes, keeping her needles moving by sheer instinct. "Besides you know I love you to bits darling, but the last thing my dating life needs is you leaning over my shoulder."

"So it _was_ a date." The sister was sitting against the office wall, looking up from the paperwork she'd been filling out. Dash had stopped pacing to stare at her.

"Ah…" Rarity blinked, needles mercifully frozen in her hooves before she could jab them into her legs. "Well, that is to say…you see Ms. Sousaphone…uh, Ms. Sand?"

"It's Ms. Storm when I'm on business usually, Ms. Belle." the other pony smiled, and Rarity could make out just a bit of her brother in it. More _I Know What You Did_ than _Who, Me?_ "But my friends call me Sue."

"Ah." Rarity said again, smiling shakily. Sand Sousaphone Storm and Tropical Johnnycake Storm. She really was going to have to find a polite way to find out how Earth Pony naming conventions worked one day, though Manehattanites had always been a bit, you know…a bit you know.

"My grandmother was a tubist with the Fillyharmonic. She really made her name going on the road, but I think mom was kind of banking on a reverse legacy. My brother got stuck with our father's penchant for Breyhamian desserts." Sue said, immediately endearing herself to Rarity with the older sister telepathy. Then again, _she_ didn't have to live with Sweetie Belle.

"Ah."

"Also Pegasus mother, so elemental names, and Earth Pony father, so three part names to link us back to our ancestors and also make it more difficult for any magicians of wicked intent to trap us in their heathen magic, which as every Sunday school foal knows is most dangerous when it tries to use your name." Sue sorted her report into a neat stack and began to bundle it with the Thing's and Mr. Fantastic's. "You know, the usual cross breed compromise."

"I was named for my coat and mane combination." Rarity said brightly because given the choice between shooting herself and going 'Ah.' again she'd take shooting herself. "Something we have in common, hmm Rainbow Dash?"

"That and thrashin' Changelings." Dash shook her head, unable to smile yet. "I can't believe you thought that thing was me!"

"It also raises some concerns about how long Lyja was watching you and Johnny at the time." Sue looked grim. "I know you girls have dealt with Chrysalis but be careful."

"Mmm." Rarity went back to her knitting. "Not that I have any reason to believe her, but she _did_ say we weren't a priority."

"Then we should find her a prove her wrong." Dash snorted.

"Dash." Sue said, making the younger mare look at her. "If Lyja could mimic you well enough to fool one of your best friends it means she was planning to replace you at some point. I'm serious. You should _all_ be careful."

"Hey, handled myself well enough on the ride along!" Dash snapped, stepping up to her. Sue realised she still wasn't used to how much taller she'd gotten.

"Yeah, you did." she admitted. "And it was good for Grim."

"Really?!" And just like that the peppy eighteen year old she remembered was practically bouncing up and down in front of her. "Do-do-do ya think he'll wanna work together again?!"

"I think he'd like to." Sue smiled, resisting the urge to tousle her hair. "Once he's got all the dents out of the hull, anyway. Speaking of, I know you're eager to get out of here…"

"Hey, if it was a Canterlot precinct you couldn't get rid of us!" Dash looked over her shoulder at Rarity, sitting on the interview room table because she'd taken one look at the couch and felt like her coat was dissolving. "What was that one where they served the Princess tea?"

"Her Neighponese stuff? Oh gosh, it's on the tip on my horn!" Rarity twirled her free needle as she stared into the distance. "Oooh, what was that thing outside? Abstract, gothic thing on the lawn! Looked like it escaped from bad award show prison!"

"The Incitement street place?" Sue joined in, unable to stop herself.

"Yeah!" Dash nodded. "The one street in Canterlot where nothing ever happens!"

"…then what were you doing there?"

"Double parked a parade float." the two Elements said with twin shrugs.

"Hey, you try doing a musical number to stop the deed for all of Canterlot falling into the wrong hooves/talons and keep track of everything." Dash muttered because even she realised that probably needed a follow up.

"They were lovely though, weren't they?" Rarity beamed. "We were in there for a while because they had to look up how much the fine was, it had been so long, but I think they really just wanted an excuse to show off the station!"

"And their awesome beverage selection!" Dash nodded.

" _Speaking of!_ " Sue cut in because there wasn't going to be a better thematic chance to jam her offer into the spokes of this insane conversation wheel. "Sometimes me and the other fillies in the business like to go out. Cap, the Daughters of the Dragon, the Wisp, whoever's up for it. I know you girls all have each other to lean on but if you'd ever need to just get away for a little…well, we've all been there."

"Oh, that's so kind of you!" Rarity resisted the impulse to hug her because they barely knew each other, and also she was dealing with a particularly delicate cross stich. "We'll absolutely think about it, won't we Rainbow?"

"Are…are you talking about taking us to _Plucky's_?" Dash was hovering off the floor, almost forcing Sue's neck to become one with her tail. "It's real? Johnny wouldn't shut up about it!"

"If you'd like!" Sue used a force field to gently back her up. "We like to try different places, sometimes just get out of the city if we can, but we can absolutely hit up the bar!"

"And we'd be _delighted_ to have you in Ponyville!" Rarity smiled. "We may be small but we're honestly quite spoiled for choice when it comes to dining out! And we do enjoy a good festival!"

"And if anypony needs to let off a little steam we gotcha covered there too!" Dash grinned. "Can you say Everfree forest?"

"Unfortunately." Sue smiled wryly. "Should give any villains second thoughts about following us I suppose."

"Aww!" Dash pouted.

"There, there, dear." Rarity reached over to pat her wings. "It's fine that you can't have a normal reaction to the prospect of peril, it's adorable!"

"Me?! You were just at ground zero of a hostage situation and you're knitting!"

"Well if they're going to insist on giving me blankets…!"

"That would be for shock." Sue pointed out.

"Hmm?" Rarity looked down at her creation. "I suppose I could sow in some…lightning bolts?"

"Picked the right moment to trot in on!" All three turned to see Johnnycake leaning in the doorway. The roguish smile was on his face and his forelegs folded, all totally failing to disguise that he was exhausted and slumping. "Hey sis, Rarity. Rainbow! Glad to see you survived the experience!"

"What experience, your personality?" Dash muttered, though she did glance guiltily at Sue. The older mare shrugged diplomatically.

"Hello." Rarity said softly, neatly folding away her creation.

"Hi." Johnny took a tentative step. Rainbow Dash was immediately between them, eyes like stone. "I swear I didn't know this would happen."

"And that makes it better?"

"Did you round up the new Frightful Four?" Sue asked. "Grim and Reed got back a while ago."

"Just got out of the captain's office." Johnny rolled his neck. Shame Flaming On couldn't solve cricks. If anything, it sometimes felt like it…baked them in. "Had a fun conversation about how we lost them a high security wagon. By the way, we owe them a high security wagon."

"Sign." Sue levitated a sheaf of pre-typed papers.

Both knew exactly who she'd really been asking about and that it had really been to gauge his emotional state by how exactly he ducked the unspoken question. If Lyja was in the building, or no longer on this mortal coil, it would be impossible _not_ to know.

"Caaan Ms. Belle and I have a sec?" Johnny managed to scoot past Dash without loosing any vital organs. "It's just that's a lotta paper and we need to talk."

"Managed to file it quickly enough when you wanted me out of the way." Dash hovered in front of him, forelegs folded. How could he have ever fallen for Lyja's disguise? Rainbow Dash never hid when she wanted to pummel somepony. Or when she was restraining herself and having to settle for just words.

Crazy thing? Pete, Soarin', Bobby, all the best there was. But it'd be nice if they _could_ be Just Friends. He'd…like having a pony who felt on his behalf what Dash clearly did on Rarity's.

"Rainbow, I sat in the wrong chair for Celestia's sake!" Rarity tucked her needles into her tail in a manner that conveyed she was irritated enough to hurl them like javelins. "And I knew if Johnnycake didn't come for me you girls would. Alright?"

"'kay." Dash muttered. In a pig's eye Johnny knew, but if it had been one of _his_ team…

"Oh Dash, Grim Skies is in the squad room sharing war stories." Sue said casually. "Want to hear the one about Istanbull before we say goodbye?"

She shook her head, using her powers to smooth her mane back into shape as the slipstream faded away, looked at the other two in a way that made it clear she was trying not to shake it even harder, and trotted out into the corridor to wait for Dash to come zipping back to ask for the correct way.

"I'm sorry." they both said as soon as the door was half closed. "What? Why?"

"Me first!" Johnny put a hoof to his nose. "Called it!"

"That's not…I wasn't re-ugh, fine!" Rarity sat on her haunches, trying not to grin.

"You're going to be a lady and say what happened today wasn't a big deal-"

"Oh, am I?" She stopped trying.

"Was about to say but you're well within your rights!" Johnny smiled tiredly. "And yeah, you handled it like a pro, but you shouldn't have had to. And I, ah, need you to know that I know and-"

"Is this going to be a multi-know speech?" Rarity raised a hoof. "Because even if it wasn't sunset, I don't think I could take that."

"You'll be wanting to get home." Johnny nodded.

"Eventually, but there're some things I want to get off my chest first. It's only fair."

"To who?" he blinked. "You're the one who got caught up in all this. That trap was for me!"

"And even though it was murder on my coat, it at least put me in a position to help you out." Rarity said, smiling but putting natural authority into her voice.

"Huh. Didn't think of it like that."

"Yes, and I think I know why." Rarity sighed. She felt like she'd sooner pull her own horn out. "You call it the business but it's your life really, isn't it?"

Johnny blinked again.

"Not that that's a bad thing!" Rarity waved a hoof hastily. "Oh dear, I'm making Diamond Dog's breakfast of this, I swear I'm not trying to insult you, you must think I'm as tactless as a pair of monogrammed Ugg boots!"

"After what you went through today you can say pretty much whatever you like!" he smiled encouragingly.

"You're a very kind colt." Her smile wavered as she held his gaze, working up to something. "I have a confession to make."

"Okay…?" He sat down on the ghastly couch and promptly sat up again, which made her smile.

"I have a place lined up." She tried not to gulp. "A store, I mean."

"Hey, congrats!" She was getting good at telling when he actually meant something. Maybe it wasn't so hard to believe a younger Rainbow would have drifted so close to somepony like him. "Want a celebrity endorsement?"

"I've had it since after last Fashion Week."

To Johnny's credit he didn't get angry, burst into flames or die of a heart attack, but she could tell it was that stupid, stupid, so terribly wonderful almost foal like inability to understand. _'Adapt?'_ again. If Princess Luna could kindly just quickly nip in and banish her to the moon that would be lovely, thanks.

"I didn't have to check out those other places." Rarity sighed, looking at her hooves. Why couldn't her fringe be Fluttershy sized? "In fact, they gave me so much paperwork I was able to go through them and find deliberate reasons I couldn't lease them. Besides, um, already arranging with my partner to get the place we have our eye on. It's why that stupid trap business doesn't really get to me. It was just an excuse to go touring the city together."

"Did you…think you needed one?" Johnny asked uncertainly, sounding like a propeller trying to wind itself in three different directions at once.

"No, it was just…" Rarity shrugged. "I don't know, it's been a long time since I had somepony to…play with, I guess. Oh gosh, how that must sound!"

"Grim Skies has saved my life and the free world more times than I've Flamed on." Johnny reassured. "Once I glued a false beard to his face, dressed up like a grandpa and changed all our living room furniture around so I could pretend he'd been asleep for forty years. Trust me, you're the only pony in this room who probably shouldn't worry about impulse control."

"Well, when you put it like that." Rarity smiled, accepting the round about compliment with a nod. "But still, I should have been honest with you! Just because we enjoy playing games with each other doesn't mean we should! Who are we kidding, today was a first date. All that official talk was just…just…"

"Fun?" Johnny tried.

"Yes." Rarity admitted. Sun and moon, there _must_ be something wrong with her. How had Rainbow Dash lost it with this _Happy Days_ runaway and she hadn't? "But if not for Mr. Trapster's interruption perhaps one of us would have said something that hurt the other. As is, oh, don't get me wrong I still like you, you're the most entertaining stallion I've met in a long time, but our conversation…it concerns me as much as it fascinated me!"

"Okay." Johnny said in that same uncertain if he'd missed some kind of run up voice. "And what concerns you exactly?"

"You were describing your friends…"

"Oh, if this is about beating each other up…!"

"Little bit." Rarity tried not to cringe or burst out laughing, teeth grinding slightly trying to contain both. "But the only normal sounding fellows in the bunch were friends you made at flight school! Friends you had with your ex-girlfriend."

"Soarin's kinda normal." Johnny said quickly and looked puzzled at the defensiveness in his voice.

"Yes, but he's a Wonderbolt. So's Rainbow Dash! If they're normal it's really only compared to, well, heroes like you."

"Like us." Johnny insisted.

"Not quite, although thank you." Rarity smiled sadly. "Because even Rainbow Dash turns it off when we get home. I like you a lot Johnny, but my impression is while we'd have a lot of fun together…I couldn't see anything past that conversation being different. This wasn't even supposed to be 'Ho-ffical' and we practically told each other our Cutie Mark stories!"

Johnny's tail flicked slightly as he tried to stop it flying to his Mark as if to cover it in shame. She reached out and took his hoof because she felt like she'd just tied a puppy to some railroad tracks.

"All your friends, they're wonderful people. To know you at all they'd have to be."

"I'm roommates with Spider-Pony."

"Not helping your case." Rarity smiled the frowned. "Anyway, don't interrupt! I'm getting my hooves here!"

"Sorry." Johnny said, voice carefully devoid of his internal monologues sardonic _"Mystics."_

"You have a lot of friends Johnny Storm. But they're all heroes."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. That's not a problem but…perhaps a difficulty? As far as I can tell the only ponies you talk to are ponies who also answer a calling. Or to put it another way, the only people you talk to are people who do what you do."

Nothing but the chatter and bustle of a Manehattan precinct at sunset around them. Rarity fervently wished the spare office this was taking place in didn't look so 70's, because with the goldening light coming through the windows it looked a bit like the set of one of her Latin soap operas and she kind of loved that. She searched Johnny's eyes and still found no anger, but a distinct processing look.

"Well, without your distinctive flair." She chanced another smile.

"Thanks for that."

"I am speaking rather bluntly here, so-" Rarity began, trying not to scuff her hoof like a school filly.

"That was what I meant." Johnny smiled. Now she was trying not to sigh from relief.

It wasn't remotely the threat of angering someone who could literally explode. Even if she hadn't grown up with Applejack and met Rainbow Dash, she worked in fashion for heaven's sake! But necessary words could hurt too, even with care.

"What I'm saying is, I think you need a friend. An outside one." She took a step away from but only to hold out a hopeful hoof. "And I'd very much like it to be me."

A beat.

"I'd like that too." His smile hadn't changed, which she chose to interpret as a good sign. She could feel his surprise as she hugged him though.

"You're a very sweet pony." Rarity said sincerely. "I like talking to you. And you're going to _love_ all my advice, soon you'll wonder how you ever got along without my endorsement!"

"Other way around." Johnny grinned with a raised brow.

"Whatever helps you sleep tonight, darling." She loosened the embrace and give him a deadly serious smile. "And I'm still going to get those delicious school Dash stories if it kills you."

"Oh hey, meant to say before, could you tell her the FF had a blood feud with Chrysalis first? This has been bugging me since the royal wedding."

"Oh what, not enough of your friends beat you up as is?"

"This is gonna be fun, isn't it?"

"Absolutely, darling."

Understanding. Tenderness. Iris out.

Just kidding. Magenta flash!

" _Why are you in jail?!"_ an aghast Twilight Sparkle demanded.

" _What are you wearing?!_ " Rarity practically shrieked, looking the rumpled ESU t-shirt she was wearing up and down with scandalised delight and germaphobe horror.

"It's romantic!" Twilight shot back. "Hello Johnnycake. I'm staying over tonight, and my balloon's sort of parked on your roof, hope that's okay."

"I can find something to do, Princess." Johnny assured, casually waving the foreleg Rarity wasn't death gripping.

"Twilight, please! Do I want to know where Rainbow Dash is?"

 _20_

Hugging a rock monster in the shadow of a compact space age jet as it turned out.

"Geez kid," the abashed Thing rumbled ", it's alright. Don't call myself an idol of millions for nothin'!"

"I know, I'm one of 'em." Dash rubbed her eyes as everypony hovered awkwardly in the doorway of the landing pad's stairwell. "It's just…you're not too ugly and stupid to quit. Okay? You just don't quit."

"Preachin' to the choir, shrimp." Johnny could swear the old man's lip (well, the tortoise-esque lower jaw thing that had replaced it) was wobbling as he delicately raised a stone hoof to pat Dash's back without altering the shape of her spine. "Now, great as it is to meet somepony who's into my good old days as well, time you was all gettin' home, yeah? Got me a rep to maintain, can't have a rookie tailin' me around all the time. Folks'll think I hired ya to boost my image!"

"Not that it needs it!" Dash grinned.

Another flash of Twilight's magic and Johnny was standing in his and Peter's living room, blinking at the number of pizza boxes on the table and kitchen counter. The pulsing purple doorway of love that connected said living room to the one inside a tree, back in a small town on the doorstep of perhaps the most savage zone in inland Equestria, didn't really phase him anymore.

"Johnny?" Peter was on the couch, surprise languidly bubbling under the relaxation he was still enjoying. Twilight had materialised herself on the other side of the couch and was nuzzling her way back under his foreleg.

"Yeah, I'm surprised we're back this early too."

"I meant more you're still alive." Peter nodded at the two bearers on either side of him. "No offence ladies, it's just the E.U.P band said you were both at the local precinct and, well, it's Johnny, sooo…"

"Good evening Peter." Rarity said brightly as Dash gave him a double wing tip gun for a good line. "We'll just be off to Ponyville then! Do you still have your camera?"

"Uh, yeah, think it's in the closet with the outfit. Need it?"

"Stat." Rarity nodded severely, framing them with her hooves with the same energy as a dictator moving figurines around a map. "Because remove those ghastly boxes of cellulite and heart disease and this scene is _precious._ "

"Touch my pizza and die." Twilight said contentedly, head against Peter's chest and levitating a pen to fill out another form.

"Which one's your least favourite toppings?" Dash shoved past Johnny. "All I've had since breakfast is explorer stuff. Fun fact: food comin' in tubes stops being cool sooner than you'd think."

"Ugh, and Sue keeps stocking health stuff." Johnny rolled his eyes. "And it's like, sis, seriously, it's just mustard without any of the fun!"

Dash acted like she hadn't heard him.

"Uh, that one over there's got onions on it and I feel like I'm about to explode as is?" Twilight shrugged, indicating. "You'll have to microwave it!"

"So real Manehattan style!" Dash scooped it up then sniffed the air, frowning. "Why do your wings smell delicious?"

"Mine." Peter said without looking up from his own paperwork but tightening his foreleg around Twilight.

"Relax man, neither of you could afford me." Dash flipped her prize open, waving a wing vaguely at the couple. "G'night, Egghead. Sayonara, Spider."

"Dosvedanya, Dash."

"It was good to see you again." Johnny tried.

"Kiss my wingtips." Dash said, mouth already full as she hopped into the light. She hadn't even been looking at him.

"She needs time." Rarity assured, giving him a frustratingly platonic nuzzle. She yawned. "And I need to turn in. Today was lovely. Thanks ever so!"

She gave him a peck on the cheek which actually did make him feel better. "Ms. Belle."

"Mr. Storm." She winked as she was swallowed by the portal light, which evaporated in just the right way for her.

"What happened between you two?" Peter smirked, hugging Twilight a little closer.

"Think I made a friend." Johnny shrugged.

"Really?!" Twilight sat up ecstatically in Peter's grasp, almost knocking over pizza and papers. "I was just in it for the schadenfreude and gossip before, but if you're serious I have notes I could lend you! In fact, did Peter tell you, we've started a journal, hmm, although you're sort of a celebrity so maybe we'd have to sign something before we could add you?"

"Sort of?!" Johnny spluttered.

"Did Twilight mention she's staying over?" Peter asked pointedly.

"It came up." Johnny trotted for his room. "I've got a Trapster plan to make up for so I'm just gonna grab a fresh collar and go rustle up some night life while all the good spots are opening. I assume you guys'll be in bed before I get home, probably midnight because you're both adorably basic like that."

"Sweet Celestia," Twilight whispered in awe ", near complete overlap of Rarity and Rainbow. I'd theorised but I didn't think it was possible!"

"Johnny's one of a kind, thank her for small mercies." Peter said loudly enough to be heard. Johnny swiped a slice out of the box by his hooves as retaliation. "By the way, what'd you do to 16th street?"

"Guaranteed your half of the rent." Johnny called as he swung the balcony doors open.

"Fair." Peter went back to his girlfriend, papers and pizza. "Good night, man."

"Night." The Horseshoe Torch's slipstream pulled the doors closed for the happy couple. He did it well enough that Twilight would think it had been an accident. He needed a few more months to figure out quite what he thought of Peter's weird _Not Technically in the Business But_ girlfriend.

And he had other priorities. Rarity's talk had been appreciated and he was glad to have her in his life now, but it had got him thinking. Or not. Not exactly. He hadn't just been getting a fresh utility collar and if he _had_ been thinking he'd probably admit what he was about to do was a bad idea.

 _21_

To be fair he managed to put it off for a while. A few interrupted muggings, one cart chase, Whirlwind and Blizzard having a team up which was adorable, really.

Eventually though, well, that broadcast tower was right there, too above the civilian airspaces to be interrupted by anypony other than maintenance workers, and it was well after five.

Casualness pouring out of him like his flames the Torch lowered the temperature of one hoof, running it along the rim of his collar like any stallion out on the town would until he'd leisurely slipped out the communicator hidden there. The one the tower's systems, designed to send, receive and boost even through Equestria's background magic, would sync up with and boost all the way back to the land of its origin.

In case you need to talk, she'd said. Which was why he hadn't talked to her outside of the business for he didn't like to think how long. Because if he did, he'd probably admit what he was doing was a bad idea. Not a crisis. In case he needed to talk.

He looked at it in the sunset, a peaceful black against the glow of his flames. It looked like her headband.

 _The hay with it. It's my life._ He nudged the tip with his nose.

A slight pulse and hum as a connection was established.

"Hey, it's me." Johnny said trying not to bite his own tongue to stop himself from going too quickly. "Sorry to just spring up like this after so long, I needed to think. I do that now! I think I didn't before because life without you…it hasn't been bad, but it's been pretty samey. Our fault for being so great at the job, I guess! But things have been happening in my life lately! Moved out! Got a roommate! Made friends with an Element of Harmony! Beat a dragon from outer space and I've been dying to tell you how, I think you'd love it. But listen, I've been changing, and I'd like to see how you have too, y'know, as friends and adults. Man, can you believe we're technically adults now? And instead of waiting for your brother in law, you know, the crazy one to put both our world's in danger would you like to do it on our terms and just pick a place and sit down and talk? I'd like that. Unless you don't then it's dumb and I hate it. Sitting down I mean, we can both fly. Man, can you fly. But we should talk. I'll shut up now."

Nothing on the other end for a while. Traffic noises. The crackle of his flames. The windchime sound of her communicator.

" _Tropical Storm?"_ asked a somehow both clipped and languid voice that perfectly embodied the moustache and dorky headgear that came with it.

Sisters, this was a bad idea.

"Karnack!" Johnny said as suddenly and brightly as the oncoming headlamp of a runaway train.

At least it wasn't Medusa.

"Is Crystal around?"

 _Such_ a bad idea.

 _To be Continued_


End file.
